


And Just Like That

by resplendently



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben 'Call me Kylo Ren' Solo, Ben is an arrogant little shit, Breeding Kink, But only in the last chapter, CEO! Ben, F/M, I know she isn't one but I like the idea of it!, Modern AU, Organa-Solo-Skywalker family dynamics, Personal Assistant! Rey, Rey 'Okay Ben' Kenobi, Smutastic, Workplace Office AU no one ever asked for so here it is, basically anything that involves smut, fluff and loads of fluff, loads of UST, now there's feels, rey is a cocktease, some dirty talk, take my laptop from me, this author is really in the gutter and trash, this is just an excuse to write reylo smut on an office desk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-11-13
Packaged: 2019-05-09 00:09:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 84,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14705417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/resplendently/pseuds/resplendently
Summary: “I don’t care if you know all of my family members. You are to call me Kylo Ren, notBen.”Rey nods, face set in a solemn expression and he absolutely resents how she can seem so calm and yet daringly cheeky at the same time.He decides that it is her eyes.“Okay,Ben, how do you like your coffee?” A glimmer of a smirk appears on her lips.He barely resists throwing everything on his desk to the ground. Again.If Rey Kenobi wasn’t a fantastic PA and had a spectacular arse in those skirts she wears that he highly suspects are meant to torment him with sexual frustration, he would’ve fired her a long time ago.* * *Modern AU where Ben is at the top of the corporate ladder and Rey is his latest PA because of Matchmaker! Leia.





	1. I Got a Job

**Author's Note:**

  * For [raven_maiden](https://archiveofourown.org/users/raven_maiden/gifts).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the Modern AU for my space trash ship! Uhm, this fic is for the absolute darling [raven-maiden](http://raven-maiden.tumblr.com) for being my number one cheerleader for my first fic! Thank you so much for being a tremendous support! ♥♥♥
> 
> Also, fun fact, when you combine the title and the chapter title, they become a sentence!!
> 
> Title of the fic is from one of Abel Korzeniowski's music pieces because he is just brilliant.
> 
> Also, I am not from the U.S. nor am I familiar with the forms and levels of government there, so I'm actually making things up with very minimal research! Please bear with me! :")
> 
> Much thanks to my darling beta, Emily, [dancingmicrobes](http://dancingmicrobes.tumblr.com) on tumblr for the marvelous work that she has done!

**Chapter 1 | I Got a Job**

“You’re kidding me. You’re retiring?”

“Yes, Rey, I’m sure you’ve suspected this for quite some time.”

Yes, she did. But that didn’t mean it wasn’t a hard pill to swallow. She furrows her brows. “But all your efforts on the labour laws? The trade regulations? You’re giving all of that up?”

Senator Leia Organa sighs and shakes her head. “Unfortunately, yes. Most of the bills aren’t coming through due to talk that I’m way past my expiration date and it has been a long time coming – this retirement. Besides, I have time for Han now, time for our marriage.”

Rey bites her lower lip. She knows it is terribly selfish of her but if Leia was retiring, where would she be? She’d been working for Leia as her personal assistant for about a year now and soon, she’d be jobless.

But it has never been in her to be self-centred so she smiles brightly. Even though it is as fake as Pamela Anderson’s breasts.

“I see, that’s good then,” Rey offers, hands clutching the files that are in her arms tightly as she tries not to let her mind spiral into the desolation called ‘unemployment’.

“I’m sorry about this, truly I am. But I’ve come to realise that my marriage and family are more important than my job. Life is too short for any regrets or missed opportunities to spend time with those you love.”

Rey nods her head.

She of all people does know that life is indeed short. She had been four when her parents were killed by drunk drivers in a car accident and she’d been passed from foster home to foster home until her paternal grandfather, Ben Kenobi had found her.

But she’d only two years with him before he passed and she was all alone in the world again at the age of nineteen. Since then, she’d worked hard in trying to get a degree in Modern Languages while getting a part time job in an auto-repair shop where she’d met a charming grumpy old man known as Han Solo.

From there, she’d been lucky to find herself as personal assistant to Senator Leia Organa of New York City when Han had mentioned he knew a young girl who was efficient and effective in all of her tasks.

“But don’t worry,” Leia says as she slides away from her desk to look at her through her black rimmed glasses. “There’s another job offer for you if you’ll like.”

She blinks. “Job offer?”

Her heart sings and she feels relieved to know that she wouldn’t go hungry and that she’ll still have a roof over her head. Never mind the fact that her grandfather had left her a fair sum of money, Rey is thankful for it but she’d rather work to support herself and save that inheritance for a thunderstorm.

Leia smiles and if Rey was smarter (and maybe less desperate for a job), she’ll turn on her heels and walk out of the door and never come back.

“My son, Ben needs a PA for his company. ASAP.”

Immediately, she slumps her shoulders.

Rey knows of Ben Solo.

She doesn’t like him. In her opinion, she thinks he is an awful son, a terrible man in total and she can never understand how he can ignore his family and at times, turn his back on them.

It wasn’t fair of her to think and feel this way considering she’d never met or seen him before but she doesn’t care.

Rey often has a front row seat to Leia trying to reach her son through phone calls, which only results in shouting matches and quarrels. She also knows that Han and Ben have never gotten along and she often notes how Leia always, without fail, leaves a plate for her son at the dining table on Sunday nights.

To be honest, she resents Ben Solo for having a family who loves him readily and yet, throws them away like garbage, while she, on the other hand, would do anything she could to bring her parents back from the grave if she had an opportunity to do so.

“I don’t know,” she says lamely, eyes shifting away from the older woman’s brown eyes and she focuses on the skyline through the floor length windows in the Senator’s office.

“He’ll pay you double of what I’m paying you.”

 _“What?”_ That gets her attention and her eyes snap towards Leia’s. “You’re not pulling my leg?”

Leia smiles. “No, I’m not. He’s in desperate need of a capable efficient PA and he’s willing to pay any price.”

Rey narrows her eyes. She’s not stupid. There must be a reason why Ben Solo is hunting for a PA. With the salary that he offers, there should be thousands of applicants and with resumes that are way better than hers.

“What’s the catch?”

Leia blinks and she grins sheepishly. “He has a terrible temper. I’ve heard more than once through the grapevine that he makes his PA’s cry and there was once where he fired someone on their first day.”

“And you want _me_ to work for him?”

She can’t help but sound incredulous but the woman that Rey has come to admire and see as a mother figure – she’d always been invited to Sunday dinners at the Organa-Solo home - was figuratively throwing her to the sharks. Or, _the_ shark.

“Of course, who else besides you can do it? You’re hardworking, effective, efficient, patient, in fact,” Leia walks towards her, beaming proudly. “You’re one of the best PA’s I’ve ever had in my career and I’m glad to have worked with you.”

Rey knows that Leia is manipulating her - not in a bad way, but laying all the compliments now? Yeah, she can see through the Senator, especially after seeing the older woman in action in meetings, courtrooms, in front of the press and wherever else. But she can’t help the pride that flushes through her.

Not many had a chance like hers – to work for the formidable Senator Organa and come away with a glowing reference. Rey knows that all of her hard work would continue to propel her towards her goal of becoming an ambassador and a translator. That was all she wanted.

Ever since she was young, she loved languages.

She had always been amazed at the variety of it and how one word could have so many variations in many different countries. Already, at twenty-four, she had several languages under her belt.

The potential of adding another glowing reference to her portfolio, not to mention the increased pay and the promise of a new challenge to overcome, Rey knew she was won over.

“Where does he work at?”

Leia smiles. “At First Order Shipping Industries.”

As usual, Rey completely misses the smirk that appears on the Senator’s lips as she takes out her iPad and begins tapping down notes eagerly.

* * * * *

“You’re fucking with me. You’re retiring?”

“Yes, Ben, I am. And also, mind your language.”

He ignores the way his mother uses that name, even though he’d stopped responding to it for years.

He barely resists rolling his eyes but shifts his jaw instead. “What do you mean you’re retiring?”

“Why don’t you search that up in a dictionary?” Leia retorts smartly as she smooths the black skirt over her knees.

“I _know_ what it means, but _why?”_ Kylo narrows his eyes and stares down at his mother. “Why now?”

Leia sighs and sits daintily on the chair opposite him in his office. “I want to have time for our family–for your father and Luke. Life is too short for me to devote every minute I have to my job. Family is important.”

The muscle under his right eye twitches and he can feel a migraine coming on. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Benjamin Solo!”

“It’s Kylo,” he snaps, hating that his mother always makes him feel like a petulant child. “You didn’t feel that way when I was a child, or when Han moved out for three years when I was in high school or when Uncle Luke was going through that weird hippie phase – he still is in that phase, by the way in case you didn’t know,” he shoots, eyes meeting the same brown ones he inherited.

His mother grimaces before crossing her arms. “I know. I’m sorry, Ben, I’ve apologised and your father and I have long made up. Luke says that it’s his calling anyway, so there’s nothing I can do about that.”

He clenches his jaw and tenses. “What do you want?” He repeats. “You didn’t come all the way here just to talk.”

Kylo knows he is being curt and rather rude but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t have time for this. He is behind on his reports and his new PA is giving him a headache starting with the wrong coffee orders and ending with his inability to speak up and ask questions. On top of that, Chairman Snoke of the Board of Directors of First Order Shipping Industries is giving him grief about almost everything that is going wrong.

Hence, Kylo Ren doesn’t have time for this.

And for all his thirty-one years of existence, his mother had never bothered much with him or _family._ She had always been too busy being the Senator and whatever the fuck she does.

But he has to be thankful for her early retirement because the bills that she’d been pushing for as of late would affect his company in a negative way and that would involve a fucking tornado to rain down on him. So for that, he decides that he would be patient and listen to whatever his mother wants to say. The last thing he needs is to antagonise her and cause her to change her mind about retiring and continue to push for those trade restriction bills.

Leia purses her lips. “I know you need a PA.” 

This is really not what he is expecting or what he wants to waste his time on.

“You’re going to fire this one soon, I can tell,” his mother continues in a matter of fact tone. “You have that look in your eyes where it says you’re promising Death.”

“Get to the point,” he snaps.

“I can offer you a better PA.”

He drags a hand over his face. Was this what his mother came all the way to say?

“Because I’m retiring and my PA, Rey, needs a job and she’s very efficient-“

“No.”

“I wasn’t finished!”

“I don’t need you to get me a new PA,” he snaps heatedly. “The HR department gives me one when I request for it. Now is that all? Because I’ve got work to do.”

Leia huffs and stares him down–even in his thirties, he has never been fully able to withstand the glower that his mother gives.

“Look, Ben, Rey is a fantastic PA, one of the best that I’ve had and – okay. You know what?”

The steely determined look in his mother eyes causes unease to grow in his gut and he tenses while warily eyeing her. “What?”

“I say work with her for two weeks and we’ll see. If you can, I’ll stop bugging you to get married and... everything about your father.”

That grabs his attention.

Ever since he’d turned twenty-seven, his mother has been nagging at him to settle down and it had gotten so bad that he had to skip Sunday dinners at his parents’ home ever since she’d tried to match him up with girls that she knew thanks to her connections as a Senator.

And to have no more reason to fear for nagging or painful phone calls about ‘whether he’s met a girl already and if not, was he interested in having dinner with Anne or Jeanette or even Rachel?’ was more than appealing to him.

Yes, thank you.

Furthermore, no more admonishments about not speaking to his father?

He’ll do anything. 

“What’s the catch?” he asks warily, eyes narrowing as he regards her.

He always knows better than to trust politicians this easily and seeing that this was his mother, he had to be twice as careful, if not more.

“There is no catch! I just want to help her get a job! What’s wrong with that? You need a PA, she needs a job! How is that a catch? Ben, really!”

“It’s Kylo,” he grits his teeth.

“I named you Benjamin and that is what I’ll call you!” Leia scowls and presses her lips into a thin line. “You’re going to drive me into an early grave and I’m not even sixty!”

He grimaces and glances away, some semblance of guilt pooling into his chest.

He knows that he has a complicated family where there are still fresh wounds which have not healed even though it has been decades but he would never wish any ill will on any of his family members. They were difficult and dysfunctional but they were still his family.

“Fine,” he grits through his teeth.

“Good, I’ll send you her resume in a bit and Ben, I really do hope you’ll come over this Sunday for dinner,” Leia begins to stand, her hands fiddling with the sleek grey phone in her hands and he breathes out a sigh of relief.

Finally, he can get some work done.

“Is Han going to be there?”

“Well, he’s your father, so, yes-“

“No.”

“Ben, really!”

He doesn’t even bother correcting her on his name anymore.

“You said you’ll stop bugging me if your PA works for me and I agreed,” he argues, eyes snapping towards hers in challenge. “Or should I rescind my agreement?”

Leia rolls her eyes and shakes her head. “Fine. Just give me a call when you’ve fired him.” She jabs a finger backwards at his unsuspecting soon-to-be-fired PA and rolls her eyes.

He gives her a half-hearted nod, his attention back to the screen of his laptop and if he was more alert, he wouldn’t have missed the smirk on his mother’s face as she leaves his office.

* * * * *

It is Sunday, which is also known as Yoga Day.

Rey stretches before slumping down on her purple yoga mat and blinks rapidly when the bright lights from the studio hits her eyes hard.

Luke Skywalker, her yoga instructor always had a thing for bright studio lighting, claiming that it refreshes and calms the soul. Even though a year has passed, she still doesn’t get that. But Skywalker Studios is where Luke holds his yoga classes and whatever he wants, he gets.

“Retiring isn’t that bad,” the older man declares as he sips at some blue frothy liquid from his bottle and Rey grimaces.

“I know, it’s just all her bills on the labour and trade distributions are absolutely brilliant and now, I feel like she’s giving them all up.”

“At least you’ve got a new job lining up,” Luke chortles as he grabs his off-white jacket and slips it over his shoulders.

“Yeah, working for your nephew. I assume Leia told you?” she says flatly and closes her eyes as the damp strands of hair stick to her neck.

“No, it was Han.”

“Oh.”

“Don’t worry, Ben can be a little of a hardass but he gets that from his parents.” 

She peeks at Luke. “Wow, that sounds delightfully pleasant.”

“It is!” Luke nods, missing her sarcasm. “I don’t suppose you’ve met him before, then?”

“No.” She doesn’t really want to anyway. “I know he’s named after my grandfather and that he doesn’t call home often and that he and Han have not been on good terms for close to five years. He sounds really nice, Luke. Thanks.”

Her instructor laughs and gets to his feet. “You’ll be fine. You have the peace and calm of today’s teachings to help you get through it all. Besides, you’ll be there tonight, won’t you?”

Rey brightens up at that.

Sunday dinners at the Organa-Solo home were the highlights of her week. There, she is part of a family, even though she worked for them. Han and Leia were like the parents she’d never had while Luke was the eccentric uncle that brings entertainment and introduces new vegan food recipes even though no one else at the table is vegan.

Rey just loves her meat too much.

“Yes! I’ll be bringing some bread pudding,” she informs brightly.

“Bread pudding?” Luke echoes with glee painting his bearded face. “That sounds brilliant.”

She doesn’t bother pointing out that bread pudding is anything but vegan.

Rey beams and Luke begins talking about the new students that he has and the forms they’ve taken and maybe should he expand his studio to having Pilates as well?

Much later, with her bag slung over her shoulders, Rey taps her feet impatiently as the line to the counter crawls so slowly and she is pretty sure that she is in the same spot for more than fifteen minutes.

It certainly doesn’t help that it is late afternoon on a Sunday and that Starbucks is as usual, crammed and packed. Furthermore, the man in front of her keeps stepping back, which results in her feet being trodden on by his black leather shoes. 

Rey wouldn’t have minded, but without an apology? Rude. But she isn’t one to cause a scene over something so trivial so she keeps her mouth shut.

Bored, she studies the man in front of her.

He is tall, perhaps 6’3? And from her view of him, she can see that he is broad-shouldered, a little lanky, long legs and arms but what he makes up for that is how huge fit he seems to be under the suit he wears. Rey wrinkles her nose at that. Who wears a suit on a Sunday?

But as her eyes move upwards, black wavy hair that ends about a centimetre above his shoulders and that very sight is almost a contradiction. With the way he is dressed smartly and having hair like that, she can’t tell if he going for a job interview or something else.

Before she can ponder more on the subject, the queue moves and she is second in line. With some interest, she watches as the man steps forward and begins rattling of an order that sounds too bloody complicated that involves doubt shots of espresso and two squirts of some syrup she’d never heard of.

“Name, sir?”

“Kylo.”

She furrows her brows. What kind of stupid name is that?

“How do I spell it?” The girl manning the counter looks rather star-struck as she has a pen poised over the cup and Rey doesn’t even know what exactly is attractive about this rude arse who can’t even apologise for stepping on other people’s feet and constantly moving backwards-

“K-Y-L-O.” The man spells the four letters through gritted teeth, a tad rudely and Rey doesn’t think she’d ever disliked a stranger this much before in her life.

The girl at the counter nods and a red stain appears over her tanned cheeks and inwardly, Rey scoffs. If someone ever found a rude person attractive, she would think they were mental. How could anyone find someone who is that overbearing and horrid attractive?

Just as that thought enters her mind, the man turns and for a moment, Rey’s mind goes completely blank.

_Oh._

The side profile of a long face greets her and she is met with the sight of a patrician nose, a high forehead, dark eyes and very full, pink lips that are on an angular shaped-face that has nice planes with a set of high cheekbones.

A small breath of air whooshes out of her mouth and the man spares her nary a glance as he moves to the other end of the counter to wait for his drink.

What had she been saying about rude attractive arseholes?

“Miss?”

Rey snaps back and shakes herself out of before rattling off her order for a grande iced caramel macchiato and as she pays for the drink, she wonders woefully how long she’d been staring at him like the star-struck girl at the counter had been.

Once she hands over the cash, Rey moves a tad bit reluctantly to the waiting area and she sees him typing aggressively into a phone just as his name is announced.

The man collects his drink of whatever it is and brushes pass her. However, he had miscalculated the distance between his shoulder and her form and he bumps right into her side.

“Watch it,” he mutters, tone dripping with condescension and irritation before he stomps out of the cafe and Rey is left standing behind him, jaw on the ground.

She is absolutely appalled.

Never in her life has she met anyone this rude.

What a fucking arsehole with a pretentious sounding name.

Forget about everything she’d thought in the past few minutes. That man was a fucking arse and she would chew into him the next time she saw him, attractive or not.

Enough about him. Rey would never let someone that horrid ruin her Sunday dinners with the Organa-Solo-Skywalker family. That thought quite calms her and with a bright giddy smile on her face, she steps out of Starbucks and heads home.

* * * * *

“Rey is starting today, isn’t she?”

Hearing his mother’s voice the first thing in the morning at the office is something that Kylo wouldn’t ever wish on his worst enemy and there are many such people.

“Yes,” he bites out before sliding into his chair and rubs the bridge of his nose. He can almost feel a headache coming on and it adds further to his irritation at everything.

“Good.” Leia sounds positively giddy over the phone and he can’t even be bothered to figure out why.

Just last weekend, the revered and somewhat controversial Senator Leia Organa had announced that she is retiring and Kylo figures that his mother is freer than ever to bug him. He almost wishes that he had the foresight to include another clause to the deal, limiting her to one call a day and only after noon. 

“Call me later to tell me how she’s doing.”

“No.”

“Ben!”

“Fine, whatever,” he exhales heavily. “Is that all? I have actual work to do considering I’m not a retired senator.”

His mother sighs exasperatedly and mutters something Kylo can’t quite catch but she bids him goodbye and ends the call.

With that done, he throws his phone into an open drawer and slams it shut. He pinches the bridge of his nose once more. What he needs more than ever is a nice cup of coffee.

Slowly his eyes open and he catches a glimpse of the resume that his mother had forwarded and briefly, Kylo silently debates on reading it but the throbbing in his mind and his sheer laziness makes him disregard it. With no one around, he slumps unseemly into his chair and really, he just wishes that the week would finally be over.

His eyes shift to the black digital clock on the right corner of his mahogany desk and as if on cue, the numbers change and it is already nine in the morning.

If the PA that his mother has sent with so much praise is not stepping into his door in fifty seconds, she is fired with the grounds of being tardy-

Three consecutive knocks sound on his door and he grimaces. So much for having an excuse to get rid of her.

“Come in,” he rumbles and straightens in his seat before staring at the calendar detailing the meetings and events he has today.

The door swings open and Kylo flicks his eyes upwards disinterestedly before moving back to his calendar. But the sight of twenty-ish woman instead of a fifty-ish one makes him do a double take.

He stares at her and blinks.

This is not what he’s expecting.

 _She_ is not what he’s expecting.

“You’re Rey?” He sputters, brows furrowing and quickly, he snatches the resume he didn’t bother to read and scans the words quickly.

“Yes.”

“You look like you’re in high school,” he deadpans. “Are you even legal to be working?”

“I beg your pardon?” From the tone, he can tell that’s she’s more offended than confused but he ignores it.

His eyes flit over the words at the top of the sheet of paper and they zero in on her name. “You’re a _Kenobi?”_

Her chin lifts almost defiantly. “Yes. What of it?”

Kylo had not been expecting the oval shaped face that contains delicate features comprising hazel brown eyes, pink rosebud lips, pretty brown curls and a lithe short body that is encased in a prim white blouse and a tight navy pencil skirt with her feet in strappy heels.

He thinks he might actually die.

“Nothing,” he mutters before shoving her resume into a drawer and slamming it shut.

“Look,” he begins, getting straight to the point.

Never mind the hazel eyes that are almost narrowed on him in what seems like righteous indignation and some form of recognition but for the life of him, Kylo is sure he’d never met her before.

To add on, she’s a fucking Kenobi. Meaning, that his family and hers had been old friends and surely, he would’ve met her before or caught a glimpse of her over the years because he really doesn’t know why she is staring at him like the he is the devil incarnate.

He’d never even met her before.

“My mother speaks highly of you and your achievements but I’ve yet to see it and don’t think that you’ve been treated as a charity case because you’re family frie-“

“Charity case?” she interrupts indignantly and sparks begin to shoot out of her eyes. “Look here you arse! I’ve worked my whole life to be where I am now! I’ve never been a charity case and neither do I intend to be one! So stick that to your snobbish mouth, you entitled prick!”

Kylo blinks and never in his life has anyone spoken that way to him before.

“Excuse me?” He narrows his eyes.

“You heard me!” she snaps before grabbing her bag and begins piling her things into her hands.

Panic begins to bloom in his chest and she can’t leave! Not yet! Two weeks aren’t up and he really doesn’t want to miss out on the generous offer Leia had given to him.

“You can’t leave!” He snaps. “Two weeks aren’t up yet!”

She whirls around if its possible, her eyes get impossibly narrowed as they glare down at him. “Two weeks?”

He clears his throat and tightens the knot of his tie at his throat. “Your probationary period.” He deadpans. “My mother, Leia has been singing your praises like a canary and to hear you stomping off like a child will surely disappoint her.”

Kylo may not like politicians, but he does admire them for always twisting their words to get their way. And with his mother as one, how can he not learn from her? It isn’t hard to figure what button to press for his new PA; her face is like an open book where both thought and emotion are displayed like a piece in a museum.

He can’t decide if he is intrigued or revolted at that blatant show of weakness.

Rey tightens her lips and he can see that her hold on her bag is loosening. “Fine, I’ll stay, but only if you apologise.”

_“Apologise?”_

“Yes.” She straightens. “I’m not a charity case.”

Oh, she was still on that?

“And also for that rather rude display you gave just last weekend at Starbucks.”

What the fuck is she talking about? Surely he would have remembered seeing a face like hers around him.

“What?”

“You bumped into me and you were rather rude about it,” she says primly, brows arching and he gawks incredulously at her. “So I would like an apology for that too.”

“You’re kidding me,” he says flatly. “You actually want me to apologise? I’m your boss.”

Rey shrugs, grabbing her bag and her files and turns on her heel.

“Where do you think you’re going?” he demands, fists clenching and the throb in his head is getting worse by the second and this is really the last thing he wants to deal with on a Monday morning.

“I’m leaving. And technically, you’re not my boss _yet,”_ she informs him crisply.

Kylo shifts his jaw and he can see that fucking fantastic deal he’d made with Leia flow down the drain with each step his insolent PA takes towards the door.

“I apologise,” he grits out through clenched teeth and he can almost feel the wince that threatens to flash across his face as he does.

“Now that doesn’t seem so bad, does it?” She turns, beaming brightly at him and he almost wants to snarl at her for making him apologise when he never does and for being so damn chirpy and sunny. It almost feels like a very unwanted ray of sunshine had invaded his territory of gloom and doom. 

“Whatever,” he snaps before leaning back into his chair as he glowers at her. “Now, can we get back on track? We’re wasting time.”

Rey doesn’t reply verbally but instead, slides into the chair opposite his and takes out an iPad and blinks up at him. “Alright.”

From the sudden proximity between them, Kylo can see the light dusting of freckles over the bridge of her nose and the apples of her cheeks. He clenches his teeth and glowers even more at that observation.

“There are expectations,” he begins flatly. “First, I need a cup of coffee on my desk at nine a.m. sharp. A double shot espresso latte with a dash of cinnamon and low-fat milk. Make sure it’s not hot but tepid.”

Rey’s fingers fly over the screen of her iPad and he continues, uncaring if she gets his order or not. If she doesn’t, then it’s really too bad for her.

“Secondly, I need a rundown of all the events and meetings that are happening on the day itself the first thing in the morning. Thirdly, I do not accept any visitors without having booked an appointment at least two months in advance.”

He resists the urge to gloat when a wrinkle forms at her brows and gleefully, he continues, “Fourthly, I do not accept phone calls from this list. Any other numbers that dial in have to be given to me in advance before I accept the call.” He slides a sheet of paper to her over the glossy finish of his desk and shifts his jaw when his eyes graze over a certain set of numbers.

“Also, there must always be a full set of clothing in my office ready in the event of a mishap, like a clumsy personal assistant christening me with coffee over my clothes or anything like that,” he adds dryly and slides a set of keys to her and a card. “These are my house keys and address and the company credit card. I’m sure you know that you’re not to spend it on _personal things.”_

He isn’t sure but he swears that Rey is definitely muttering something insolent and rude under her breath.

“Make sure you keep a backup copy of all the work I’ve done at the end of the day,” he instructs. “The previous PA has one in your desk drawer outside my office.”

He pauses, eyes flitting over the brown shoulder-length curls, pink lips, long eyelashes that frame her eyes and his eyes lower, to the barest hint of a shadow at her chest at the neckline of her blouse.

“Is that all?” She peers up at him and he feels almost uncomfortable with the odd hazel-green shade of her eyes.

“Yes. Did you get it all?”

Rey’s left eye twitches and she smiles beatifically, brown curls framing her face as she beams. “Of course. Being a PA to a Senator such as Leia Organa is ten times harder than this.”

He doesn’t like the implicit challenge in her voice. “Oh?” He arches a brow.

“Mmhmm.”

Fine. Challenge fucking accepted. “Good. Now, is there anything else you’d like me to clarify before we begin?”

Kylo almost salivates at the ideas that surfaces in his mind of what he could do to meet her unspoken challenge and to make her scream and throw in the towel. Suddenly, the next two weeks are looking up. He almost allows a smug grin to appear on his mouth but suppresses it quickly.

Rey pauses and she frowns. “One thing. What do you want me to refer you as?”

“Just my name.”

She blinks and her lips purse.

The very sight of those very plump pink lips does something to him and a spark of electricity shoots down his spine and his cock twitches in his pants. Kylo is very, _very_ grateful that the desk he has is made of solid wood and not transparent glass.

“Just that? Not by an honorific?”

“No.”

“Alright…Ben.”

His back shoots up. _“What did you just say?”_

His PA blinks once more, eyes impossibly round and Kylo would like to think that her eyes resemble the owls he’d seen in the zoo when he was young, but the name that falls from her lips made the blood in his veins boil.

How the fuck did she know that name? No one, no one called him that anymore, with the exception of his mother. He’d buried that name, scattered its ashes at sea. He’d certainly thought and assumed that he would never have to hear it again.

But with his given name uttered by her, he is absolutely _incensed._

Rey’s mouth opens and before she can speak, he cuts in viciously, body jerking out of his chair as he looms over her from behind his desk. “You are never to call me that! That’s not my name!”

“But your mother-“

“-is delusional!” He interjects harshly. “You are to call me Kylo! Not, _Ben!”_ He spits his former name out, tongue almost burning as he does and every part of him wants to toss all the items on his desk to the ground and rip all the documents he has in his possession apart.

“Alright.” Rey gets to her feet, eyeing him warily as she gives a cursory nod and turns to leave.

His heart is pounding swiftly in his chest and he can feel the headache becoming a migraine that feels like someone is invading his mind by some mystical force. That dreaded filthy name was going to be the death of him.

“I’ll be outside at the desk if you need me, _Ben,”_ Rey announces, eyes meeting his genially before she shuts the door gently behind her.

Kylo would be an utter dunce to miss the streak of open defiance that flashes in her pretty eyes before the door closes.

His jaw shifts, fingers clenching around the edge of his desk, and the muscle under his left eye twitches; he wants to shatter every fucking item on his desk.

And because he is Kylo Ren, he does.

With one sweep of his arm, everything crashes to the ground. The computer lands with a bang, the right corner of its clear screen cracking. The digital clock that joins it on the ground begins sounding an ear piercing alarm and the glass crystal ornaments he has are smashed into millions of shimmery fragments that become almost impossible to see against the dark wood flooring.

Not the least satisfied, he tosses the desk, lifting it to land it on its back and the chair cracks from the force he uses to throw it against the wall.

Kylo knows he is making a terrible mess but he doesn’t care one bit. Rey is just lucky to have the common sense to not enter because he is pretty sure he’ll throw something in her direction. Or maybe at her eyes.

Standing in the midst of the destruction he has caused, he catches his breath but as always, it doesn’t soothe the rage that bubbles perilously close to the surface. Nothing does.

“Replace everything.” He barks as he slams the door open. “I want it done by the time I get back in an hour,” he snaps peevishly as he storms out of his office to the nearest Starbucks to finally get his coffee.

His fucking headache is literally going to be the death of him, coming second after _that_ name.

Fifty minutes later, Kylo quite expects the office to still be in shreds. With the much-needed coffee in his hands, he exits the lift that leads to his office and he is almost gleeful for the sight of a certain brunette sobbing on the ground from being unable to get his ridiculous task done.

He is sorely wrong.

Kylo stops when said brunette is at her desk, typing away at her computer, humming some silly tune with the tip of a pen tucked into a corner of her lips.

“What are you doing?” he snaps, his nerves rising at the sight of her completely calm. Wasn’t she supposed to be crying or terribly frazzled from being unable to fulfil his demands?

“Oh, I’m just checking your schedule.”

“What about my office?”

Rey blinks and shrugs. “Everything is replaced.”

_“What?”_

Without sparing her another glance, he yanks the door open and falters.

Distantly, he can feel her eyes on him but he can’t even give a shit about that as he gawks at the identical desk, chairs, the pristine computer, and the sheet of papers that had been there earlier. His jaw works uselessly when he notes that not one thing is out of place and even his papers do not have a single crease on them.

Even his fucking crystal figures are there.

He darts his eyes towards her as his throat constricts and his temple begins throbbing again.

Rey smiles, hazel eyes beaming and even sunshine seems to be shooting out of them and something curls in his gut. “I hope the furniture is to your liking, _Ben.”_

The muscles under his left eye twitches.

Oh, it was so fucking on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! I do hope you guys like this! Let me know what you guys think! Furthermore, uh, this fic will be updated hopefully weekly, every Thursday! Because in June, I'm rather busy, so updates will be not as quick as TSotSC! 
> 
> Anyway, I'm on [tumblr](http://resplendxntly.tumblr.com) so hit me up! ;)


	2. The Assistant Killer Strikes Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi hi! I know it's been 3 weeks, but I've been on a family vacay in the UK. But I'm back and updates should be regular now, I will update this every Wednesday! Today is an exception considering the lack of updates over the past few days! ;)
> 
> Much thanks to my beta, Em, [dancingmicrobes on tumblr](http://dancingmicrobes.tumblr.com) for her help in this! <3

**Chapter 2 | The Assistant Killer Strikes Back**

Everyone has different perspectives on things and people.

Rey knows this.

Leia thinks that Ben Solo is simply misguided; it had been her absence in his life that had pushed him to the path he is on today. It doesn’t take a genius to know that she feels guilty about it. 

Han thinks that Ben Solo is a cocky, little shit who ought to have been spanked when he was young.

Luke thinks that Ben Solo is just someone who needs a reason to go back to his family. All he really wants is to be accepted and loved.

Rey, on the other hand, thinks that Ben Solo is the worst person in the entire world. No, the entire galaxy. He also wins the award of being the worst boss she has ever had.

And this is all because he thought that she was inadequate to be his bloody PA. Rey assumes it has to do with her time working with Leia, but then why comment on something as trivial as her unfortunate case of baby face? 

She’s encountered enough issues with it to not need a reminder. At 22 years old, it gets tiring to have difficulties buying alcohol from bars. Not to mention, the supermarkets.

Rey also thinks that Ben is a rude, obnoxious person who loves to inflict misery and suffering on others. Mainly, her.

But she knows that her continuous use of his actual name instead of the pseudonym he’d picked is the one factor that gets under his skin the most.

From the moment she’d first met him at Starbucks, she knew that Kylo was the stupidest name she’d ever heard. Not to mention the way he’d been so incensed at her using his actual name completely puzzled her.

Her boss’ aversion to it was ridiculous and strange. After all, his family members used it, didn’t they? And to Rey, Ben is a perfectly acceptable name.

Never mind, now, using that name pissed him off and Rey uses every chance she could to use it. Ben can’t fire her until the two weeks are up unless she does something illegal or something like that.

And during those two weeks, she is determined to be the best PA that he could ever have, hence, making her irreplaceable and invaluable—securing her a permanent job for the foreseeable future.

It has been four days since she’d started as his PA.

And in those four days, Rey has replaced his furniture thrice, ran to Starbucks at least twice daily, reorganised his files almost five times due to his childish fits and had been on the receiving end of arguments from numerous clients when Ben demanded to reschedule meetings at the very last minute.

Her best mates, Finn and the Tico sisters had goggled at her when she’d detailed the literal hell she was going through.

By the second day, she has the furniture company on speed dial, she had memorised the company credit card numbers and has Ben listed in her phone as the _Assistant Killer._

She swears that Ben Solo is making her life hell on purpose. She’d seen the anticipatory gleam in his eyes and the way they seem to glint predatorily.

She’d seen that particular look in his eyes each time he trashed his office and sent her on some ridiculous task.

But for all that he has done, Rey can’t help but find him awfully attractive.

Yes, she knows she shouldn’t feel that way about rude, attractive arseholes. What could be so attractive about rude people?

Well, for one, Ben Solo has the nicest brown eyes Rey has ever seen. They remind her of her guilty pleasure—dark chocolate on cold autumn days. It also wasn’t fair that he was as tall as a freaking lamp post. Did the man really have to be so tall that he could loom over and stare down at her with ease?

Rey is ashamed to say that her knees go terribly weak when he speaks. She can hardly lay the blame on herself, considering the dry tone his deep baritone voice adopts. 

Honestly, the gods weren't fair to give him such plump pink lips and the razor-sharp cheekbones that he wears like armour when he's on the offensive. More than once, she catches herself staring at his face when he speaks, eyes fixed on his mouth and she pictures them on hers, on her body—kissing, nibbling, biting—leaving marks and bruises. 

In short, she’s undeniably attracted to him, despite hating every part of him.

Everything would be totally fine if the attraction is one-sided.

But it isn’t.

Ben Solo returns all the eye-fucking that she does with a startling degree.

She knows when he is looking at her—feels his eyes linger.

For all that he thinks he is, Ben Solo is not discreet.

There are times when she observes him staring at her mouth when she chews the tip of her pen—a habit she’d grown up with. There was once, she’d bent over to pick up some files on the ground and when she’d turned, his eyes had been on her arse.

That is until he realises that he’d been caught. After, he’d barked out something she couldn’t quite catch and had stalked out of the room in a huff.

Maybe all this is the reason why she’d begun wearing her slightly shorter pencil skirts. They weren’t obscenely short—just perhaps an inch or two above her knees.

At that reminder, Rey groans inwardly as she shuffles into the building, a hand holding onto her purse and the other with Ben’s coffee.

What was wrong with her? Why exactly was she doing any of this anyway? She really is a fool to think that her arrogant, snobbish prick of a boss is an attractive specimen of the human species.

Sighing, she enters the lift and even though it is only a quarter to nine, Rey wishes the day is over. With Ben holding the world record for being the worst boss to ever grace mankind, she can’t help but feel exhausted.

But she’s not a weakling, nor is she one to give up this easily. Plus, with her pride, she refuses to throw in the towel. Not with Leia’s praises being used as taunts coming from her son’s stupid mouth.

A tad bit reluctantly, she exits the lift and heads to her desk to dump her purse and laptop. Forlornly, she stares at the paper cup and grimaces.

It really is her luck that the nearest Starbucks was undergoing some form of renovation, resulting in her having to grab a poor substitute across the street.

Already, she can imagine Ben’s face twisting into one of disgust and disbelief when he spots the brown paper cup on his desk.

It is a shame, she muses, that a man this good-looking has such a rotten temperament.

Rey would be a liar if she said she’d never thought about him.

She can’t explain the way she likes her men taller and larger built than her. There is something about the way someone bigger makes her feel—claimed, possessed, _dominated._

She likes to look at his hands. Ben’s hands are in proportion to his size and often, she eyes the way they grab something, thick digits tightening around a particular object, knuckles turning a shade lighter. Or how his fingers often reach the whole circumference of his coffee cups.

The things he could do to her with them, makes her feel hot, achy, as though her skin is stretched too tautly over her bones and the juncture between her thighs becomes unbearably slick.

Not that she has much experience in any of that. Deep down, Rey is a romantic at heart and so far, she’d only put out to three different men in her life. All of her boyfriends had lasted for at least more than three months and no longer than six.

Gathering her trusty iPad and his damned coffee, she raises her fist to the door and raps her knuckles lightly against the wood.

“Come in,” his muffled voice calls out and she sighs inwardly and enters.

As per custom, Ben is already scanning through documents and typing furiously away at his computer even though it isn’t nine in the morning yet.

Quietly, she shifts the coffee to the specified corner of his desk and she eyes the pristine crystal coaster already waiting for its counterpart.

“I have your schedule ready,” she says, eyes lingering on his throat where the tie is snug against his neck and she wonders what it would be like to lick the length of his skin, over his Adam’s apple and up his jaw.

"Shoot," he replies distractedly and promptly, she begins highlighting out important details and meetings; emphasising those that hold more weight than other engagements. With his input, she makes corrections on his various meetings and updates them on her iPad, which is thankfully synced to her laptop. 

The sight of Ben lifting the cup of coffee to his mouth makes her pause and she waits for the minor explosion to come-

“What the hell is this swill?”

There it is. She shifts her weight from one foot to the other.

“It’s your coffee,” Rey points out unhelpfully.

“What? Why didn’t you get one from Starbucks?”

She doesn’t know how he manages to sound so petulant and yet indignant at the same time. Rey figures it’s a rare talent that can only be found in the Solo household, considering Han does it too when Leia chastises him.

“They’re under construction for renovations, and the next closest one is about ten blocks away.”

Ben doesn’t respond verbally but his jaw shifts, lips pursing and Rey feels a flutter in her gut.

“Fine,” he grounds out and she lets out an inner sigh of relief. “Get me one from that Starbucks location at lunch.”

She nods and closes the cover of her iPad. “Will that be all, Ben?”

His dark eyes flit up towards her and she swallows inaudibly. 

“I told you to call me, Kylo.”

“Your name _is_ Ben,” she points out without missing a beat.

Maybe it’s her loyalty to the Organa-Solo family that she calls him Ben. Leia and Han have always referred to their son as Ben, not the pseudonym that he uses.

Ben narrows his eyes, lips pressed into a mulish line. “Kylo is the name I use now.”

“Is it legal?” she shoots back, eyebrows raised quizzically, ready to keep challenging him.

He turns silent, the corner of his mouth silently daring her to continue.

“Is that all?” she repeats evenly, holding firm. This, she will not back off on.

“Yes, you may go.”

Huh. Rey nods uncertainly as she hugs the tablet to her chest. The fact that Ben Solo, the biggest pain in the arse is being so unusually accommodating sends alarms through her head.

Warily, she turns on her heel and something like awareness shoots up her spine.

His eyes are once again on her arse.

She doesn’t even have to turn around to confirm that. The intensity of his gaze sears through her and she shivers involuntarily. Something within Rey dares her to turn around to face him straight on.

So she does.

His eyes are hooded and dark, and they look _hungry_ —hungry for her.

Her breath hitches and unknowingly, her tongue peeks out from her mouth to wet her lips and Ben’s eyes darken and his nostrils flare.

“Is there anything else you need, Rey?” Ben’s voice is low, husky—full of promise, brown irises almost black as he regards her.

 _Fuck me hard over the desk, please?_ Her brain all but screams. _Give it to me good and rough from behind?_

“No,” she straightens, chin lifting. “I just thought you needed something else from me.”

Rey has literally no idea where this brazen side of her is coming from. But here it is and Ben’s eyes widen in surprise and his mouth falls slightly open.

The look on his face gives her the confidence to smile saccharinely and brightly just before she leaves the office. 

When the door to his office is shut, she slumps down at her desk and presses her hands to her flaming cheeks.  
God, she needs to get a fucking grip.

* * * * *

"Here is your double-shot espresso latte with a dash of cinnamon and low-fat milk," Rey announces as she sets up his coffee on the coaster. 

She’d walked for fifteen minutes in the freezing weather for that damned cup of crap so if Ben Solo makes one peep about the coffee, she will explode. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

He grunts and gets to his feet.

“Take it with you, we’re going for a meeting with Resistance Holdings.”

She doesn’t have time to reply before Ben sweeps past her and she gapes at his retreating form before trailing after him quickly.

“Meeting? What meeting? I wasn’t aware of this one,” she protests, willing her feet to pick up the speed to match his longer strides. “Ben, what meeting?”

"You know, I can fire you on the grounds of insubordination." 

Rey grits her teeth as she almost loses her grip on his stupid cup of coffee. “You won’t,” she says, feigning confidence. “I’m the best PA you’ve ever had.”

Ben stops, whirling on his feet to meet her and Rey is suddenly very aware of how alone they are in the empty corridor and how he is looming over her, eyes narrowed and brows raised. She is also startling aware of the way her back is pressed against the walls.

“Is that so?”

She swallows, hugging her files to her chest, the action appearing to ward away any advancements from him, even though she would love nothing more than to tug his tie to lower his head so she can wrap her arms around his neck and kiss him senseless-

_Get a grip! Get a fucking grip, Kenobi!_

“Yes.” Rey lifts her chin defiantly. “Besides, seeing that you've not legally changed your name, it is not actually insubordination, is it, sir?” 

Ben snorts and he takes the cup of coffee from her hand. "Rey, what’s with the accent?”

She didn’t think it was possible for her name to ever sound so sinful on anyone’s lips. Especially not his. 

Goddamnit. God-fucking-dammit.

Resenting the way her knees seem to turn to jelly, she trudges forward, ignoring the ease in how Ben falls into step beside her as he takes sips from the transparent plastic cup.

“I grew up in England,” she replies shortly, not wanting to get into details of her childhood.

“I am sorry about your parents.”

Rey stiffens but she continues walking. “It was a long time ago,” she murmurs, the words automatically falling from her lips.

Somehow, Ben must have sensed her reluctance to continue since he clears his throat abruptly and ushers her into a meeting room on her left which she recalls as being termed the Grey Room.

The people she sees are Amilyn Holdo and Gial Ackbar, two of Leia's closest working partners before she had retired and Rey doesn't know why she's so surprised to see them. She has completely forgotten that they are the founding members of Resistance Holdings, one of the few organisations that genuinely do care about the welfare of third-world countries and the environment. 

Ever since operation, they have been combating corporate giants who have been taking advantage of the lax or rather nonexistent rules to protect the people that live and work on those countries.

“Rey? What are you doing here?” Amilyn raises her brows in surprise and Rey can feel her cheeks flushing.

She can’t tell if it is from embarrassment or shame.

Rey isn’t a complete idiot to not know that First Order Shipping Industries is one of the organisations that Resistance Holdings have been keeping an extremely close eye on. She isn’t exactly proud to be working here, but with the lack of other job options and the ridiculous pay, she can’t help but say yes.

Before she can come up with a suitable reply, Ben cuts in smoothly as he slides into the space in front of her. “Rey is my PA now considering the Senator has retired. Now, shall we begin?”

Quietly, Rey sits and takes out her iPad and begins recording down key notes and points.

Ben led the meeting with his reassurances and pretty words on the positive state of the economy, however, Rey could tell by the line of Ackbar’s mouth and the growing untidiness to Amilyn’s amethyst locks that the meeting was far from going well. 

In short, First Order Shipping Industries have been exporting certain goods that are not part of the agreement between them and Resistance Holdings. As a result, the latter is requesting a halt in those proceedings, if not, legal action would be undertaken.

The meeting draws to a close and neither Ben nor Amilyn looks too pleased.

Rey for one decides that it is in her best interest to remain silent.

 _Out of mind, out of sight,_ wasn’t that the old adage?

Both Holdo and Ackbar gives her a small nod of acknowledgement as they leave and Ben starts swearing under his breath as he cracks his knuckles.

“Fucking twats,” he mutters darkly as he stalks down the hallway back to his office and Rey trails silently behind him. "Sanctimonious fuckers," he adds waspishly and slams a hand onto his desk.

Abruptly, he turns to face her and she can see the muscles in his cheek twitching. “Holdo and Ackbar suggested a meeting this coming Sunday. I know it’s not part of your contract to work on weekends but I’ll pay you extra if you come in.”

Her brow furrows but she fixes her eyes on the screen. “I’m sorry, but I have plans,” she replies evenly, fingers already adding in the details for the said meeting as Ben slides the meeting minutes towards her.

There is no way she’s missing Yoga Day or even dinner at his parents’ house for a bloody meeting that was no doubt bound to go south from what she’d seen earlier in the Grey room.

“Why? Hot date?”

She stops. Blinking, she raises her head and meets his eyes. “What’s it to you?”

Ben is resting against his desk, arms crossed, face tilting down but the expression on his face is pinched—as though something filthy has entered the room.

Dark eyes narrowed, mouth pressed into a thin line—he looks every inch of the intimidating boss that everyone fears.

"Nothing, I'm just wondering if my PA is prioritizing something as trivial as that over her job.”

Did the man have to sound so awfully condescending and be such an utter fucking arsehole all the time? Why the hell did she find him so attractive anyway? Forget that, she loathes him now.

“Better an ugly date than a meeting with you,” Rey retorts without hesitation, the banter they both share easily sparking back to life.

However, instead of the dry witty remark that is wont to come, silence greets her.

She darts another quick glance upwards and the look that Ben is giving her chills her to the bone.

He looks downright furious.

A dark glower paints his face. Ben’s mouth is pursed and his jaw shifts continuously and Rey can see that every muscle of his is rigid. His eyes, on the other hand, are burning with what seems like indignation and annoyance—again, she can’t figure out what the heck she’d done to piss him off.

“I see,” he begins as he clears his throat and takes a quick look at the watch on his left wrist. “Right, Rey, would you mind heading to my apartment to grab the black Tom Ford suit. I have a dinner appointment tonight.”

Her hand pauses and she darts her eyes towards the door in his office that leads to the closet. “What about the two backup suits here?” 

“No.” Ben adjusts the knot of his tie as he shrugs, some of his dark curls falling artfully over his forehead as he speaks. “It’s a rather special event and the two suits here aren’t appropriate.”

Is she imagining that sinister gleeful look in his eyes?

“Oh.” Rey begins gathering her things. “I’ll get it now, then.”

Ben nods. “Good, come back ASAP.”

* * * * *

An hour passes with Rey lugging about a giant garment bag and her purse slung about her neck in an undignified manner. The task of retrieving Ben's suit is harder than it sounds and she is really struggling to ensure that the garment would not wrinkle during transport. Not to mention, it is terribly heavy, although she shouldn’t be surprised, considering its owner is 6’2. 

But the damn thing weighs more than she expects and she curses Ben for being tall and not having the foresight to include this in his closet before she started working for him and goddamnit, can the plastic cover stop trailing on the ground since it has come dangerously close to tripping her on more than one occasion?

Finally, she trudges into his office and she knows that her hair is a mess and the wrinkles in her clothes have wrinkles themselves but she has done it and Ben can kiss her arse- 

“Oh, you’re back. Good.”

Rey exhales heavily as she tucks her hair behind her ears and Ben picks up the garment bag with ease. She resents him even more for that.

“Actually, Rey-“

Something like dread creeps up and she freezes.

“I think I want the other suit that’s in my apartment. Now that I’m looking at this, I think the navy one would be better,” Ben begins thoughtfully as he walks over to his closet and carelessly shoves the suit in.

“What?” she blurts out and she really must have heard him wrong because surely, he can't expect her to go back to his apartment that is on the other side of town when she just got back.

“Would you mind getting it?” Ben smiles but Rey can definitely see the satisfaction that gleams in his eyes and the way his smile resembles that of a shark just before it captures its prey.

Her eye twitches and she shakes her head slowly. “It’s not a problem,” she grits out and the bright smile on her face is making her want to pull out her own hair.

Another hour passes, she has the navy suit in her arms and Ben is grimacing. She swears that the vein in her temple is throbbing and that if he says one more thing-

“You know what?” Ben whirls around to meet her and she doesn’t even bother to neaten her hair anymore. “I think the black Armani suit is better. Navy may be too casual and I can’t have that impression about me.”

Rey is awfully tempted to grab one of his crystal figurines from his desk and smash it across his face so that she can wipe that stupid, smug smirk off of his lips.

She knows that he is doing all of this on purpose— some sort of payback. God knows that she has no idea but she knows that this is his way of making her life hell. 

Labelling Ben as the Assistant Killer in her phone is highly fitting.

“Go get that one.”

She musters all the strength in her to smile brightly even though her blood is boiling. “Alright, _Ben._ ”

When she is back with another suit for the third time, her hair is a tangled mess from the harsh winds, her body is sore from lugging the goddamn suits around and she has blisters from her two-inch heels she has on and she is so fucking close to exploding because she got almost run over by a truck.

“Here it is, Ben,” she almost spits as she passes the garment bag to him over his desk.

His dark eyes are practically glinting with pure satisfaction and he takes the bag from her before shrugging in his chair. Leaning back, he tilts his head and scrutinises her. “You’re a mess,” he points out flatly.

Cheeks flushing, Rey stops. “I-“

“Whatever,” he interrupts and waves his hand dismissively in the air. “I actually changed my mind, I’ll just wear the first suit you brought over.” 

Nevermind the fact that he is her boss and that he is Han and Leia’s son and Luke’s nephew.

She is fucking going to kill him.

Ben Solo will die at her hands.

"I see," she bites out and clenches her hands into fists. "May I _please_ be excused?”

She has no idea what she'll do if he doesn't. Images of her throwing her shoes at him flash in her mind and it takes every single bit of her self-restraint not to lunge at him over his desk to throttle him with her tired hands. 

“Yes. I hope you didn’t mind, honestly.” Ben smirks, amusement and utter glee dancing in those brown eyes of his as he drums his fingers on the edge of the table.

Rey _really_ is going to kill him.

* * * * *

“You didn’t have to dress this nicely for dinner with me.”

He refuses to comment and stabs at his steak. “What are you talking about? I had a meeting today.”

“No one wears that kind of suit for a regular business meeting.”

Smirking, he fiddles with his knife and fork and meets his mother's eyes. "So you're saying I can't wear whatever suit I want?"

Leia narrows her eyes and takes a sip of her red wine. “No. It was just an observation.”

Kylo rolls his eyes but the image of Rey spitting mad surfaces in his mind and he barely—just barely suppresses the snort that escapes from his mouth.

Sending his PA for that series of errands had been an unexpected stroke of genius and he knows that Rey can’t refuse him. But he had no idea how highly satisfying it would be to see her on the verge of exploding.

Apparently, Miss Ray of Sunshine can’t literally be that cheerful 24/7.

Truthfully, there was no actual need for any of the three suits but if there was a chance to antagonise Rey where she can’t refuse, he’ll welcome it with open arms and blaring trumpets.

Those hazel eyes of hers had been shooting daggers at him the moment she’d delivered the final suit and he almost expected her to quit right then and there.

Fortunately, she hadn’t and _that_ meant his deal with his mother is safe and that Rey hadn’t reached her breaking point yet.

Serves her right, he thinks mulishly.

Ever since she’d started, Rey had been a distraction.

With those damned skirts that she wears that outline the shape of her ass paired with the small heels on her feet meant his concentration on his work had been shot to hell. It certainly doesn’t help that her continuous use of the name he had abandoned puts every inch of him on edge.

Having her as his PA is definitely more than he’d bargained for.

Every time she turns, back facing him, his eyes can’t help but drift down to her bottom.

And each time, Kylo can’t decide if he would rather get to his knees to mouth at her ass, tasting her skin and leaving marks on her pale flesh or if he should smack it repeatedly for her insolence.

Fuck, what he would do to rip those skirts off her body and fuck her hard over his desk.

Beneath the table, his cock twitches in his pants and his face flames when he remembers that he is having dinner with his mother.

Fucking hell.

Awkwardly, he clears his throat and rubs at his chest—a weak attempt to clear his mind of his indecent thoughts.

“Ben, are you alright? You seem really flushed.”

“I’m fine,” he snaps as he reaches for his glass. “It’s just hot here.”

“Is it?” Leia raises her brows and he sends her a glower.

“I was just checking, you’re so defensive today,” his mother sniffs before shaking her head. “Amilyn phoned me today.”

“Are you really bringing work politics here?” He retorts sharply. “You’re already retired, you shouldn’t be getting involved.”

Leia exhales and sets her cutlery down. “Alright, do you want to come for this Sunday’s dinner? We can all talk and catch up. Your father would like to speak to you and Rey would be bringing-“

 _“What?”_ Kylo furrows his brows. “Why would Rey be there?”

Leia blinks. “Because she’s always been there?”

The muscles under his left eye twitches and he is so on edge that he can barely reign in his emotions. Why couldn’t he get a damn break from that fucking cocktease?

Because that is certainly a good name to describe Rey Kenobi. Kylo is one hundred percent sure that her skirts are meant to torment him into sexual frustration.

“Why the fuck would she be there?”

“Ben! Language! Honestly!”

Language is really the last thing he cares about so he ignores the admonishment and presses on. “Why would my PA be there having dinner?”

“She was my PA, Ben and before that, she worked part-time at your father’s auto-repair shop. And now she’s learning yoga with Luke.”

He can feel his temple throb and his fingers tighten around his own set of cutlery.

“Have the lot of you been influencing her to call me, Ben?” he demands hotly.

“No.” His mother blinks. “She’s been doing that?”

Kylo stabs viciously at his steak again. Maybe, he should have ordered it to be medium rare. “It’s none of your business,” he grunts and fixates his eyes on his plate.

And because of that, he misses the smirk that plays on his mother’s face as she takes another sip of her wine.

* * * * *

When he gets back to his apartment, Kylo stops at the doorway.

The scent of _her_ permeates the air—something warm and sweet, something that reminds him of summer holidays and strawberries.

He exhales heavily and sinks onto his couch. Loosening the knot of his tie, he rests his head against the wall and closes his eyes.

So far, his week has been terrible.

Things aren’t working out well, business is slipping and with Resistance Holding threatening legal action, everything is going tits up. It certainly doesn’t help that Rey is being such a distraction and with the dinner with his mother earlier, it reminds him of the disagreement with his father.

No.

He is definitely not going to open that can of worms now. Or anytime soon.

All he needs now is some form of release—a quick one. Alcohol was out, considering he needed his wits about him to figure out the tasks that had to be done.

Idly, he undoes his trousers, letting his cock spring out. Vaguely, he realises that it is still a little hard. No doubt the images of Rey spitting mad and in those short skirts has his balls feeling heavy and tight.

With his eyes still shut, he slides a palm up his length, the action familiar and quick. There isn’t any point in dragging things out. All he needs is some small satisfaction (even though it is from his hand) after his shitty day.

Hissing, he wraps his fingers around the circumference of his shaft, hand palming it roughly and it doesn’t take long for him to be fully erect. His thumb begins spreading the bead of pre-cum around the head of his cock and he shudders.

Clearly, he really needed this.

His movements are quick, fist pumping furiously and he can feel some sweat dotting over his forehead. And then, suddenly, his brain conjures an image of Rey. Rey who is dressed in those damned skirts of hers and a tight white blouse he doesn’t think she actually owns.

“Ben,” she purrs as she saunters closer to him, hazel eyes full of impish mischief and lust. “Can I help you with your problem?”

He pictures her circling around his desk, straddling him before nudging his thighs apart with her small hands. Already, he can almost imagine the feel of them on him, slowly unzipping his pants and then, she would give a little experimental suck on the head of his cock, head bobbing as she laps eagerly on his length. 

At that, his hips jerk and he groans softly. The thought of her mouth on him sends him reeling and he quickens his movement, fingers trailing over the thick vein under his shaft.

Rey would begin fisting him before she takes him deep, hazel eyes blinking up at him.

That is the very image that sends him over the edge.

He is barely aware of the feel of his spend landing on his abdomen but with a few more strokes, he is done, blinking, he forces himself to focus.

The startling realisation that he’d pictured her during _this_ makes him falter.

_What the actual fuck?_

Had he actually just fantasised about Rey while jerking himself off?

No.

Absolutely not.

He can’t have. Clearly, it must have been the wine that he’d drunk during dinner, or the stress that’s finally getting to him or even his mother chiding him for avoiding his father. Hell, he’ll even blame it on Holdo and Ackbar for popping up and screwing up his day.

But when he is in bed, that very image of Rey—not the fantasy his mind had conjured—the one from today when she’d all but glared at him with fire in her hazel-green eyes appears in his mind.

“Fuck off,” he mutters as he pinches the bridge of his nose.

But it doesn’t matter. He knows he is truly fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do hope you guys enjoyed this! Please let me know what you guys think! Comments and kudos will always make my day! ;) 
> 
> Also, I updated the chapter count so yeah. 
> 
> I'm on [tumblr](http://resplendxntly.tumblr.com) too! So hit me up!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and being patient for this! ♥♥♥


	3. We're Cockblocked by Vegan Smoothies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This is a day late so I'm really sorry about that! Anyway, the chapter title says it all, lmao. Enjoy!
> 
> Much thanks to my new beta, Em, [dancingmicrobes](http://http://dancingmicrobes.tumblr.com) for all the help and effort put in for checking this massive chapter!

**Chapter 3 | We’re Cockblocked by Vegan Smoothies**

“Wait, back up just a little-”

“What now?” Rose interjects, nose wrinkling and Finn snorts, clasping a hand over her mouth.

“Where did you get the money to replace his furniture three times?”

Rey grins and flashes the piece of plastic that Ben had shoved at her on her first day. “The company credit card, of course.”

“Ahh, atta girl,” Paige nods approvingly before taking a sip from her Shirley Temple. “So, spill. How fine is Mr. McSpicyBuns?”

“PAIGE!” Rose shrieks before bursting into giggles, while Finn just looks disturbed.

Rey gapes and she blinks furiously. “Wha-what?”

“Oh, come off it. I’ve seen the interview he did for _GQ_ just last year and the man has really nice buns.” The older Tico sister grins wickedly as she plays with the cherry she’d just fished from her drink.

“Do you mean his _ass?”_ Finn blurts out, voice adopting a hush whisper as though what they’re discussing is something terribly scandalous.

Quickly, Rey darts her eyes away from Paige and pokes at her smoked salmon sandwich. Shoot, maybe she should have gone with the grilled chicken instead.

“No, Finn,” Paige rolls her eyes before tossing a napkin in his direction. “I mean his _hamburger buns_. Of course, I mean his ass, you dummy!”

Rey snorts as Finn retaliates by throwing a chip in Paige’s direction while Rose huffs and shakes her head.

“I was just checking!”

“Let Rey finish!” Rose grimaces.

Immediately, Paige quietens and shifts her attention back to her and Rey really wishes that her friends would continue arguing because the last thing she wants to talk about is Ben—her insufferable boss she wants to skewer with her heels.

“I uh, I don’t know what there is to say?” She begins hesitantly as she shifts in her seat.

“Does he really change assistants like he changes his underwear?” Rose fires.

“Wait, does he even wear underwear?”

“Paige! That’s not the point! But really, is he as difficult to work for as the rumours claim?”

“No, the important question is: is there serious eye-fucking going on?”

“PAIGE!”

No matter how much she wishes for her face to stay nonchalant, she can acutely feel the flush that creeps up her cheeks.

“Oh I _see!”_ Paige begins to giggle maniacally and Rose has her mouth in a small ‘o’. “There _has_ been eye-fucking going on!”

“What are you talking about?” Rey flushes, shaking her head furiously. “There isn’t! He’s the worst boss that ever graced this goddamn planet!”

Rose clucks her tongue, but her disapproval soon fades as her eyes begin to light up gleefully. “You know, there’s a thin line between love and hate,” she chimes in.

“There’s nothing going on!” Rey insists even as her mind betrays her and shoves images of Ben staring at her arse or the way he looks like he wants to devour her whole.

It’s as though she’s the dessert platter at a buffet or his freaking cup of coffee that he downs each morning. Sometimes, she almost imagines that he would rather have her on his desk, legs spread wide as he drives himself hard into her.

She knows her cheeks are getting redder by the second.

“Rey Kenobi! Stop hiding and spill!”

The next thing she knows her face is the target for a tossed napkin.

“There is nothing to spill! He pisses me off with his childish tantrums, terrible attitude, and condescending, smarmy behaviour!”

Rey knows she is grasping hopelessly on flimsy excuses but how can she ever admit the fact that she is in lust with her boss? Wasn’t that against work ethics or company policies or anything akin to that? Besides, she ought to know better. She is a professional, not some workplace newbie that doesn’t know shite.

The absolute icing on the cake is that this is _Ben._ Ben who is as ridiculous and irrational as a toddler who is acting out when he doesn’t get his way or hears something he despises.

Besides, she hates him. Doesn’t she?

Maybe, maybe not. But where Ben is concerned, she is never clear about her feelings towards him.

“Rey,” Finn begins as he furrows his brows, an arm falling over Rose’s shoulder casually. “You have that shifty look in your eyes.”

Fuck.

She presses her lips into a thin line as her eyes dart from one pair of eyes to the next. Her best mates definitely knew her way too well and unfortunately, that includes being able to recognize the tell-tale signs of when she lies.

She’d been lucky on her first day as Leia’s PA when she’d met Finn from Resistance Holdings. He had helped her adjust to the busy schedule of the senator and had shown her around, introducing key people who would make her job easier. 

From there, she’d met his girlfriend, Rose Tico who also works at Resistance Holdings and subsequently, she’d befriended Paige, Rose’s older sister, whose sense of humour always tended to be on the raunchier side of things. A month later, she’d gotten to know Poe Dameron and his fianceé, Kaydel Connix who were both in the legal department. 

Since then, all of them had been fast friends and Rey doesn’t know what she would do without them in her life. It was just unfortunate that Poe and Kaydel were off on their honeymoon at this period in her life. 

“I-“ she attempts to speak but Rose narrows her eyes threateningly.

“Don’t leave out any of the good parts, we will definitely know if you skip over something.”

Rey chews hesitantly on her bottom lip, fingers tearing her napkin to shreds and the waitress that is assigned to the table would surely curse her to hell and back for the mess that she’s making. Too bad for her, that is the last thing on Rey’s mind.

“He’s just so-so-“ she pauses, mind searching for the appropriate term to describe Ben.

How can she accurately describe Ben Solo?

The word childish comes to mind; irrational is another term that follows, as well as exasperating, and you cannot forget hot-temperedness. And yet somehow, none of these descriptions are good enough.

“Difficult,” Rey finally finishes, brows furrowing.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Rose demands, hands cupping her rosy cheeks as she rests her elbows on the table.

Finn clears his throat abruptly and rubs the back of his neck sheepishly. “Uhm, do I want to stay around for this? Because if this is getting a little R-rated, I might actually head back early to prepare for that meeting with Ackbar-”

“Yes.”

“Go ahead, babe.”

Rey just moans softly and covers her face with both of her hands as both Tico sisters make identical shooing motions, waving Finn off. He in return, snorts and shoots her a smile that is meant to say ‘Good luck’ before he leaves the diner.

Rose clears her throat and raises an eyebrow expectantly. “Alright, now, give us _everything.”_

And Rey does.

She tells them about the Organa-Solo family, how Leia and Han were like the parents she never had, who in a way, had welcomed her into their family with open arms. She also tells them about Ben and his casual dismissal of them—his absence at family events, and the fight that he has with Han that results in zero interaction for years.

In addition, the encounter at Starbucks is shared in great detail, which is followed by their first meeting where Rey discovers that Ben is now Kylo and how he has insulted her and made her working experience with him a literal hell for her.

“He has a rotten personality,” she mumbles between bites of her rather dismally cold sandwich. “Which,” she continues, “is wasted on a face like his. Plus, I don’t understand why he is like…like…like _this.”_

She totally misses the exchanging of glances between her friends.

And at this point, a man in a suit passes their table and Rey is once more reminded of the _Suit Incident_ —which, she decided to call the series of fucking stunts Ben had pulled just yesterday. All the irritation and rage bubbles up once more and she huffs and pushes her plate away from her.

“He’s absolutely horrid!” she bursts out. “I don’t understand how he can have such a wonderful family—parents that adore him, a doting uncle, a lovely childhood and he throws them all away like garbage! His mother even leaves a plate for him at the table on Sundays and he doesn’t even show! He hasn’t spoken to his father in years and every time he speaks to Leia over the phone, it’s not long before an argument starts!”

Silence reigns in their booth and Rey exhales heavily before deflating back in her chair.

Both Tico sisters are silent, but Paige is the first to speak as she drums her fingers on the edge of the wooden table. “Well Rey, do you really want to know what I think?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re projecting on him.”

“What?” She frowns.

“Rey, sweetheart.” The older Tico sister grabs her hands over the table. “I don’t know but it just seems a lot like you’re pretty bias against him for all that he has done or well, _didn’t_ do for his family.”

She blinks once and then twice more in quick succession; Paige takes that as a cue to continue.

“Haven’t you ever thought that there could be a reason why Ben doesn’t get along with his family? Maybe things aren’t so clear cut and that maybe whatever family feud that has been going on could be his parents’ fault?”

Beside her, Rose is nodding her head as she sips from her glass of coke and Rey is well…flabbergasted.

No. She hadn’t thought about that.

In fact, Paige’s reasoning hadn’t even crossed her mind once.

With Leia’s motherly nature and Han’s grumpy but soft interior, how could she think that they could be at fault? How could the wedge that had been driven through their family be of their making? But with Paige’s words, some sense of guilt blossoms within her. Had she been too unkind and judgemental towards Ben from the beginning?

Perhaps. Okay, yes.

Involuntarily, she winces.

“Maybe, you’ve been so set against him from the start because you’ve been putting his family on some pedestal, making them incapable of doing any wrong,” Rose chimes in. “But the thing is, no one’s perfect.”

“Rey.”

She looks up and Paige is staring earnestly at her. “Could it be that you’re just seeing one side of the whole picture?”

“I-“ she cuts herself off and chews on her bottom lip. What can she even say to that?

“I mean if you hate his guts for being a crazy boss, that’s fine—completely justifiable, but… getting personally and emotionally involved in some family feud where you don’t even know the whole story?” Rose tilts her head and wrinkles her nose. “I don’t know if that’s wise.”

Rey lowers her eyes to her unfinished sandwich and purses her lips. “Oh.”

“We’re on your side, Rey, promise! It’s just that there is definitely more than meets the eye in this situation,” Paige offers, squeezing her hands.

“Totally!” She nods and gives them a wide grin. “I understand, thank you. But he really is a terrible boss,” she says loudly, quickly changing the subject. 

“Well hey, at least he’s cute, isn’t he?” Rose grins.

But all Rey can do is smile weakly, hating the feel of guilt and shame coating her gut.

* * * * *

“I still think you’re off your rockers for doing this, Princess.”

Former Senator of New York City, Leia Organa, rolls her eyes and shoves the roast chicken into the oven and turns the knob to the appropriate temperature before she turns to meet the accusatory glare in her husband’s eyes.

You would think that being married to a man who lives for the adrenaline rush of being a pilot would be more of a risk-taker, especially when it concerns your son. Well, apparently not.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she says serenely as she checks on the pasta sauce that is simmering on the stove.

“Don’t lie.” Han grabs her shoulder and squeezes it as he glowers. “I know what you’re up to.”

“Do you?” She cocks her head and quirks an eyebrow.

“Yes! And I’m telling you to stay out of, well…” he grimaces as he falters. “Whatever it is you’re doing, leave that poor girl out of this nonsense you’re cooking up.”

She narrows her eyes. “Are you talking about Rey?”

Han scoffs and he pinches the bridge of his nose. “Is there some other girl who we know that you’re trying to pair off our son with?”

Darn the goddamn man for being so intuitive.

“Pair off?” she echoes, eyes wide in a weak attempt to seem ignorant and innocent. “You think I’m trying to play matchmaker between Rey and Ben?”

Han rolls his eyes and scowls. “Leia, don’t pull that politician bullshit on me. I’ve been married to you for decades and I can definitely see through it. So what’s the endgame? What’s the prize?”

Leia purses her lips. “Bite me, Solo, I think you’re going senile.” She smiles saccharinely before taking the chopped mushrooms and dropping them into a pot.

“ _Me?_ I’ll have you know that I was the only pilot in training who managed to finish that course in-“

“Yes. Less than twelve minutes. I know,” Leia repeats dryly and hands the bowl of salad to his outstretched hands. “But who is the one who hasn’t spoken to his son in more than five years and counting because of his pride and idiocy?”

At this, her husband’s face turns ashen.

“Leia…”

“If you hadn’t been so stubborn-“ she exhales and clasps her hands over her mouth, fingers trembling. She can’t continue, not when her mind goes back to that dreadful cold night so many years ago.

In his defence, Han looks defeated and the lines around his eyes deepen as his grip tightens on the salad bowl.

“I’m trying to fix my family— _our_ family,” she finally says, quietly. “I want Ben to come back to us.”

“I…I want that too.” His voice is gruff—a little too rough and Leia knows that he is hurting and that he regrets every action and word he’d spoken.

She straightens, the expression that Ben had that night haunts her mind once more and Leia forces a tight smile on her face. “Good. That’s-“ she licks her lips. “It’s settled, then.”

Suppressing her emotions, she shifts the jug of fruit punch she prepared into the fridge just as Han steps to her side.

“But seriously, woman, are you really trying to send Rey to an early grave? Ben is going to eat her _alive.”_ Han shifts his jaw as he furrows his brows. “That poor girl is going to die a terrible death.”

“I think she can take him,” Leia mutters wryly as she opens the pantry to grab the Italian spices that will complement the fish just perfectly. “Anyway, how did you know about this plan of mine? I didn’t mention a single bit of it to you or anyone.”

“Luke told me yesterday. You can’t hide anything from me,” he declares as he eyes the roast chicken in the oven.

She pauses, hands freezing over the small bottle and abruptly, she turns on her heels and stares down at him. “How does Luke know? I for sure didn’t tell him. Our son is too wrapped up in his problems at work and Rey doesn’t suspect a thing.”

Han shrugs as he grabs a handful of baby carrots from the salad bowl and pops them into his mouth, chewing them slowly. “How the hell should I know? But he did say that some mystical Force told him while he was meditating.”

Leia blinks.

* * * * *

Rey beams brightly when Han yanks the door open for her. “Hey, kid, come on in. You know you don’t have to knock, right?”

She grins and shrugs as she steps into the gorgeous two-story home, “Yes, but still, this isn’t my house and I’ve brought dessert!”

“You know, Her Worshipfulness isn’t going to like that,” Han remarks lightly, brown eyes gleaming with mischief. “You’re a guest and you shouldn’t feel obligated to bring anything.”

She snorts and hands the tray into his weathered hands. “I know, but it’s your favourite, vanilla ice-cream and poached pears with chocolate sauce.”

“Sweetheart, you didn’t have to,” Han begins but scoffs and grabs the tray from her hands. “Who am I kidding? This is all mine now and Luke can kiss his dairy-hating ass.”

Rey snorts and watches fondly as Han almost runs to the kitchen to deposit his treasure before following his retreating form. Along the way, she takes in the framed pictures on the walls that comprises family portraits of the Organa-Solo family and even some landscapes of different countries.

Among those were photos of Han as a pilot, Leia when she was still in office and many more that included Luke. But what makes her heart clench are the many photos of Ben, ranging from when he had been a mere child to his early twenties.

There was one when he had been dressed in brown robes, which Leia had designated, the martial arts phase. There was another of Ben in his high school graduation gown, prom suit and many more.

Rey had seen them all before.

And she didn’t think it was possible to be this envious of someone.

From all of the photos displayed, it was blatantly clear that every milestone and special event in Ben Solo’s life had been documented by his parents. She could see that he had been loved and cherished while growing up; that he had the childhood that she’d always wanted.

She stops at a particular picture of Ben, who couldn’t be more than ten years old. In the wooden frame, he was laughing with childlike delight as he is carried by Han who had his signature smug smirk on his face.

Her heart constricts and for the life of her, she still can’t understand how he can walk away from everything as if all of this had never mattered.

Paige and Rose’s words had struck a chord deep within her and after psycho-analysing herself for the past day, Rey knows she is somewhat prejudiced against Ben due to the on-goings in his family. Without meeting him once, she’d already jumped to his family’s side, determined to lay the blame on him and she is slightly ashamed to admit that she doesn’t even know what the feud had been about.

Rey would have liked to think that she was someone who is open-minded, accepting of others and judgement-free. But well, apparently, she is not.

This realisation makes her feel rather like Elizabeth Bennet and Ben, Mr Darcy from _Pride and Prejudice_. At that, she grimaces. Their current situation was so not going to be like _that._

Straightening her posture, she tilts her chin upwards and exhales slowly. Maybe she had been a tad unreasonable towards Ben. Maybe she ought to tone down her animosity towards him. That is as long as he doesn’t start his stupid, fucking stunts again. If not, everything is fair game.

All of this, however, doesn’t explain the attraction she has for him.

Rey shudders and frowns.

No.

She refuses to spare another second of her thoughts on him. It is Sunday and so far, it has been great. Yoga with Luke was strenuous, but a welcome break from everything.

Taking a deep breath, she forces her mind to clear and instead, focus on the now.

Nearing the dining room, she is met with the sight of Leia setting the dinner plates and cutlery. But her feet stop at the doorway when she realises that an extra plate is once more set out beside Luke’s placement.

Not for the first time, Rey feels her heart ache for Leia when she sees the older woman lingering at that particular seat before she sets down an extra set of cutlery. It would be impossible for her to forget the way Leia’s weathered face wavers strongly with emotion before it disappears as quickly as it came.

Forget about it, she scoffs inwardly and presses her lips into a thin line.

No argument or family disagreement is worth the heartbreak that Leia is facing. Even though no one has brought it up, she can feel the intangible chasm that splits through this family because of Ben’s absence.

If she could, Rey would hug Leia tightly and never let go.

But knowing that Leia would rather choke than let anyone else see that raw display of emotion, she quietly turns on her feet and leaves.

* * * * *

They are in the midst of discussing the benefits of being vegan and Han is entertaining with his scoffs and insults when Leia brings the conversation to a halt. 

“So, dear, tell me, how is work so far?”

The fork stills in her hand and she can feel three pairs of eyes land on her.

Rey closes her mouth and sets down her cutlery. “It’s been rather…uhm…” Her brow creases ever so slightly. “Interesting.”

Han makes a face and snorts. “Yeah, right. That’s just a polite way of saying it’s been hell.”

Leia makes a clucking noise as she shoots her husband a frown. Turning back to face her, the older woman sighs as she slices her chicken neatly. “I do hope that Ben isn’t a tyrant or a bully.” 

_Well, what if he is? What if he’s actually the Devil in disguise and has been making my life hell since Day One?_ She wants to say, but she doesn’t want Leia to feel any worse for practically throwing her to a son who has shown startling potential with his dictator-like characteristics. So, Rey keeps her mouth shut. 

“Oh, no, he’s a very decisive boss, which is good!” She rushes quickly but Rey knows that all three members of the family can see through her. 

“Decisive?” Luke raises his brows and makes a face. “Ben? Decisive? Are you talking about the same person?” 

“Uhm.” She bites her lower lip. 

“She can’t be. He’s an arrogant little shit.”

“Han!” 

Rey presses her lips tightly together and slowly picks up her cutlery again and for a moment, there is silence around the table. 

Until Luke breaks it. 

“So, have any of you tried my vegan peach oat smoothies?” He begins, straightening in his seat as he rubs his jaw through his beard. 

A grin cracks onto her face and just like that, the tension in the room is eased and Han opens his mouth with an indignant expression on his face, while Leia looks more exasperated than anything. 

However, before anything else can happen, three consecutive sharp knocks sound and everyone in the room freezes. 

“Leia…” Han begins warily as the former senator bursts out of her seat and rushes out of the room and down the hallway.

“Who could that be?” Rey cranes her neck and Luke shrugs as he stuffs more spinach into his mouth. 

“No idea, kid. But it sure as hell isn’t going to be who Leia thinks it…“ Han’s voice trails off abruptly. 

At that, she turns and the very sight that greets her makes her drop her cutlery, but Rey can’t bring herself to care about that. 

Not when Ben is in the doorway with tiny Leia hovering beside him.

Her mouth falls open involuntarily and Rey can hardly believe her eyes. 

Ben looks distinctly uncomfortable as he steps into view. Eyes narrowed, jaw clenched, the way he stands is hunched inwards, as though he is trying to protect himself. From what, she has no idea. The way he holds himself—tense and taut reminds her of a spring that is wound too tightly. It was as if any more tension or impact would shatter him. 

Nevertheless, the very idea of his appearance this evening makes her blink slowly.

Ben Solo is actually here for a Sunday dinner. An event he’d not attended for years and the fact that his eyes are on anything except Han’s doesn’t escape her.

However, what’s more distracting is that this is the first time Rey has ever seen him in anything besides a suit. A stupid part of her had always thought that he lived in suits and probably even slept wearing one.

Rey swallows hard. It isn’t fair that he makes a black button down shirt outlining his muscled form look more than good. But her eyes widen when she realises that he’s wearing _jeans_ —casual wear!

Suddenly aware that she’s been staring at him for far too long like an idiot, she quickly ducks her head down and squints hard at her plate and the gold filigree designs on its edges. 

Woefully, she bites hard on her lower lip before hastily shoving some of the fish into her mouth. God, what the fuck is going on? Why the bloody hell was he even here? 

Also, did she have to stare at him as though she was a teen fawning over their favorite pop star?? 

_Bloody, fucking hell. Rey Kenobi, get a hold of yourself!_

“Ben.” Luke is the first to speak and Rey almost expects him to begin with some chiding followed by a tirade for his nephew’s behaviour over the past few years. 

But, Luke has never been predictable and he points at the seat beside him with his fork. “Leia roasted the chicken just the way you like it, kid. And I’m pretty sure it’s getting cold, though I wouldn’t know because I’m vegan now.”

She would have laughed but the tension and the sombre atmosphere that has descended on the room makes her look up at him. 

Ben has his mouth pressed into a thin line and she notes that his jaw shifts repeatedly as he moves towards the table stiltedly. Mutely, she watches as he takes the proffered seat - that just had to be opposite her - and as he slides into the char, his legs bumps against hers under the table. 

As though she has been electrocuted, Rey jolts up in her chair, knees slamming hard on the underside of the table, causing the porcelain dishes on its surface to rattle. 

“Kid, why so jerky?” Han turns from her left to peer at her. 

“Nothing,” she smiles weakly. “I-uh…uhm the food went down the wrong pipe.” 

Appeased with her answer, he goes back to chomping on a chicken thigh and Rey exhales heavily before daring herself to look up once more. 

Dark brown eyes are on her and Rey feels a sliver of something that she acutely recognises as arousal and she clenches her legs close.

She can’t make sense of Ben being here, just mere centimetres away, watching her as his mother scoops different dishes onto his plate as though he is a boy of five. 

Something prickles across her flesh and Rey is very aware of how he is scrutinising her, as though she is a puzzle he can’t quite solve and understand. In addition to that, she notes the way his eyes dart down to the scooped neckline of her dress and how they seem to linger at her chest. 

His lips part and he quirks his brow in question and Rey flushes, hastily forcing her eyes back to her plate.

Apparently, she cannot use discreet to describe her actions either.

Leia is clearly flustered as she flits around the table, escaped tendrils of her greying hair framing her face as she hustles in and out of the kitchen, bearing different items each time upon her return.

Han, on the other hand, is deathly quiet as he eats and it is a stark contrast to the man who has a dry, witty comment for everything. But Rey is observant enough to see the covert glances that he gives his son. 

Only Luke behaves as though nothing is wrong, as though his estranged nephew has regularly been in attendance on Sunday dinners and had always been in contact with his father.

“Pass me the herbs, kid.” Luke says casually.

She watches in silence as Ben does so without any comment. 

Gradually, the normalcy of eating a meal sets in and conversation picks up again. She learns that Han is thinking of expanding his auto-repair shop and that Leia has picked up crocheting as her newest hobby. Rey can’t help the bright smile that forms on her face when the former senator reveals that she and Han may start to travel around the world now that they have the time. 

Luke begins another anecdote of why going vegan is the one true path to being clean and of good health. And yoga is the best thing that has ever happened to him by helping him reach such a state of calm and peace after being enlightened by the Force.

“That’s probably some mystical term for marijuana,” Han offers and shrugs with his hands up, palms facing outwards. “I’m just saying,” he adds. “And what is this Force you’re talking about? That’s some crazy mumbo jumbo,” he continues, voice adopting a matter-of-fact tone.

Rey suppresses a grin when Luke rolls his eyes, shooting her a grimace that is reserved for the unenlightened.

She finds that all is well, with the exception of the large, dark form opposite her staring holes into her head. 

Although everything seems fine, she can’t help but steal occasional glances at him. Each time she finds that his eyes are already on hers. 

Or on her mouth. 

More than once, his long legs nudges her own and she can’t tell if it is intentional or merely accidents. The feel of his muscled legs against her bare ones makes her want to squirm in her seat. The thought of those strong thighs supporting her, as she wraps her body around his, while he fucks her brutally against the wall does _things_ to her. 

Her mind begins to conjure up another scenario and this time, she has her head between his legs and his cock in her mouth. 

Heat pools and her cheeks warm and brazenly (and perhaps, stupidly), she takes another glance upwards. 

Not to her surprise, Ben is already watching her. His dark chocolate eyes resting on her face, lips parted and Rey flushes even more when he takes a sip from his glass of fruit punch, raising both of his brows in a challenge.

Hence, Rey is fucking overjoyed when dinner draws to a close and she rushes into the kitchen to help Han with the dishes. Unfortunately, she is turned away when he points to the dessert that she’d brought earlier. 

Reluctantly, she brings the ice-cream and pears out to the dining room. She avoids a particular set of dark eyes before she makes her next escape to the bathroom. As soon as she clicks the lock behind her, Rey splashes cold water on her cheeks and glares at herself. 

_Coward,_ her mind scorns and she groans and bangs her head lightly against the mirror repeatedly.

“Rey Kenobi, what are you doing?” she scowls and rubs at her cheeks, jabbing an index finger at her reflection. “You are not hiding here like a twat! Get a hold of yourself!” 

Running and avoiding something or someone had never been her style and Rey isn’t going to start now. And certainly, not because of Ben Solo. 

Right, she nods and relaxes her face. She is going out there and pretending that nothing has happened and that Ben – Kylo or whatever else he wants to call himself – is just her boss and that she ought to treat him with the respect that his title deserves. 

Which, does not include giving him sex eyes.

With a deep breath, she smoothes down her shoulder-length curls and adjust her dress and the leather jacket she has on and if in the process, the neckline of her dress inches down a little more south, it is not her fault and certainly _not_ intentional.

“Alright.” Rey smiles broadly and opens the door before making her way down the hallway that leads to the dining room. She hasn’t even taken five steps when he emerges from a dark corner and positions himself in the centre of the hall. 

She blinks slowly. 

This is so not part of the plan. 

Rey frowns. Did she even have a plan in the first place? 

Deciding to be the bigger person and the diplomat that she has seen Leia be, she straightens her stance and offers the best smile she has in her arsenal. “Ben.” 

However, this new scheme of hers is shot to hell when he takes slow leisurely steps towards her and not for the first time, Rey feels like the prey, and he, the predator.

“Rey.” 

“Uhm.” She forces another smile on her face, albeit a little more strained. “It’s nice to see you here, uhm. None of us were sure if you were going to come today.” 

She swears he mutters something that suspiciously sounds like ‘Oh, I will.’ 

“Wh-what are you doing?” she blurts out when he takes another step closer and the look in his eyes takes her breath away. 

They _burn_ with emotions she can’t name. 

“Why are you here?” He questions, head tilting as he regards her closely and she really, _really_ does not like the accusative tone that his deep voice adopts.

She draws back. “What’s that supposed to mean? I’m having dinner with your family because I was invited and have been for the past year and counting! You would have known if you had ever shown up!” 

“Don’t speak of things you don’t understand!” He grits, eyes flashing and she lifts her chin defiantly. 

“I know enough!” Rey retorts and in this moment, it doesn’t register in her mind that she’s actually having an argument with Ben Solo, her boss.

All she knows is that this man doesn’t deserve his family, doesn’t deserve everything that he has or the love that has been showered with ever since he was born. 

“Do you really?” he replies lowly, eyes narrowed on her form. 

“How can you just walk away from them? They’re your family! They loved you and gave a damn about you!” 

Rey has utterly no idea where these words are coming from but it suddenly dawns on her that Paige is right—she has been projecting on Ben and with a sinking feeling in her gut, Rey realises that she is tired. 

She’s tired of arguing with Ben, of trying to justify any feelings for him—be it positive or negative. Not to mention, she’s tired of trying to figure him out and keeping up with his mood swings and childish behaviour is exhausting. In short, she’s just tired of him. 

“I,” she begins as she shakes her head, shoulders slumping. “I don’t understand.” 

Ben is silent and she would have guessed that he had turned to stone had he not taken another step closer to her. The scent of him, something spicy and _all Man_ makes her giddy as she bites her lip. Hard.

“You would have been disappointed.” 

His voice is soft, it comes quietly and completely lacking the hard edge that all his words usually contain. 

In other words, it is a difference from all the snapping, cursing, growls, and even the dry sarcastic snipping that he’d done all week.So much so that she stops and stares at him with wide eyes. She is almost fifty percent sure that someone else must have spoken. 

Her brow creases and she still doesn’t understand anything about the enigma that is Ben Solo. Especially when the current look in his eyes catches her off guard. 

“What’s your problem with me?” She starts, crossing her arms defensively over her chest. Somehow, Rey knows that she has to navigate this conversation back on safer waters—back to their natural argumentative tension-filled territory.

She doesn’t want to see anymore of this new side of him. 

It messes with her mind and the perceptions she has of him. And Rey doesn’t think she’s prepared for it. Not after she firmly categorised him into the “Entitled Rich Arsehole” box she’d placed him in from Day One.

Ben is silent but when he steps even closer, she scrambles backwards until her spine hits the wall. It isn’t until then that she realises their chests are a hairbreadth away from each other. 

Slowly, he lowers his face until their eyes are level and her breath hitches at the raw hunger painted on his face. 

“Why can’t you leave me alone?” he says, voice low and gravelly. Entranced, her eyes flicker to his lips.

Rey shifts on her feet as she presses her back further against the wall. “Ben, what are you doing?”

He doesn’t respond but does that thing with his mouth where he shifts his jaw repeatedly and she thinks she might actually scream from how much she wants to close the gap between them with her mouth.

“I feel it too.” he rumbles softly, eyes earnest.

“Feel what?” she stammers.

“This.” 

Rey watches with bated breath and quivering lips when he reaches a hand out to push a lock of her hair behind her ear. The very feel of his warm fingers brushing past her cheek makes her knees tremble. 

_Is he going to kiss her?_ Rey’s mind runs and she really hopes he does. She’d been wondering what his lips would feel like against hers and how he would taste on her tongue. She also wondered what his hands would feel like on her skin. Would they be soft and gentle? Tender on her body? 

No. It didn’t seem like Ben’s style at all. 

Rough hands and bruising fingers enter her mind and she feels the juncture between her thighs go unbearably slick. Rey doesn’t have to check to know that she’s soaked. 

His hand hovers above her cheek and she just wants him to touch her already, to pin her against the wall, hike her dress up to her waist and drive himself deep into her from behind. 

Involuntarily, her lips part and she is so sure that Ben is going to duck his head down to kiss her and she can finally get the answers to everything she’d wondered about. 

Pressed between them, against her belly, she can feel the jut of his erection letting her know how ready he is for her. Rey can feel the searing insistence of his body and she is not surprised to find that he is huge. 

“Rey,” he breathes out, breath fanning over her face. From their close proximity, she realises that his eyes aren’t as dark as she’d thought. In fact, they were more of a russet brown than the colour of chocolate. 

“Ben, I-”

“Hey, do the two of you kids want to try my peach oat smoothies?” 

Immediately, Ben springs away from her, a hand running through his hair roughly before he tugs at the collar of his shirt, a red flush staining his cheeks. 

And just like that, Luke comes round the corner, bearing said vegan smoothies in his hands. 

Rey just wants to scream.

She can’t decide if the emotions churning in her gut are relief for Luke’s interruption or irritation and disappointment. But she definitely recognizes the sexual frustration because he had interrupted them.

But whatever she is primarily feeling, Rey has no idea how she’s going to face Ben at work tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do hope that you guys have enjoyed this and yeah. Do let me know your thoughts and all. Also, comments and kudos will always be appreciated and adored ;) I think updates would be every Thursday, instead of Wed!
> 
> Sidenote, this fic hit 3000 hits already?? Like what? Y'all are fantastic! ♥♥♥
> 
> I am on [tumblr](http://resplendxntly.tumblr.com) too, so come and hit me up if you have any questions or anything! :)
> 
> Also, this fic was so not supposed to be emotionally charged, but instead superficial smut but what the heck, y'all should take my laptop away from me.


	4. You Are Soaked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is basically 45% other things and 55% smut. You have been warned. Idk if the smut gods were blessing me or trying to kill me. I think its too smutty IDK LET ME KNOW AND I'LL TURN IT DOWN IF ITS TOO MUCH
> 
> With that said, this chapter is literally the point of no return, and from the title, you all can probably guess what's going to happen next ;) 
> 
> Much love and appreciation for my flawless invaluable beta, Em [dancingmicrobes](http://dancingmicrobes.tumblr.com) Without her, none of this would have happened! 
> 
> Without further ado, read and enjoy!

**Chapter 4 | You Are Soaked**

Kylo stares hard at the digital clock on his desk.

_08:22_

He must have been possessed by the Devil or some unknown entity for what he’d done yesterday. For where he’d _gone_ yesterday. 

Hadn’t he promised himself to let the past die? Surely, that included not going back to that fucking hellhole. 

He slumps in his chair, and pinches the bridge of his nose. 

In truth, he hadn’t even planned on turning up for dinner at his parents’ home, but one thing led to another and he’d pulled on a pair of jeans and a black button down and the next thing he knew, he was at the front door of the two storey home.

A place where he’d not been for more than five years; where he didn’t think he would have ever returned to.

He doesn’t want to think about the way his gut had clenched so hard that it almost hurt when he’d walked up the path leading to the house, or how his throat seemed to constrict when he rapped his knuckles against the front door, or how his hands seem to shake when his mother greeted him. 

However, nothing in his life has ever gone his way, so it doesn’t surprise him when unwanted images flash through his mind. The first images comprise his mother. She has a hopeful yet wary look on her face once she realized that he had actually turned up for dinner. He sees flashes of her fidgeting and flitting around the room full of nervous energy; the image is a far cry form the polished, confident Senator the public will remember her as.

Next is Luke, the man who had taught him almost all that he needed to know in life. 

Seeing him yesterday, guzzling down those salads and his vegan concoctions made him shift uncomfortably. He wonders if it is guilt for staying away for so long. Because despite the long absence, through everything that has happened, his uncle was probably the only constant in his life. 

And finally, his mind settles on…Han, his father.

Kylo flicks his eyes back to the digital clock. 

_08:34_

He had never expected to see the man who had fathered him to be so… old and tired looking. The man at the dinner table wasn’t the Han Solo that everyone remembered as the infamous pilot of the Air Force.

No. The Han Solo from yesterday looked worn out as though life had been awfully unkind to him and had drained every bit of his soul. 

Nonetheless, he is still the same person. 

Kylo isn’t an idiot. He didn’t miss the looks Han had sent his way or the covert glances the man had stolen every few minutes. He, on the other hand, had stuck to his guns and refused to spare a single look in his direction.

Despite the precautions he took to avoid his father at dinner, the events of that day still assault his mind. Even after all the years that have gone by, the memories have never left his mind like he thought they would. Clenching his jaw at the resurfacing wounds, he screws his eyes shut, hands clutching onto a pen in a white-knuckled grip.

 _“You’re a downright fool if you think that heading down that path is the right way to go!”_

_“What’s wrong with flying, Ben? Don’t be a chicken shit and grow a goddamn pair, will you?”_

_“Leia, you’ve got to stop babying him. He needs to grow up and get that stick out of his ass!”_

_“You’ll not be welcomed here if you continue working for that company! No son of mine will be working there!”_

The phantom whispers feel so real as though the words that were spoken in the past have just been uttered, even though he knows otherwise. 

The pen in his hand snaps and Kylo jerks upright. He stares down at the two halves of the writing instrument and with an enraged growl, he throws them into a drawer slamming it shut before shifting his jaw furiously. 

On that night five years ago, he had vowed to never speak to Han again and he knows that the older man must have done the same. Blame it on the Solo genes, but Kylo had been born with the stubbornness that all Solo men had.

So, that leads him back to his conundrum.

Why in the flying fuck had he gone to that stupid dinner even though he knew his fath-Han would be there?

He knows the reason why. Or at least, the person behind this particular irrational series of actions on his part.

Rey Kenobi. 

It was all her goddamn fault. 

Her and those eyes that seem to haunt him every time he goes to bed.

Even now, he could picture them—the exact way that those hazel-greens sparkle when she laughs, or how her eyes seem to be more green than hazel when she is downright furious and-

Cursing under his breath, he straightens in his chair and exhales heavily. Everything boiled down to her. _Everything._

He’d been perfectly fine before she waltzed into his office with that short skirt, pretty heels and that damn sass and backtalk. Now? He jerks himself off at the thought of her and makes stupid decisions that he normally wouldn’t be making at any cost. And... her eyes are the last thing he sees before sleep finally takes him.

What the actual fuck. 

Once more, his eyes flick to the clock. The very thought of seeing her again after the shitstorm that was yesterday makes his pulse race and his face flush a little.

He had known she would be there. That little titbit his mother had given him last Friday had played on his mind like a broken record that wouldn’t stop.

Of course she was the first person he’d sought out in that dining room and Kylo hated the fact he’d done nothing but stare at her like a complete moron. Also, did the neckline of her green dress have to be that low? 

He shifts in his seat, slouching once more as he drums his fingers on the edge of the table.

Rey’s mouth had fallen wide open drawing his attention to the plushness of her pretty, pink lips. They had a light sheen to them and he had decided that she must have applied some type of gloss that made the light reflect off them and hence, all the staring he’d done. 

The thing that really caught him off guard was the ease and familiarity that she’d interacted with his family members. He hadn’t counted on the atmosphere during that dinner that made it feel as though she’d always been a part of them—as though she _belonged_ there. 

Truthfully, it made him feel like the outcast. The outsider that has been forced to look in on a picture perfect family on a Hallmark card. 

It irks him to see how well she’d adapted to his family, as though she had been born in it. It pisses him off even more to see how she’d come to his family’s defence even though Kylo is one hundred percent sure she has no idea what happened—how his mother had been on depressants or how Han had always walked out after a fight, leaving emotional wounds that never really heal. 

How they’d made him feel utterly useless and inadequate to be part of their dysfunctional family.

He’d been privy to all the fights and screaming matches that increased in intensity while he was growing up. He remembers the broken dishes, the tears, the damaged furniture, the drinking, and the leaving—all of it. 

Kylo is pretty sure that they had just been feeding her a pretty picture of their family. A picture as real as the cover of a trashy tabloid. 

_They’re not like that,_ he wants to snap and shake her by the shoulders. _They’re not who they say they are!_

But whatever lies his parents have been feeding her, she’d eaten it up, believing every word without a doubt. Rey probably thinks that he eats small children for breakfast and is a monster for keeping a fair bit of distance from his family.

Lead settles into his gut and he rubs at the stubble lining his jaw.

However, the ultimate kicker was how he’d behaved last evening, like a prepubescent boy who just discovered girls and sex.

Deftly, he tugs at the knot of his tie at his throat, loosening it just a tad bit when he feels the flush creeping up his cheeks.

How the fuck had he lost his head like that? 

Just the very sight of her makes his cock jump in his pants and the sass and backtalk that is Rey makes him want to slam his mouth over hers to quiet her.

He couldn’t believe that he had her pinned against the wall. And from the wide eyes and parted lips that he’d received, he is almost sure that Rey didn’t mind too much and would have been receptive to more…if Luke hadn’t turned up with his fucking smoothies.

He scowls darkly and shoves his paperwork to the left before darting his eyes back to the clock. 

_09:00_

Right on time, three sharp knocks resound around his office and naturally, he tenses. “Come in.”

Rey steps in carefully and by now, he knows the measured expression on her face is one that she puts on when she is wary and unsure of how to react in a given situation. 

After all, he’d seen it yesterday when he’d stepped into the dining room. 

But Kylo can’t exactly blame her for the look on her face – as she sets his cup of coffee at his right, eyes darting to his like a frightened bunny – considering the lack of control that he had yesterday when he all but pressed his cock into her gut and was so close to dry-humping against her in his parents’ hallway.

His ears turn hot. 

Fuck, was he thirty-one or sixteen?

“Ben, I have your morning schedule,” she begins, voice adopting a cheery lilt and really, does she have to be so sunny and bright all the time? 

But from the way she watches him, eyes flitting from him to other parts of the room, Kylo can tell that she’s still skittish.

“I don’t care if you know all of my family members. You are to call me Kylo, not Ben,” he states but from the moment those words left his lips, he knows they lack the sharp bite they usually have. 

He doesn’t know why he even bothers correcting Rey on this anymore. Clearly, his family has been rubbing off on her and by now, his attempts to correct her and reinforce his preferred name is more of a routine than anything else.

Rey nods, face set in a solemn expression and he absolutely resents how she can seem so calm and yet daringly cheeky at the same time.

He decides that it is her eyes. Those hazel-green eyes that haunt him. 

“Okay, _Ben,_ ” she stresses further, eyes sparking with defiance. “How do you like your coffee?” A glimmer of a smirk appears on her lips.

He grimaces, barely resisting to throw everything on his desk to the ground again just to spite her.

If it weren’t for Rey Kenobi’s outstanding skills as a PA or that spectacular ass of hers in those skirts she wears— which he highly suspects are meant torment him into sexual frustration— he would have fired her a long time ago.

“What?” he deadpans. “You know what I like.” 

Twin pink spots wash onto her cheeks and he raises a brow. What did he do this time- _oh_.

Inwardly, he replays the five words he’d just spoken and it is then he realises how dirty it can sound in their current situation. With the barest hint of a suggestive smirk on his mouth, he allows his eyes to dart to her lips before flicking them back to her face. 

“Don’t you?” he continues softly, eyes never leaving hers.

Kylo knows he is playing with fire, but he can’t seem to help himself. The memory of her soft body pressed against his makes his cock twitch in his pants and there is nothing else he would rather do than to grab her by the waist, slip his hands up her skirt and-

“Do I really?” 

“What?” He blinks and Rey sucks her lower lip between her teeth, fingers tucking the brown curls framing her face behind her ears.

“Nothing.” She smiles again. “I have your schedule for today, if you want to hear it now.” 

He nods and waves his hand dismissively for her to start before fixing his eyes on the screen of his computer.

“At eleven-thirty, you have a meeting with the Chief of Operations, Hux, which should end around an hour later according to his secretary, Mitaka, and-“ 

Her voice soon grows dimmer and Kylo finds himself staring at her as she reads his day out loud from her iPad. 

Staring at the way her eyes move from one word to the next, Kylo then drops his gaze to her mouth, transfixed at the sight of her lips forming each word, voice articulating the syllables of the text she’s reading. And it is again, all her damn fault that the English lilt Rey has makes him hard within seconds. 

He even suspects that all the blood rushing south in lightning speed is the sole reason for making him lightheaded on a perpetual basis.

And then, his eyes darts down to her blouse.

In his defence, the pale pink blouse that she wears accentuates her features, highlighting the warm flush on her cheeks. And if he stares any harder, he swears that he can see a faint outline of her bra. Instantaneously, his mind jumps and he wonders what kind of bra she has on. 

Was Rey the type to wear sensible undergarments or does she indulge in lacy scraps that barely covered anything at all? The image the latter option paints in his mind makes him squirm uncomfortably in his chair.

Beneath the table, his shaft presses insistently against the front of his office slacks; Kylo is so hard that it hurts. 

The little black skirt that she is wearing isn’t helping his state and he thinks that if she were to bend down with her ass in the air, he could probably see _everything_. And _fuck,_ how much he wanted to.

The things he would do to her if he could.

His eyes drop down to her shapely thighs, toned calves and her small, dainty feet that are encased in little black heels. Hell, even her toenails were painted and the thought of those feet wrapped around the small of his back as he pounds into her desperately as she urges him on almost _undoes_ him. 

The thought of his mouth on her breasts, sucking and nibbling the delicate skin just below them that is accompanied with her hands on his back, fingernails raking down his spine, leaving a trail that is a mix of plain and pleasure–

“Ben? Is everything alright? Did you hear a word of what I’ve just said? Wait, were you even listening?” 

At the mention of his name, Kylo jerks his head up and that is when reality crashes in. The star in his fantasy is standing _right there in front of him,_ eyes narrowed, brows creased and her lush mouth is pursed into a tight bud. 

For a totally insane moment, he wonders if the colour of her nipples would match that same dusty pink of her lips.

“Ben?” Rey presses.

The muscles under his left eye twitches. He needs some space. He needs air. Most of all, Kylo needs to get Rey out of his fucking sight. 

Abruptly, he jumps to his feet and stalks out of the room, the impact of the door slamming behind him hardly satisfying his irritation and annoyance at _everything_.

God-fucking dammit. 

* * * * *

“How’s your new PA going?” 

He grunts and shoots Phasma a dry glance. “Fine. Why?” 

“Nothing at all. It’s just I didn’t think I had such a long break from sobbing PAs and you yelling for a replacement in weeks, no, _months._ ” The blonde raises a perfectly arched brow and sips from her mug of some tea that Kylo is sure is absolutely ghastly.

“Well, this PA isn’t recommended by you, so that’s probably why,” he snarks back.

Phasma shrugs, “Not my fault, I’m just in HR, I don’t decide who gets selected and all. Agencies sent them to me and I simply direct them to you.” 

“Yeah, whatever.” 

“But I can definitely see why you’re keeping this one around.” Phasma smirks. “Quite a looker, isn’t she? Really sweet too.” 

Kylo can acutely feel his ears turning a little red and he scowls. “Fuck off.” 

“Hux said that you’ve finally met your match with this one!” 

Deepening his scowl, he turns on his heels and stalks off, the last thing he hears is Phasma’s ringing laughter. 

* * * * *

_“Ben? It’s your mother.”_ Leia pauses and he clamps his eyes shut, thumb hovering over the button to end the voice message. But something in him hesitates and he finds himself listening to the whole damn thing. 

_“I…I just wanted to say that it was good…nice even, for you to come for dinner last night. I think it’s been years since you dropped by and-“_

Kylo can literally hear how stunned his mother is over the phone and his grip on his mobile tightens. 

_“-I’m just glad to see you there despite…everything.”_

Fuck. He winces. 

_“Also,”_ Leia’s voice goes an octave higher and from that, he knows whatever he’s going to hear next is something he wouldn’t like. 

_“Your father was actually happy and relieved to see you. He…misses you, Ben. That’s all I want to say. I hope I can see you again this Sunday and-“_

He shuts his mobile off, tossing it into the drawer to join the two halves of the pen he had broken earlier that morning. 

Fuck that and fuck his father. 

Idly, he glances at his clock and his eyes widen marginally at the fact that it is close to eight in the evening. 

Had time really passed this fast? 

Craning his neck, he tries to get a glimpse of his PA and from the small sliver of light shining under his door, Rey is still at her desk, waiting for him. Working overtime isn’t new to him, but he’s pretty sure that Rey isn’t used to this. A twinge of guilt lances through him and Kylo quickly stands, making his way towards her.

“What are you still doing here? You should go,” he says, a little blown away that his PA whom he’s pretty sure resents him with a burning passion had actually waited for him to leave despite office hours being over long ago.

Rey spins in her chair to face him, brows creasing. “But you’re not done yet?” 

He falters, withdrawing slightly away from her. “I still have work but you can go. You needn’t worry about your salary, you’ll be compensated for your time.”

Kylo knows that his mouth almost curves into a smile at the flabbergasted look on Rey’s face who all but gawks at him.

“Oh. Okay…” she trails off, mouth pursing once more as she slowly packs her things into her purse, while shooting him surreptitious glances that he definitely catches. “I’ll see you tomorrow then, Ben.”

He doesn’t respond but simply rolls his eyes and stomps back to his desk. Kylo doesn’t need a reminder that a week ago, he would have thrown a fucking fit that would have made any grown man cry.

Back at his desk, he quickly skims over the documents. There are reports to be filled out about a deal with Guavian Corporate and Republic Shipping, not to mention, the glaring threat of legal action from Resistance Holding should his company not do something about their… _special exports._

It doesn’t take more than ten minutes for him to throw in the towel and soon enough, he finds himself getting into his car and he doesn’t think it can get any worse.

It does. 

When he steers the car out of the building, Kylo finds himself in the midst of a torrential downpour from the heavens. 

But what catches his eye in the side mirror is the _pink._

He pauses, eyes transfixed on the rear mirror as his PA, who is utterly drenched and stumbling down the road in her heels, with a hand shielding her face – although it isn’t much of a help considering the strong winds and rain – is still walking down the streets in the storm.

Had she lost her mind? 

It would make sense, he muses. 

With no hesitation, Kylo slams his brakes and lowers the window on his left. Immediately, he is greeted with sharp bullets of rain water beating down on his face. “REY! GET IN!” 

His PA jumps and turns to him, surprise and shock marring her pale features as rain water sluices down her cheeks from the hair that sticks to her face. “Ben? What?” 

“I said, get in!” He barks, ignoring the angry honks coming from the cars behind him. “Get into the fucking car! It’s a fucking hurricane and you are soaked to the bone!” 

“But-“ 

“I said get into the fucking car, Rey!” 

She hesitates, as though she’s mentally weighing the pros and cons of doing so and even though he is a fair distance from her, Kylo can see her lower lips trembling. “Rey! Get. Into. The. Fucking. Car.” 

Rey does. 

Quickly, she scurries over to the right, slim body weaving through the traffic jam that he’d caused and jumps into the passenger seat before slamming the door shut. 

Promptly, he jams his feet on the accelerator, and the car surges forward. From how quiet it is now, he can acutely hear her teeth chattering furiously as she rubs her quivering hands in a weak attempt to warm herself up. On instinct, he reaches for the buttons on his right, increasing the temperature and turning the heater on. 

In fact, it doesn’t even cross his mind that she’s probably ruining the pristine leather seats of his car with the amount of water she’d brought in.

“Ben?” she begins, hands clasped on her lap and he can feel her eyes—those damn eyes of hers, boring into the side of his face. 

“What?” 

“Where are we going?” 

From that question, he stops. Where exactly are they going? And since when had they become a _‘they_ ’ anyway?

“My place,” he answers evenly, his voice thankfully not betraying the leap in his pulse. 

_“Wait, what?”_

“You need to get dry before I send you home. If not you’ll get sick.” Kylo steals a quick glance and Rey is staring at him with wide eyes. “I can’t have you out sick, who else is going to keep up with me at work?” 

Rey is silent and he darts his eyes to hers once more to see that her mouth is wide open, as though she cannot believe whatever she is seeing.

“What?” he snaps, feeling irritated for being self-conscious. He’d never cared about how others viewed him or what they thought about him, that is until Rey came along.

“Did you just make a _joke?_ A joke about _yourself?”_ she asks incredulously, leaning closer to him.

“I don’t know, did I?” He deadpans as he increases the speed of the windshield wipers with a simple flick of a button. Fucking rain and its fucking traffic.

“Oh my god, you did!” 

“Can’t I make a joke?” 

“No! Not when you’re…” Rey sputters, “well, _you.”_

At that, a snort escapes from his mouth and he rolls his eyes, fingers flicking the signal indicator as he turns to the left on the junction. But from the way Rey is beaming, dimples on both her cheeks showing and the way her eyes seem to light up, he feels something clench in his gut. 

He swallows hard before fixing his eyes on the road, fingers tightening around the steering wheel.

* * * * *

“Here, take this,” he says flatly as he shoves a black shirt and a pair of grey sweatpants in her direction. 

Rey stares at the items in his proffered hand and slowly reaches for them, hazel eyes peering at him with uncertainty and he thinks that she does resemble a drowning kitten. Her hair is plastered to her face and neck as droplets of water trail down her skin and both her blouse and skirt are like a second-skin.

It takes all of his self-control to not let his eyes wander—lingering over every curve and gentle slope of her waist and hips. 

“Thank you.” Her voice is quiet, slow but it lacks the chattering her teeth had done earlier. 

“Bathroom is down the hallway, third door on your right,” he gestures and Rey nods before scurrying off, leaving a trail of water on the ground. 

Once she is out of sight, he groans inwardly and yanks his tie off, throwing it somewhere behind him. 

What the fuck was he thinking, bringing her here? To his home? 

It was bad enough that he thought about her, that he _fantasised_ about her here, in his sanctuary away from the outside world. But now that she’s here, Kylo doesn’t think his mind would ever forget the image of her in his home _dripping_ wet. 

But not the kind of wet his body and mind wants. 

Pinching the bridge of his nose, he sinks on the couch and closes his eyes. 

However, he quickly jolts out of the seat when he remembers that just last week, he’d jerked himself off at the thought of her sucking his dick rather enthusiastically in that very spot.

And now, she’s here. 

In his house. 

In his bathroom, stripping out of her clothes in order to put on his dry ones. If he imagines hard enough, Kylo is pretty sure he can almost hear the sound of her wet clothing slapping against the tiles in his bathroom when she peels them off her body. 

No, no, no, no, _no._

Between his thighs, his cock jumps and hastily, he surges up, moving away as far as he can from the damned couch. 

He is fucked. He knows that. But he had never expected to be screwed to this extent. Kylo really thinks he might die. 

“Ben?” 

He turns. 

And he wishes he hadn’t. 

The sight of Rey in his clothes makes his gut churn—in a good way. He feels drugged, and with the way she seems to be drowning in his clothing from how short and tiny her frame is makes his pulse race—he can feel it in the artery at the base of his neck and how his breath seems to hitch, getting stuck in his throat.

Her hair is less damp, curling around her head and neck enticingly. Her face now free from any make up and the way she sucks her bottom lip between her teeth increases his hunger for her. 

Kylo is pretty sure that she must have rolled up the waistband of his grey sweatpants more than thrice, and yet, the cuffs are still bunched up at her ankles, while the sleeves of his black shirt reaches past her elbows and making her seem smaller—more fragile. He knows that this image will be burned into his mind for the foreseeable future.

He can’t explain it, but Rey wearing his clothes has awakened some primal instinct in him—to dominate, to claim, to _possess._

The very thought of anyone else seeing her this way causes an inexplicable anger to rise in his chest.

“Ben?” 

Cheeks flushing, he tugs at the collar of his shirt violently – not that it helps – and clears his throat roughly. “What?” he croaks.

 _Smooth, real smooth,_ his mind snarks and he clenches his jaw. “Are you done?” 

She nods her head slowly, hands gripping her sodden clothes. “Do you have a bag or something to put my clothes in?” 

Without a word, he wanders into his kitchen, grabbing the first plastic bag that he sees before stomping back to her. 

That in itself, is a mistake. 

Now they’re so close that he can see the freckles on the bridge of her nose and that same sweet scent of hers fill his senses—the exact same scent that he had wanked off to the other night.. 

“Here,” he says gruffly, voice thick from desire. 

“You know, you’re a lot nicer than you let on.” Rey says as she shoves her wet clothes into the bag and his eyes widen when he spots a white lacy thing that can only be-

“Nice?” he repeats stupidly, mind going a little hazy. “I’m not nice.” 

She pauses, eyes flitting upwards to meet his and Kylo wonders if her pupils dilating is something his mind had conjured up because that would mean that whatever is between them really isn’t one-sided after all.

“No,” Rey begins slowly, fingers clutching the bag tightly. “No, you’re not.” 

Biting her lower lip, her eyes dart down to his mouth and if that isn’t a fucking ‘come and get me’, he doesn’t know what life is anymore.

He stares at her, unsure of how to proceed when the tip of her tongue makes an appearance and wets her bottom lip while her eyes are locked onto his. 

Fuck it. 

A hoarse growl escapes from his throat and without any warning, he moves; his hands reaching out and cupping the sides of her face, body crowding against hers, backing her against the wall in one swift movement as his mouth descends on her lips. 

The exact lips he’d thought about kissing and doing deviant things with for the past week and counting. 

Rey’s mouth is incredibly soft and dimly, he can feel small hands clutching desperately at the collar of his white shirt. The scent of her—something sweet and feminine fills his nostrils and he inhales greedily as his mouth moves against hers roughly. 

He doesn’t think he can get enough of this. Of her. 

Ever since she’d walked into his office, he’d been on edge, with a hard on that never truly went away.

And that is when reality crashes in. 

Some small untainted part of his soul is screaming and quickly, Kylo wrenches his mouth away as his heart hammers away in his chest. Rey is his PA and they would be breaking a thousand ethical rules. The most glaring one being that she works for him. 

But most importantly, he still isn’t a hundred percent sure that she wants him with the same intensity that he wants her.

“Rey,” he begins hoarsely. “Tell me you don’t want me.” His voice taking on a husky gravelly edge as he screws his hands into tight fists at his sides to prevent them from reaching out for her again. “Tell me to stop.” 

He gazes down at her through half-lidded eyes, mind fuzzy from desire and his cock is straining so hard against his slacks that it hurts. 

_Tell me you want me, that you want my mouth on your cunt,_ his brain shouts. _Tell me that you want me to lick every inch of you, to worship you with my mouth, my hands, my dick—everything._

Kylo thinks he really will die if she says no and asks him to take her home, especially now that he knows what kissing her is like, how she tastes and that now, she isn’t wearing a bra.

Rey, on the other hand, is flushed, while her hazel eyes take him in slowly and her lips, swollen and red from his kiss, part further. “I don’t,” she swallows. 

And he really wants to hurl himself out of the window so he can pretend this had never happened to him at all-

“I don’t want you to stop.” Rey bites hard on her bottom lip, the grip on his shirt tightening. “I-I want you.” 

He pauses, searching her eyes and in those hazel orbs, he sees want, need, desire and they are all for him. A satisfied smirk tugs at the corner of his mouth and he pounces.

“Good.”

He wraps his fingers around her waist, forcing her back against the wall, the impact causing the framed photos on the wall to clatter noisily. In fact, he doesn’t even hear the sound of her clothes hitting the ground with a wet ‘plop.’ 

God, the sight of her in his clothes makes his head spin and roughly he mouths at her neck, teeth grazing the delicate skin while inhaling the scent of her that is…mixed with the soap he uses. 

“Fuck,” he growls, pulling away slightly and Rey lifts a brow, as though she knows what she’d done, as though she knew that would drive him to the brink. “You fucking minx,” he snaps, driving his groin into hers, his hardness meeting her answering softness and he absolutely hates the material that separates them.

“Ben!” 

Her back arches, causing their chests to collide and acutely, he can feel the two hard buds through the cotton of their shirts.

Unable to forget his questioning thought from earlier, Kylo wants to find out if the colour of her nipples are the dusty pink that he imagined them to be. He tugs hard at the loaner, black shirt and pulls it off her head, throwing it over his shoulder. 

They are.

For a minute, he simply stares at the two small-ish mounds, mouth dry, heart pounding in his chest and he doesn’t know how long he has been staring until Rey crosses her arms over her chest uncomfortably. 

“I know they’re a little small and-“ 

He doesn’t let her finish, and deftly, envelops one into his mouth and sucks hard, tongue flicking around the hardened nub as he tries to pull her lithe body closer to his. The taste of her skin is everything he’d dreamed of but-

He wants more. 

He needs more.

He wants to see her— _all_ of her.

Rey squirms against him, panting as she grinds her crotch against his and a hand slides up his neck to tangle her fingers in his hair. “Ben! Shit, that feels good. _Ohh, fuck.”_

That word – that dirty word – coming from her mouth makes him groan and hastily, he yanks at the sweatpants till they’re a bunched mess that pools at her ankles. Kylo swears that the image of her clad in nothing but a scrap of white lace, that she calls underwear, would be burned into the back of his eyes. Permanently.

He moves closer, nudging a thigh between her legs until her cunt rests on a muscled ridge as his eyes take in the skimpy white lace panties. Fuck, he’d been right about that too.

“Rey,” he rasps as she grips his hair hard and laves kisses and nibbles with the occasional bite on his neck. “You’re a fucking cocktease!”

“Yeah, but you’re a fucking asshole!” she retorts as his hands drift down to her ass and digs his fingers into the soft flesh. God, was there anything else better than this? Than her writhing in his arms, body crushed against his, eyelids fluttering shut and her cheeks pink from arousal?

On instinct, she wraps her legs around his hips, grinding her cunt against him and Kylo swears that his eyes must have rolled to the back of his head from the sensation the mere act caused. In fact, he can even feel how wet she is through his slacks.

“Off! Get this off!” she snaps heatedly, tugging insistently at his shirt; the sight of her perfect breasts swaying from all the yanking she’s doing causes his hips to jerk against her involuntarily where he is met with her welcoming softness. 

“Oh, _yes,”_ Rey hisses through her teeth at the contact and he shudders, resting his forehead momentarily on her forehead as he struggles to get his bearings. 

However, the incessant tugging distracts him and swiftly, he obliges her, unbuttoning the white material. Just as his fingers reach the third to last button, Rey huffs and he guesses that her patience with him has run out. The next thing he knows, his shirt is on the ground and her lips are on his once more and her hands begin roaming his chest. 

The second thing he knows for sure is that he doesn’t want to do this here. (Here, referring to the wall in his hallway.) 

Hoisting her up with his hands still on her ass, (he doesn’t think he’d ever get enough of the two round globes) he blindly walks down the hallway, kicking the door to his bedroom wide open. If the door slams hard against the wall, well, neither of them hears it nor do they care.

Tracing the seam of her mouth, he nips at her bottom lip and Rey moans – a lusty, keening sound that he doesn’t think he will forget. 

“You ass,” she breathes out as her fingers scrabble at the metallic buckle of his belt. “Get this off too! I swear to God, Ben, if you don’t–” 

With a husky chuckle, he drops her onto the bed, ignoring her cry of protest and indignant glares. But all of that stops when he grabs at her feet, hands easily wrapping around her slim ankles as he tugs her toward himself. 

A bare Rey on his bed, save for her underwear, is something he had definitely dreamed about before. And never had he ever thought that his fantasy would become a fucking reality. 

He gets to his knees and some of his hair falls into his eyes but they remain fixed on Rey. 

Rey who is worrying her plump, bottom lip between her teeth as she watches him watch her. Those hazel eyes shining with need and yet uncertainty from the exposed position of her legs spread wide in the air. And that is when he swipes a hand down her, fingers lingering on the swollen folds of her cunt. The only thing separating them is the thin, flimsy scrap of lace.

And fuck everything if she doesn’t feel _fantastic._

“You are soaked,” he observes, fingers ghosting her slit and slick folds, dragging the lace down her cunt along with him. “You’re fucking wet, Rey. In fact, you’re positively _dripping.”_

The knowledge that this is all for him makes his knees shake and the tightness in his pants has passed discomfort into straining pain. Kylo is pretty sure that if this goes on anymore, he will no doubt, explode in his pants like an overeager schoolboy who’d just seen his first pair of tits. 

_Control,_ he repeats inwardly, gathering all the mental strength he has to just suppress his raging hormones. _Control._

Rey is trembling as she bites her lip hard, chest heaving with shallow pants and she takes a sharp inhale when he snaps the flimsy piece of lace off her. He is met with pink, wet folds and her gaping cunt that pools her arousal down to the dusky, pink puckered ring of her ass.

 _Fucking hell,_ he thinks as his mouth goes uncomfortably dry.

“Ben! Fuck!” She moans, eyelids fluttering as she undulates her hips against his fingers—a weak attempt that he recognises to fuck herself.

He grits his teeth but his eyes are transfixed at the neat strip of hair above her and if that isn’t a huge turn on, he doesn’t know what else is.

Slowly, he lowers his mouth to her, his broad hands pressing down at her inner thighs when he feels a hand snake through his hair before his head is jerked upwards. 

“No, Ben, I want you now. I want you _in_ me,” she groans, pleading and he likes that she’s practically begging him to fuck her. “Please.”

Quickly, he shucks his pants off and Rey watches in anticipation, eyes fixed on his shaft; a flush staining her cheeks when she sees his member, hard and aching and its head weeping for her cunt. 

She grabs at him, hands encircling around his neck, mouth pressed to the underside of his jaw and the scent of her, of him, of them sends a heady rush to his brain. With a hand gripping tightly on her hip, he settles between her legs, the other hand guiding himself into her when he stops. 

“Wait,” he clenches his jaw, every muscle in his body straining to not rut into her like a wild animal in heat.

“What?” She snaps, eyes flying upwards to meet his. 

“Condom,” he manages out and he is stunned to hear how rough and gravelly his voice has gotten. 

“I’m on birth control now, so will you just move- _ohhhhh, Ben! Fuck!”_

A sharp roll of his hips and he is sheathed in her and his eyes roll to the back of his head. 

Tight. Warm. Wet. Perfect. Kylo marvels at the fact that his entire length is in her, as though she is made for him. He stills, jaw clenching when her walls flutter around him, almost drawing a quick orgasm from him, even though he isn’t ready yet. He isn’t ready to leave her and her fucking, perfect cunt.

Her perfect, fucking cunt that is the exact shade of pink of her blouse and her nipples. 

His cheeks flush and he gazes down at Rey; she is digging her fingernails into his back with such force that he’s pretty sure she’d drawn blood.

“You good?” he rasps, hands gripping her hips so hard that bruises will undoubtedly be there in the morning.

“Yes.” Rey shifts experimentally, eyes meeting his and when his pubic bone accidentally nudges at her clit, she hisses, eyelids fluttering. “Move,” she urges, breath hot and heavy in his ear. “More, Ben! _Please._ You feel so good. So bloody good.”

With Rey begging so prettily, how can he not?

Obliging her, sweat drips down his back and along his forehead as he gives slow leisurely thrusts; Rey keens each time he re-enters her, head thrown back against his pillows as she holds him close. 

She let out a gasp when a particular thrust causes the head of his cock to bump against her cervix, resulting in her clenching down hard on his cock. He jerks from that, and groans, before resting his forehead on hers. 

Somehow, that mere action makes the intimacy of their act spiral and the very thought of Rey and him, of them, of _this_ causes that primal urge that had been briefly awakened earlier to resurface. All he can think of is Rey. His thoughts flooded with the way she moans, the way her cheeks flush bright red from arousal and exertion, the way her breasts seem to shake each time he enters her fully with a hard thrust, or how the pale column of her neck is mottled with lovebites.

“Rey, Rey, Rey,” he chants lowly, under his breath when she squirms in his arms. The sight of those perfect tits of hers makes his gut clench and a little aggressively, he gives another roll of his hips, and this one causes the headboard of his bed to slam hard against the wall. 

“More! Harder!” She growls, lifting herself up so that their faces are level and the freckles that he is madly obsessed about are once more clearly visible despite the flush on her skin.

The reality of them catches up to him and Kylo really cannot believe he is actually fucking his PA. His PA who has sunshine bursting out of her eyes every time she smiles, or the way she purses her lips in that same exact manner every time he does something childish. The PA who isn’t afraid to give backtalk and steadfastly refuses to call him Kylo.

And the very thought of Rey with any other men before him makes him see red. 

Adjusting his grip on her hips to secure her even more, he begins pounding into her with a savagery that hadn’t been there before. 

“You’ve been a fucking cocktease the moment you stepped in my office,” he begins roughly, mouth against her neck. “Admit it, you wore those skirts on purpose.” 

Rey bites her lip, eyes glazed over and she can’t do anything but accept the thorough fucking he’s giving her. As a matter of fact, he thinks that if it’s possible, he’s probably fucking her into the mattress.

Furthermore, with the way his balls feel tight and heavy, he knows he is close, but Kylo absolutely refuses to go over the edge without Rey. 

“Didn’t you?” he presses, hips stilling as he flicks at her clit none too gently. 

Her back arches, mouth parted and she nods jerkily. “Yes!” 

“Yes, what?” 

“Yes, I have!” she admits, groaning, fingernails tearing his back to shreds. 

He smirks darkly, “Fucking cocktease. You’re close aren’t you? I can feel you clamping down on my cock as I pound into your dripping _cunt.”_ Kylo growls lowly in her ear and in response, Rey shudders around his length as her eyes flutter shut. 

“Fuck you, Ben Solo!” 

From the way her inner walls are fluttering and clenching rhythmically around his length, he can tell she’s close and thankfully, so is he, for he doesn’t truly know how long he can last when this is _Rey._

The familiar feeling at the base of his spine gears him into action and without waiting, he pushes forward, mouth latching onto her left breast as his right hand thrums expertly at the bundle of nerves at the apex of her thighs. 

And with that, Rey jolts mid-thrust, eyes screwed shut, her mouth wide in a silent scream and she climaxes. 

Kylo knows that he will never forget what his name sounds like on her lips when she’s in the throes of pure rapture. 

It doesn’t even irk him that she’d screamed his given name and not the name that he’d chosen.

To add on, his orgasm comes as quick and violent as a hurricane, washing over him in a series of waves and strong winds; it feels like Rey is the only thing keeping him grounded in this maelstrom of pleasure and pain where he doesn’t know where either one begins or ends.

He doesn’t remember collapsing onto the bed, every drop of him wrung out by her quivering walls. He doesn’t remember how he’d hissed, sucking the air between his teeth when he pulls out of her where his sensitive prick makes contact with the cold air. 

He also doesn’t remember the way Rey scoots closer to him, head resting on his chest, or the way he slings an arm around her waist as his eyes slowly droops shut.

Already, his mind is in that fuzzy place between sleep and alertness and he knows that he won’t be up for long. From the slow steady breaths that Rey is taking, it doesn’t take a genius to know that she was already asleep.

His breathing evens and with the way he is so worn out and thoroughly satisfied, it doesn’t take long for oblivion to finally claim him too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Update! Hope you guys enjoyed this one, idk about the smut. Is it too pornographic? Is it too clinical? Idek but what the heck, we'll see. :") Also, I'm a little worried about characterisation. Oh wells. Anyway, thanks so much for reading and I'll love to know what you guys think! ♥♥♥
> 
> Kudos and comments mean the absolute world to me! ;) 
> 
> I'm [resplendxntly](http://resplendxntly.tumblr.com) on tumblr so y'all can find me there too! :)


	5. We're Back to the Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to another update! I hope the smut expectations are met because the dial has been turned from **Smutastic** to **Smutisfying** for this chapter! Once more, thank you all who gave wonderful lovely feedback that I was doing ugly crying in a corner! You Reylo Fam are the best ♥♥♥ 
> 
> Em, [dancingmicrobes](http://dancingmicrobes.tumblr.com) is the best beta ever!
> 
> Wonderful moodboard is made by [catchmelikekyloren](http://catchmelikekyloren.tumblr.com) Thank you, love!

**Chapter 5 | We’re Back to the Beginning**

In a fight or flight situation, Rey has always been the fighter. 

Never had she backed down from a challenge or a fight, and always, she gave as good as she got. 

And of course, that mind set resulted in some serious scraps and injuries when growing up in orphanages or foster homes. But Rey had always fought with her hundred and ten percent, even though she could be on the losing end. Because that was how you earned respect from the other kids there, hence being left alone by bullies.

But in this situation…

Rey swallows hard, eyes blinking profusely in attempts to get them adjusted to the darkness in the room and on bloody reality. 

She is in a bed she vaguely recognises, totally naked, and _Ben Solo_ has an arm around her waist as he buries his face into her neck.

She stares hard at him, as though she can pretend the pillow creases that line his cheek and the way his chest rises in slow steady movements is all an illusion—a pretty mirage that she would like to keep in her head when she dreams. 

Trembling, her fingers dart towards his hair – those stupid raven locks that are always in perfect waves and Rey highly suspects that he uses an obscene amount of product on them. And when her fingers make contact with those silky strands, an image or what is more of a memory surfaces in her mind. 

She had her hands in those perfect locks, fingers tangled in them as she’d jerked his head upwards before he could have his mouth on her, and the fact that she’d demanded he fuck her there and then brashly, doesn’t escape her.

Her cheeks flush and Rey shudders involuntarily, remembering the distant feel of his lips on hers – claiming, _bruising_ – fingers tight on her hips and the way he’d pounded into her savagely, _brutally_ , makes her a weak-kneed quivering mess.

Rey hadn’t dreamed it after all. She’d actually fallen into bed with him. With Ben.

Yeah, in this particular situation, she’s definitely doing the fleeing.

But the very questions that plagues her mind are: how had she even allowed things to get this out of hand? What had she been thinking? Or had her intangible dick been in charge of her brain? 

_What the bloody hell._

Grimacing, she shifts her legs a little and the intense soreness that greets her makes her wince. Yep, she’d definitely been fucked. Hard. 

By Ben. By Ben-Fucking-Solo. AKA, her _boss_.

Heat rushes to her face and Rey cringes. All she remembered was the way Ben had stood in his doorway, shoving his clothes in her direction and she’d luxuriated in the scent of his clothes and the body gel that he uses. 

That had to be it. 

There must have been something in the water or the soap—some halogen that had made her act like a total floozy. In fact, for all that she’d done, or _didn’t_ do, she might as well have tossed her panties right into his face.

All Ben had done was stand in his own damned house, loom over her with that perpetual brooding scowl on his stupid handsome face, and act like a totally different person by making some jokes, at his own expense, no less. 

And just like that, her knickers had fallen off.

Face flaming, Rey darts another glance at Ben and something in her belly clenches to see the numerous crimson lines that span from his shoulders and down his pale back.

_Had she done that?_

Mortification wells up in her and it feels like the walls surrounding her are shrinking. Feeling too confined for her liking, Rey knows she has to leave immediately. Like, right _now._

Nonetheless, a feeling akin to possessive pride creeps up at the marks she’d left behind. She’d done that. Not anyone else. _Her._

But as soon as her mind processes that thought, her back shoots up in lightning speed as though someone had pinched her. No! She had no right to feel that way, especially over Ben Solo!

This is just further proof that she has to leave ASAP, before any more insane thoughts can enter her mind. 

Her, feeling possessive over Ben Solo – the dickiest man alive? 

_What the bloody hell is wrong with her?_

Rey shakes her head vigorously. No, no, no! She has to focus on the key objective of leaving _before he wakes._

Because she is so not ready to have that awkward morning-after talk or confrontation with him. Not ever. 

However, the real question is: how the fuck is she going to get herself out of this? 

Quickly, she darts her eyes around the room, trying to find her clothes but her heart sinks when she remembers that they had been a sopping wet mess from the storm yesterday. 

Never mind that. Pursing her lips, she steals another glance at Ben before slowly slipping the heavy limb off from her waist and depositing it to his side. 

Heaving a sigh of relief, she quietly swings her form off the bed, wincing every time the sheets rustle from her movements. 

_Please don’t wake, please don’t wake up, please don’t fucking wake,_ her mind chants like an overplayed jingle on the radio as she shimmies off, ignoring the aches and tender spots on her body as she moves.

When she is safely out of the bed, heart roaring in her ears, Rey sprints out of the room and grabs the black shirt and grey sweatpants that Ben had loaned her the night before and tugs it on. With how broad and tall he is, it isn’t a surprise that the clothes hang loosely on her frame. 

And then, the scent of him hits her hard. She stills, pausing mid-step, and even though she is utterly mad for doing this; she buries her nose into the cotton of the black shirt and inhales deeply. 

The effect that has on her is instantaneous. 

Her nether regions begin to throb – pulsing with need; her body clearly recognising the scent and its owner who had done wicked delicious things to her the night before.

_This is so not the time for thinking about that,_ she admonishes before scooping up her damp clothes from the ground and her purse from his couch. 

With that, she leaves Ben’s apartment, eyes fixed on the ground as she walks out of the building. But Rey has no idea why she bothers attempting to disguise her face and right her clothing, because anyone with a pair of eyes can obviously tell that she’s doing the walk of shame.

Hailing a cab, she avoids the ill-disguised judge-y looks from the cab driver and stares glumly at her hands.

Truly, what had she been thinking?

Because, clearly, she hadn’t. 

Rey can’t do anything but slump over in the seat and cover her face with her hands.

She’s fucked.

When she’s back in her home, fresh from her shower where she’s scrubbed off the deeds from last night’s torrid event, (and that includes the dried spend on her inner thighs and the outer lips of her sex) she studies herself critically in the mirror. 

Eyes tracing the myriad of bruises littered all over her pale skin, they start from those at the column of her neck and her chest and Rey is surer than ever that they’re lovebites and not bruises. 

Heat burns in her cheeks when she notes that her breasts have them too.

Apparently, Ben liked her small breasts. 

She doesn’t know if she should feel proud about that.

But the marks on her hips and waist are definitely bruises. Finger-shaped bruises to be exact. She can distinctly remember the feel of his large hands, gripping her, holding her down as he drives himself deep within her. 

If Rey is completely honest with herself, she likes these marks–bruises on her body. The feeling of being claimed makes her slick once more at the juncture of her thighs and well, she isn’t exactly a prude. 

She likes things rough.

Not there was anything wrong with gentle touches, slow lingering kisses and bodies sliding against each other from languid lovemaking. She liked those too.

But sometimes, well, _most_ of the time, she amended mentally, Rey preferred a good old fashioned fucking. One where it left her thoroughly satisfied and mindless from how good and rough it had been. 

Evidently, Ben liked it that way too. 

With a shuddering breath, she drags the pads of her fingers upwards, trailing them on her over-sensitized skin, and closing her eyes, she pictures Ben from last night. How he’d looked at her when she’d lain herself bare before him, how he’d wanted to devour her whole, how his plump lips had been swollen and red from kissing her.

Rey can even recall how his skin had tasted on her tongue and the sounds that he made when he fucked her into his mattress.

Her cheeks burn and she glares at her reflection in the mirror before she donning an oversized shirt and her own set of sweatpants.

But it fades when she sees the rosy flush on her cheeks and the sparkle in her eyes. She should’ve known that this was bound to happen sooner or later, considering the fiery tension that has always been sparking between them. The only thing that had changed was the biting remarks and their passive aggressive arguments had taken a decidedly sexual route.

And despite everything and this crappy situation she’s in, Rey can’t exactly… regret it. 

It’d been _earth-shattering,_ a life-changing experience. In fact, it’d been the best night of her life.

She’d never had it this good before; her past boyfriends didn’t even hold a candle to Ben. Not that she would admit it to him. His ego would probably grow by leaps and bounds and soon enough, it would need its own plane when he travelled.

Rey bites her lower lip as she stares at the clothes belonging to Ben. Without giving herself a second to change her mind, she folds them up and shoves them into the dark corners of her dresser.

Why she does not throw them into a laundry bag or even had the slightest intention to return them, she doesn’t want to know or analyse it. 

But no matter what, she’s still not ready to face Ben. Hence, there is no way she is going to work today. 

So, Rey pulls a sick day for the first time in her life. 

“Hello?” she begins hesitantly, as she curls her feet up on her bed, shifting on the worn surface of her covers. “Is this Phasma, from HR?” 

“Yes.” A crisp English accent greets her and Rey blinks before continuing. 

“This is Rey Kenobi, uh…PA under Be-uh I mean, Mr. Kylo Ren? I called-“ Wait! Rey freezes, body stilling as her mind races. She has to sound as though she is sick if she is to pull a sick day, doesn’t she? 

Unless, being fucked six days to Sunday and back counts? Probably not.

Clearing her throat, she grimaces and forces herself to cough heavily into the receiver of her phone, even though her throat protests heavily and her eyes are watering from the effort.

“Ahem, I… uh…I’m so sorry for that,” she says lamely, blinking back the tears. “I’m not feeling well today…uh… been caught up in the rain from yesterday!” she rushes out, fingers tugging anxiously at the hem of her sweatpants.

Silence begins and Rey chews her bottom lip anxiously. What if Phasma from HR could see through her lie and call her bluff? And because of that, she has no choice but to turn up for work today? 

She can’t deal with Ben today. She needs time to figure out what to do!

Panic rises and Rey really thinks she will have an anxiety attack and she might actually not be able to breathe from how tight her chest is and how she might actually retch on her bed right now-

“I see.” 

She holds her breath, screwing her eyes shut and praying to every deity she knows for the cards to be in her favour and that she’ll do _anything_ so long as she doesn’t have to go to work today.

“Your absence today from First Order Shipping Industries is noted, Miss Kenobi,” the dry accented voice says and Rey feels her shoulders sag in relief.

Slumping back onto her bed, she gives a silent fist-pump in the air and kicks her feet in the air giddily. Thank fuck-

“But between us, I’m not entirely surprised that you’ve pulled a sick day to get a break from Kylo Ren.” 

Rey freezes, a leg in mid-air and she blinks rapidly. “Wha-“ 

“I won’t reveal your little lie, you’ve given me a long break from replacing crying PAs consecutively and I thank you for that. Have a good day, Miss Kenobi.” 

The phone goes dead and she stares down at it, speechless. 

Getting her senses back, she makes a face, tossing the phone away from her before turning over to her stomach. Being called out didn’t matter, not when she’s not going to have any repercussions. What was more important is the fact that she’d gotten her break from Ben for the day.

But Rey knows that she can’t hide forever. 

Phasma from HR would never let her have another sick day tomorrow and would surely reveal her lie to Ben. And then, where would she be? Without a job, that’s for sure.

Rey smushes her face with her pillow and groans. Bloody hell, how can she ever look him in the eye anymore?

* * * * *

It is Wednesday. 

Rey stares at the door, boring her eyes straight at the large plank of wood, as though it’s the gate to hell. Calling it that is pretty accurate, considering who is on the other side, waiting for her. 

Inhaling and stance straightening, she licks her dry bottom lip. 

She’d mentally prepared herself for this confrontation. She’d spent all of yesterday talking to the mirror in her bathroom, acting out the whole conversation while ignoring the multitude of lovebites all over her neck.

“I have your coffee and schedule,” she would say, her voice steady and calm and Rey would do her damn best to pretend she has no idea how ripped Ben is under all those suits and emotional instability.

And then, he would take her cue of acting as though Monday night has not happened (because wouldn’t that be for the best?) and he would order her to read it to him and all would be swell. 

From this, they would mutually be able to move on and their working relationship wouldn’t suffer, as well as the relationship that she has with his family. 

And that would be how it's all going to go. Rey is extremely determined and nothing, _nothing_ would ruin this.

Not even her conflicted emotions, or her traitorous body would get in the way.

Unfortunately, despite knowing better, her body still wanted him. Rey is almost ashamed to say that she had slipped her hands into the waistband of her sweatpants and her panties and enthusiastically frigged herself off at the thought of him, of him fucking her, of his mouth on her cunt. 

Immediately, heat crawls up her cheeks and the memory of that rather…titillating session from last night. She doesn’t think she had ever screamed that hard into her pillows just from touching herself.

And there lies the problem.

There are a million reasons why having anything more than a professional relationship with Ben is a bad idea.

The first being that he’s her boss. The second, Ben Solo has a feud of sorts with his family. Not speaking to your family members for more than a month is something Rey considers a sin, especially when she adored Han to bits.

But the absolute deal breaker is the fact that Ben Solo is emotionally full of crap. Rey doesn’t think she could deal with that on a daily basis. Being his PA was bad enough. Any more than that, she thinks she might actually give up on life.

Nerves soothed marginally, she takes another deep breath and raps her knuckles against the wood.

“Come in.” 

Was it her imagination or did her boss sound more on edge? 

Feeling the foundation of her confidence start to shake, Rey presses her lips into a thin line before mustering the brightest cheery smile she can and pastes it on her face and opens the door.

“Good morning, I have your coffee and your schedule…” 

Her knees start to shake and Rey curses herself for faltering at the very sight of him. It would have been excusable if he’d been staring, but Ben’s attention is fixed on the screen of his computer as he types away furiously, fingers almost banging away at the keyboard, a lone island in the sea of files and documents that litter his desk.

“Shoot.” 

She blinks at the flat nonchalant tone he has adopted and Rey would always remember this moment as her stupidest. 

“What?” she blurts out because surely, Ben Solo would bring up their little late night romp because he is an ass (even though she’d pre-planned their entire conversation of this totally _not_ happening). 

He lifts his eyes and her breath hitches. Instinctively, her grip tightens around the cup of coffee and her iPad.

“My schedule?” He prompts impatiently and on autopilot, she jerks her head down and begins reading out his plans although her mind is light-years away.

Was this really happening? Had things gone her way for once? She can hardly believe it! But why does it make her gut clench in a way that makes her sick? 

“Wait,” he interjects, quirking up an eyebrow and Rey has a sudden flashback of him having that exact expression when he had his fingers on her as he ripped her underwear off. 

“Yes?” 

“Why are you still holding onto my coffee?” His eyes narrow and he purses his mouth.

Is she? Rey darts her eyes down and true enough, there it is. In her hand. Fuck. 

“Oh, your desk is utterly cluttered,” she offers breezily before handing it to him. “I was afraid that it’ll spill.” 

Good, that sounded normal, right? Like a part of their usual banter at work. Rey exhales, all bright sunny smile, although it feels like her face might just split into two at this rate.

He grunts, not bothering to give a response and well…Rey is taken aback and something awful wells up in her chest. 

No one likes feeling like a used, discarded toy. And that is exactly how she feels. Used. Insignificant. _Dirty._

Wasn’t this for the best? This is what she wanted, wasn’t it? For Ben to act as though nothing has happened and they could all move on and forget about _it._

At that, her brows furrow and she presses her lips into a thin line. 

But how could she ever forget how his hands felt like on her body? How his mouth had claimed hers so thoroughly, as though she’s all that he ever wanted? How he’d gazed at her as though she was a siren and he, a hopeless sailor, entranced by the spell that she’d sung? 

Idiotically, she can feel her lower lip start to tremble and she’s getting whiplash from all the conflicting thoughts and emotions and she just wants to scream but-

She can’t. 

Instead, Rey clears her throat and plasters that same fake smile on her face and continues detailing out his day. When she’s done, she straightens and turns on her heel, ready to leave the fucking room because she can’t take this anymore-

“What’s wrong with you? You’re being ridiculously cheerful,” he remarks evenly, as though he is commenting on the weather or something equally trivial, his eyes fixed on hers quizzically. 

She freezes at the half-lidded dark eyes trained on hers that almost undoes her composure and her sanity and Rey shrugs. “It’s Wednesday,” she offers, as though it ought to make sense, even though she has no idea what she’s talking about. 

“Whatever,” he mutters. “Just to let you know, I would be working overtime today.” 

Rey blinks, nodding slowly. “Noted.” 

Ben frowns, mouth twisting and he looks as though he wants to say something—argue, whatever, but thinks better of it before waving her off dismissively.

Hastily, Rey scuttles out of the room and slumps back to her chair, heart beating an erratic rhythm as everything in her is shaking from a mix of anxiety and arousal. Damn the latter, she thinks mulishly.

She can hardly believe that she’d made it out in one piece. Maybe, just maybe, they can move past this whole incident.

But seriously, would it kill Ben Solo to seem more affected and not this nonchalant? She doesn’t want to overthink things, but it’s almost eating her alive how Ben seems so…unaffected, as though he’s used to this. 

This referring to fucking his PAs on a regular basis. 

Rey stills and groans, body slumping over her desk as she clutches her head in her hands. Goddamn her impulsiveness and her irrational desire for the man.

She should have _never_ , ever accepted this bloody job.

It’d ruined her.

* * * * *

What the fuck. What the actual _fuck._

For what seems like the tenth time, Kylo shoots a glower right at the door, even though no one is present to see it.

_So, that is how she’s going to play,_ he thinks grimly, cracking his knuckles irritatedly. _As though it had never fucking happened._

He recalls the way Phasma had informed him sardonically that Rey had called in sick and he’d furrowed his brows angrily, a mix of agitation and desire for the wretched woman boiling in his veins. Of course, she’d be a coward, unable to face him after what they’d done.

But knowing that she would turn up today, he’d looked forward to calling her out and seeing her flustered and all, made anticipation course through his veins. That being said, he hadn’t expected the way she’d pretended that nothing is amiss, that Today is just like any other day.

Rey had entered his office with her usual cheery breezy demeanour, bright smiles, and a nonchalant attitude that immediately sets him on edge. And Kylo absolutely resents how she’d acted as though he hadn’t had his hands on her ass, or his mouth on hers. 

Or how she’d begged so prettily for him.

Irritation creeps along his nerves and he just feels like venting his emotions out on his office again. But that wouldn’t help one bit when Rey can so easily replace and fix everything back, increasing his ire. It would be a vicious cycle that only ended in him being utterly destroyed.

So, he settles on pinching the bridge of his nose, as though he can force all thoughts of Rey out of his mind and fucking move past it. Like she had.

But truly, how can he behave as though nothing has changed when he knows the sounds that she makes when she begs to come, how she feels wrapped around him, or how she has a tendency to arch her back and moan when he hits that particular spot in her? 

His brow furrows and he swallows hard. 

Feeling too confined in the large office that is entirely his own, he pushes himself off the chair and glares at the skyline view that his windows provide. 

No doubt, Rey regretted everything after remembering the stories his parents had told her about him. About the stories of the person he had been.

His jaw shifts and his stomach cramps.

How is it that after all these years, that after everything he’d accomplished and done, it still didn’t feel like any of it mattered one bit? That no matter how much he tries, he’s never going to be accepted for who he is. 

That he’s never enough.

Ever since he was young, Kylo knew that he’s never going to be a pilot like what Han had been and that he wouldn’t be in politics like his mother. It has never been in him to be vocal, to state his opinions loudly or to express how he felt. 

He’s not confident, nor is he one to interact freely.

That had been his life until he’d realised that his grandfather had left a place for him in his old company before he passed. That had been the start of his path in the corporate world, and it is then, that he realises that he’s actually…good at his job and he liked it. 

Naturally, it was just his rotten luck that First Order Shipping Industries had been formerly known as the Empire, a company largely responsible for an accident that involved many ship maintenance workers to lose their lives. 

One such worker had been his paternal grandfather. 

Kylo’s relationship with Han had always been strained, often resembling a rubber band that has been stretched too tightly and would snap if more force was applied to it. True enough, the promotion that had been bestowed upon him had been the breaking point. 

That had been five or six years ago and ever since, he’d avoided his father like he avoided matchmaking dates set by his mother.

But all of that didn’t matter, it was in the past and Han didn’t matter anymore—shouldn’t even matter now. Instead, he focuses on his current dilemma. 

Did he regret any of it? He frowns and rubs a palm over his face. No, he didn’t.

The only thing that he regrets is the circumstances that they’re in. He doesn’t think he would change anything that led to Monday night. Rey had been more than perfect, a breath-taking reality that surpassed his fantasies. 

She’d been wild and free from the coy smiles and subtle glances. She’d been demanding, aggressive and responsive as hell. Furthermore, from the way she’d behaved, he had a rough guess that she liked the same things that he did. 

Which, made it all the better.

Tugging at the knot of his tie, he shifts his weight from one foot to the other.

Kylo doesn’t think it's possible for him to be ever entranced or obsessed by freckles on the bridge of a particular button nose, or for pink lush lips that sassed and gave backtalk for every dry quip he made.

But well, here he is.

In short, he’s fucked. Bad.

A knock resounds and Kylo knows exactly who it is from the sweet fruity scent of the perfume that wafts into the air. Immediately, his eyes fly up to meet Rey’s who peers in cautiously. “Ben, I’ve got your evening coffee,” she offers taking slow steps towards his desk.

“Whatever,” he snaps. The wound of being treated insignificantly by her still hadn’t quite faded and he turns to glower.

Subtly, he eyes the delicate lilac blouse that he thinks is quite sheer if the light hit her frame at this moment of time and the navy skirt with queer black buttons on the left side. 

The sight of the very thing that he wants but can’t have again makes him scowl and he clenches his mouth shut and shifts his jaw. “What are you still doing here?” he demands and tilts his head. 

Kylo knows he is being rude but he can’t bring himself to care. Besides, he isn’t known for his manners or his patience.

Hazel-green eyes widen for a fraction of a second before they narrow dangerously. “What’s your problem?” 

“Who said I have a problem?” 

“You’ve been awfully rude ever since-“ she begins but cuts herself off abruptly, eyes darting away from his in what he suspects is panic. 

“Since?” he prompts lowly, taking a predatory step towards her.

Kylo watches in morbid satisfaction as her mouth works uselessly. 

“I-since-well-“ 

He really is an ass for enjoying the anxiety on her face as Rey tries to think of a response that wouldn’t spiral them both to that moment once more.

“I dare you to say it,” he challenges quietly, taking the cup in her hand now that they’re mere inches apart. “Since _what,_ Rey? Say. It.” 

She scowls; the expression a stark contrast to her usual sunny demeanour. Dropping all pretences, she smacks the files she has in her other hand onto his desk. “Since Monday night, you bloody wanker!” 

Hearing her curse causes his heart to pound and maybe, there really is something wrong with him for feeling this way. 

Pausing, he stares at her through narrowed eyes. “Are you actually acknowledging it?” 

“Are _you_ acknowledging it?” 

“Fuck off, Rey,” he snaps heatedly, backing her against the desk as he slams the cup down on the wooden surface. “You left. Why?” 

_“Why?”_ she sputters, a line creasing at her forehead. “You’re actually asking why I left?” 

“I’m pretty sure you understand the English language,” he snarks, towering over her. “Didn’t you pass your SATs?”

“Okay, now you’re being an arse!” she argues, jabbing her index finger into his chest and fuck him if it doesn’t turn him on seeing her like this.

Clearly, he’s fucking twisted.

“If my memory serves, you liked it when I was an _‘arse’,_ ” he growls, eyes flashing as he adopts his version of her accent. 

He takes some pleasure in seeing colour rise to her cheeks and the way she presses back against the desk, in some attempt to put some distance between them. Not that he’s going to let that happen after the way she’d avoided him yesterday and the game that she’d played just this morning.

“Well, you don’t have to be such a dick!”

“You didn’t seem to mind that much when I had you in my bed!”

“Fuck you, Ben Solo!” 

A snort escapes from him and he has no idea what he’s doing as he slides his hands from her hips to her waist. “You already did,” he utters, voice taking on a rougher edge. “And I do recall that you fucking _liked_ it.” 

Her eyes grow impossibly round and Rey whimpers, a sound so inaudible that he almost misses it. 

Rapidly, he scans her face eagerly, taking note of her flushed cheeks, glazed eyes and the shallow breaths that she takes. His fingers caress her lithe form through her clothes and a vague image appears in his mind of him holding her down as he pounds into her back in his bedroom.

Fuck everything if she isn’t primed for him already.

“You shouldn’t have run.” Kylo begins as he rubs small patterns into her sides, mouth lowering to the right shell of her ear. “But because of that, we’ll have to see.” 

“See what?” 

He ignores her, concentrating on the feel of her. But his head is jerked downwards and the corner of his mouth quirks up when he notes that Rey is simply staring at him, the end of his tie in her hand. 

“You wanted me to…stick around?” 

He observes through narrowed eyes that Rey is worrying her bottom lip with her teeth and her eyes are searching his. 

Looking for what? He has no idea, but the very reminder that she’d upped and left him in the morning reawakens the beast that she’d created in his gut.

“I wasn’t done with you yet and you _left,_ ” he mutters darkly, moving his hand upwards to cup the side of her face, fingers cradling her ears, thumb brushing her plump bottom lip. 

To his surprise, Rey lifts a brow challengingly and sucks the pad of his thumb into her mouth, hazel eyes never leaving his. The erotic glide of her tongue against his finger causes him to choke and he groans, pulling her closer to him before turning her around.

“Fuck, you like it rough, don’t you?” he rasps against her shoulder, large hands curling around her waist as he pulls her flush against his body. 

And finally, the feel of her ass—that perfect peachy ass that has been on his mind all day and the whole of last week is pressed against the front of his slacks.

Kylo thinks he might have died already and if this is what heaven feels like, he never wants to leave.

“Maybe,” she groans, head tilting back, eyelids fluttering shut as she squirms in his arms, ass pressing back as he gives light shallow thrusts into the soft flesh. 

His blood heats up, liquid fire coursing through his veins and Kylo suckles at her neck, a hand pulling away the little scarf that adorns the pale column of flesh where his marks are. The fact that she’d tried to hide them away displeases him and he yanks the offending garment off, before enclosing his mouth over the older marks.

“Ben!” She hisses through her teeth, head leaning back to loll over his shoulder and he laughs deprecatingly when his hands skims over a breast, fingers easily finding the hardened peak.

“Say you’re sorry for leaving,” he murmurs warningly, his other hand drifting down to her hips, down the side of her leg, pausing just at the hem of her skirt. “And that you shouldn’t have avoided me yesterday.” 

“I don’t see why it matters!” she argues but it loses the intended effect as she gazes at him through hazy eyes.

“Oh, you’ve gone and done it,” he mutters darkly, roughly hiking her skirt up and slipping a hand between her thighs.

What greets him makes him choke and a low moan escapes his throat. 

_“Nothing?”_

His body jerks as fingers meet slick soft folds and the very thought that she’s been wandering around his office like this all day makes all the blood in his body rush south. “You’ve been at work like this all day?” 

“It’s-it was laundry _daay!”_ she pants, voice going up an octave when he slides a finger through her moist nether lips, the rough pad of his calloused finger ghosting her slit, dipping into her before tracing the lips of her labia lightly. “Oohh, yes! Fuck, Ben!” 

As if jealous of his hand, his cock juts painfully against the zipper of his trousers, wanting to be as close to her sopping cunt. Slowly, he pulls his hand away and Rey groans, squirming in his arms, hips thrusting out.

“You’re soaking wet,” he remarks casually, a smirk gracing his lips as he raises his hand that had been at her cunt to their eye level. “Look at it. You’ve been wet for me all day, haven’t you?” 

Experimentally, he rubs his fingers together that are coated with her slick and he notes with increasing pleasure that the flush of arousal on her cheeks grow darker as she stares, transfixed at his hand.

“Admit it, you’ve wanted me ever since you stepped into this office,” he purrs, enjoying the way her body is wracked with shudders.

“Stop talking and just fuck me already,” she gasps as his hand that had been on a breast, cups the small mound, fingers pinching and playing with the hardened bud through her blouse and the cups of her bra. 

Fucking hell, was the lacy thing she has on even a bra? His throat goes uncomfortably dry.

“Is that what you want?” 

“Yes!”

“No, I don’t think so.” 

“Wha-what?” she blinks, head whirling around, hazel brown eyes still hazy with lust.

“You’re not going to come until you’ve received your punishment.” Kylo releases her and stares down, mentally counting the light dusting of freckles on her nose and the pink flush of arousal on her cheeks. God, he doesn’t think he would ever get enough of that sight.

“Punishment?” she repeats, eyes growing wider by the second as she slowly turns her body to face him. “What punishment?” 

He doesn’t know if he’d imagined her pupils dilating even more or if it’s all a trick of the light.

“You’ve been a fucking cocktease,” he growls as he straightens his stance, withdrawing from her. He needs to get himself under control or everything would all be over too soon.

“You’ve been wearing those skirts to taunt me, haven’t you? I’m sure you knew that I was watching, hoping to see if I had the guts to act.” 

Rey is silent but Kylo can see the streak of defiance that flash in her hazel eyes.

“You don’t deserve a cock. You have to earn it,” he says slowly, quirking a brow. “You know what you have to do.” His fingers rest at the metal buckle of his belt. 

Rey stares at him, mouth agape and a series of emotions he can’t catch flash across her face.

And for a moment, he thinks he’d pushed too far. 

What if he had misread the signs? What if everything had been in his head? What if Rey was the type who liked things slow and gentle and tender? If she’s the vanilla kind of girl, not that that mattered, he could adapt to anything she wanted. But fuck, had he gone too far?

_Shit shit shit shit-_

However, nothing else comes to mind when Rey grabs at his belt, undoing the clasp expertly and within seconds, her mouth is on him—around him.

_Bloody fucking hell._

Kylo almost staggers back, hardly believing his eyes at the sight of Rey on her knees, mouth on his cock and involuntarily, his hips jerk violently when her tongue traces the thick pulsing vein on the underside of his shaft.

_“Fuck,_ you like this, don’t you?” he hisses, grabbing a fistful of her hair, causing her to look up at him. However, that action displaces her mouth and a dribble of saliva trails from the purplish-red coloured head of his cock to her lips

A red stain appears on her cheeks and a thrill shoots down his spine. Pursing her mouth, eyes never leaving his, Rey envelops her lips around the head and gives a hard suck that leaves him winded and out of breath. 

Kylo’s head spins and unable to help himself, he begins slow shallow thrusts into her mouth. Distantly in his mind, reality is fucking better than fantasy, he thinks. But with the familiar sensation of his testicles churning and the tingling feeling at the base of his spine, he jolts away from her. 

Cock slightly swaying in the air, he pants, ignoring the slight sheen of sweat that coats his forehead and stares down at Rey who traces her lips with her tongue, as though she is savouring the taste of him.

Fucking cocktease.

“That is just my punishment?” Rey questions, voice adopting a husky quality as she stares up at him, never moving away from her kneeling position on the ground. 

His dick twitches and he can feel his neck flush because Rey certainly cannot miss that. But hearing the implicit challenge in those five words, he is spurred into action.

Lunging at her, he jerks her upwards, and haphazardly, he tugs at her blouse, nimble fingers undoing the buttons before yanking hard at her skirt. “Fucking cocktease,” he snarls before he slants his mouth over hers.

Their mouths are a tangle of teeth and tongue, their kiss eerily reminiscent of a battle. He plunders her, tongue laving her lips and the caverns of her mouth, and the very thought that she’d taken him into her mouth gives him a heady rush.

Rey, on the other hand, moans, succumbing into his hold as she wraps her arms around his neck, pulling him closer. Her tongue slides against his, teeth nipping his lower lip and between them, his cock juts insistently into the flat of her belly.

“Ben,” she gasps as he trails a fiery path of kisses down to the juncture of her neck. “Want you now. Need you inside me.”

“Quiet,” he admonishes, shoving her skirt down till it pools to the ground. “You don’t want anyone else to hear you, do you?”

Mutely, she shakes her head, bum resting on the edge of his desk as she stares, eyes fixated at the sight of him spreading her legs apart, revealing her dripping sex.

“You’re so fucking wet for me, Rey,” he breathes out, hand reaching out to swipe away her slick that coats her inner thighs.

Gently, he runs his fingers through her and she starts to pant, chest heaving with shallow movements. “Next time, I’ll have my mouth on this pretty pink cunt, and there _will_ be a next time,” he warns, mouth salivating and she nods jerkily, lips parted.

“Yes.”

Satisfied with her answer, he carefully eases the bulbous head of his cock into her, eyes fixed on the very sight of where they are joined so intimately that he thinks he might actually burst there and then.

Tilting her hips upwards, he pushes through and the feel of her, so wet and tight around him—a perfect sheath for his length and his hands skim her hip bones, fingers touching the marks he’d left the day before yesterday.

“Move, Ben, please,” Rey keens, head thrown back, baring the pale column of her neck to him, spine arching, which resulted in him sliding all the way through. 

Kylo shudders, leaning closer and the very fact that he is taking his PA over his desk doesn’t escape him. In fact, it further adds to the whole act and somehow, he begins a frantic pace that is as unforgiving and tumultuous like their relationship.

Grunting, he feels almost delirious with pleasure and the obscene sounds of his cock re-entering her each time he thrusts into her mercilessly sets him on fire. 

But what totally catches his attention is the way Rey bites her lower lip hard with her eyes screwed shut as he fucks her.

“Look at me,” he commands fiercely, hip movements slowing.

She opens them, eyes glazed over. 

“Who exactly is fucking you now?” 

“You,” she gasps out as he hits that same sweet spot. “Ben!” 

“Good. Remember that the next time you try to pretend otherwise,” he snarls, picking up his pace and from the way she gasps and pulls him close, burying her face into the crook of his neck, Kylo knows that she’s close. 

_“Bloody fuuckk,”_ she hisses when he flicks at her clit and the effect that has, causes her to clench her walls around him. “I’m close, Ben! Shit!”

He nods, grinding himself into her deeper than he thought possible and with the double simulation of him pounding into her and his fingers pinching at her clit, Rey jolts, cry muffled as she bites down on the tendon of his neck. 

With her inner walls convulsing around his length and the brutal bite on his neck, the fusion of both pleasure and pain causes him to spiral and he comes apart in a sea of white and a stifled shout.

Kylo has no idea how he’s managed to stand upright after all of _that._

Dazedly, he looks down at the woman who’d fucking captivated him—all of him. Rey is quiet, head resting on his chest, as she catches her breath and well…he quite likes her in this position. 

Slowly, he pulls out, and hissing through his teeth, he catches sight of the bruises. Guilt pools within him and he carefully traces them.

“Was I too rough?” he murmurs hesitantly and somehow, Rey must have heard the tremor in his voice for she draws her head up. 

“No,” Rey offers a tentative grin. “It was perfect.” 

He stays silent, drawing his fingers over the bruises that marr her pale flesh.

“D-do you want me to go?” 

At that, his head snaps up at the look on her face. A look that makes him distinctly uncomfortable. “No. Do you?” 

She becomes silent, picking at the ends of her blouse, sliding her skirt up her hips and he can feel his pulse racing as he waits for her reply, as he too pulls his slacks upwards.

“No.” 

He swallows hard, dragging a hand over his face, as utter relief washes over him. “Good.” He clears his throat and shifts slightly. “I wish you didn’t leave. I didn’t regret it. Any of it.” 

Something like surprise flashes across her face and she blinks once and then twice more in quick succession. “Oh.” 

Kylo wonders how its possible for them to be this awkward after engaging in one of the most intimate acts anyone could ever partake in. Suddenly feeling like a fucking fool for saying too much, he straightens and shifts his body to turn when a hand grabs at his arm.

“I didn’t regret it either,” she admits softly, giving him a slow wide smile—a smile that is unlike the usual cheery ones she had in the mornings.

His heart skips a beat.

“But seriously, Ben, fuck you for ruining a button on my skirt.” 

Kylo snorts and simply kisses her again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Kudos and comments make the world go round! Thank you all so much for reading! ♥♥♥ I would love, _love_ to know what you guys think! :) 
> 
> I'm [resplendxntly on tumblr](http://resplendxntly.tumblr.com) so come hit me up! :)


	6. Filthy is the New Black

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry that this is a few days late! I've explained it on tumblr that my house is going through severe renovations and the cleaning & the messes involved in that had been giving me a headache. 
> 
> Anyway, here's to the next chapter and this was such a difficult piece to write like why, i have no idea but i can spend an eternity rewriting this if I had a choice. But definitely, without my darling beta, [Em](https://dancingmicrobes.tumblr.com), this would still be a blank draft! Much love and appreciation for her! 
> 
> ALSO, check out this beautiful [moodboard](http://resplendxntly.tumblr.com/post/175971684977/resplendxntly-rileybabe-reylo-modern-au-edit) that [rileybabe](https://rileybabe.tumblr.com) has made!!

**Chapter 6 | Filthy is the New Black**

“You know, if this is you trying to be nice, well, I’ll let you know it’s not working.” 

“What?” 

Rey nods, suppressing a grin at the confused expression on Ben’s face as she hands him another set of folders. “That poor secretary.”

“I wasn’t even trying to be nice,” he mutters sullenly, shooting her a small glower. 

“Really? I couldn’t tell,” she retorts teasingly, automatically whipping out a pen from her pocket when his large hand scrambles around the desk for one. 

“It was an attempt to be considerate,” he says grudgingly as he takes the pen from her.

She snorts. “Snapping at that other secretary for her skills in her job really was uncalled for. I’m pretty sure she had tears in her eyes when you started to list down her negative qualities.”

Ben rolls his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose before running his hand through his perfect waves. Stupidly, her gut clenches when that very action reminds her of how those raven locks had felt brushing against her belly when he’d kissed his way down south. 

“Yeah well, she didn’t have to be incompetent. Messing up meeting times and failing to notify you so that you could adjust my schedule accordingly? A fucking rookie mistake.” 

Rey grimaces, gathering up the other set of files that he’d just managed to get through and as she stacks them up in her arms, a familiar circular emblem catches her eye.

“What are you going to do about the legal situation with Resistance Holdings?” She shifts the files slightly. “I’m assuming that’s a copy of the legal suit.” 

Ben scowls, sneering, “The legal department will handle it. All of this just brings bad publicity. Fucking assholes.” 

“But shouldn’t it mean something to you that the company you’re working for is providing dangerous metals and elements to private organisations that are not held accountable to anyone? Not even the government?” 

A flicker of something passes over his face so quickly that she can’t quite catch it. 

“My opinion doesn’t matter,” he shrugs, head tilting upwards so that his eyes meet hers. “I’m just an employee here.” 

“Right…” She raises her eyebrows. “Don’t deny you like being the CEO of this company and the authority that comes with it.” 

The corner of his mouth tugs up. “If my memory serves me right, you _like_ being ordered around by me. Especially during last night.” 

She has no idea how he’s able to spout innuendos that quickly and sinfully without batting an eye. Dark smouldering eyes meets her and Rey falters, face warming up when she remembers the delicious wicked things he’d done to her less than twenty-four hours ago. 

She’d never thought that the rough stubble lining his jaw trailing all over her body would cause her skin to be so sensitive; increasing her awareness of him and every sensation he’d coaxed from her with his mouth.

Rey absolutely hates how Ben Solo can reduce her to a pile of hormones with just a look and a few clever words strung together.

“Okay, seriously, you’re being an unnecessary arsehole now,” she declares, straightening her stance, refusing to pay any mind to the way her panties are a little damp and sticky from the juncture between her thighs.

“What?” 

“You. Are. An. Arsehole,” she enunciates slowly, a grin growing on her face as her arms tighten around the stack of files.

“So? You don’t seem to mind.” 

With a slight playful quirk of his brows; her cheeks flame. 

Because truthfully, Rey doesn’t mind too much. One of her kinks was to be dominated, but she is certainly not a submissive in BDSM clubs. Surrendering and being told what to do just got her rocks off. 

Rey figures that due to the way every aspect of her life had been controlled by the foster care system, it had somehow turned her into a control freak. Once she’d turned eighteen, every detail in her life had been meticulously mapped out since then.

Pointedly ignoring the knowing glances sent her way by a particular set of dark eyes, she focuses on the slight hint of bruises on her wrists where Ben had held her down, hips slamming into hers with a rhythm that is as vicious and unforgiving as the seas.

That had also been something she’d never thought she would enjoy, but undoubtedly, it had been one of the best sexual experiences in her life. Plus, she didn’t think she had an orgasm that hard and intense before.

Furthermore, it would be totally normal if one would feel awkward after fucking your boss, because that is exactly what she’d thought she’d feel on Wednesday (when her plan had backfired in a really, _really_ nice way.)

She’d never been more glad to be wrong.

After the _Desk Incident_ (which, she’d decided to call it in her mind), Rey had definitely expected to be told to leave. She really couldn’t have foreseen the normal banter that had been picked up easily or the way Ben had been a little awkward dork after and how endearing she’d found it. Nor had she expected to be driven back to his place, where they had another romp on his couch and had dinner on the ground, dressed in nothing but his clothes and eating directly from the paper cartons.

The following day, it’d been her who had made the first move. 

The very sight of Ben taking command in the meeting room had sent a shard of arousal down her spine. With his paradoxical smug yet polite manner, the steely edge in his dark brown eyes, and the way he’d carried himself confidently had left her with her knees pressed tight together in her chair.

Once alone in his office, Rey is not one bit ashamed to say that she’d dragged him closer, tugging his tie sharply in her direction before kissing him square in the mouth. 

Knowing the lack of time, they’ve fumbled around hastily. 

With just her hand slipping into the front of his slacks, and his travelling up the hem of her dress, it wasn’t a surprise that it wasn’t as satisfying as their usual encounters. But it had gotten the job done of fulfilling their respective cravings for each other temporarily till they could devour each other more in private.

Just thinking about the way Ben had taken his time last night causes arousal to bloom once more in her gut. The very memory of his mouth lingering on her skin, plump lips dragging over her body, teeth giving sharp nips at sensitive spots that had her begging and the way he’d used his tongue to bring her over the edge more than once has her reeling.

Talk about the best eating out Rey had ever experienced.

Even now, if she closes her eyes, she thinks she can still feel the phantom lips of her boss sucking her clit into his mouth, teeth nipping at the sensitive skin of her labia and how his tongue had licked every drop of her arousal.

But through it all, Rey is mostly surprised that they’d actually managed to work done with all the time spent on _other things_ and that they’re more efficient and productive as a whole. She figures that it’s because less time have been spent riling each other up with petty arguments and that both their itches have been soothed. 

Plus, they’re both getting laid with a frequency that would shock any devout nun.

However, Rey knows this can’t go on forever. 

There are too many complications with the key one being that no matter how close she is with his family, Ben Solo is still her boss. AKA, the man responsible for her salary. 

And there is nothing more scandalous than the situation that she’s in. People will notice and when they do, they will _talk_. What can be more juicier than a PA sleeping with her boss? 

To add on, she isn’t the sort of girl to do _things_ without labels. And this thing with Ben is the epitome of that.

Despite being a romantic at heart, Rey can never believe in the ‘friends-with-benefits’ mantra or anything similar to that. To her, it all sounded ridiculously unhealthy. How can anyone do something intimate like sex with someone they didn’t have any feelings for is beyond her.

But hey, look where she is now. 

That being said, she still can’t entirely figure out her proper feelings for the man. 

Suddenly, it sets in that she is hearing nothing but silence. Examining him carefully, Rey spots a look that can only be described as pensive on his haughty arrogant features. It was odd to have zero mutterings, curses and grumbles from Ben—so odd that it is almost unnerving.

“What’s up with you?” She eyes him warily. “You’re being more…moody than usual.”

“It’s Friday,” he points out, a hard edge to his jaw, the right corner of his mouth twisting as his brows furrow.

She blinks. “So?” 

“Your two weeks probation is up.” 

“Oh.” Brows wrinkling and withdrawing slightly, she glances away. Had two weeks really gone by this quickly? On schedule, her brain begins working furiously. 

Does this mean that Ben would fire her? Would she even have a job anymore? Or does he plan on keeping her around while fucking her on the side? What would anyone think? How would the recent development in their relationship affect this? What if Ben felt obligated to keep her because they’re sleeping together? Or what if that’s the sole reason he would be keeping her for?

She blinks and swallows hard, mind racing at lightspeed. 

It is strange, she muses while chewing hard on her lower lip, that just last Monday, she’d wished that she could literally rip Ben Solo into pieces for being an arsehole. But now, she would rip him into pieces if he doesn’t let her come. 

Rey licks her bottom lip, fingers curling around the spine of the folders. “I’d rather you not keep me just because we’re sleeping together,” she blurts out.

His eyes widen and he draws back and she tries to calm her thundering heart as the muscle under his left eye begins to twitch. 

“Is that what you really think of me?” 

Seeing the way his nostrils flare and the deepening lines around his eyes, Rey realises she’d made a mistake. “No, I just-“ 

“What? Just what?” 

“Would you just bloody let me finish?” Rey snaps, glaring and Ben nods sullenly, suitably chastened.

Seeing that no more interruptions are to be made, she continues. “Ben, I’ve worked all my life and earned everything I have with my own merit. Not because I have a silver spoon in my mouth since I was born or had family connections,” she says pointedly and to his credit, Ben flushes, clearly remembering the assumptions he’d made the first time they’d met.

“And,” she adds, feet shifting a little. “I’d rather you want me to work for you because I’m good at being your PA and certainly not because I let you,” Rey pauses, eyes darting around the room as her voice lowers, “sleep with me.” 

Daring herself to meet his gaze that is burning holes into her face, Rey centres her eyes on him and forces herself to continue. 

_Communication is key_ , she chants inwardly, gathering all the courage she has to say what else is on her mind.

“Also, because of that, I…I don’t know if it’s wise of me to continue working for you…” her voice trails off awkwardly.

Ben is silent, and that in itself is making her nervous.

Finally, he begins, eyes filled with mirth and something smug. “It’s rather amusing that you’d rather stop working for me than to stop fucking me.” 

Cheeks warming, Rey scowls as she tries to fight off the smile that threatens to split onto her face. With a well-positioned arm, she reaches over the desk and smacks him right in the chest with one of the folders. “Shut up!” 

Ben snorts, large hand snatching the file away from her and with one harsh tug, Rey finds herself sprawled out over his lap in an ungraceful heap.

“Ben!” she squeaks, hands spread out over the planes of his torso to steady and right herself, especially when the hem of her skirt is riding dangerously up her thighs. “What if someone walks in?” 

“Don’t care,” he murmurs against the delicate skin of her neck where he’d pushed her hair to the right and over her shoulder. 

“Ahhh, n-no!” 

Mustering all the self-control she has over her raging hormones, Rey pushes herself upright, and even though she knows she ought to get off his lap, she doesn’t. Instead, her fingers play with the lapels of his jacket. “We shouldn’t. Not _here.”_

Fingertips drag over her knees and Rey doesn’t think she can ever decipher the look he’s giving her. The one that warms her up all over. It is the exact look she’d received on Monday night when she’d wore his clothes back in his apartment.

Snapping back from her runaway thoughts, she scrambles off his lap, feet stumbling as she does and of course, her eyes fall to the bulge on his groin where his arousal is so clearly displayed. “Ben, seriously.” 

He gets to his feet, edging towards her, a centimetre too near to be considered casual and Rey darts her eyes towards the door. 

“I,” he pauses as his jaw does that shifting clenching thing. “Rey, you’re good at your job and I want you to continue working for me because of that. Not because of anything else but– Look, I’d rather we have this talk when we’re alone and not here.” 

A hand smoothes over the side of her face, fingers cupping her cheek and her breath hitches as his thumb traces the curve of her bottom lip.

“Are you-“ Ben cuts himself off, lines creasing over his forehead. “Are you coming over?” 

She pauses, mentally debating if that course of action would be wise. For the past two days, she’d barely spent any of her time in her own apartment. But throwing all caution to the wind, she peers up at him through her lashes. “Only if you want me to.” 

From their close proximity, she observes that his shoulders relax and he reaches up to tug at the knot of his tie. “Good. I’m…” he hesitates, brows furrowing. “I’m cooking.”

Her jaw drops and she gawks unseemly at him. “You’re cooking? Wait, you can cook?” 

Is it bad that she’s totally enjoying how he is so visibly uncomfortable with the way his ears turn red and how Ben is looking at everywhere else except her?

Maybe. 

Does she care? 

No. Not one bit. But she really should.

“What about it?” he asks, clearly on the defence.

“Nothing!” She presses her lips together, a weak attempt to suppress the smile that’s breaking onto her face. The image of Ben in an apron at the stove is…oddly endearing. “What’s next? Are you going to feed me grapes with your hand while I lie on your sofa?” 

He rolls his eyes and she laughs, and Rey would be a total dunce to miss the way his eyes soften as he regards at her. 

Her heart pounds and her hands go a little clammy.

“No, the only thing you’re going to receive while lying on my sofa is payback for your impertinence.” 

That makes her stop and the imagery that his words provide makes a thrill shoot down her spine. “I bloody dare you,” she grins, but it fades when she remembers the more important issue at hand. Ducking her head down, Rey plays with the soft hem of her cardigan with her hands, fingertips fiddling with the soft wool. “Ben…We really need to talk. I’m not okay with… _this._ ”

Acutely, she can feel his eyes boring holes into her head and her throat goes dry. Shoot, maybe she shouldn’t have used those particular set of words. Those were the ‘break up’ words, weren’t they? Everybody used them when they wanted to leave something. 

“Rey. Look at me.” 

She does, head lifting slowly as her heart races at the implications of what she’s doing— of what she’d done with him.

“I meant what I said earlier, you’re good at your job and I-“ 

The door slams open and with her heart in her throat, Rey rushes backwards—a few steps away that is more appropriate for a secretary and not…whatever she is to Ben.

“Ren! Where the bloody-ah, there you are.” 

Armitage Hux, Chief of Operations of First Order Shipping Industries steps into the room, a scowl on his face that is only made more obvious due to the blotchiness of his face. “I’ve been calling all morning and I’ve even tried your secretary’s number but due to the lack of response, clearly you’re both rather occupied.” 

Quickly, she darts her eyes to Ben, wondering if his counterpart had caught anything inappropriate before she’d moved away.

A subtle shake of his head relaxes her and Rey waits quietly as she gathers the folders from Ben’s desk, the exact same few that she’d used to whack him in the chest. This, she knows is a situation where she is to remain silent. 

“Of course, I’m fucking occupied! I’ve been busy dealing with the fucking shitstorm that your dealings have brought upon us!” Ben grits, circling around the desk to meet him. “Fucking Resistance is out baying for blood for the crap that you’ve pulled with the Hosnian deal.” 

Hux, at least, has the decency to look away before he speaks. “We have a meeting in five minutes with Chairman Snoke to figure out what to do. Only the top management are to be in attendance.” 

Rey would have bristled visibly at the look of utter disdain and condescension that the redhead shoots in her direction but she knows that doing so would attract unnecessary attention. Hence, she keeps her goddamn mouth shut and her eyes lowered to the ground.

Ben nods stiffly. “Fine.” 

As he brushes past her, Hux at his side, dark brown eyes meet her hazel-green ones and he mouths surreptitiously, _‘Later’._

Rey gives an imperceptible nod, knowing that he is referring to the issue of _them_ before Hux had interrupted. That being said, knowing that they are going to have a conversation about it soothes her slightly even though the outcome isn’t entirely determined yet.

* * * * *

Her eyes flit over the walls of his apartment that are bereft of anything familial. It is a stark contrast to the photographs that line almost every inch of his parents’ home that she almost wants to wince. 

Nothing in his house shows that he has any personal keepsakes. There were no plants, odd knickknacks, and personal photographs. In fact, Ben’s house is perfect—too perfect. It was like a model set that came right out of those classy interior design magazines.

Once more, Rey is reminded about the split in his family. 

It isn’t her first time being here. She’d been here to pick up his suits from the _Suit Incident,_ and the _Rain Incident._ But for both times, she didn’t have the luxury to walk about freely and take in everything. 

“Here.” She blinks as Ben hands her a plate of apple pie that he’d gotten earlier. 

With gusto, she attacks it and sighs in content when the delicious mix of fruit and cinnamon meets her taste buds. “This is something that can always turn me to any dark side,” she declares between mouthfuls. 

“What? Food?” 

“Hey! Don’t diss it!” She gives a mock glare at the incredulous look that Ben shoots her way. “And, yes.” 

“I should’ve known you were a total foodie,” he says and shakes his head, joining her at the pristine marble counter that is positioned in the middle of his state-of-the-art kitchen.

“What?” She quirks an eyebrow, forking another serving into her mouth as Ben stares at her. The very look reminding her of the one he’d given to her earlier in his office. 

He clears his throat, setting his fork down. “Nothing,” he pauses, clenching his jaw. “I’m sorry about Hux and his behaviour earlier.” 

At this, Rey stills, the reminder of how they’d almost got caught weighs like a lead ball in her gut. “Do you think he saw anything?” 

“No, Hux is many things but he’s not astute.”

She nods unsurely, fingers fiddling with the handle of her fork. “Ben, about the job…You weren’t finished with what you wanted to say earlier,” she prompts hesitantly.

He nods jerkily, eyes glancing away from hers, shifting uncomfortably at his spot on the island counter. “You’re a good PA, in fact, you’re one of the most competent ones to work for me-“

“You mean the _only_ competent one?” she teases with a smirk, taking another bite of her pie, eyes never leaving his.

“Yes, sure. Whatever.” He rolls his eyes and stance straightening, before running a hand through his hair. “I would like you to continue working for me.”

She eyes him carefully as her heart races. 

“Nothing else has to change. I-” He licks his bottom lip as he drums his fingers on the edge of the counter. “I- _fuck!_ I don’t know what you want me to say!” His eyes flick up towards her, almost pleading with her to speak, to somehow convey the words that has built up between them like a fucking goddamn dam.

Pressing her lips into a thin line, she shrugs, avoiding those eyes of his as she plays with the remaining crumbs on the plate with her fork. “We can pretend as if nothing else happened and we can just keep a strictly professional working relationship,” she says quietly.

That really wasn’t what she had in mind, but Rey can’t see an actual proper solution to _this_ unless they erase the past week. And in some way, she’s afraid. That if this thing continues between them, it’ll all crash and burn around her.

And Rey won’t have anyone to blame except for herself. After all, she’s just a PA and they are all replaceable, indistinctive, mundane. Anyone can be a PA, but not everyone can be a CEO of a corporate giant.

From how silent Ben is, she guesses that he’s actually considering her suggestion and that causes something ugly to twist in her chest.

Silence reigns in the room and Rey is about to throw in the towel and make some flimsy excuse to leave when Ben finally speaks.

“I can’t.” 

At that, her eyes fly up to his, lips parting at the glower that adorns his face. 

“What?”

“I can’t go back and pretend that I don’t know what you taste like, or the sounds you make when you’re in my bed, or any of it. _I can’t.”_

Utter relief washes through her and some hedonistic part of her screams in joy at his admission. Face heating up, Rey lowers her head, eyes meeting his through her lashes. “I don’t think I can pretend either.”

His eyes widen and the Adam’s apple at his throat bobs as he swallows hard. “Good.” 

“If not, I can find another job?” she offers lightly edging closer to him and Ben must be able to read her mind for he too moves closer.

“No.”

“No?” She echoes, leaning back against the counter now that he has encircled round the edges and now, there’s nothing separating them. “But-“

“You’re not working for anyone else!” he interrupts, jaw shifting. “We can compromise.” 

“Compromise?

“We can keep things separate from work and private.” Ben takes a step closer, hand lifting and all she can do is stare at him with wide eyes as his thumb brushes her lower lip. “During office hours, we’ll be strictly professional and after…”

She resists sticking her tongue out to suck at his thumb because now really wasn’t the time for that. They were having a serious discussion, but it can’t be her goddamn fault that he had to look so fucking good all the time. 

“Okay.” 

Really, Rey should be thinking more on this decision, questioning every angle, setting boundaries and all. But despite knowing better, she finds that she can’t bring herself to care when Ben is looking at her like _that_ —as though she’s everything.

He is silent and by now, a hand has dropped to her torso, fingers spanning the whole length of her waist and never has she thought that his hands were this big nor has she thought that the heat from him would sear through her like this. 

“Ben,” she murmurs, head tilting upwards to face his. “Why do you call yourself, Kylo?”

Ben stills and Rey almost regrets the words that have left her mouth but she can’t forget about the feud that tears at the Organa-Solo-Skywalker family that is made more obvious by being in his house.

“That’s who I am now,” he says stiffly, the grip he has on her waist tightening and a shudder wracks through her at that.

“Why?” 

“Because I’ll never be a proper Solo in my parents’ eyes, so can you fucking drop it?” he snaps and Rey observes that every inch of him is tense, as though he is primed for a fucking fight in a bar that had escalated.

She purses her lips and the raw emotion in his eyes causes guilt to well up in her stomach. Had she been rubbing salt into open wounds because of her stubbornness and her one-sided view of everything? She and Ben may have their differences in regards to his family, but, Rey doesn’t think she can actually bear hurting him.

“I’m sorry,” she murmurs, sucking her lower lip between her teeth. “I didn’t know calling you Ben would affect you so much. If you want, I’ll call you Kylo, like you prefer.”

Silence reigns once more, but there is no way in hell she can miss the way he’s subtly edging closer to her or the darkening of his patrician features.

“Rey, what the fuc-Are you trying to fuck with me?” 

Of all the nerve! 

She scowls, withdrawing a fist before shoving it hard into his chest, not that it leaves much impact considering that Ben is still standing in front of her, gazing down at her through half-lidded eyes.

“I’m trying to be serious, you arse!” 

“Serious,” he mutters to himself, head tilting backwards to look up at the ceiling. “Fuck being serious, Rey!”

“What the bloody hell does your stupid twat of a mouth mean?” she demands hotly, jabbing her index finger into the exact same spot where she’d punched him not five minutes ago. 

Rey really should be creeping backwards to get away from Ben and the thunderous expression on his face, but instead, all she feels is anticipation that coils in her belly and how her blood seems to sing for him. 

God, she really is fucked up.

“Rey, tell me what the fuck is that supposed to mean?” 

She gapes at him, blinking. “I was literally trying to be nice you arse! You have that complex family thing and I thought maybe it’ll be better if I called you by your other name because isn’t that what you wanted?”

Ben stares at her, totally still and it feels like an eternity that has passed when his eyes shut in what she suspects is exasperation. “No. That’s not what I want.”

“What?” she breathes out, brows furrowing.

“I don’t mind if you call me, Ben.” 

She blinks, lips parting and in her chest, her heart speeds up, pulse quickening in her veins. “But you were so adamant about it back then and-”

“But only if it’s you,” he interrupts curtly, eyes burning into hers, as though she is the only thing in the room and he’s captivated by her.

At this point, there are so many things she could’ve done or said. But instead, she does the only thing she knows.

She reaches out, hands cupping the side of his face as she plants her lips onto his.

Instantaneously, his lips moves desperately against hers, tongue sweeping over her bottom lip, wordlessly asking for access to her mouth, which she grants. There, she gives sharp nips to his mouth, hands curling into his hair while his slide up her body, lingering on the sides of her breasts, before dropping down below her hips to cup her bottom.

“You have a fucking perfect ass,” he mouths against her lips, voice rumbling from his throat and damn her if it doesn’t cause her knickers to be soaked. “I’ve dreamt about having my hands on them ever since you walked in.” 

Eyelids fluttering, she arches her back, eager to feel the insistent jut of his erection against her belly, wanting to feel his need—want for her.

“Yeah, well,” she gasps as he lifts her up onto the counter, parting her thighs so that he’s between them. “You have a filthy mouth.” 

“Is that so?” 

Rey gazes at him hazily as he palms at the slick juncture of her thighs and she knows the moment he’d found her soaking wet centre from the smirk that his mouth adopts.

“But you have a filthy cunt,” he rasps, bending down as he shoves her skirt upwards, eyes immediately fixed on her black panties that are so wet from her arousal that they are sticking to her nether lips.

“Shit,” she groans, throwing her head back when he thumbs at her clit through her knickers. “Ben, don’t be a fucking tease!” 

“Says the cocktease.” He flicks his eyes up, a sinful daring expression crossing his face. “I said that I would have my mouth here,” his thumb begins rubbing circular motions around her clit and her hips jerk involuntarily. 

The friction of his thumb and the lace of her underwear is giving sensations that make her head spin and urgently, she thrusts her groin towards him, uncaring of the way she is so blatantly splayed out for him.

With one swift movement, he crouches down and balances both her legs on each shoulder. “I did have your cunt on my mouth, but I find that I want to taste you again.” 

Eyes on his, Rey watches with bated breath as presses is mouth over her, his hot breath stimulating her and she shudders, body squirming as his teeth tug at her knickers before dragging it down. 

Fuck. Bloody hell, she bites her lip as her knees quiver uncontrollably. That was hot.

The next thing she knows, her quim is exposed and his mouth is on her again. Slowly, Ben laves at her slick folds, each drag causing her very universe to shake as his tongue glides at her slit. 

“Filthy, filthy, _filthy,”_ he murmurs against her sensitive skin, lips dragging along the slick lips of her labia.

By now, Rey is pretty sure she is just a moaning gasping creature of sensation. Nothing else is on her mind except for the way Ben’s tongue glides around her— _in_ her. Her hips start to undulate against his face when his nose—that aristocratic nose of his bumps against her clit.

A sharp keening wail escapes from her lungs when he begins to lick rapidly against her slit, tongue lingering on the inner walls of her cunt and Rey really thinks she might die from how fucking fantastic this feels. 

“Ben! _God! Yes!”_

She gasps when he gives a sharp nip to her inner thigh, the pain and pleasure of what Ben Solo is doing to her makes her blood heat up. Like it’s liquid fire coursing through her veins and the only thing that mattered is reaching completion even though she is on the kitchen counter moaning like an animal in heat.

The end is so near that if orgasms are tangible things, Rey can just reach out for it and grab it. 

Somehow, Ben must have known, for he picks up speed, sucking her clit into his mouth, tongue flicking the hard bud as though it’s a lolly and he’s a starving child before sliding a finger in her and hooking it upwards to find the rough spot that brings stars to her eyes.

And Rey shatters with his name on her lips.

_Ben._

* * * * *

Rey wakes to the sun shining on her face. 

Stretching like a cat, she blearily takes in her surroundings. From the modern décor around the large room and the heavy weight on her waist, she doesn’t even need to turn to know that she’s still in Ben’s home. 

Slowly, she shifts, enjoying the way her sore muscle burn, but from the way the arm that is slung around her tighten, she stops. 

Ben has his head buried into the crook of her neck and Rey doesn’t know why she isn’t surprised to learn that Ben Solo is a _cuddler_. It did make sense, but deep down, a part of her likes it. She likes this small contradiction of him—that under all his bark and bite, there is a softie somewhere deep within. 

Curling to her side, she stares at him, eyes darting from his hair that falls over his eyes, the small beauty marks that are scattered all over his face, the slightly crooked angle of his patrician nose and down to the day old stubble lining his jaw and that sinful mouth of his that made her reach the stars just last night.

With his body heaving slowly, she surmises that he’s still asleep and really, with the heat that he gives out, Rey doesn’t want to leave this cocoon of warmth. 

Pressing her face into his chest, she inhales slowly, eager to breathe in the unique spicy scent of Ben and nothing else. 

Soon enough, sleep is welcoming her into its dark depths and shutting her eyes, Rey huddles closer, tangling her legs with his. But in the fuzzy state where her mind is between alertness and oblivion, she knows that whatever line they’d been toeing all along has been crossed. 

Otherwise, it is the point of no return.

In short, Rey doesn’t even know what’s going on anymore. But she knows, deep down, something has changed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed this! Let me know what you lovelies think because I adore all of your insight and comments! Kudos and comments make my day and thank you all so much for reading! ♥♥♥
> 
> I'm [resplendxntly on tumblr](http://resplendxntly.tumblr.com) so come drop by and say hi! :) 
> 
> Sidenote, I think the chapter count might have to be increased again! Because clearly, this fic has spun out of control that I don't even know who's in charge of this anymore!


	7. You're A Tease

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there! I updated! I haven't replied to all of your comments yet, but I'm so sorry for being busy and I'll definitely do all of them after I post this! ♥♥♥ Thank you so much for reading you guys! 
> 
> This chapter hasn't been beta'ed yet, because Em is super busy atm so all mistakes are mine! :") 
> 
> In short, I'm NEVER sorry for fluff. So yeah.

**Chapter 7 | You're A Tease**

Hux paces around, circling the end of the table, a laser pointer in his hand as he gestures heavily towards the screen. “For the past year and a half, First Order Shipping Industries have been the leader in this market and as you can see, from the revenue earned as of 2017…”

Rey blinks at the vivid display of black and red shapes of the graph adorning the PowerPoint slides as she types out the main pointers on her laptop. 

But she can’t miss the weight of a stare burning through the back of her head.

You would think that the several top executives and their respective secretaries around them would cause Ben to stop burning holes into her head. 

Apparently, no. 

Stealing a quick glance to her right, her cheeks flush when he quirks an eyebrow at her. Quickly, she snaps her head back to the front, eyes focused on Hux and his presentation as her fingers fly over the keyboard of her laptop.

It really shouldn’t be a surprise to receive a text message from Ben in less than a minute.

Rey resists turning her head back, instead, moving her mouse to open it.

> _14:57_
> 
> **The Assistant Killer:** This meeting is boring. 

Inwardly, she snorts, but Rey cannot deny the tug on the corner of her lips as she types a response.

> _14:59_
> 
> **Rey:** Pay attention, corporate boy and stop texting me.

It really should shock her with how he’s managing to text her quickly during this meeting on his phone with no one the wiser.

> _15:00_
> 
> **The Assistant Killer:** Why? I’d rather know if you’re wearing any underwear today.
> 
> _15:01_
> 
> **Rey:** What I’m wearing is none of your concern, Solo. 
> 
> _15:02_
> 
> **The Assistant Killer:** It is when I’m the one who gets to rip it off you when you’re being a fucking cocktease.

Eyes widening, Rey presses her thighs close, silently commanding her hormones to get some control. Honestly. It really wasn’t fair how easily Ben Solo always turned her on.

> _15:04_
> 
> **Rey:** We’ll see. But to answer your question. Yes, I am wearing underwear and it’s black and lacy 
> 
> _15:05_
> 
> **The Assistant Killer:** Fuck. You’re really a fucking cocktease. You’re going to regret it

Tucking an errant curl behind her ear, she allows a small smirk to grace her lips.

> _15:06_
> 
> **Rey:** I dare you. 
> 
> _15:06_
> 
> **The Assistant Killer:** Ohh, we’ll see.

She presses her lips into a thin line, masking the grin that was wont to make an appearance any time before shutting the application close, and turns her attention back to Hux.

* * * * *

“Here’s your stupid coffee.”

Ignoring the frown, Ben grabs it from her and begins taking greedy sips.

“You know, it isn’t good to have that much coffee in one day,” she remarks as she handles her own cup with reverence. “Plus, what exactly is this concoction anyway? A double shot espresso latte with a dash of cinnamon and low-fat milk? Can you sound less like a hipster?”

He snorts, shooting her a glare as he takes a defiant sip from his straw. “Whatever. For that, you’re cooking today.”

“Hey!” Rey nudges him harshly with her elbow, and he quickly moves away before poking her in the shoulder. “You’re rude,” she scowls, turning her head away, nose in the air.

“Like you didn’t know that from Day One,” he retorts before grabbing the car door open and Rey slides in gracefully.

“Okay, seriously, what’s for dinner?”

“You,” he says, smirking but ducks away when she smacks him half-heartedly in the chest. “Okay, that’s abuse,” he points out and slots his coffee into the cup holders on his right.

Rey grins and buckles her seatbelt and leans back. “Damn bloody right it is. But, Ben, seriously, what’s for dinner? I’m actually hungry, like _really_ hungry.” 

He starts the engine and moves out of the parking lot. “We can get takeout and go to your place this time. I’m sick of staring at my four walls.”

Silence reigns and inwardly, Kylo starts to panic. Had he been too forward and made assumptions? They’d always gone to his place ever since that brutally honest talk two weeks ago and he’d been starting to wonder what environment did Rey live in. But maybe, he had been too presumptuous.

Maybe, whatever he was truly feeling for his infuriating, stubborn PA was all one-sided.

Feeling his clammy palms on the steering wheel, he darts his eyes towards Rey who is taking slow sips from her coffee with her eyes fixed on the road. 

_Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck._

He clears his throat as his heart pounds unsteadily in his chest. “Forget I said that, we can just go back-“

“Turn left on the junction here.” 

He blinks and abruptly cuts into the lane on his left. “What? Why?” 

Rey raises a brow and speaks slowly as though he’s a child from kindergarten. “You said you wanted to go to my apartment. You have to turn left here to get there.”

Kylo blinks and quickly fixes his eyes to the front as he navigates the vehicle to the turn on the junction. “Your place?” he echoes stupidly.

“Ben, you said you wanted to come to mine. Are you alright?” 

_No, not when it comes to you._

He nods curtly, running a hand through his hair haphazardly. “I’m fine. Just checking.” 

Not missing the uncertain look that Rey shoots his way, he guides the car down the roads, turning when she instructs him to do so at regular intervals. He wonders why he doesn’t mind when Rey reaches out to fiddle with the buttons on the dashboard as music starts to play. 

He absolutely hates it when people touch things that belong to him.

“You like jazz?” 

“Mmhmmm,” Rey nods as she hums under her breath and drums her fingers to some tune he vaguely recognises belongs to Frank Sinatra. 

His heart clenches when he remembers that this exact tune is one his mother plays on a regular basis when he’d been a child. It was often accompanied to the scene of his parents laughing and dancing in their living room when everything had been normal.

When he had the illusion that they were a normal family.

Swallowing hard, he steals another glance to his right as Rey begins nodding her head to the rhythm of the song and begins humming along. He doesn’t know why but her off-tune singing endears him greatly. At that, the knot in his chest fades. 

With the crooning of the singer filling the car and Rey’s off-tune humming – that he doesn’t want to point out – Kylo thinks he’s well…at peace.

It takes another fifteen minutes before they reach and really, he has no idea that Rey lived this far from work. The moment he steps in, he’s assaulted by the scent of her. Of Rey. 

In his pants, his cock jumps. 

Kylo almost hates the fact that he’s perpetually aroused where Rey is concerned. It didn’t matter what she was doing, what she was saying or what she was wearing. His dick always stands to attention when she’s around. 

“I know it’s not much…but it’s home,” Rey offers tightly, shrugging as she hugs her arms close to her chest and it hits him that she’s afraid that he would find her home underwhelming, inadequate as compared to his apartment.

Drifting, his eyes seek out the well-worn sofa with pink cushions and a beige afghan and the walls that area adorned with photo frames and trinkets and Kylo doesn’t think he’s ever felt more at ease in his life.

“It’s nice, it suits you,” he responds softly and he guesses that Rey can see that he means every word for she brightens and shrugs off the cardigan she’s wearing before grabbing a stack of pamphlets from a drawer.

“Here.” She tucks an errant curl behind her ear and hands him the papers. “Takeout menus. And FYI, I like pizza.” 

He would be a total idiot to miss the hopeful look in her eyes, which he recognises is a hint. Mentally sighing, he shuffles through the papers and spotting a pizza place about ten minutes away, he grabs his phone and dials the number. 

“Make sure that it has pineapples!” Rey hollers from somewhere in her home.

“Pineapples?” he echoes, turning as his face twist into disgust and disdain.

“Yes! Oh! And anything that has mushrooms!” She grins broadly, head peeking out from the doorway that separates the living room and the kitchen. 

He finds that he can’t deny her, no matter how awful her taste in food is.

And that is how they are later seated on her circular dining table, pizza slices in hand and Kylo can’t help but watch as Rey devours each piece as though it would disappear if she doesn’t consume it in record time.

“What are you looking at? Aren’t you going to eat?” she questions as she sips on some horrendous coloured soda he’d never seen before in his life.

“I am, Rey. I just eat slower than you,” he replies dryly. 

“Jeez, get that stick out of your arse, Ben,” Rey laughs, her face painting a lovely picture, eyes twinkling brightly and cheeks flushed pink, but he can’t focus on that. 

Not when in another lifetime, someone had used that exact line on him with irritation and frustration dripping from each word.

He stills, fixing his eyes on the greasy slab of dough that has terribly cut pieces of other food, and he finds that his appetite is gone. 

“Ben?” 

“It’s nothing.” 

He hates how obvious he is. How he can’t disguise his true feelings like his mother, how those two words that have left his mouth are stilted and cold, clearly showing how he isn’t fine.

Rey purses her lips, lines creasing at the space between her brows. “It isn’t nothing. What’s wrong? Have I…Have I said something?” 

“No.”

“Ben?”

He darts his eyes upwards and the sight of Rey worrying her bottom lip as she peers up at him with wide eyes makes some semblance of guilt to pool in his gut.

Why was he always such a fuck up that he made everything turn awkward and horrid?

“I…It’s not you.” Again, why does it feel like his throat is closing up? Like he can’t breathe? He shifts in his seat, shrugging, trying to feign casualness but he knows from the way Rey presses her lips into a thin line that he’d failed.

_“Ben.”_

“Those words were what Han used to say when I was young,” he says quietly, fingers tapping rhythmically against the wooden table. 

Immediately, he regrets what he’d revealed. Rey would undoubtedly take his family’s side against him and for once, he wishes that someone has his back, that he has someone who is as loyal to him like Rey is to his family.

“I’m sorry.”

At that, his eyes fly up and the empathy and guilt in those hazel-green eyes surprises him. Discomfort settles over his being and he flits his eyes away from her. He doesn’t deserve that. He doesn’t deserve _her._

Kylo can feel the heavy weight of her stare and really, the last thing he wants to talk about is the complicated relationship he has with his family—mainly, Han. Summoning all the false bravado, he forces a tight smile onto his face. 

“It’s not your fault. You didn’t know.” 

She chews on her lower lip. “Nonetheless, I’m sorry. I should’ve guessed and-”

He reaches forward, hand taking hers. “It’s okay. I don’t want to-Can we just not talk about this?”

Rey watches him, eyes flickering from his face to his hands and to some other spot on the table before they meet his once more. “Okay. Do you still want the last slice?” 

Blinking from the sudden change of topic as she gestures to the last piece in the flat rectangular cardboard box, he shakes his head. “No, you can have it.”

“Oh, great!”

As Rey reaches eagerly for it, Kylo knows that this wouldn’t be the last time he’d hear of this. And if Rey were anyone else, he’d have left and slammed the door on the way out. But as he watches her chew her horrid concoction of mushroom and pineapples, he can feel a tug on the corner of his mouth.

* * * * * 

She watches Luke get into position on his mat on the raised dais, pressing his palms together and centring them at his chest. “Let the light shine through your spirit, it’s calming you, filling you up with its presence.”

Rey closes her eyes, breathing heavily and already, she can feel droplets of sweat dripping down her spine, and how her tank top sticks to her body like a second skin. But for some goddamn reason, she can’t get into it. 

Unsettled, she shifts on the mat, a frown creasing over her forehead.

“Can you feel how it quietens your mind?” He breathes slowly, a serene expression on his weathered face.

No, she can’t. 

Not when there are so many questions buzzing around in her mind. As if on cue, her mind provides the image of Ben’s tortured expression that had flashed across his face on Friday. Now, more than ever, she wants to know about it. About the fractured relationship of Han and Ben.

“And be at ease.” Luke opens his eyes and smiles sunnily. 

Exhausted, Rey drops from her form and slumps down onto her mat as the others begin packing up their belongings before shuffling out of the studio. God, she’s so tired and done.

After dinner on Friday, they’d washed up and somehow, a water fight had started, which left both her and Ben soaking wet and all slimy from the dish soap. Of course, that had resulted in a nice titillating shower. From that, Rey now knows that due to practicing yoga, her body could really be flexible.

Flushing from the direction of her thoughts, she sits upwards and tugs at her loose ponytail to find that Luke is watching her pensively. 

“Luke,” she greets. 

“Rey, how are you? I can sense and see that something is troubling you.”

She blinks and tilts her head to the left. Was she really that transparent?

Just as her mouth opens to give a generic answer, she stops. Ben didn’t want to talk about it and she didn’t dare to ask Han or Leia. Luke Skywalker seemed like the ideal person to get her answers from and it was an added bonus that the man seemed mostly neutral to the whole situation.

It may be wrong of her to pry, but they were like her family, plus, she and Ben were _something. A quasi-relationship, _perhaps, her mind supplies helpfully. And that should be enough reason for her to ask.__

____

__

Satisfied with her internal justification, she curls her feet closer. “Luke,” she begins hesitantly. “Can I ask you something?” 

The older man nods before rummaging into his duffel bag and pulls out a tumbler and begins taking sips. From the transparent straw showcasing some bright green substance, Rey can clearly see that Luke has been experimenting with veggie smoothies now.

“What exactly is the quarrel between Han and Ben?” 

Seeing the wince that flickers over his face, she quickly backtracks. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. I was just curious but-“

She cuts herself off when he holds up a hand before dragging his palm over his face. “It’s fine, Rey. I’m just surprised that you haven’t asked about this, considering how close you are to us.”

Luke exhales heavily, stepping off the dais to sit in front of her and Rey leans in, eager to finally get some answers. 

“It was about ten years ago? Ben’s always been a quiet kid and well, you know, Han.” He raises his eyebrows, scratching at his beard. “They’d never really gotten along and everything started to go downhill when Ben started working at the First Order.” 

“But why? It’s just a shipping company.”

Luke shakes his head and waggles his index finger. “Ahh, but you see, Han’s father had been involved in an accident that was caused by that company and well, when Ben started working there, Han lost it. It got worst when he’d been promoted to the CEO position a few years ago.” 

She frowns, sucking her bottom lip through her teeth. “But that doesn’t explain why both of them treat each other as though they are non-existent. I’ve seen that Sunday dinner from three weeks ago.” 

The older man shrugs. “Well, I’m not a Solo, so I can safely say it’s the stubborn gene.” Luke sighs, rubbing his chin. “Han has pride issues and it doesn’t help when he’d disowned Ben when he’d been promoted.” 

_“Disowned?”_ She can hardly believe it. “Over a job?” she sputters incredulously.

“Oh yes.” Luke nods, eyes downcast. “Han made an ultimatum and all, claimed that if Ben didn’t give up his job, he can’t be a Solo.” 

Han Solo? The grumpy yet endearing man she’d worked with in the past had done that? To his own son—his own flesh and blood? Just because he didn’t approve of his career? The gleaming portrait that she’d had of the older man starts to fracture and Rey blinks furiously.

“But-How? What happened after?”

“Well, Leia wasn’t pleased, fought Han over it, but he’d refused to budge and then, Ben left.” 

Floored, Rey stares hard at the wooden boards that made the studio’s ground. “I-I don’t know what to say,” she whispers. 

It made so much sense, she realizes. How the friction between father and son resembled to those of splintered glass, how Ben had a temperament that is jagged and razor-sharp, and sometimes it felt like if she got too close, he’d cut her. Rey also recalls how Ben often holds himself offensively, as though he’s preparing to fend off any attack that comes his way.

Sorrowfully, she knows why now. That all of his barbs and snarks and his edgy temper were his defense mechanism to keep everyone around him at bay, so that he couldn’t—wouldn’t get hurt. Because he’d been hurt by his own father, someone that should have been an outstanding role-model, someone that should have been proud that his son is successful at his career.

“It was partly my fault too, hence the reason why Ben kept a far distance from us,” he continues, voice barely audible as he picks at the hem of his trousers.

“What?”

“I’ve stayed silent during that confrontation,” Luke admits, dropping his head down. “Ben is merely my nephew, I didn’t think I had a say in what goes on in their family. But when Han had told him to leave, Ben had turned towards me—and I don’t think I can forget how those eyes had looked at me pleadingly.”

Rey studies him, hardly daring to move when his blue eyes gazing off into a far distance and she has no doubt on what he’s reminiscing about. 

“I’ve failed Ben. He just wanted me to stick up for him, to tell him that he’d always be part of our family, to rebut Han, but I thought it was best to stay out of it all. I was wrong. And five six years later, here we are.”

From everything she’d ever thought the disagreement had been, this is _not_ what she’d been expecting. For all that her friends had said, she’d never truly entertained the idea that it’d been Ben’s family at fault, not _him._

“I see.” She straightens on her mat, swinging her hands up to tie her hair into a sloppy bun. 

It seems that she owed Ben an apology. A huge one. In addition to that, she really ought to get a better grasp of what family even means in the first place. But even now, Rey can’t understand how family members could do that to each other. 

Wasn’t a family meant to have each other’s backs when one was in trouble? That they would always be there for each other? She still can’t picture Han—her Han doing that to his own son. To Ben.  
Guilt and shame and most of all, regret swirls in her gut like a burgeoning hurricane. “Thank you, Luke. I got to go now. Have to prepare the dessert for tonight’s dinner,” she mumbles, offering a tight smile.

She gets to her feet carefully, slinging her mat into a roll and hefting it over her shoulder.

“Would Ben be coming tonight? Or does he have another business meeting?”

Rey pauses. Ben had in fact not attended any more Sunday dinners except for that one time, claiming that he was busy and had meetings and reports that commanded his attention. But Rey can see through those stupid excuses. She knows his schedule for crying out loud. 

“I don’t know,” she replies, face maintaining a blank countenance. “I guess we’ll see.”

With that, she turns to leave, both mind and heart a conflicted mess.

* * * * *

Rey sneaks a glance in his direction for what is perhaps the fifth time.

What she’d learned today had astounded her, shocked her beyond words. 

But now, she can’t decide if she should tell Ben that she knew everything and that she’d been wrong about him and had prejudice against him from the very start. Shifting in her seat, her brows furrow. No doubt Ben would be utterly furious at her for prying but would he?

She doesn’t know. Hence, she steals another look his way, hazel eyes running over the side of his face, studying the angular planes and the way he clenches his jaw every few minutes as he gazes out of the window.

“I can feel you staring. You’re not being entirely subtle.”

“I know. So?”

“What’s up with you? You’re being weird ever since you came back from _yoga._ ” The wrinkle on his nose portraying exactly how he felt about said exercise and she huffs.

“Nothing.” She sniffs and shrugs. “I’m just wondering why we couldn’t take the subway instead of a cab.”

Ben snorts, throwing her a supercilious stare and Rey is once more reminded that Ben could be an arrogant poncy arshole. “If I’m not driving, I’m not taking public transport.”

“Snob,” she retorts and rolls her eyes. “You can just admit that you’re uncertain about seeing your family again.”

“So what if I am?”

Before she can get a chance to reply, Rey is met with the sight of Ben freezing and the next thing she knows, her head is being pushed down unceremoniously into his lap. 

“Get your head down and don’t move!” 

If this was any other situation, she would’ve back up and demanded what the fuck is wrong with him and what the hell does he think he’s doing. But the urgency and the panic that is reflected in his voice makes her stay. 

“What’s going on?” 

“I see Phasma on the goddamn sidewalk. Don’t fucking move, Rey.”

Rey lets out a muffled squeak when his hand presses lightly against her neck, holding her down but she stills when she realises where exactly her face is pressing against. 

Heat burns and she swears her ears have never felt this hot before in her life. She barely dares to breathe, not when her face is pressed against his crotch. 

More specifically, there are only two layers separating his cock from her cheek and Rey swears she can feel his member hardening through the soft worn denim of his jeans.

Right there and then, she daren’t move. Her palms are splayed on his broad muscular thighs, nearing his knees and Rey guesses that his dick is about a few centimeters from her mouth.

A sick part of her inwardly dares her to rub her face against the seams of his pants to get a bigger reaction or to mouth over his cloth-covered cock.

So, she does.

Slowly, she shifts, nose nudging against the growing ridge before she reaches a hand closer to stroke him. God, even though he was barely fully erect, he was still impressive. To think that this part of him had been in her more times than she count causes a thrill to shoot down her spine.

“Rey- _fuuckk,_ ” Ben swears quietly as his hips jerk when she cups his erection, squeezing his length lightly before massaging it with her fingers. 

With a cat-like smirk on her mouth, she breathes in his heady scent of arousal that permeates through his clothes before she reaches for the zipper. 

Was she really doing this?

Without a doubt.

Just as she silently slides the zipper down, a hand grasps over hers and she looks up with a smug grin. The expression on Ben’s face is _everything._

His face is flushed, pupils blown wide from desire and his chest heaves slightly. She likes that Ben is barely aware that the cab had moved off and she had no need to stay where she was as he strokes her head, fingers slowly tangling in her walnut-coloured curls.

He draws a ragged breath. “Fuck, the things you do to me, you _fucking tease.”_

Rey is extremely glad that he’d spoken so softly—an action she greatly appreciates because there is no way she wants the driver to be alert of what they’re doing. 

“Not here,” he mutters, nudging her hand away from the front of his jeans reluctantly. “Fuck, but I want you so bad.”

She grins as she slides back to her seat as he zips his jeans a little sullenly and uncomfortably. “I know.”

Ben shoots her a flat look and she chuckles under her breath before leaning her head on his shoulder.

“Fucking tease,” he mutters under his breath.

* * * * *

It doesn’t surprise Rey one bit to see Ben practically ignoring Han throughout dinner. But at least she can see that Leia is glowing from his attendance as she peppers him with questions about work and other things. 

She doesn’t think she’d ever forget the way Leia had brightened and beamed so much when Ben had walked in, or the sigh of relief that had escaped Luke’s mouth. Most of all, the way Han had widened his eyes before darting them away catches her attention the most.

After knowing the whole sordid tale, she almost felt a touch of pity for him. But that all fades when she passes by the wall of photos and the photograph of Ben when he’d been a young adult catches her eye.

To think at that age, all he’d wanted was approval and recognition. Instead, he’d been kicked out of his family. That very thought hardens her heart and Rey finds herself giving a tight wane smile to the older Solo before brushing pass him to greet Leia brightly.

Brushing away her internal monologue, she focuses on actually chewing the food, instead of staring at Ben who is actually trying to make conversation with Luke and Leia.

Feeling a tad bit cheeky and daring, she slides her feet up under the table, leg brushing against his thigh lightly but firm enough that he can feel it. 

Instantaneously, his gaze flies up to her and he scowls warningly.

“What are you going to do about the lawsuit, Ben? Unfortunately, I can’t stop Resistance Holdings. I know that Poe Dameron will be leading the case.” Leia frowns, resting her chin on her palm.

The sullen glare on his face makes her frown. _“Dameron?”_

From the tone he uses, Rey can tell he doesn’t have much love for the man. 

“Yes, you know that he’s one of the best legal attorneys Resistance Holdings has.” 

“I-“

Swiftly, she trails her leg higher, toes brushing against his inner thighs and Ben jerks visibly in his seat, body bumping hard against the edge of the table, which results in the dinnerware clattering on the smooth glossy surface.

“Ben, dear, are you alright? Han! Get him some water!” 

Ben clears his throat loudly, tugging at the collar of his button up and rolling up the sleeves to his elbows. A flush staining his cheeks as he avoids her face with a determination that makes her snort into her pasta. 

“I’m fine,” he croaks. “Food just went down the wrong pipe.”

Leia sighs, shaking her head reproachfully. “Really, Ben.” 

Hiding her smirk, Rey continues edging her toes up and _there!_

Ever so slowly, she presses lightly into his erection, watching the myriad of expressions that flash across his arrogant haughty features. At the base of his throat, she can see his pulse hammering against his skin as he tries to compose himself.

He shifts in his chair, setting down his fork to run his hand through his hair. Relentlessly, she drags her toes from the base of his cock, circling around the area of his inner thighs before rubbing her heel from the top of his shaft, trailing her way down to the sensitive underside of him.

From her previous experiences, Rey knows that the throbbing vein there is the part that makes him reaches his end the fastest.

 _“Fuck!_ Excuse me.” Ben growls hoarsely as he heaves his body out of his seat and hastens out of the room and down the hallway. 

Now, Rey dares to lift her head to see Leia frowning and exchanging glances with her twin. “What’s wrong with him?”

“Maybe, he has to use the bathroom,” she offers congenially, injecting as much innocence as she can into her tone.

“Hmm.” Leia shrugs and continues eating.

When Ben arrives back, face set into a glower, it takes all of her self-control not to flush bright red when he sends her a wicked leer over the table. A leer that promises utter retribution for what she’d done and that she would pay dearly. 

Would it be bad if Rey is definitely looking forward to that?

Once dinner had ended, she heads into the kitchen after Leia, who begins rinsing the dishes while she sets them into the dishwasher.

“Did you and Ben come by together?”

Her hands still and a wave of panic washes over her. What would Leia think if she knew that she’d been sleeping with her son, who coincidentally is also her boss? 

Dread curls up in her gut like curdled milk and she forces a sunny smile on her face. “Oh yes, it was purely by chance. We met just outside the door.”

The lie tastes bitter on her tongue but Rey can’t tell the truth, not when Leia is studying her carefully. 

“I see.”

She swallows hard and shifts her eyes away, hands on autopilot as they stack the dishes in the machine. “It’s alright, dear, bring the cake out for the boys, I’ll take over.”

“But-“ 

“Rey, _go.”_

Rey does and takes the cake that Leia shoves into her hands and walks out of the room.

It is almost comical how that there are three separate camps in the dining room, all three men of the family remaining silent as they each nurse a drink in their hands. Only Luke, Rey observes, is holding on to something green and frothy. 

All three of them were barely looking at each other or making conversation and she can’t help but roll her eyes as she sets the cake down. What a bunch of idiots.

Dessert passes by amicably enough but from the increased number of glances that is shot in Ben’s direction from Han, Rey feels a distinct discomfort settle into her bones. 

Call it foresight or the sixth sense, she can tell that Han wants to speak to his son. How that would go down, she has no idea.

True enough, when she’d grabbed her coat, she spots the tall broad frame that is Ben and the shorter stature of Han at the doorway. Quickly, she scrambles back, hoping she had not been seen.

“Ben.”

“Look. About everything…”

She tilts her head, pressing closer, eyes observing the scene and from the way Ben is so rigid, hands clenched into tight fists at his side, she can tell that he’s going to snap.

Even though she knows that this is wrong, that she’s an outsider, Rey can’t help but watch. 

_“What,”_ he grits out through his teeth. “Do you fucking want?”

Her heart drops a little at the hurt on Han’s face. Although she disagrees with his actions, she can’t help but feel utterly sorry for him.

“I just want to talk,” the older Solo says quietly, looking down, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. 

“I don’t want to hear anything from _you,”_ Ben snarls, eyes crackling with fury as he whirls on his feet. But God, _dear God,_ she can see the hurt raging in those brown depths and for a moment, she can see the lost youth he must have been that day.

“Son, please-“

 _“I’m not your son!”_ Ben spits, tone infused with so much anger and resentment that it almost makes her take a step back. “You made that very clear six years ago in this fucking room!” 

The house is quiet and Rey knows that somewhere, Leia and Luke must be listening to this. Furthermore, even though she isn’t in the room, she can see how much he’s restraining himself from the way his frame is wracking with barely suppressed rage as the muscle under his left eye begins to twitch.

“Ben-“

That is when Rey knows she ought to intervene.

With false bravado, she steps into the room that is charged with a heavy sombre atmosphere and beams brightly. “Ben, are we ready to go? It was nice of you to offer me a ride to the subway.” 

Her tall lumbering idiot blinks, as though he’s remembering where he is and who is around for he steps back and avoids looking at Han. “Let’s go,” he mutters gruffly before stalking out of the house in two steps. 

Forcing a bright cheery smile on her face, she gives a perfunctory peck on Han’s weathered cheek before following after Ben, leaving the house that is as silent as a tomb. 

As they walk down the sidewalk, she can sense that he’s lost in memories, eyes barely focused on the path ahead of them as he slowly digests what had just happened. Rey is totally content to remain quiet, unwilling to break the silence between them.

That is until Ben reaches for her hand at her side, larger fingers tangling with hers as he meets her slower strides. “Thank you,” he says quietly, voice low and tremulous.

For all that he is, Ben Solo has pride and so, she doesn’t point out his slightly trembling lips or the way his eyes seem a little glassy, further highlighted by the streetlamps. 

Instead, Rey just smiles softly and squeezes his hand.

* * * * *

The ride back to his apartment is silent. 

Rey finds that it is a silence that she is comfortable with. Never had she thought that she’d be able to say anything like that, but here with Ben navigating the car and her on his right, she thinks that it’s pretty alright.

She doesn’t have the urge to fill it up with useless prattle or empty words about the weather or the state of the economy. Instead, she can just _be._

Once they are surrounded by the walls of his apartment, Ben tugs her gently by the waist, hands planted on her hips as he crowds her against the door.

He leans down, head ducking to her neck as he leaves open-mouth kisses on her throat, while his hands begin to pull her closer so that their bodies are pressed flushed together. Already, she can feel his erection jutting firmly on her stomach and some part of her likes that he’s always in the state of arousal for her. 

Just for her.

Unfortunately, she can’t yield to him now. Or today. Or for the next few days. 

Even though she’d been totally unfair for teasing him relentlessly.

“Ben, stop,” she murmurs, head pulling back as his mouth trails up her neck to her ear, tongue tracing the delicate outer shell. “Wait. No. Not today.”

He falters, taking a step back and the wounded countenance that falls over his face makes her eyes widen. “Sorry,” he mutters, turning away and Rey realizes that he’s hurt by her supposed rejection. 

“No, I want you, but…” she pauses and licks her bottom lip. “I have my period.”

Ben’s gaze shoots towards hers, the tips of his ears turning a startling shade of bright red. “Oh.”

“You don’t have to be such a _man_ about it,” she retorts, grinning. “All women have it. Plus, it’s not like you’ve never heard of it.”

If it’s possible, his face turns even redder and he runs a hand through his hair, fingers brushing through those inky locks of his. “Rey, stop talking. _Please.”_

“Ben Solo, you’re such a _man!”_

The flat, dirty scowl that is thrown her way makes her erupt into giggles and she swings her arms around his neck and stands on her toes before giving a kiss on his cheek. “But it’s okay, you’re funny, so that’s alright.” 

“Ha, ha, ha,” he intones dryly.

She snorts and peers up at him through her lashes. “If you want,” she says hesitantly, darting her eyes away before meeting his dark ones. “I’ve been teasing you all day, I can…” she trails off, hands reaching for the buckle of his belt.

“No. It’s fine,” he swallows hard, dark eyes trained on hers. “We can do something else.” 

Rey blinks. That was so not what she was expecting. “We can watch a movie instead?” she blurts out, without thinking.

Once the words have left her mouth, regret sets in because she has literally no idea why she’d suggested that. They’d never done anything together other than eating or fucking and she quite expects Ben to freeze up as he tries to come up with ways to turn her down and make her leave.

In fact, from the prolonged silence, her heart falls from her chest, dropping to the pit of her stomach and she lets her arms fall to her side and glances away. “Never mi-“

“Rey…I’ll like that.” 

Her eyes fly to his and Ben averts his eyes and clears his throat, a hand tugging at the collar of his jacket. 

A little stunned, she follows him to his sofa and it isn’t long before they’re curled up on the plush leather seats as they stream some action movie on Netflix. She has her head leaning on his shoulder, body pressing against his while he slings an arm around her and Rey likes this.

This referring to the warmth and comfort that he provides. She adores how natural this all feels, as if this is a regular thing they partake in.

It isn’t twenty minutes that have passed when she feels his free hand grab hers. 

It doesn’t take a genius to know that her hand would be dwarfed by Ben’s larger ones. Without looking down, she too takes his hand and intertwines their fingers, their digits slotting between each other perfectly, as though they’re jigsaw puzzle pieces. 

Ben remains silent as his thumb begins tracing random patterns on the back of her hand and coupled with the position that they’re sitting in, Rey can’t deny that this is all incredibly intimate. 

She can’t help but be a sap for feeling unbearably giddy about this.

Instead of commenting, she continues to fix her eyes on the screen and buries her body closer, enjoying the scent that is Ben and the warmth emanating from him, all thought of the knowledge she’d gleaned from Luke and the almost disastrous dinner far from her mind.

Because there is only Ben and her in this moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading! I would love to know your thoughts and all and kudos and comments mean the absolute darling world to me! FYI, I updated the chapter count by one and I might increase it by one more if I write two epilogues because I'm a sap who likes fluff and smut. Lmao.
> 
> Anyway, I'm [resplendxntly on tumblr](http://resplendxntly.tumblr.com) so come say hi if you want! :) 
> 
> Thank you all so much for your invaluable support and I love you all! Truly, I do! ♥♥♥


	8. It's Ripped

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so sorry about the lateness of this! UHM yes. I have nothing to say but I've been awfully distracted with life! Sorry!!! BUT! Uh! This fic has been increased from 11 chapters to 14 or 15! Yep! Final change! I've fully outlined everything there is to outline! SOO yep! 
> 
> In short, this chapter is all feels + smut because I'm a hoe for both.
> 
> Enjoy! 
> 
> Also, this chapter has not been betaed yet, so all mistakes are mine!

**Chapter 8 | It’s Ripped**

A growl and a slam against the table startles her and Rey turns, peering owlishly at Ben who is muttering curses under his breath as he types furiously on his laptop. 

“What’s wrong?” she questions as she slides into the chair next to him, tilting her body to take a closer look at his laptop screen. “It’s Friday night, you really shouldn’t be working.”

“Fucking Poe Dameron!” He nearly spits, dark eyes flashing as he jerks out of his chair, circling around the edge of the table of her apartment.

At this point, he strongly reminds Rey of an untamed beast, eager for his next kill. 

“A fucking pain in my fucking ass! Because of Hux screwing up the Hosnian deal, fucking _Dameron,”_ he sneers, contempt and disgust dripping from his tone, “is out baying for blood! My blood specifically!” 

Rey decides that now isn’t a good time to share that Poe Dameron is one of her closest friends. No doubt Ben would get even more incensed and really, she didn’t want to hear anymore disparaging comments about Poe. In her opinion, he was simply doing his job, he certainly didn’t deserve any of this.

But she knows when to pick her battles, so Rey sighs and closes down the screen and sets his laptop aside. “It can’t be that bad,” she offers gently, “I’m sure Snoke would understand-“

“He won’t. You don’t know Snoke,” Ben snaps, running his fingers raggedly through his hair. “It’s even worse due to the rumours.”

“Rumours?”

Ben arches a brow. “They say that First Order Shipping Industries might be acquired by a European subsidiary due to the loss in profits.”

“But Hux has said there have been increases in profits just the other da-“

“He lied. It was all a cover up.”

She blinks, drawing back. “Oh.” Never had she heard of a company that operates like _this._ This referring to the lack of morals or integrity of First Order Shipping Industries. “I didn’t know.”

“So now, Dameron is the icing on the cake! Fucking goody-two shoes and all, sucking up to everyone—my mother must have been blind to take him under her wing-“

Pressing her lips into a thin line, Rey gets to her feet and clasps a hand over his mouth. “Will you stop and can we talk about something else? You’re grumbling like a man-child!” 

That makes him stop mid-rant and he blinks slowly, as though he cannot believe that she’d actually called him a _man-child._

“Thank you,” she remarks pointedly, a smirk tugging on the corner of her mouth. “I was getting a headache from the raving about Poe Dameron. One would think that you’re having a secret torrid affair with him with the way you’re going on and on about him.”

Ben stares at her, brows creasing, eyes narrowing as he takes a step towards her. “I think,” he says, a hand trailing along the edge of the table and from the heated looks he’s shooting her, Rey feels something like anticipation creep up her veins. “Your mouth ought to be taught a lesson.”

Instinctively, she bites hard on her lower lip, recognising the leer on his handsome angular face. “Oh, really?”

“Yes.”

The distant memory of his taste on her tongue makes her panties go unbearably slick and she swallows hard. Carefully, she watches as he moves around the table, closing the gap between them and the predatory leers being shot her way makes her toes curl.

“I do remember that someone needs to be taught a lesson.”

“Lesson?” she echoes, chewing on her lower lip before sucking it between her teeth. 

Rey isn’t stupid. She definitely knows what Ben is talking about.

“Oh, yes.”

Before she can react or even protest, she finds herself being propped up on the table, her arse resting on the glossy smooth surface with Ben parting her thighs as he settles himself between them.

Inhaling sharply, her eyes dart to his when the feel of his very erect cock presses against the seam of her shorts. Acutely, she can feel his hard length throbbing insistently where they jut against the zipper of his slacks.

“Ben,” she sighs as his large hands slide down from her waist to her arse, fingers spanning the round globes before he haphazardly yanks the waistband of her shorts down.

Had it not been for her legs hooked around his waist or her hands clutching the corners of the table, Rey would have slipped and landed on the ground.

She watches lazily and with a tinge of humour as Ben struggles to remove her shorts from her legs. A grunt or a muttered curse escaping from his mouth as he tugs at the garment before he finally takes a step back and wrenches it off, throwing it over his shoulder.

With bated breath, she watches as he lowers his head, a finger pressing against her folds through the fabric and if this was their first time, she would be embarrassed by how damp she’d gotten. 

But this is Ben. 

So, she undulates her hips against his hand, enjoying the prickles of pleasure that dot her nerves with his digits on her, sliding through her folds with just her white plain undies as a barrier.

The look that Ben gives her, the one where he flicks his eyes to meet hers while his head is still lowered makes her cunt clench and a shuddering sigh leaves her throat. 

“Ben, please.”

Rey really ought to hate how needy and breathless she sounds but she can’t quite bring herself to care when one of his fingers slide beneath her knickers, brushing the slick outer lips of her labia.

“Rey, you’re really, _really_ soaked,” he utters, a wicked grin twisting onto his lips. “All this for me?”

She nods shakily, eyes never leaving his dark ones as he cups her cheek with his free hand. 

“Say it.”

“W-what?”

Ben chuckles lowly, the sound reverberating throughout her entire being and she swallows harshly before pushing herself closer to him. “Say it. Say how wet you are for me and _beg.”_

Rey blinks. “Beg?”

“Yes.” He arches a brow challengingly. “Beg. Beg for me. Beg for how much you want my fingers in your filthy soaking cunt. And if I’m feeling benevolent, I’ll give you my cock.”

“What? No!” Her cheeks flame and she shoves herself upright, doing her best to ignore the feel of his fingertips dragging along her sensitive skin. “Fuck you, Solo! I’m not begging for anything!”

“We’ll see.”

She opens her mouth to retort but the wolfish gleam in his magnetic dark eyes and the feel of his digits fingering the outer lining of her panties puts her on alert.

“Don’t you dare rip-“

The sharp sting of the tattered remains of her knickers slapping against her skin makes her jerk and she scowls. “BEN!” 

The tirade that is on the tip of her tongue fades into nothing when he suddenly thrusts a finger deep in her. All thought of her ruined underwear gone from her mind. Rey is so slick and wet that he enters her with ease and her back arches when another finger is added into the mix. 

“Look at how well you ride my fingers.” Ben smirks. 

Hissing, she does as she’s told, eyes lowering to the sight of Ben fucking her with his fingers, the obscene sucking sounds that her pussy makes each time he withdraws filling her senses. It is almost as if the inner walls of her cunt didn’t want him to leave—wanting him to stay within her.

“Ben!” She gasps warningly when he lazily flicks his thumb over her engorged clit. 

“Tell me what you want,” he murmurs soothingly, tone dropping to mimic a lullaby—a stark contrast to the brutal way his fingers are thrusting into her.

“I-“

“Yes, go on,” he grins smugly and she really ought to lean over and smack him across the face for being so prickishly arrogant.

Rey stares at him mutely, legs quivering, every single fibre of her being aware of him and the things he’s doing to her but goddamnit – she has pride and the idea of begging for anything, especially for this–

“Beg,” he commands and this time, he adds another finger and begins scissoring her causes her eyes to almost roll to the back of her head. 

The way those three fingers are moving in her – stretching her to the limit, makes her see stars in the back of her eyelids and she doesn’t want them to stop, doesn’t want him to stop. 

Fuck it all to hell.

 _“Please, please, please, please,”_ she gives in, panting as she lifts her hips, imploring him through half-lidded eyes. 

_Please fuck me good, like you mean it. Like you want to fucking brand me with your cock so I’m ruined for anyone but you._

Something like satisfaction flits across his face and he slides his fingers out much to her dismay.

“Ben! What the hell?” she protests, knees shaking and Rey absolutely hates how she feels empty—bereft of him in her cunt. Bloody hell, was it bad to admit that she wanted him in her? That she didn’t feel complete without him? That she couldn’t live without him fucking her hard?

Before she can take a look down, something familiar slides against her nether lips and a keening moan leaves her throat. “Yes. Please!” 

The sensation of the bulbous head of his dick rubbing against her clit makes her thighs tremble and unconsciously, she digs her heels into his lower back, silently urging him to go ahead. 

“It wasn’t that hard to beg, was it?”

He was such a fucking arse sometimes, she muses, gritting her teeth.

“No and can you move it, you fucknut!”

Ben stops and snorts, eyes rolling. “Never heard that one before.”

The antagonising retort that is about to leave her lips turns into a sharp wail when he enters her with a hard roll of his hips. Despite this not being the first time, Rey still marvels at the fact that he could fit into her perfectly, as though they were jigsaw puzzle pieces, slotting together as though they were made for each other. 

Although her mind is hazy from lust, she can’t help but ponder on that.

But everything comes to a halt when Ben pulls her closer, hands kneading the smooth globes of her arse as he pounds into her hard, so hard that his hip bones juts into hers when they meet. 

Rey can feel him. 

She can feel the ridge of his cock sliding against her inner walls, the mushroom-shaped head rubbing against that slick spot deep within her that makes every part of her want to shatter into millions of stars in the galaxy. 

Furthermore, she likes the way he looks at her, as though she was just a dream that his mind had conjured up. Perhaps, that was wishful thinking on her part, but now, it didn’t matter. Because, she too, likes looking at him.

Star-struck, she watches him; the smooth planes of his muscular forearms, the way his mouth moves when he grunts or lets out a muttered curse or a groan, how his hair sticks to his sweat-dampened neck or the way his eyes would roam over her entire being. 

Especially when those dark eyes of his lingers on where they are so intimately connected—where they are one.

From the increased frequency of her walls fluttering around his thick length, she knows she is close. Rey tenses, body stilling as it anticipates the earth-shattering cosmic waves of ecstasy that Ben can only give—

—only for him to pull out.

“What the-“

The next thing she knows, she’s sprawled facing down onto the table, hands splayed out, fingers gripping the edges when she feels his palms on her arse. 

“Such a pretty peachy arse,” he says huskily, voice dropping and this position makes her feel wonderfully vulnerable. Not being able to see but only feel what’s going on makes her stomach swoop and nervously, she bites her lower lip. 

“Just fuck me, please. I was so close,” she murmurs, squeezing her eyes shut when the sensation of his hands start to spread her arse cheeks apart. “Please, Ben.”

“So dripping wet for me,” he continues, dragging his hand upwards, fingertips trailing from her throbbing clit, through her slick moist folds and finally, ghosting the opening of her slit. 

“B-Ben,” her voice cracks when he slides just the barest tip of his finger in her, tracing the gaping hole that is her greedy cunt.

The low sinful chuckle makes her inhale sharply but it certainly doesn’t prepare her when Ben aligns his shaft and enters her in one smooth drive.

“Fuck!” 

This. This is different. The angle of her being on her front, plus the way the table is positioned makes everything seem _more._

“Hold on tight, sweetheart.” Ben sounds positively hoarse as his hands plant themselves onto her waist. “I’m going to fuck you _raw.”_

With that, he sets off a brutal punishing pace that leaves her barely hanging on to her sanity. 

She does in fact, hold on tight to the table.

Rey whimpers when this new position causes his cock to bump hard against her cervix. The mixture of both pain and pleasure sends her spiralling into the deep end. With the way Ben is pounding into her, you would think that he was a man on a mission.

Said mission being to fuck her hard and raw. 

Rey definitely thinks he’d accomplished both considering the way the table creaks from their coupling and the lewd sounds of his ball sack slapping against her quim.

When he sinks into for the final time, he shudders violently, arms caging her, holding her close and Rey feels nothing and everything at once. With Ben at her side, around her, _in_ her, she feels something tug at her heart.

Rey recognises what this is. Home.

With ragged breathing, trembling bodies, hands clutching each other desperately as they sink and hurdle into the stars together, Rey doesn’t think she can ever get enough of this—of Ben.

Once they have caught their breaths, she turns and slings her arms around his neck and peers up at him through her lashes. “So,” she purrs, grinning, eyes bright. “Do you think I’ve learned my lesson?”

He stares at her, sweat slicked chest heaving with shallow pants before it breaks into a choked laugh. “What the fuck, Rey.” 

“You know,” she begins, trailing her fingers over his shirt. “I live here and we mostly eat on this table.”

“I know.” Ben lifts a brow. “But I’ll rather eat you out.”

She chokes and burst into laughter, missing the softening of his eyes as he gazes down at her.

* * * * *

Something is bugging her. More specifically, something is tickling her shoulder.

“Stop that,” she mumbles irritatedly into the pillow. 

The tickling doesn’t and Rey cracks open an eyelid to see Ben’s dark head brushing against her shoulder as he laves his tongue along the spot where her shoulder meet her neck. “Ben,” she grumbles half-heartedly as he drags the tips of his fingers along the exposed skin along her belly where her top had ridden up during the night. 

“What?”

She snorts, raising her head slightly to glare at him before poking him hard in the chest. “I’m tired.”

“It’s Saturday.”

“That’s the point, idiot,” she mutters, rolling to her back and grabbing a pillow. “It’s meant for sleeping in.” 

“I can get breakfast.” 

Involuntarily, a grin makes an appearance. Ben definitely knows the way to her heart. 

“Go and get breakfast from that pastry delivery place down the street. They have nice waffles,” she mumbles into her pillow and with the way her bed is jostling about, Ben does. Contented, she lays her head back onto the cotton sheets, eyes drooping shut. 

When the bed dips under Ben’s weight once more, an arm slinging around her waist, she snuggles further into his embrace, burrowing her face into his neck. If Saturdays weren’t meant for sleeping in, she didn’t know what else they were for.

Something like ten minutes pass when Rey freezes, body tensing as her eyes snap wide open. 

It’s Saturday morning.

She was meant to have brunch with Rose and Paige!

As if on cue, the doorbell rings and she stills. She knows for sure it isn’t the breakfast that Ben had ordered, they can’t have prepared their food this quickly. 

_Shit shit shit shit!_

Ben grumbles something incoherent under his breath as he slips on a shirt, shuffling out of the room. “That’s fast.” 

Her head snaps toward the doorway, legs kicking frantically at the covers and Rey finds herself tumbling down from the bed due to an ankle caught between the sheets. Pain radiates through her entire being, but she doesn’t care.

Muttering curses under her breath, she scrambles to her feet, her small lithe form stumbling out of the room. She is just in time to see his large hand enveloping the knob of her front door. “Ben! No!” She yells, hands gripping the door frame of her room.

But it’s too late. 

Ben turns the knob, swinging the door wide open and Rey can only watch helplessly as her friends’ jaw drops, both sisters adopting wide eyes and frozen stares. 

Paige blinks in rapid succession, head flitting between Ben and her so quickly that she almost resembles a bobble-head doll. Despite that, Rey can acutely feel her friend’s gaze boring straight into her head.

“Hey, you’re _GQ_ guy,” Rose blurts out before clasping her hand over her mouth, as though she’d just remembered that Ben is an actual human being and is very capable of understanding the English language.

Wearily, Rey darts her eyes over to Ben who stands stiffly at the door, clad in nothing but a black shirt and some sweatpants and even though they’re both dressed, a flush creeps onto her cheeks.

This is clearly a compromising situation. 

They are in a compromising situation.

_Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck!_

“I-uh…” she begins carefully, running a hand through her hair as she self-consciously tugs at her shirt. “Good morning, I…”

Again, she flicks her eyes towards Ben who is clearing his throat as he starts to gesture in the general direction of her bathroom. “Rey, I’ll just…”

“Yeah, go ahead,” she murmurs, taking more steps towards her friends as Ben brushes pass her.

But there is no mistaking the light squeeze of his fingers against her hip where they meet, causing the blush on her face to deepen.

From the startled expression on her friends’ faces, she swallows hard. Apparently, Ben isn’t as discreet as he thinks either.

“Rey Kenobi,” Rose starts slowly, eyes growing impossibly round. “What the hell is going on? Why is _GQ_ dude here?”

She bites her lower lip hard, shoulders slumping as she refuses to give into the urge to turn her head back where Ben is.

“It’s a long story,” she says lamely, averting her eyes as something like lead sinks into her gut. Her bubble was gone. Reality was calling in the form of her two friends.

“Go on,” Paige crosses her arms and sighs. “We’ve got all day.”

* * * * *

_“Wait, you did what now?”_

Rey bites her lower lip, fingers fiddling around the cardboard holder of her cup. “We are well…together. I guess. Sort of.” 

Was that the right term to describe this thing with Ben? She didn’t know, but it is definitely better than terming it as a booty call. Her friends would probably throw a riot if she did.

Finn blinks once, and then twice more in quick succession and all Rey can do is stare nervously at the shiny surface of the wooden table. 

“Sort of? What do you mean ‘Sort of’?” Paige repeats carefully.

“We have not seen you in a month and you’re sleeping with your boss?” He gawks at her, eyes almost goggling out of their sockets.

“It’s not exactly like that,” she protests weakly, eyes darting between her friends. Unlike the previous meeting about a month ago, she sneaks a quick glance at Kaydel who is wrinkling her nose. 

“Did I miss something? What’s going on?”

Rose shakes her head while Finn sputters. “Didn’t you like hate the guy or something?”

“Maybe? Hey, where’s Poe?”

“Stop avoiding the subject, Rey! What the hell is going on? You can’t blame us for wanting to know! He literally opened the door of your apartment earlier in nothing but his sleep clothes!” Rose frowns, staring at her beseechingly.

Rey stares at the four pairs of eyes on her, flicking her gaze from one to the other before she groans and bangs her forehead on the table. “There’s nothing else to say!” her voice coming out as muffled as she buries her face into the sleeves of her woollen cardigan.

_“Rey!”_

“I’m sorry!” She whips her head up and shrugs helplessly.

Paige clears her throat loudly, shooting a stern glare at all of them. “Rey,” she begins gently. “Why don’t you start from the beginning.” 

“With details,” Kaydel adds, a cheeky gleam entering her eyes. 

Rey can only groan and drop her head back onto the table. “Why can’t we talk about your honeymoon with Poe? And where is Poe?”

“No, this is way more interesting!”

She peeks her head up and grimaces at the expectant stares of her friends. “Ugh, fine.”

Thirty minutes later, silence reigns over their little nook in Starbucks and Rey shifts in her seat, fingers fiddling with the straw from her cup as she averts her eyes away from her friends.

“I just-wow.” Rose blinks, looking lost beyond words. “I-Rey…I don’t even know what to say.”

Kaydel grins, blonde locks curling over her shoulder as she shrugs. “That’s pretty much Rey when Solo fucks her so hard-“

“Kaydel!” Finn hisses, eyes wide as he darts his eyes around frantically. 

Rey watches with flaming cheeks as both Kaydel and Rose start howling with laughter, catching the attention of the other patrons here. But feeling a steady intense gaze on her, she looks up to see Paige studying her.

“I’m glad that you’re more open-minded and all but, maybe,” the older Tico sister pauses, glancing over to Rose before continuing. “Maybe you should ask him for his version.”

Tucking a curl behind her ear, Rey frowns. “But I already know what happened.”

“Well, it doesn’t hurt to hear how it’d all happen from him anyway. You’re dating after all,” Rose points out and Kaydel nods enthusiastically. 

Lowering her eyes back to the table, she hesitates. “I don’t know. We’re not exactly dating-I mean…We’ve never actually said it out loud and-“

“Wait,” Finn interjects hotly. “You’re not dating _GQ_ boy?”

“I don’t know,” she replies softly, not daring to meet any of her friends’ disbelieving stares that were boring holes straight through her forehead. “We’ve never defined whatever this is.”

Finn, her most darling protective best mate frowns and she can see that he is so close to busting out of Starbucks and having a literal showdown with Ben but luckily, Rose clamps a hand onto his forearm, locking him into place.

“I think,” Paige begins carefully, reaching out to squeeze her fingers. “That maybe the both of you should have a long talk.”

“I-“

“I totally agree with Paige,” Kaydel adds as she frowns. “We just don’t want you to get hurt.” 

Rey finds that all she can do is to just smile weakly.

* * * * *

When the door closes behind her, Rey sighs heavily, dragging her feet on the flooring of her apartment before slouching down onto the seat.

“How did it go?”

She jerks, whipping her head around to see Ben lounging on the seat to her right. The picture he paints of how comfortable he is in her home makes something squeeze in her chest. 

“It was okay,” she murmurs and shrugs. “Nothing much happened. Or nothing dramatic like you imagine.”

Carefully, she eyes him, pressing her mouth into a thin line. Now that her friends knew about this thing she has with Ben, she doesn’t know how to react. 

Neither of them had actually set boundaries. Hence, she has utterly no clue if Ben is actually alright about her friends knowing about…this— _them._

But she decides to leave that for another day considering she has another battle to fight tonight.

With the words of her friends ringing through her ears, Rey musters up all the courage she has and settles beside him. “Can I ask you something?”

Dark eyes swing towards her and believe it or not, she feels something akin to panic when there are utterly no emotions on his face. 

Never had Ben Solo been a fucking blank canvas in front of her and frankly, Rey is terrified. 

“What is it?”

Licking her lips, she curls her feet up, hugging them to her chest before pushing her hair over her shoulders. “I…uhm…what exactly happened between you and Han?”

Surprisingly, Ben relaxes a little and Rey blinks at the sudden loss of tension that thrums through his very being. 

“Like you don’t know,” he points out rather accurately as he arches a brow.

“Well, Han just said some things and Luke told me the gist of it.” To be more accurate, Rey leaves out the muttered insults and names that he uses or the utter look of irritation that appears on his weathered face whenever Leia nags at him regarding their son.

“But I want to hear everything from you,” she adds hastily, mind hardly believing that he wasn’t as hostile about this particular subject like she thought he would be.

“Why should I? You’ve definitely believed everything or anything that my family has cooked up.” Ben sniffs, shooting her a look full of mock disdain. 

“No! Of course not!” Rey lies furiously, eyes darting away from those dark brown pools in lightning speed. 

She is definitely not going to mention that she _did_ believe Han when he’d called his son an arrogant little prick. In her defense, their first meeting was anything but cordial.

It was strange to think that all of that had been months ago. Rey had been so sure that she would always hate Ben Solo but here she was. 

How the tables have turned.

Ben arches a brow and she can intensely feel the heat creeping on her cheeks.

For fuck’s sake, she was a bloody bad liar and she knew it. Of course she’d believed everything at first, but she wasn’t about to admit it to Ben. 

He snorts, arching a brow as his dark curls fall into his eyes. “You know how I can tell that you’re lying?”

“How?” 

“It’s when you open your mouth,” he finishes grandly, crossing his arms over his chest, biceps straining against the black sleeves of his shirt.

She gawks at him, affronted. “Hey!”

His eyes widen and with animal-like reflexes, he jolts off the couch, bracing himself as she lunges at him, a cushion in her hand as she whacks him repeatedly in the chest with it. Of course, the soft lump of feathers and stuffing was no match for him and quickly, he snatches it away from her.

“Take that back, Solo!” Rey grunts, laughter breaking out as she dodges his arms that are attempting to trap her in his larger broad form. 

“No.” He moves to the left just as she gets her hands on another cushion before flinging it at him, the feather projectile flies through the air, barely missing him by an inch. 

_“Make me,”_ he taunts, and more of his wavy curls land artfully over his forehead. 

She stops and scoffs, a grin playing on her lips. “What? How old are you?”

“Thirty-one.”

She would have burst out laughing but she knows that it would further encourage him and Rey so does not need that now. Not when she wanted the last few puzzle pieces to complete her picture.

“That was a rhetorical question, you arse.” She rolls her eyes, slumping back onto the couch in defeat as he lumbers back to her, dark eyes twinkling with mischief.

Ben cocks his head, shrugging as he adjusts the soft cotton of his shirt as he slides beside her and Rey knows – _oh she knows_ that he’s doing that on purpose. She can’t help the way her eyes move over every inch of his pale muscular arm. Yeah, she has it bad. So bad.

Fuck it.

Quickly turning away and ignoring the smug lilt that lingers on his mouth, she fixes her eyes on a bare spot of the wall above the television screen. Goddamn his smug prickish self. This was supposed to be serious and she should have known he’d be avoiding the subject.

“Ben, really,” she presses, turning to face him. “I just want to understand—to hear it from your side.”

He sighs, form stilling, all traces of amusement gone from his face and Rey almost wishes that she hadn’t brought it up. She thinks that she would do anything to see him smile like he had a few moments ago.

“Fine,” he says grudgingly as he slouches inelegantly over her worn sofa, long lanky legs stretched over the rug. “What do you want to know?”

“Maybe, from the start?” 

He gives her a side eye and huffs. 

“You know what kind of careers my parents had,” he begins, voice adopting an even tone. “My mother was the senator and Han was a pilot. And because of that, everyone knew they were meant for great things.”

Rey nods.

“Growing up, they were often invited to parties where people just mingle and all but I never did like that. I’d rather stay at home and read or do something that didn’t involve the outdoors. My parents couldn’t understand that, you could say we differed a great lot. I was literally the socially awkward child they never expected or knew how to deal with.”

She lowers her eyes, picturing an image of a younger version of Ben shying away from people and her heart clenches.

He continues, eyes fixated on a blank spot on the wall in front of them. “What’s worse is that behind closed doors, my parents were not that picture perfect like everyone thought they were. There was a lot of…shouting, quarrels, alcohol and anything you can think of—it’s probably been done.”

At this, she pauses. The idea of Han and Leia not being the them of today makes her draw back. “What?” she breathes out, brows creasing.

“Yes,” he laughs hollowly. He turns to meet her, a self-deprecating grin on his face. “You can’t imagine it, can you? Mother was too busy with her job and Han just wanted to jet around, as though he didn’t have a family, as though there was nothing holding him back.”

Mutely, she shakes her head. 

“In short, my childhood isn’t that great like you probably thought it is,” he says and a minute motion catches her attention. Looking down, she notices that his hands are clenched into fists. 

“By the time I finished high school, things got better between them but Han and I never saw eye to eye. He wanted a son that would follow in his footsteps to be a great pilot. Instead, all he had was me. I didn’t like the outdoors, and he just couldn’t get me. We didn’t have anything in common but things changed when I got a job in my grandfather’s old company.”

He narrows his eyes. “I’m assuming Luke told you most of this?”

“Yes.”

“Long story short,” he shifts his jaw. “He didn’t like where I was working but it was where I felt the most accomplished. I finally had something I liked, that I was good at. And he didn’t even bother to try to understand. Instead, he cast me out as though I didn’t matter—like I wasn’t his son.”

Once more, the very idea of him, of her Ben being all alone in the world made her heart ache. Gently, she scoots closer to him. “I’m sorry that all of that happened to you.”

He snorts but moves closer to her form. “It doesn’t matter. It’s all in the past.”

Rey would love to point out that it did matter especially now when he was still like a wounded dog, snapping at Han every time the older man took one step towards him. But from her viewpoint, she could see that Han was indeed sorry and wanted to make a reconciliation.

“Don’t even think about it,” he mutters warningly, eyes flashing. “I won’t speak to him.”

“How did you know I was about to-“

“Rey, your face said it all. And the answer to whatever thing you’re trying to cook up is a fucking fat no.”

She scoffs and swats him playfully across his chest. “Fine, you grouch.”

Ben snorts but slings an arm over her shoulder and in turn, she rests her head on his shoulder, simply enjoying the company. After a beat of silence, he starts, “What about you?”

“What?”

“Your childhood and all of that. You’ve never really brought it up before.”

Involuntarily, she tenses, wincing. There is a good reason why she’d not mentioned her rotten childhood. There was nothing but awful memories there. Bringing it all up was pointless. Why bother raking up the past when there was nothing there left for her?

“I…there’s nothing to say,” she offers lamely.

“There must be.”

Slowly, she lifts her eyes and the soft and warm expression on his face makes her heart stutter. 

Would it really be so bad to share her sorry tale with him? Especially after he’d bared his guts to her, knowing that Ben Solo was one who hardly ever talked to anyone about his feelings or anything to anyone.

“You know my parents were from Britain, they cut off all contact with my grandfather, Ben Kenobi and they were irresponsible for drink driving. Ironically, they were in an accident with another driver that was also drunk. That was how they got into an accident and left me all alone at the age of four.”

Her heart is pounding furiously in her chest, veins pumping and her hands felt cold and clammy with sweat. Rey had never truly told anyone this and suddenly opening up made her feel too exposed—vulnerable. But with Ben’s fingers tracing delicate patterns on her thighs soothes her and slowly, she continues.

“The system couldn’t find anyone who was kin and so, I was tossed from one foster home to the next. It wasn’t too bad but it wasn’t great.”

His fingers stop. 

“No,” she hastily interjects. “No one ever hit me or anything but it was lonely and often, I was kicked from one family to another—never being the perfect ideal child anyone wanted.” 

Fuck, barely five minutes had passed and already, she could feel her eyes welling up with tears. 

“When I was seventeen, by some stroke of luck, my grandfather found me and it was the happiest two years of my life. To be wanted, cherished, loved and cared for is something I’ve never really dreamed of being able to experience.” 

Ben is silent, but even then, Rey could feel the comfort and support he was attempting to convey with his action and presence. 

“And you know he died when I was nineteen and everything that comes after like meeting your family and all,” she finishes glancing away. “But I’ve never felt so alone,” she murmurs, fixating her eyes on her lap.

“You’re not alone,” he says softly, voice barely a whisper. 

She meets his gaze, heart thundering in her chest. Slowly, she reaches for his face, fingers cupping his cheek, thumb running across his sinful plump lower lip ever so softly. 

Now, she recognizes what they are; two damaged people with ripped souls. But if Rey has any say in it, they won’t be. Not anymore.

“Neither are you.” 

Ben shudders, eyelids fluttering at her touch and her words. Which one, she doesn’t know, but before she can ponder on it more, he pulls her towards him. His larger body enveloping her smaller frame as he buries his face into the crook of her neck, breathing her in, fingers gripping tightly onto her waist as she gently combs her fingers through his hair.

They stay in that position for what seems like hours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading and I would absolutely love to hear your comments and well _everything_. Kudos and comments mean the world and you guys are the very best! Much love to those in TWD and especially to you babes in Cocks and Pizzas, for just making every single day a fantastic wonderful day! And if you guys are reading this, catch the references BAHAHA
> 
> Thanks to Court and Kels and Lindsay for motivating this LMAOO
> 
> I'm [replendxntly](http://resplendxntly.tumblr.com) on tumblr so come and say hi! :)


	9. I Have Issues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YES! I've managed to update on time! I've actually struggled so much with this chapter because I'm really afraid I couldn't convey all that _needs_ to be conveyed but I'm like what the hell, let's just post this because I think I did my best for this! And if I don't, I'll probably attempt to unsuccessfully rewrite this numerous times. 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy this one! Oh ho! 
> 
> Lovely moodboard is made by [wewantreylo](https://wewantreylo.tumblr.com) Thank you so much, my love AHHh♥♥♥

**Chapter 9 | I Have Issues**

It had been a pretty great morning.

He had woken up on time, had breakfast and the weather was perfect. He’d been about to leave for work when the unthinkable happened.

Han had walked through the doors of his apartment.

Kylo stares hard at the figure, blinking once to ensure that his father standing there in front of him wasn’t a figment of his imagination. Because surely, Han Solo wouldn’t be in his apartment on a Monday morning. 

How the older man had gotten in and why? He had no idea. He wasn’t even aware Han knew where he lived.

“Ben.”

The very mention of his birth name coming from those lips made all the rage surface up from hidden depths. His heart pounds and immense fury rushes through his veins. That name coming from that blasted man stirs his emotions into a frenzy.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

“I wanted to talk,” Han says as he slowly takes a step closer, palms facing outright. “I took the spare keys of your house without your mother’s knowledge.”

Kylo swallows hard and the clenching in his gut that always made an appearance when his father is around comes back with a vengeance. “Get out. I have nothing to say to you,” he growls, running his hand through his hair raggedly before turning away.

No matter how many years had passed and the flaws and distance in their relationship, he absolutely resents how the older man always managed to throw him off balance be it with his words, behaviour or presence.

“Son-“

At that, he turns on his heel, edging closer to the man who he’d once looked up to so damn much. “Don’t call me that! I’m not your son.” 

“Ben, I know I’ve made a mistake-“ Han frowns, brown eyes imploring.

Kylo sneers and interjects. “Mistake? Pray tell, what _exactly_ the mistake is.”

Han winces, weathered face turning ashen as he sighs heavily. “Ben, I know what I did was wrong and I’ve never regretted an action as much as this. But you have to understand-“

_He has to understand?_

Kylo snorts disbelievingly. Even while attempting to apologise, Han is still trying to defend his actions. What should he have expected from the man anyway?

Han Solo had never been one to settle down. Even while married to Leia Organa, he’d taken off more times than Kylo could count. Furthermore, he doesn’t truly remember much of his father’s presence growing up. He hadn’t been around for some birthdays, Christmas or Thanksgiving or any momentous occasion in his life.

What he does remember is the silent sobbing that his mother does when she thinks he’s asleep, the quarrels that results in things getting broken, the muttered insults and the sharp cutting phrases that always seem to tear open barely healed wounds.

What makes everything hurt even more is that Kylo knows that he isn’t the son that Han had wanted. He’d seen the pilots in training that Han talks about during dinners, about how they’re meant for great things, that they’re his pupils who he adores and that they could go on flights together. 

He can’t quite recall if his father had ever been that proud of him or had attempted to make any plans with him in all of his thirty-one years.

In fact, he knows that he is one of the main reasons of his parents’ quarrels. Hence, to hear Han Solo going on about how his actions that night are justified makes him grit his teeth.

“Just stop. Just fucking stop.”

Han stops, looking properly chastised. “Ben, please. I just want to make things right. I’m sorry for what I said that night. I’m sorry for not being the father I should have been.”

Kylo stares. The muscle in his jaw ticking from how hard he’s actually restraining himself to not reach out and-

“Ben, I cannot say enough how much I’m truly sorry, but the First Order is-”

 _“I told you to never call me that!”_ His voice is trembling and he knows he is shaking and is so fucking close to losing the control over his temper.

The silence in the room is deafening. 

Han draws himself up, a stern frown settling on his features. “That’s the name your mother and I gave you, boy. Not that fucking pretentious one. You’re still my son, Ben. You can’t deny that.”

“You’re not my father,” he begins hoarsely. “If you were, you would have given a damn about me.”

The moment those words have left his mouth, he winces. He hadn’t meant for them to be spoken. They were too raw, too open; filled with decades of hurt and feelings of inadequacy. Feeling too exposed and vulnerable, Kylo takes a step back and looks away.

He can’t look at his father. The fear of all the things that he’d wanted to say would come pouring out once the dam within him broke.

_Why didn’t you want me? Why did you always leave? Why didn’t you stay? Why wasn’t I enough for you?_

Taking shaky breaths, he swallows harshly, the muscles under his left eye twitching when the hold he has over his emotions is breaking apart. He’s spiralling; thoughts and memories flying through his mind with rapid speed while everything in him wants to break down. 

But most of all, the pain, the hurt, the anger—they all still breathe in him. 

Despite being the negligent father he had been, Han’s eyes soften and something like regret and sadness flashes across his age-lined face. “I do, Ben. I do give a damn.”

Instantaneously, the rage that had cooled earlier is stoked and without thinking, he grabs the nearest thing on his right—a drinking glass and hurls it right at the door with all of his might. 

Unsurprisingly, the glass shatters into millions of tiny glittering shards that litter the area and Han stares at him, face pale and fraught with wariness.

“You’re a fucking liar! You never did! Now, get the fuck out!” he snarls, entire frame wracking with tension and barely restrained anger.

With regret and disappointment etched on his features, the older man does; hands shoved into his pockets and his back hunched. For a brief moment, Kylo tastes the bitter tells of guilt pooling in his mouth. 

But holding on to the memories and the hurt and rage, he watches as the door slams shut, leaving him alone with his tempestuous thoughts and the tornado that are his emotions.

* * * * *

The day gets substantially worse when Rey texts him that she’s down with the flu for real this time and wouldn’t be able to get to work, but that she would be able to meet him for dinner later tonight.

That soothes him somewhat but it doesn’t take the edge from the tumultuous meeting with Han earlier. 

Without Rey and her bright sunny smiles and teasing remarks to last him the day, him being in a foul mood is the understatement of the year.

The temporary PA that Phasma sends aggravates him even more. With her inability to take down notes in rapid speed and the messing up of his coffee order, he’s incensed. 

By noon, the PA is in tears and Kylo has taken to his office to avoid the sniffles that gets on his every nerve. He doesn’t do well with tears. Or more specifically, he doesn’t do well with anyone in tears except for Rey.

It gets even worse when she’d messed up his meeting schedules with Hux and he’d been late for thirty minutes. If there was something he hated more than his father, it was being tardy.

It feels like old times. 

And it is then that Kylo realises that with Rey as his PA, he’d been sorely spoiled. He’d gotten used to perfect cups of coffees on his desk by nine, all of his plans and schedules laid out neatly in a colour coded timetable with the addition of a sticky notes on his desk full of extra information when he’s not in.

Kylo can’t recall what exactly life had been like before Rey stepped in as his PA and he doesn’t want to.

By five in the afternoon, his PA had all but abandoned ship, leaving him to brood in his office, counting down the minutes till it was seven where he could meet Rey. He’s pretty sure that his temporary PA would never be coming back to First Order Shipping Industries.

It wasn’t as if he was being a dick intentionally. If people had their priorities set right and their heads screwed on properly onto their necks, he wouldn’t have to bark out orders like a ruthless dictator. 

That being said, Rey had claimed that in another life, Kylo must have been one due to his personality. Upon hearing that, he hadn’t known what to make of it.

When half-past six finally crawled by, he packs up his things, shoving them into his briefcase and within minutes, he is out of the door with his coat on. 

Rey had wanted noodles and he’d suggested a small eatery round the corner. 

Fighting against the cool weather, he tucks his head down, hating the way the wind brushed through his hair, exposing his large ears to everyone else in the streets. All his childhood, he’d been teased mercilessly for them. So much so, that he’d grew his hair long to hide them. 

It didn’t help when they were telltale signs whenever he felt embarrassed. 

Hence, he’d never gotten over the fact that Rey seemed to have some weird obsession with them. It was odd considering she liked to card her fingers through his hair, fingertips brushing the edge of his ears. 

Despite the cold weather, he could feel his cheeks flush and those damn ears of his were probably turning red now.

Turning the corner, he stops and takes in the sight of Rey waiting by the front of the restaurant, dressed warmly in a bright red coat as she burrows her nose into her scarf, her hair falling into pretty curls around her face.

As though she is a balm to soothe his nerves, he can feel the day’s grievances ebbing away from him. His heart skips and suddenly remembering that she had the flu and ought not to be lingering in the cold, he quickens his pace and is about to cross the junction when the sight that greets him makes him come to a screeching halt.

Poe fucking Dameron is there.

He watches disbelievingly as Rey greets him with a broad smile before engulfing the man into a tight hug. 

Something ugly wells up in his chest and his grip on the handle of his briefcase tightens. Rey had never mentioned that she knew Dameron, despite him mouthing off the man a few days ago. Surely she would have said so.

His eyes narrow when the goddamn man and Rey are now having an animated conversation and Kylo absolutely hates the way Rey is beaming so brightly and laughing at whatever filth and rot that’s coming out of Dameron’s mouth.

Words can never explain how much he hated him.

Poe Dameron had been his mother’s favourite legal attorney before he joined Resistance Holdings. Kylo had seen the press conferences on the news, how Dameron had his mother’s attention and ears. Plus, he doesn’t miss the way his mother had gushed about him and the cases the man has taken and how he’d made a difference in the community.

In some ways, he’s envious of the easy manner the lawyer interacts with his mother and everyone else around him. Kylo knows he’s no social butterfly, in fact, he’d never been good at socialising. But to see the man that everyone probably thought should be the actual son of Han and Leia Organa-Solo making moves on Rey? His Rey?

Bitterness tastes ashy on his mouth. His eyes narrow when Dameron said something and Rey burst into laughter before giving him a warm smile. 

That fucking did it.

With blood roaring in his ears, all he can see is red. As he stalks closer to the pair, Rey spots him over Poe’s shoulder and brightens up, a cheery smile on her face that is flushed pink from the cold. But it fades when she sees the expression on his face. 

Kylo can’t care about that, not when Dameron has a hand on her shoulder.

“Ben, hey! This is Poe-“

“I know who he is,” he interjects rudely, eyes flat and voice dangerously low. 

Sensing the tension, Rey pauses, eyes darting between the both of them warily as she tugs at his bicep. In a typical Dameron manner, the man grins, mouth showing perfect rows of shiny white teeth as he holds up a hand. 

“Solo, right? I’m Poe. Poe Dameron, I used to work with your mother.”

Kylo stares at the hand that is proffered to him and promptly ignores it. “I know.”

Slowly, Dameron drops his hand and awkward silence reigns and already, he can practically feel Rey glaring at him—eyes boring holes into the side of his face but he doesn’t care. He’s being rude, hostile even but really, he doesn’t give two shits.

Soon enough, Dameron does get the hint as he runs a hand through his hair. “Right, anyway, uh, I’ll see you around Rey,” he flashes a grin, eyes twinkling. “And uh, you too, Solo, for the case of your company,” he adds as an afterthought before leaving.

Once they are alone, he feels the tension leaving until Rey swings her damn hazel eyes at him. “What the _hell_ was that?”

With a pursed mouth, he stares down at her, unwilling to say anything.

“Ben Solo,” Rey begins, eyes flashing as she scowls. “What the fuck was that?”

He clenches his jaw, thinning his lips before shifting his weight from one foot to the other before beginning mulishly. “What’s it to you?”

“Poe is my friend and you were awful to him!” 

That brings him to a pause. “You didn’t mention that you were friends with Dameron,” he sneers, knowing that his voice was taking an accusative tone. “Care to explain?”

Rey blinks, brows creasing. “I thought it was best not to considering the very mention of his name brings you to a fucking fit!” 

“Is that so?” he demands, eyes narrowing. “Or is there another reason why you’ve lied?”

_“I lied?”_

“Omission of a fact is widely considered a lie if you didn’t know,” he retorts superciliously. 

Now, Rey looks absolutely incensed as she jabs a finger into his chest and damn him if he can’t feel her nail through the thick fabric of his coat and shirt. “Are you actually calling me a liar?”

This is something he knows is a trap made by women for their unsuspecting male targets. So, Kylo stares at her silently, figuring it was better to shut his mouth and be silent. 

Apparently, that was the wrong move. 

“Oh, so you do think I’m a liar?” Rey snaps, her English lilt becoming more pronounced as she gets angrier.

“You didn’t have to hide the fact that you knew him or that you were even friends when I’ve been ranting about him for weeks!” 

This, he knows, is a subject that is too stupid to be quarrelling about, but really. Fucking. Poe. Dameron.

“I-“ Rey cuts herself off before muttering obscenities under her breath. “This is why! You’re being irrational! It’s like your brain has left your fucking skull!”

He scoffs. “Nice. Are you sure there isn’t another reason why you’ve kept silent on the subject? Or are you perhaps fucking him on the side too?”

Kylo knows he’s being an A class prick at this point but the filter on his mouth is absent and he’s too furious at Poe Dameron and his very existence and that his appearance has caused a fucking fight with Rey, which, is the last thing he ever wants.

But the moment those words left his mouth, he knows he’d gone too far. Plus, they’ve attracted an audience of sorts.

_Bloody fucking hell._

Rey goes utterly silent, face turning ashen and her lower lip trembles as her eyes start to glisten with unshed tears. “Fuck you, Ben Solo,” she whispers as she jams her fingers deep into her coat pockets and quickly turns on her heel.

The sight of her retreating figure snaps him out of his daze and rudely, he shoves past the onlookers, legs pumping as they take desperate quick strides to catch up. 

“Rey, wait,” he calls out, grabbing her forearm as he pulls her to a stop. “Please, I’m sorry.”

She stops, head lifting so that her eyes met his. “Are you really?”

He nods stiffly, mouth pressed into a thin line as he tightens his hold on her. “I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.”

Rey looks at him, eyes flitting over his face before she turns away. “It was.”

He swallows harshly, the lump in his throat making it hard for him to breathe and he takes a step closer to her, praying that she wouldn’t move away. “Rey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.”

Carefully, he reaches for her hand, fingers tugging on hers as a silent plea. 

“I don’t want to eat out anymore,” she says quietly, eyes fixed on the ground and reliefs sags through his lungs, but the fact that Rey is still refusing to look at him stings. 

But right now, he’ll take whatever he can get.

Nodding his head jerkily, he licks his dry lips. “Okay, we can head back and I’ll cook.”

Rey remains silent but with her fingers clutching onto his as they head back soothes the panicked rage-filled beast that lives within him.

The moment Rey steps through the front door, shoes crunching over the shattered remains of the glass he’d thrown earlier, Kylo winces. The last thing he wants to do is to explain his morning, especially when he still had to make amends for the cruel words he’d thrown her way.

He doesn’t even want to speak about Han. The very encounter still causing emotional waves to rock through every fibre of his being. Nor does he think he’s ready to talk about it—the wounds are still too fresh, too raw.

“Ben, what happened?”

He shifts his jaw, throwing his coat and jacket onto the brass coatrack and runs a hand through his hair. “Nothing. I-“

“It can’t be nothing,” Rey presses gently as she stamps her feet onto the rug, shaking loose the tiny shimmery fragments. 

Knowing better to lie, he exhales heavily. “Han dropped by this morning.” Not wanting to face Rey and her questions, he turns, making his way to the kitchen to prepare dinner, determined to make up for that awful scene he’d pulled earlier.

“Wait, what?” 

He tenses, but continues his task; hands systematically cracking the eggs and mixing them into a bowl before chopping the onions for the pasta.

“Ben.” Rey’s voice becomes louder and he knows from the padding of footsteps, she’s making his way closer to him. “Han dropped by?”

“Yes,” he mutters curtly.

“And?” 

His hands still, body thrumming with tension. “He came over and tried to apologise.” 

“Then?”

“Nothing!” he snaps. “I told him to get the fuck out!” 

Rey gapes at him, brows wrinkling. “But _why?”_

“Why?” he echoes incredulously, shoving the knife into the sink and whirling around to meet her. “He didn’t fucking mean it! He’s not sorry! It’s all a pack of lies because he’s a fucking liar! That’s Han Solo!” 

“Ben! He’s your father! He came down all the way to see you and apologise and you threw a glass at him and told him to get out?” 

Kylo grits his teeth. He doesn’t need to explain his actions regarding his family members to anyone. Not even to Rey.

“Yes, I did,” he sneers. “And don’t start on your sanctimonious bullshit on happy families and all of that rot! What do you know about my family anyway?” he snaps cruelly even though he knows that later, he’ll be drowning in guilt for saying them out loud.

Rey withdraws visibly, as though she’d been slapped, her face turning white as her lower lip trembles. “I’m not speaking to you when you’re like this.” Hastily she shrugs her coat back on and shuffles her way out of the kitchen. “Come find me when you’ve got your bloody shit together!”

The very image of Rey walking out on him makes his vision turn red. Eerily, it reminds him of the countless times Han had done that to him.

“Don’t you dare fucking walk away from me,” he barks, slamming his hand down onto the counter before he follows her out of the kitchen.

“You can’t tell me what to do!” Rey retorts heatedly as she pivots on her heel to face him. “Like I said, I’m not going to speak to you any longer until you calm the fuck down!”

“So you can go find Dameron? I don’t fucking think so!” He spits. 

The memory of how Rey and that hated man had interacted flashes through his mind and Kylo resents how good they look together. How someone more socially skilled and humorous deserved Rey. Someone that wasn’t him. Someone like…Poe.

His stomach twists uncomfortably in his gut and his lungs seem to contract in his chest.

“Poe?” Rey splutters, aghast. “What’s your obsession with him?” 

He scoffs, glaring down at her. “I’m not blind! I have eyes.”

Rey stamps her foot against his floor agitatedly. “He’s fucking married, you bloody idiot!” She shrieks, hazel eyes flashing. “He’s married to my friend, Kaydel! They just got back from their honeymoon two weeks ago!” 

Acutely, he can feel his face flush from embarrassment but by now, his pride is all but preventing him from falling to his knees to grovel at her feet for forgiveness. He’s too far gone for that.

He’s too far gone for anything but destruction.

“How would I know? You don’t tell me anything,” he snarls, chest heaving. “You think you know everything, don’t you? Like you have some stick shoved up your arse like a fucking prig!”

Hurt flashes across her pale countenance but Kylo doesn’t stop.

“You act like you know better, like you’re some self-righteous saint—always telling me what to do with my family, when you don’t really know anything or how it truly feels like! We’re not together, so who the fuck do you think you are to tell me what to do?”

An ugly part of him finds some sick satisfaction when he notices that Rey’s eyes are horribly wet. He wants to stop, to seal his mouth shut before he can say anything worse, before he can say something irrevocably damaging. 

But he can’t.

“Furthermore, you don’t have a family! So, how would you know what its like when you never had one? Hence, you trying to find one in mine!”

A fat tear rolls down her cheek and her lips are quivering so much and she clasps a hand over her mouth to stifle her sobs and the demonic side of him lands the cutting blow. 

“Your parents preferred drinking and driving than staying sober for you and I’m sure as hell you didn’t mean a single to thing to them! You were definitely nothing to them!”

The moment those horrid words leave his mouth, Kylo finally regains control over his mouth and clamps it shut instantaneously with an audible click of his teeth,

Fuck, what has he done? What has he said? Had he really said all those terrible things?

From the trails of tears on her cheeks, he had. 

Before he can take back everything - before he can drop to his knees and hold her close to apologise, more tears spill from her eyes. Within seconds, she runs out of his apartment, the door slamming shut behind her, the sound reverberating loudly in the room.

Finally, his apartment is silent and everything within him is itching to let loose, to free the turbulent emotions that lurk and bubble perilously close beneath his skin since this morning. 

And because he is Kylo Ren, he does. 

With a roar, he thrashes his living room; his dinnerware are all in fragments on the ground, the dining table and its accompanying four chairs are destroyed. Basically, his house is now a wasteland.

Despite all that he’s done that results in sweat pouring down his face and body, and his bloodied fists, nothing soothes him. Not when the very picture of Rey with tears streaming down her face is in the forefront of his mind.

* * * * *

The moment he’s awake, he’s met with guilt and utter shame. Not that he’d slept well or at all. His mind had repeated all the terrible things he’d said.

He doesn’t think he can ever forget the way Rey had looked at him—really looked at him when he’d spoken to her like that. 

No one deserved the cruel cutting words he’d flung her way last night. Especially not Rey. Not his Rey.

Thinking back, he winces at all that he’d said. 

Rey had bared her soul to him. She’d confided in him about her past, her fears, her parents, her childhood—all of it. And like the fucking asshole he is, he’d used them all to hurt her. He didn’t just push her buttons, he’d actually used a sledgehammer and slammed it down with all his might.

Kylo doesn’t think he can truly forgive himself. 

Armed with her favourite beverage from Starbucks, he waits in his office, full of nervous energy and guilt as he mentally crafts what he has in mind to say to her. Hell, he’d fucking throw himself at her feet begging and pleading if that would make her happy.

However, nine starts to turn to ten minutes past nine and as the minutes go, a prickle of unease shoots up his spine. Rey is never late. Not since she’d started working for him.

As if on cue, his phone rings and quickly, he scrambles for his phone, and without looking at the caller ID, he slides the green mobile icon across the screen. 

Instead of Rey greeting him, he is met with the cool accent of Phasma. 

“Ren, your temporary PA will be late. Apologies for that as I’ve actually-“

_Temporary PA?_

His brows furrow and the uneasiness in his gut starts to bloom into something more terrifying. “What temporary PA?” he barks into the phone.

“Ren,” Phasma’s voice is cold and it cuts him into like a serrated blade. “Ms Kenobi quit, hence, the temporary PA. Now, she’s arriving soon-“

Kylo doesn’t hear anything beyond that. Everything turns into white noise and the only thing in his mind is the three words _‘Ms Kenobi quit’_ that plays over and over again like a broken recorder.

His stomach drops and without sparing a thought for anything else, he ends the call and stalks out of his office. Not five minutes pass when he finds himself in his car, speeding down the roads to her apartment, ignoring the horns blared out due to his actions.

 _Rey can’t quit! She can’t have!_ His mind screams as he swerves recklessly into another lane to get ahead. She can’t leave! More specifically, she can’t leave him. 

Frantically, he parks his car haphazardly by the roadside before bounding up the stairs to her apartment, uncaring of the way he’d left his car by the pavement or how he’d left work without a proper excuse. No. All that matters right now is Rey and how he has to make amends.

When he arrives at her door, he raps his knuckles furiously against the wooden surface, mind begging and praying to whatever deity is listening to him that Rey is there and willing to listen.

“Rey, open up!”

Like he’d expected, she doesn’t and the door remains firmly shut in his face. 

“Please let me explain!” he tries again, praying that perhaps Rey isn’t home, hence, explaining the lack of a response. 

But the distinct sound of a sob that makes it through the thick width of the door shatters all of his hopes. Rey is home, but she is refusing to speak to him, to hear him out. 

_With right reason_ , his mind supplies unhelpfully.

He’d been unbearably cruel to her, and Kylo knows for certain that whatever he’d said yesterday would haunt him for the rest of his days. Already, Rey bore the scars from her past and all he’d done was to drag a blade through them, reopening age-old wounds.

God, he deserved a special place in hell for what he’d done all because he’d lost his temper regarding Han.

“Rey, _please.”_

He doesn’t miss how his voice breaks on the last word or how unbalanced he feels. 

_“Your parents preferred drinking and driving than staying sober for you and I’m sure as hell you didn’t mean a single to thing to them!”_

He winces when this particular sentence comes to mind. 

A monster. That’s what he is. 

“I’m sorry, Rey! Please! Just let me explain!” Half-heartedly, he thumps his fist against the door but the sturdy piece of wood is unrelenting.

Kylo shuts his eyes as he hangs his head, forehead leaning against the cool surface of the wall as he strains his ears to catch anything. But all he hears is deafening silence 

Hopelessness reaches for him with weary hands and slowly, he turns, shoulders slumping as he slides down onto the ground.

Words can never express how remorseful and sorry he is. 

The fact that he’d done this to the person he…loved. 

At that, his head shoots up, eyes wide, the blood roaring in his ears as his heart pounds steadily in his chest. 

Did he?

He swallows hard. He did. 

He loved her. He loved Rey Kenobi. He is in love with her. 

Somehow, along the way, he’d fallen head over heels with his sassy smart-mouthed PA with those hazel-green eyes of hers and that bright cheery smile that always brightened up his day.

How could he not?

She’d been everything he’d needed and wanted—even before he knew it. 

Right from the start, instead of cowing to him, she’d practically argued with that sharp wit of hers and not once has she backed down and Kylo loves her all the more for it. 

She was his equal, his counterpart—his other half.

But now, he’d lost it all because he couldn’t keep a lid over his temper and his inability to sew his goddamn fucking mouth close.

The knot in his throat grows bigger and he can’t seem to breathe. It kills him to know that she wouldn’t talk to him. That she refused to even see him. His future looks bleak without her and Kylo feels that dreading sense of loss and bewilderment eating at his very soul.

Despair and panic sets in and his mind races, but all of his thoughts are in one fucking jumbled mess and he can’t differentiate one from the other. Most of all, all Kylo wants is to know how to make things right between them. 

That being said, the only thing he can focus on at this point is that he’s hopelessly in love with Rey Kenobi.

God, he fucking loved her.

And in the usual typical Ben Solo style, he’d taken the only good thing in his life and ruined it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. Erhmmm, I do hope you guys did enjoy this despite the nature it took! Nonetheless, kudos and comments mean the world to me! ♥♥♥ Thank you so much for reading and I love you all! 
> 
> By the way, I've changed my tumblr URL! You can find me at [starr-destroyer](http://starr-destroyer.tumblr.com) because i'm a dramatic hoe for the Dark side LMAO


	10. I Know That Car

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there! Welcome to another update and apparently, there are two sides! Most of you guys were on Ben's and the other's on Rey's, but in the end, I hope we're all on the same side-Reylo HAHA Okay enough! Enjoy the chapter even though I really am not super excited about the quality of this and I'm kinda concerned about the lack of emotional depth but we'll see :/
> 
> This chapter is unbetaed so all mistakes are mine!

**Chapter 10 | I Know That Car**

Heartbreak.

Huh. 

Rey had never experienced that before. 

Sure, she’d had fleeting boyfriends and when those relationships had ended, she’d sulked and had a good cry. But within a few weeks, she was alright. 

But this crushing gaping hole in her chest that leaves her unable to breathe, that makes her feel like her whole world has tilted off its axis and is off spinning in the dark abyss that is space, is really not what she’d been expecting. 

How could anyone survive this? How did anyone ever attempt to?

She’d never thought that heartbreak would cause someone to be a former shell of themselves, that they wouldn’t be able to function as per normal. Or that everything would become dark and dreary, resulting in her huddling under her sheets to cry or to stare off in a distance, nothing but memories echoing in her head.

It has been two days. 

Two days since he’d ripped out her heart and stomped on it.

She doesn’t think she’ll ever be okay again.

With that thought in mind, she closes her eyes and buries her face deeper into her covers, wishing that life would allow her to sleep without ever waking up.

* * * * *

He’s at her door again.

It’s Day Four and Rey is staring morosely at the door, clothes hanging off her lithe frame as she forces herself to do anything but respond to the series of knocks on her front door. 

Slowly, she hugs her arms around herself when she feels another round of tears threatening to spill out of her eyes and roll down her cheeks.

Really, with the amount of tears she’d shed over the past few days, you would’ve thought that she didn’t have any more to spare. Well, she’d been wrong about this and apparently, a whole lot of other things as well. 

One of them being Ben Solo.

She’d been a bloody fucking idiot where the damned man is concerned.

The knocking increases in both volume and intensity and sluggishly, she slinks towards her kitchen, forcing down a glass of water to hold the tears at bay. 

She can’t cry when she’s drinking something, right?

Even now, she can still recall his face when he’d spat those awful words. There had been rage and frustration but what she can never forget is what she’d seen in those brown eyes of his. 

He had always been expressive with his eyes. 

And on that day, those eyes that had often gazed upon her with adoration and warmth and humour had adopted a vindictive glee when she’d begun to visibly break down from the intangible shots he’d taken at her.

Dimly, she wonders if it is possible to hit her head hard against the kitchen cabinet to forget him—everything. At this point, she would do anything to stop her heart from hurting.

She hadn’t known how things could have snowballed this quickly. One moment, she’d been waiting for him outside that noodle store when Poe had unexpectedly turned up, all tanned and cheery from his honeymoon. The next, Ben had turned up, all dark and bitter and the accusations started. 

_Her and Poe?_

The idea was unthinkable and to think that Ben thought so lowly of her wounded her. Did she really mean that little to him? 

Sure, she knew and guessed that there must be some bad blood between them but never had she thought that Ben would behave that irrationally about her friendship with Poe. Yes, maybe, she ought to have told him about it and not avoided the conversation but that would never excuse the acidic tongue lashing he’d flung her way in public.

But that could never beat the knives he sent in her direction when they were alone in his apartment.

_“You think you know everything, don’t you? Like you have some stick shoved up your arse like a fucking prig!”_

Was it really wrong of her to be appalled at the fact that Ben had thrown a goddammn glass at his father when he’d come to apologise?

Yes, what Han had done was awful, almost unforgiveable and she understood Ben’s resentment towards him. But the fact that Han had made an effort to reach out to him, to try to work things out with his son spoke volumes. 

From working with Han Solo back at that auto-repair store, she knows that he’s gruff and rough around the edges and that the word ‘Sorry’ was hardly ever on his vocabulary list. In her opinion, the older Solo certainly did not deserve to have a glass thrown his way.

To add on, as far as she knew, no one should ever throw anything like that at others for fuck’s sake. 

Rey can understand that Ben would be feeling unbalanced and emotionally messed up from that but she didn’t think she deserved to be his emotional punching bag.

With trembling fingers, she sets down her mug just as his voice travels through the thin but sturdy plank of wood that is her door. 

“Rey, please open up!”

The very sound of his voice tore her bleeding heart once again and dimly, she wonders how much more can it take before it gave up. If she closed her eyes, Rey can probably picture him right now standing outside her door, hands clenched into tight fists as he leans his head against the wall.

Was it bad that she still missed him? That despite all that he’d said, she still wanted his arms around her or for his lips to graze across her forehead, or to rest her head on his chest. She really must be a masochist to want all of that. 

Stiltedly, she makes her way out of the kitchen, lingering at the doorway from her living room to the hallway. From this position, she has a straight view of the door and the fact that he’s so close—that he’s just a few metres away makes a fresh batch of tears to roll down her cheeks.

Because no matter how much she misses him, she’s hurting and it’s all because of him.

_“You act like you know better like you’re some self-righteous saint—always telling me what to do with my family when you don’t really know anything or how it truly feels like! We’re not together, so who the fuck do you think you are to tell me what to do?”_

He’d been right, they weren’t together. She certainly had no right in any aspect of his life. They hadn’t been exclusively dating; she wasn’t his and he wasn’t hers. 

Not anymore.

Hell, they weren’t even dating. They were just fuckbuddies. Nothing more, nothing less. Too bad for her, she’d been too swept up in him and the different layers that is Ben Solo and had gotten the lines blurred. 

Along the way, she’d begun to hope and expect more. And it had all backfired spectacularly. She’d gotten to close and it burned her. _He_ had burned her.

But to have him throw out that cold startling fact without any emotion on his face… She thinks that it would have certainly hurt less to actually grab a knife and carve her heart out.

_“Your parents preferred drinking and driving than staying sober for you and I’m sure as hell you didn’t mean a single to thing to them! You were definitely nothing to them!”_

From those sentences, it does feel like her heart is gone. Rey wouldn’t be surprised if she looked down and there was indeed a hole in the centre of her chest where her heart should be. Grimly, she fingers the hem of her shirt as she fights back the lump in her throat that makes her want to choke.

“Rey, I know you’re there listening to me. I’m sorry. Please, let me in. Just-I…please open the door.”

Rey doesn’t miss the pure agony and desperation that pours from him, nor does she miss the way his voice breaks and wavers as he speaks—begs even. 

On autopilot, she moves towards the front door because no matter what has happened, her body is unable to resist his call. But she pauses when there is a few inches between her and him with only the door and her walls between them. Hesitating, she reaches for the handle, fingers enclosing around the round brass knob, her heart weeping from how much she missed him, her heart all too ready to let him in–

–but she stops.

The rational side of her wins and forces her to let go of the doorknob. 

No. No matter how much Rey wanted to open that damn door, and hear all of his apologies and explanations, she won’t. Not now. Not when she’s still too raw, too vulnerable, too _exposed_ —her old wounds split right open, welling up from the newer and deeper cuts that he’d sliced into her skin. 

She’s still too emotionally unstable to hear or accept anything from him. 

Because Rey knows that she’s worth something dammnit, and for all of her faults, she didn’t deserve to be spoken or treated in the manner that Ben had done so four days ago.

No matter how he’d carelessly and cruelly picked at her insecurities and at her past, they hurt on a soul shattering level and Rey doesn’t think she can ever forget it.

Drawing a shuddering breath, she squeezes her eyes shut and turns away from the door, fingernails digging into her palms from how hard she’s clenching her fingers—an attempt to prevent herself from yanking the door wide open and to throw herself into his arms.

She knows for sure – _a hundred percent sure_ – that whatever she is feeling is definitely heartbreak. 

How else can she explain the hollow deep ache that settles into her bones or how her chest tightens at the mere thought of him. It didn’t help that her brain replays all the memories she has with him. All of them—the good and the bad.

Sniffling as she presses her lips together to choke down the sobs that is threatening to claw their way out of her lungs, but that doesn’t work, so she clamps a hand over her mouth and bites hard on the back of her hand to mute the pathetic sounds she makes. 

It’s only been four days and Rey doesn’t know how much more she can take.

With a muffled cry, the waterworks that are her eyes overwhelm her restraint and she staggers backwards, back hitting the door with a thump and no doubt, Ben knows that she’s there and listening. 

“Rey?”

The sound of her name that is accompanied by hope and longing drags a heart-wrenching sob from her lips and by now, Rey can’t even see anything from how blurred her eyes are from tears. 

“Rey, I know you’re there! Please! I’m sorry! Open the door!” Ben sounds entirely broken through the wood and his hands begin tapping against her door frantically. “Please, Rey!”

Face scrunching up, she clasps both her hands over her mouth, sinking to the ground as her back slides down the smooth polished wood before she hugs her legs to her chest. 

His hands stop and through her sobs, she can hear him pacing feverishly outside her apartment. “I never meant any of those things, I know you’re listening and I’m sorry for everything. Just let me in….please. I can’t do this without you.”

Instead of making her feel better, they make everything worse. 

Silently, body wracking, she shakes her head furiously, hoping that the motions would cease her ears from being able to hear all that he’s saying.

The ultimate kicker to everything is that Rey knows, _oh, she knows,_ that to be heartbroken, you had to be in love first.

When she’d been in high school, she’d remembered this quote from one particular Literature lesson: ‘Love is giving someone the ability to destroy you, and trusting them not to.’ Back then, she hadn’t understood it; how could someone you love ever hurt you?

But now, yes. She did get it. 

She loved— _loves_ him and she shouldn’t. 

Rey knows that her insecurities had been practically tossed right into her face like dirty laundry, as though they didn’t matter and were utterly inconsequential. The worst thing that stung is the fact that Ben knew how hard it had been for her to open up about her parents, her childhood, and especially her fear of never being enough for anyone.

And yet, he’d used them and twisted them right into her heart.

It certainly is ironic that the one person she’d trusted the most had turned on her in one of the harshest of ways. 

Being in love with Ben Solo bloody fucking sucked.

* * * * *

It is Day Nine. 

A week has passed and Rey has finally gotten her act together. 

No longer is she moping about her house. She’d gotten dressed, had a proper meal and all she had to do was to keep her mind off of things, or more specifically, _him._

It hadn’t been easy but in order to do so, she’d undertaken a frenzied series of tasks involving housecleaning and organising her belongings. She figures that if she is occupied in both body and mind, she wouldn’t be able to sink back into the mess she’d been.

And for once, she hadn’t turned up for yoga lessons with Luke or Sunday dinners. Hell, she had even avoided any calls from them. Rey doesn’t know what she’d do if she actually saw Han or Luke. The two people who had been instrumental in how hurt and damaged Ben is from their careless actions years ago.

But then again, he wouldn’t be the man she is madly in love with if all that had happened in the past never occurred in the first place.

Yes. She is in love with Ben Solo. Rey had come to accept it. There wasn’t a point in denying what she knew and felt. 

Numbly, she stares at her hands before darting her eyes back to her clock that is hung diagonally from where she’s seated. She’d cried out all her emotions, wept in her bed, tears soaking her pillows and now, she doesn’t feel a single thing. 

She’s just…empty. 

Better to feel nothing at all than the sharp pain that lances through her heart when she thinks of him, she muses morosely.

Considering the fact that she knows his routine by now, he would be back here in approximately ten minutes.

He’d be at her door during lunch break and then back after work till the early hours of the morning and each time, he’d be begging and pleading for her to open the door so that they could talk.

Anxiously, she fidgets in her seat before flicking her eyes back to the clock. 

This time, she would listen. Now, she’s finally ready to talk to him and to hear whatever he wanted to say. However, that didn’t mean things were going back to normal. Or to whatever they had been before. 

No matter how much she wants him, or how much she loves him, or how much her very soul longed to be with him, she can’t. This time, she has to listen to her brain, not her heart. This time, her mind would be the one doing the decision making and whatever she felt or wanted would have to be ignored. 

Ben Solo isn’t good for her. 

He resembled a ticking time bomb and when he went off, he exploded, spreading his rage and inflicting hurt to anyone who was unlucky enough to be in the radius. He doesn’t hold anything back, pressing buttons that shouldn’t even be touched, picking at old wounds and making them bleed all over again. 

Being with him would be unhealthy for her and Rey doesn’t need that. She doesn’t _deserve_ that. She knows her self-worth and she actually resents how she’d simply fallen apart from his cruel words. 

If he had been anyone else, she’d would’ve thrown a punch and give as good as she got. She’d never been afraid of what others thought of her. But it had been Ben that night and that very reason alone had made everything hurt even more.

He was like a broken fragment of a decorative vase. Stunning to look at, but his edges were too sharp and jagged for her. Too close and anyone would get hurt. And that’s exactly what she’d done. She had gotten too close and he’d cut her—flayed her skin wide open with his taunts and sneers.

Ben may truly be sorry for all that he’d said but what about the next time something triggered him? She didn’t want to be the one who took the brunt of his emotions every time something set him off. 

Bitterly, she smiles, eyes falling to her hands. At least Ben had clearly drawn the lines between them, hence, enabling her to have a clean break from him.

Already, she’d fallen head over heels for someone who probably didn’t reciprocate what she feels.

Just as the minute hand of her clock hit the number twelve, the familiar heavy weighted sound of his feet echoes outside her door and Rey stumbles to her feet, knees shaking as she walks towards her front door.

This is it.

With bated breath and clammy hands, she grabs the doorknob and before any hesitation can set in, she swings the door wide open.

Everything seems to move in slow motion and the very sight of him causes her heart to pound steadily—a distinct change from the state she’d been in earlier. It’d been slightly more than a week since she’d seen him and Rey should really hate how her knees tremble at the surprise and shock that flashes across his face when he catches sight of her.

However, what catches her attention is the dark circles under his eyes, the pale complexion that his skin takes and most of all, the dark stubble that lines his jaw. But most of all, he looks tired—drained even, as though he hadn’t been taking care of himself nor has he been sleeping well. 

The idea that he is as affected as her by this between them makes her frown. Conflict stirs within her and just by looking at him, she wonders if she’s making the right choice to walk away. 

Could it really be the right choice when everything in her—every _fibr_ of her being jumps to a start from wanting him so desperately that her chest hurts and her stomach clenches?

_“Rey.”_

Her name sounds both like a prayer and a curse coming from his lips.

“Ben.”

“I…I-uhm…” he begins, eyes blinking in quick succession as though he can’t quite believe that she’d opened the door and is standing in front of him.

Rey stares at him, before positioning herself midway at the entrance, her right hand curling around the edge of the door to half-close it as she waits for him to speak first.

He draws a shuddering breath, body tense and unmoving. “Can I come in and then we can talk?”

She swallows hard, eyes dropping to the ground as she clutches the door closer to her. “No, we can do that out here.”

Seeing his face fall, shoulders sagging and the utter look of desolation in those brown eyes makes her breath hitch and she desperately wants to close the gap between them and press her lips against his but no. No, she can’t. She has to be strong!

“Right.” Ben straightens, pressing his lips into a thin line before grimacing. “Rey, about that day, I’m sorry. You have to know that I didn’t mean any of it.”

She doesn’t look at him. Instead, she focuses on the scruffy parts of her canvas shoes and once she’d mustered all the courage she has, she raises her head to meet him squarely in the eyes. “But you thought of them. Those things you said,” she says quietly. “In order to have said them, you must have them in mind. You must have meant them on some small level.”

“No!” 

She freezes when he takes a step closer. 

“Rey, I never meant them. I just-“ he cuts himself off, running his fingers through his hair agitatedly before he reaches out for her. 

Quickly, she flinches away. He can’t touch her. If he did, she’d fall back into his arms and that can’t happen. Not when she’s determined to let things between them die. But there is no mistaking the hurt that flashes across his face at her rejection before he shuffles backwards. 

“That day,” he pauses, brows furrowing as he shifts his jaw. “You know that Han dropped by and we had a fight and after, Dameron-“

“Yes, you were awful to Poe,” she interrupts stonily. 

Ben winces. “Yes, I was. I’ve never met him but I know that he’s like the son that my parents wish I was.”

She stops and gives a minute shake of her head. “You know that’s not true,” she says quietly and Ben offers a faint smile, but Rey observes that it doesn’t meet his eyes.

“To me, in a sense, he’d taken my parents, and that day, there you both are laughing, I…I got jealous and lashed out at you after. It was wrong of me to do so, and saying all those things to you—it was uncalled for.”

Rey remains silent and he shifts unsteadily, the Adam’s apple at his throat bobbing as his dark eyes bores into hers. “I really am sorry. I was terrible and you didn’t deserve it—any of it, and for that, I can’t say enough how much I regret it all.”

She allows the silence to sink in and her stomach roils. 

Because despite his apology, no matter how sincere it is, the throbbing hole in her heart still there. His words still lance through her, reopening old wounds. And scars don’t heal overnight, especially those of the emotional variety.

“You hurt me, Ben,” she finally says, eyes filling up with tears once more. God, why aren’t her tear ducts empty? “I let you in. I told you things I didn’t tell anyone. And yet, you used them all against me. You. The one person I trusted.”

He runs his tongue over his lower lip, brown eyes brimming with regret and pain. “I know,” he says in a small voice. Right there and then, he resembles nothing more than a forlorn young boy and it tugs painfully at her heartstrings.

With trembling fingers, she hastily swipes at the tears that roll down her cheeks. “It doesn’t matter-“

“Yes, Rey. It does matter.” Ben rushes out, hands gripping her wrist gently but firmly and damn her for not pulling her hand away. “Tell me what can I do to make it up to you? What can I do to fix this?”

“Forget it,” she sniffles, fixing her watery eyes on his face. “All we can do now is to move on from this.”

“I can work with that, we can take things slow,” he says carefully, eyes almost begging and Rey squeezes her eyes shut as she shakes her head. 

“No, that’s not what I meant,” she whispers. Her voice can’t seem to go louder; her chest hurts so bloody much and Rey really thinks she would break down any minute.

“What?”

Despite her vision being glassy, she can see the panicked expression that flits over his face, dark eyes turning wild as he scans her face frantically. “What do you mean?”

Here it goes.

“You were right in saying we weren’t together. We weren’t. You were my boss. And maybe all of this was a sign and it’s best if we go-“

“Rey, please-” he interrupts urgently, his hold on her wrist tightens. “Don’t-“

“Perhaps it’s best if we go our separate ways,” she finishes quickly, ducking her head down because she can’t bear to look at him. Not when her heart is in her throat or how Ben looks like he wants to cry.

“Rey-“

“Ben, don’t make things harder than it has to,” she interjects softly, voice cracking from all the tears that are surfacing and how the lump in her throat has gotten bigger. 

“Rey, stop. I-I’m in love with you.”

Her heart stills.

“W-what?” 

Ben pales but strengthens his resolve as he straightens his posture and lowers his head. Rey finds herself being pulled closer as his hands cup the sides of her face, thumbs grazing her cheekbones. “Rey, I love you.”

She gawks at him, mouth falling apart, eyes widening as her lips quiver. 

He loves her! Ben Solo is actually in love with her!

Rey cannot describe the way he looks at her. As though she is his absolution, his everything - like she is his very reason for existence and without her, he’ll stumble and collapse. But instead of the overjoyed bubble that encompasses her, all she feels is grief.

Because Ben isn’t good for her. They aren’t meant to be together. Perhaps in another life and just not this one.

“You can’t,” she blurts out, more tears spilling down her cheeks. “You can’t love me! We’re not good for each other not when you can’t even control your emotions!” With that she scrambles back into the safety that is her doorway, shaking her head profusely. “You should go. Now.” 

Ben falters but his demeanour changes as he swallows hard. “I’m not giving up,” he says firmly, the rejection she’d all but shoved at him not deterring him one bit as his eyes burns into hers with an intensity that makes a shiver shoot down her spine. “I love you, Rey. I’m not going to give up on us.” 

Giving him a watery smile that ought to look more like a grimace, she sniffles and rubs her nose with the back of her hand. “Goodbye, Ben.” 

With that, she shuts the door firmly.

* * * * *

Another week has passed and true enough and to the delight of her soul, Ben hasn’t given up.

Rey doesn’t know what to think about that, but the fact that he is this determined to pursue her, to win her back causes her resolve to weaken. Each day, she would always find a lovely bouquet of flowers waiting for her at her doorstep with some silly quote that would make her snort. 

And that was barely the start. 

With each action, the voice which tells her that being in love with him isn’t enough grows quieter and Rey finds that all she wants to do is to open the door and bury her face into his chest and never let him go while confessing that she loves him too.

But what absolutely floors her is the email she’d received from him three days ago. 

It didn’t say much. It was about a small paragraph consisting three lines informing her casually that he’d been to a therapist to deal with his emotions. The email had even contained details about said practitioner and his office that was about fifteen minutes from his apartment.

The very fact that Ben had actually done this despite his discomfort of speaking about his feeling and thoughts to a complete stranger for her— _just for her_ stuns her speechless.

Rey glances around the streets, frowning as she huddles deeper into her jacket from the bitter cold winds as she hurries down the pavements.

Right now, she is at a crossroad. 

No longer is she sure that staying away from Ben is the right choice. How could it when the man she loves with her entire being is making such an effort to prove to her that he’s serious of his feelings for her?

Her friends had been utterly shocked when she’d called them at midnight a few days prior and burst into noisy sobs when the ache in her heart and soul had hurt too much for her to bear it alone.

Being the supportive friends they are, all of them had turned up at her home and together, they’d binged watched movies and had way too much ice-cream. Rey had asked them for advice on what to do regarding Ben but there wasn’t much they could offer except with the advice on listening to her gut. 

Well, sadly for her, her gut simply misses him. 

She misses the way his eyes would wrinkle at the corners when she made a remark that would make him laugh. She misses the dry sarcastic comments that he gave, the way his hands would run through his hair when he became nervous, or how his hands dwarfed hers when their fingers are intertwined. She also misses the way they could talk about almost anything to everything with comfortable silences in between. 

Nor can she forget how it feels like with his arm slung around her shoulder or her waist, or even how his calloused fingers felt against her skin, fingertips dragging up her body. She misses his kisses, how he’d run his fingers through her hair or how perfectly he fitted into her—like they were two parts of a whole. 

All in all, she just misses him so much. 

Rey stalks down the particular street that leads to her apartment, hands feeling numb from the cold but it isn’t as bad compared to the aching numbness of her heart. 

It can’t be this difficult. She loves him and he loves her and really, isn’t that enough?

Rey licks her dry lips, brows creasing as she watches the traffic lights turn to amber. Yes, it is but Rey recognises that it is her pride and her fear of getting hurt again that makes her hesitate. It isn’t fair to Ben but she’s scared that she might not actually make it through if he hurts her again.

She doesn’t think she’ll be able to recover from it intact.

As she crosses the junction, the sound of sirens and shouts greet her and Rey frowns as she walks across the asphalt concrete, a hand shoved into her pocket and the other holding on to her grocery bag containing a bottle of wine for dinner with her friends tonight. 

Slowing to a stop, Rey cranes her neck, curiosity buzzing through her, but all she sees is a large group of people crowding the area along with the police and an ambulance. However, what catches her eye is the crushed lump of metal that had once been a car on her extreme right. 

A car accident had occurred and a serious one at that, considering the appearance of the vehicle and where it is positioned. Clearly, the car had been flipped more than once before landing onto the grassy patch beside the road.

Yet, something heavy like lead settles into her gut when she focuses on the car. 

It is a black sedan. 

It is a black sedan that has the exact same model, the same paint job and…the same number plate as his.

Her heart stops. 

Rey knows that car. Hell, she knows it all too well; she’d sat in it after work countless of times, had even fumbled in it a couple of times.

She doesn’t hear the protests of the people that she shoves out of her way nor does she even feel herself letting go of the wine bottle. In fact, she doesn’t even hear the sound it makes when it shatters along the pavement. 

No. 

All she hears is the roaring in her ears when she sees the paramedics lining up a bloodied body on the gurney.

_Ben._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, lovelies! Thank you so much for reading and I adore all the screaming comments! As always, kudos and comments make my day and I love reading them all! I promise that the next chapter will get better! Thank you so much for reading and I love you all! ♥♥♥
> 
> I'm [starr-destroyer](http://starr-destroyer.tumblr.com) on tumblr so come say hi! ;)
> 
> Also, because I couldn't wait, I have a new modern fic up! It's called _Daydreams_ and its a ridiculous fluffy Youtuber Ben and Rey AU! So if you're into that, check it out [here!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15466476/chapters/35903709)


	11. It's Always Been You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slightly late update! I've been rather busy because of life. Ew. Anyway, here it is! The balm to the wounds I've ripped into everyone's hearts from the last two chapters AHAH
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> This chapter is unbetaed and unedited, so all mistakes are mine! Em will slowly be working her way through all of the unedited chapters, so please bear with us! ♥♥♥
> 
> Also, I'm not an expert in anything to do with injuries or hospital procedures so y'all don't' fact-check me thanks.

**Chapter 11 | It’s Always Been You**

_Ben._

Numbly, her body moves forward, blindly shoving pass people to get closer. Her eyes have to be wrong—it can’t be Ben on that gurney.

But it is. 

Rey recognises his shoes from his feet that dangle off the edge of the stretcher and the watch that had belonged to his grandfather on his wrist. However, what frightens her and sends her brain into a complete frenzy is the _blood._

Staggering, she stumbles forward, needing to get a closer look. She has to make sure that he’ll be alright. Ben can’t be dead. He can’t! Not her Ben.

Inching closer, her knees buckle when she spots his usually wavy hair soaked in blood. 

_No, no, no, no!_

Dropping everything in her hands, she makes a dash across the pavement and onto the road. In her chest, her heart hammers furiously. He has to be okay, he has to be alive. He can’t be dead—not when they had to make things right between them! 

Not when she hadn’t had the chance to tell him she loves him!

“Miss! Move back please! You’re not authorised to come within this area!”

Blearily, she stares at the police officer who is preventing her from going to Ben. Who honestly cared about the rules and regulations when the man she loves could be slipping away from her any minute now?

“Please! I know him-“ she interjects urgently, every fibre of her being itching to move nearer to him. He has to be okay, he has to and she could just check if only this idiot in front of her would move it!

“I’m sorry, Ma’am, only family members are allowe-“

“I’m his goddamned wife!” she snaps without thinking, jabbing a finger into his chest. “Now are you going to continue to argue with me or let my husband bleed out to death?”

She doesn’t hear the hastily muttered apologies or the way the police officers part for her to cross. All Rey can focus on is the roaring in her ears and _him._

Her heart stops when she reaches the gurney. 

God, there was so much blood. 

A choked sob leaves her throat and frantically, she grasps desperately at his limp hands, eager for a sign that he’s okay and going to be all right.

She doesn’t notice the paramedics lifting the gurney into the ambulance nor does she hear the wailing sirens as the vehicle takes off, not when her attention is fixated on Ben. 

Swallowing thickly, her eyes trace his every feature, eyes darting from his blood and sweat matted hair, his unusually pale waxy complexion, the small freckles and beauty marks that dot his face and most of all, the horrifying cut that bisects across his right eye.

Squeezing tightly onto his limp hands while ignoring the tears clogging up in the back of her throat, she prays to every deity she can think of for Ben to be alright and to come away from this accident with minor scrapes and small bruises. 

However, the amount of blood that had seeped into his clothes alarms her and dashes all of her hopes to nothing. What if he was losing too much blood? Was it even natural for there to be so much blood in the first place? 

Her chest tightens and Rey draws a ragged breath, every part of her wanting to break down and cry. But she can’t. Not now. Not when Ben needs her to be the strong one.

Around her, the paramedics are flitting about the cramped area, shouting medical jargon to each other as they begin tending to Ben and all Rey does is watch them blindly, mind not fully absorbing that this is reality. 

That her current reality is where her man is barely hanging on frightens her—chills her to the very bone. 

What happens next is all a blur and soon, Rey finds herself running down the Accident and Emergency unit of the hospital, hands clutching tightly on the thin metal bars as she and three other paramedics begin rushing Ben into an operating room. 

“I’m sorry, Mrs Solo, but you can’t be in here.” A nurse smiles tightly and ushers her towards the row of plastic benches that are aligned a couple of feet away from the operating theatre. 

“But is he going to be okay?” She asks desperately, hands clinging on to the hem of her coat as she shoots frantic glances to the double doors just ahead, mind not even hearing the mistaken honorific given to her.

“I’m afraid that I do not know, but a doctor would be with you shortly.” The nurse says firmly before gesturing towards the seats.

Mutely, she stumbles to a chair and Rey stares numbly at the sterile white wall in front of her. Had the past hour really happened? The scent of iron and rust reaches her nose and stupidly, her gaze lowers to her hands. 

Dried blood. 

Ben’s blood.

Just when she thought the tears would stop, that her tear ducts had stopped production, she is proven wrong.

Rey doesn’t even care about the blood that stains her clothes or her hands. In fact, she’s pretty sure that she looks like an extra cast member that had walked out of a horror movie. But she can’t find the energy to drag herself to a washroom to clean herself up. 

The only thing in her mind right now is Ben and why had she been so stubborn? Why hadn’t she accepted his olive branch earlier and all of this could be avoided? 

Guilt gnaws in her gut and Rey flinches. 

Yes. It was her fault. 

If she hadn’t been so stubborn, or filled with pride and fear, Ben would be in perfectly good health at this moment. In fact, he’d probably be at her apartment making stupid barbs or jokes that would make her snort. Or, they would be curled up on his couch watching a film.

However, her pride had interfered. 

Anxiously, she shoots another glance towards the doors leading to the operating theatre, as though by doing so, Ben would walk out with his signature sulk before enveloping his arms around her while declaring his love for her. 

At that, she freezes, mouth drying up as her lower lip quivers.

What if it is too late? What if things didn’t go well during the operation? What if he didn’t make it out-

No! She refused to think about that possible reality. 

But the nagging organ that is her brain shoves a thought at her: What if she never got the chance to tell him that she loves him and he is…gone?

The devastation and desolation that thought brings is unparalleled to the pain that they’re fight had wrought and so, Rey hunches down on the seat and weeps.

* * * * *

“REY!” 

She blinks her bleary eyes at the three approaching figures running straight for her and this time, she’s too drained to even feel anything.

By some stroke of luck, some manner of common sense had filtered into her brain earlier and she’d called Leia and Han to inform them about their son being in an accident and is now being operated on. But that very action had sapped all the energy in her. 

For God knows how long, she’d been seated on the same plastic chair, barely moving an inch as the minutes ticked by, waiting for some sign and news. 

Woefully, she reflects that perhaps the waiting is definitely worse than the outcome itself.

“Rey! How is he?” Leia sinks onto the chair beside her, warm brown eyes frantic as she scans around the area as though the action itself would summon a doctor out of thin air.

Han clenches his jaw, arms folded across his chest as he taps his foot against the white tiles, resulting the chairs to jiggle according to his beat. Despite the tough exterior he is projecting, there is no mistaking the concern in his dark eyes as he swallows occasionally. 

Luke, on the other hand, seems torn between comforting his sister and his best friend before he mumble something about heading to a cafeteria for some coffee.

“I don’t know,” she murmurs, body sagging against the stiff backing of the chair. “I haven’t received any updates yet.”

“What exactly happened?”

“A car accident,” she murmurs. “I didn’t see it happen, I was on my way home and then there was the police and everything. I’m so sorry.”

“Ohh, Rey,” Leia’s eyes soften, rubbing her back soothingly s she looks up at Han. “What are you apologising for, love? It’s not your fault.”

Of course, they didn’t understand. It is her fault!

“It is.” She looks up at the three members of the Organa-Solo-Skywalker family. “It’s my fault. If it wasn’t for me, he wouldn’t be in there now.”

Han furrows his brows, nose wrinkling to come up with a response but before words appear, a nurse steps quietly towards them, hands holding a bunch of things. “Mrs Solo?” 

“Ye-” Leia begins but cuts herself off when the nurse passes by her and instead, makes her way to Rey before handing the items gently into her hands. 

“Here are some towels for you to get washed up. You’ll feel better after cleaning up and having some food.” The nurse smiles gently. “If you ever need any assistance, feel free to call any nurse.”

Rey is acutely aware of the stares from Leia and Han that burns through her head.

“Thank you,” she murmurs quietly, fingers clutching the soft downy surface of the pristine towel. 

Once the nurse walks off, she daren’t look up. What exactly can she say to them anyway? 

_So here’s the thing, I’ve actually been sleeping with your son while working for him and along the way, I fell in love with him but we had a fight and I’m the reason for him being in a hospital is due to my stubborn selfish pride?_

“Mrs Solo, huh?” Han begins, head cocking as he raises his eyebrows.

“I can explain,” Rey starts hesitantly, fingers clutching the towels. “I-“

“Rey, are you seeing my son?”

She gawks at them, mouth working furiously as her brain tries to come up with a suitable response. Should she lie or tell the truth?

Nothing good ever came out of lying and really, Leia and Han were like family.

“I’m in love with him.”

The moment those words left her mouth, she freezes. 

That wasn’t what she meant to say at all. She is to say that she has been seeing Ben these past few months and certainly not what she felt. Hell, she hadn’t even said them to the person they were meant for. 

And once more, her throat goes thick and her vision goes glassy. 

“I’m sorry,” she chokes hugging the towel to her chest, wishing that Ben is beside her. “We had a fight and he was trying to make it up to me but I’ve been stubborn and now he’s in an accident and I might never get to tell him that.”

By now, she can’t see anything, not Han or Leia’s expressions and certainly, they would be furious with her for being the cause of their son’s accident.

Rey swallows thickly, fighting back the hiccups that cause her to jerk in her chair and rubs her eyes tiredly. Hence, the surprise when arms are wrapped around her in a comforting embrace. 

“Oh, it’s definitely not your fault,” Leia says softly, rubbing her back soothingly. “How can it be? You weren’t driving the car. This isn’t your fault. It’s just a series of unfortunate circumstances.”

“But what if-“

“Don’t think that way,” the older woman says, smiling tightly although her eyes are sad and full of anxiety. “I’m sure the doctors are doing everything they can.”

Han clears his throat as he settles beside her. “Ben will make it. He’s always been a stubborn ass,” he snorts good-naturedly as he pats her knee awkwardly. “Plus, with you here for him, I’m sure he’s doing every bit to stay alive for you.”

“You didn’t see him before.” Her lower lip wobbles. “There was so much b-blood.”

Han stiffens and Leia shakes her head. “There isn’t any point in dwelling in any of that. All we can do now is hope and pray for the best. Come, we’ve got to get you cleaned up.” 

She nods numbly and follows Leia into a washroom around the corner. Deftly, the older woman gets into action, dampening the towels before taking her hands and wiping them up. 

“Rey, I’m sure Ben will be alright,” she begins gently. “Like what Han said, he’s always been a stubborn mule.”

She remains silent, mind too drained and exhausted to do anything else but stare blankly at her reflection in the mirror. 

“And I’m sure he loves you in return.”

She pauses, recalling the longing yet determined eager look in his eyes that day he’d confessed. 

_“I love you, Rey.”_

“He does,” she mumbles, knees growing weak. “He told me.”

Leia stills, head flying up to meet hers through the mirror as her eyes begin to water up. “Ohh, Rey.” With that, she drops the dirtied towel and hugs her tightly. “Everything is going to be fine, sweetheart.”

A reality without Ben is too much for her to bear and all Rey can do is close her eyes and bury her face into Leia’s neck as silent tears roll down her cheeks.

An hour becomes two but to Rey, it felt like an eternity had gone by. 

Everyone around her sits in solemn quietness; Luke is back, fidgeting restlessly beside Han, who occasionally rubs Leia’s hands, providing some semblance of comfort, as he fiddles with his phone. Leia is unusually quiet as she wrings her hands together while resting her head on her husband’s shoulder.

But finally the double doors swing open and a man in a surgical cap walks out, pulling the mask that hides the lower side of his face down his chin. 

“Ben Solo’s family, I presume?”

Leia jumps to her feet, rushing over to the doctor with a speed that surpasses her age. “How is my son?”

The doctor peers at them through his glasses as he gives a tentative smile. “It was close but I’m glad to say that he’s going to be alright.”

* * * * *

Rey stares at him. 

Her eyes run over his limp hair, the waxy pallor of his skin, the myriad of moles and freckles that adorn his face, his pale lips before finally settling on the scar. 

It is thin and runs across the right side of his face, starting from the middle of his forehead and over his right eye before ending at the extreme right of his collarbone. 

Slowly, she sniffles as she brushes his hair away from his face, careful to avoid the cut that bisects the right half of his face. Some might say that the scar was ugly, hideous even, ruining any dashing good looks he had before.

But it doesn’t bother her. 

He is still Ben, scar and all and she is in love with him. 

Rey doesn’t care about that. All that matters is that he is alive and on the road to recovery.

With the crazy accident he’d been in, it was a miracle that he’d walked away with three fractured ribs, a mildly punctured lung, various cuts and bruises, a sprained ankle and the cut along his face from a shard of broken glass.

Once she’d first seen him, she’d cried in relief and had thanked the gods profusely for keeping him alive.

Pressing her lips together, she reaches for his hand, interlacing their fingers together. Of course, Ben’s hands were limp in hers, digits unresponsive but she doesn’t care as she squeezes his hand.

It’d been three days since the accident and still, he hasn’t been conscious. The doctors had claimed that he would wake in his own time on his own schedule because his body needed time to recover from the shock and impact.

By now, the bruises had turned a dark shade, and all of his cuts were mending nicely. But Rey can’t help but feel the crushing guilt that weighs so heavily on her chest. It is all because of her that Ben is here. That he had almost died. 

She doesn’t think she’ll fully be okay until he wakes up.

Scooting a little closer, her free hand brushes more of his hair away from his face, eyes noting the stubble lining his jaw. 

“I’m so sorry, Ben. I’m so sorry,” she whispers before drawing a ragged breath. “I’m so sorry for being so stubborn, for letting my pride get in the way. All of this could be avoided if I just listened and overcome my fears.”

Carefully, Rey shifts in her chair and licks her dry lips. “I was just so scared that you’ll hurt me again. What you said that day cut deeply and,” she pauses, sucking air between her teeth. “I was pretty sure that you hurting me like that again would shatter me irreparably.” 

A bitter laugh escapes her throat and tiredly, she tucks an errant curl behind her ear. “Hence, why I tried to keep you away after you told me you loved me at my door. I was just so afraid that you’ll hurt me again.”

She quietens, shoulders sagging. “But the one thing the accident taught me is that life is too short and I almost lost you.”

Memories surface in her mind. Memories of the first time she’d seen him at Starbucks, their encounter in his office on her first day working for him. 

Snorting, she shakes her head as the memories wash over her. “When I first met you, I did think you were an arrogant prick and I was right. You are an arrogant prick. But it was only later that I found out you had different layers to you, and under all that waspish arsehole personality, you are a total different person.”

Rey recounts the day he’d laughed genuinely, the corners of his eyes crinkling up and how his mouth had parted to reveal slightly uneven teeth white teeth. 

At work and in private, he was two different people and Rey came to find that she loves both sides of him. In private, there was still his smug ass countenance but it was added to the softer, more awkward traits he’d hidden deep within. 

“And despite your stupid arrogant self and making my first few days at work utter hell, I began to want to know you more and somehow, I fell in love with you. Both the good and the ugly.” 

Rey blinks hard, fingers tightening around his as she fights the tears welling up in her eyes.

“The strange thing is, I had no idea you would feel the same too.”

Silence reigns in the room, not counting the steady beeps from the heart rate monitor on Ben’s left.

If she closes her eyes and pretends, she can almost hear Ben’s usual sarcastic comments about something stupid or him barking out orders on his phone or even the low husky tones of his voice when he tries to unnerve her by muttering obscene filthy things in her ear.

Throat clogged up, she focuses on his face, willing desperately for his eyes to open. 

God, she just wanted him back.

Rubbing a haphazard circle with her thumb on the back of his hand, she smiles tearfully. “But despite everything that had happened. I wouldn’t change a thing.”

Shrugging and feeling ridiculous for doing so, she reaches out to caress the uninjured side of his face. “Except for the part where I didn’t get to tell you that I love you too.”

Suddenly, a flicker of a movement catches her attention and Rey stills, watching his eyelids move. That was more progress than the past few days!

Excitement blooms and her spine snaps straight as she leans closer, body thrumming with adrenaline. “Ben? Can you hear me? Ben?” 

But nothing.

Breathlessly, she waits, eyes frantically scanning his features for any more signs but nothing else occurs.

With her shoulders sagging in disappointment and the ache in her heart getting heavier, Rey doesn’t think she can bear looking at him and waiting anymore before she crumples into a crying heap. Shifting in her seat once more, she gets ready to stand and she pulls her hand from his–

–but she stops when she feels fingers grabbing hers with a grip that shouldn’t exist.

Unable to actually process what she’s feeling, her head snaps up and she is greeted with those dark brown eyes she’d dreamt so much about and missed with all of her shattered heart. 

“Ben?” she whispers, hardly believing her eyes.

“Hi.”

Rey does the only thing she can do. She bursts into noisy tears. 

* * * * *

Kylo stares hard at her.

At Rey, his bright sunshine angel who is watching him warily as tears stream down her cheek, eyes growing impossibly round as her lips part. 

“Rey?” he croaks.

As though him speaking her name is the catalyst, Rey jolts in her chair and with a choked sob, she scrambles to her feet and runs out of the room. 

Not a minute passes when a group of doctors and nurses come rushing in along with his parents and Luke. Heart pounding unsteadily, he ignores the questions and the meddling and prodding as he cranes his head, eyes eager to catch sight of Rey.

But to his crushing disappointment, she is nowhere to be found.

What feels like hours later and he is finally left alone with his family.

“Ben!” His mother shrieks as she throws her arms around his chest and rains kisses all over his face. “I’m so glad that you’re okay! God, I was awfully worried!” 

He manages a grunt and awkwardly pats her on the back. His chest protests from the amount of force she’s giving into her hug but he’ll bear it for her.

His mother finally pulls away and beams at him through watery eyes as she strokes the side of his face while fussing with the pillows and the blankets around him. 

His uncle offers him a faint smile as he politely enquires if he would like a vegan smoothie to feel better. An offer, which Kylo refuses because really, vegan shit isn’t for him. Ever.

But things in the room grow quiet when Han steps forward, hands shoved into his front pockets and there are tears in his eyes. What happens next is something Kylo can never expect. 

Han swallows hard before wrapping his arms around him. “I’m so glad you’re okay, son.”

Uncertain, he remains stiff before finally nodding and his mother screeches and engulfs the both of them into a tight hug.

However, as good as it is to see his family and with that weird thing with his father, he yearns to see a certain sassy brunette. The sassy brunette that he’s fucking in love with.

When his parents move away, he swallows thickly. “Where’s Rey? I saw her earlier.”

All three of them exchange glances and his gut churns. Sensing his turmoil, his mother steps forward and smiles faintly. “She went home. There was some emergency she has with her friends. But she’ll be back.”

“I see.” His fingers twitch and he grimaces. 

His mother frowns and sits on the chair beside him. “You didn’t tell me that you and Rey are together.”

Kylo doesn’t bother pointing out that they were in fact, no longer together but his gut churns unbearably and he doesn’t think he can speak without throwing up.

“You love her, don’t you?” His mother presses, eyes warm as she brushes some of his hair away from his eyes.

Oh yes, he did. He is fucking in love with her and as usual, he fucked up and she’d slipped through his fingers. 

“Yes, but I fucked up,” he mutters and something on his face itches and unconsciously, he reaches up to the right side of his face and presses to only feel a sharp twinge of pain flare up. “Ah fuck!” 

“Language, really!” 

His heart begins to pound as his fingers touch something that feels like stitches. “What the fuck happened?”

His father tenses before shrugging. “Car accident. A few cracked ribs, a punctured lung and a sprained ankle plus the neat scar on your face.”

_“Han!”_

“What?” 

A scar? Gingerly, he traces the length of it and winces. Bloody fucking hell. This is probably karma for all that he’d done to Rey. Of course, she wouldn’t want to be with him with the fucking monstrosity on his face.

“Ben, it's not like that,” his mother warns. “Rey has been by your side ever since you’ve been admitted. And if that isn't love, I don’t know what is.”

He closes his eyes, silently urging the bile to head back down to his stomach and not up his throat. Could it really be? If so, why isn’t she here with him?

God, he missed her so much.

Instead of giving a proper response, he shakes his head and closes his eyes, his empty aching soul hungering for its other half.

* * * * *

It has been two days since he’d woken up and by now, Kylo does admit to himself that he’s a desolate moping mess. 

In these two days, not once had Rey shown up and he’d begun to think that she wouldn’t at all. Why would she? He’d broken her heart and her trust and plus, he had a monstrosity of a scar on his face. Of course, she wouldn’t want him back.

So when the door to his room slides open, he figures that it is either one of his parents or his nosy uncle again. But when the scent of _her_ permeates his senses, his eyes snap wide open.

_Rey._

He swallows hard, eyes taking her in frantically and his fingers dig into the sheets. Frankly, he daren’t say anything, afraid that the image of her standing there in his room is all a figment of his imagination—a mirage.

Fuck. It’d been so long since he’d last seen her in person. And like the starved lovesick fool he is, he drinks her up eagerly. His eyes take in the tight jeans that she wears and a black tee that hangs off her frame too loosely but it is her face that he hungers for the most.

Her tanned face is a little pale, lips chapped and dark circles line her eyes. But to him, he finds that she’s as beautiful as always.

“Hi,” she says quietly, inching closer as she settles into the chair on his right. 

“Hi,” he croaks stupidly.

“H-how are you,” she begins hesitantly, hands resting on her lap and he so fucking badly wants to reach out and take them into his.

“I’ll be discharged tomorrow,” he replies quietly, eyes never leaving hers and Rey nods. 

“I know.” She straightens and presses her lips into a thin line. “I…uhm…your mother filled me in. Are you feeling better?”

Has it really been that long since he had his lips on hers? That their hands had touched and fingers intertwined, that she has cuddled into his chest, head buried in the crook of his neck? He absolutely hates that they are acting like fucking strangers stranded in a goddamn party. Hell, he knows her, loves her, even. 

He knows every sensitive spot on her body, that she’s allergic to walnuts, that she adores any sort of food especially desserts with chocolate. He knows her coffee preferences, the sounds she makes just before she laughs, how she’d fidget terribly when she’s nervous. 

Bloody fuck, he knows almost everything there is to know about Rey Kenobi.

He knows that she always avoids eating ice-cream until it’s semi-soft, preferring it that way to the harder texture. He knows that she’s ticklish, especially on her toes and how she likes to be eaten out, teeth grazing her slick folds before he thrusts not one but three fingers deep in her.

Fuck it. 

“You weren’t there when I woke,” he states, eyes darting down to his fingers before they meet hers again.

Rey blinks and she glances away and nods. “I know.”

Somehow, that admission pains him more than it should.

“Is it the scar?” he questions hoarsely. 

“What?”

“The scar bothers you.”

Her eyes fly up to his and she shakes her head furiously. “No! Never! How could you think that?” 

“Doesn’t it?” he questions dryly. “Why would you want someone like me—a fucked up, emotionally unstable ass who doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing half the time and now, has a giant fucking scar on his face.”

She frowns, lips pursing and she reaches out, hands touching his wrist gently. “Ben. Don’t say that.”

“But it’s the truth, isn’t it?” he states deprecatingly. “I was a fool to think that you could love me back.”

Her lower lip trembles and Rey shakes her head disbelievingly. “Ben! What the hell are you talking about? Hasn’t it ever occurred to you that you shouldn’t even love me? I was the one who got you into the accident! You almost lost your life because of me!”

Now, it is his turn to blink idiotically. “What?”

She snorts, a tear rolling down her cheek. “I was so stubborn and my pride and fears got in the way and only if I came to my senses soon enough, you wouldn’t be on the roads near my apartment trying to win me over. Don’t you see? It is my fault! I almost got you killed and-” 

By now, he can’t hear anything through her tirade. The only thing that his brain focuses on is the fact that she might actually love him too. Could it be?

Grabbing her hands to catch her attention, he leans forward. “Rey, do you love me?” 

She blinks owlishly and gives a nod. “Ben, yes. But how-“

His gut swoops and his heart skips a beat. “I love you, Rey. Can you actually say the same?”

Those hazel eyes of hers soften and she edges closer. “Of course. I love you, Ben. I almost died when I saw you in the ambulance. And I certainly don’t care about the scar. I love you, scar or no scar-“

“Stop talking,” he interrupts, hands moving up to cup the sides of her face, fingers caressing her cheekbones. “Rey, I’m in love with you and you love me in return. So will you kiss me and stop talking?”

His Rey stares at him and more tears spill down her cheeks before she snorts. With a quick surge forward, their lips meet for the first time in weeks.

And Ben Solo is finally home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep. There it is. Ack! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter-the reunion, I suppose. Anyway, kudos and comments mean the world to me and I would love to hear all of your thoughts! Thank you all for reading and I love you all! 
> 
> You can find me on tumblr at [starr-destroyer](starr-destroyer.tumblr.com) and come say hi! :)
> 
> Also, I've got a new fic up! It has five parts in total and its called Daydreams. Basically Modern AU with Ben as a brooding cover singer on Youtube and Rey as a lifestyle vlogger. Basically, love at first sight and some semi-long distance relationship. You can find it [here!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15466476/chapters/35903709)


	12. I Love You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for being so bloody late with this update! Many things have happened in the past month-family and personal issues mainly and i've been struggling with them! 
> 
> Regardless, here is the next update and once again, enjoy the last chapter of AJLT BUT THERE WILL BE TWO EPILOGUES to look out for! 
> 
> This chapter has been betaed by the wonderful amazing, [SageMcMae](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SageMcMae/pseuds/SageMcMae) and this lovely moodboard has been given by [perperuna93](https://perperuna93.tumblr.com). THank you loves!

**Chapter 12 | I Love You**

“You look really grumpy today,” Rey comments as she settles into the chair beside the bed while quirking an eyebrow at the scowl that paints his entire face. 

Ben’s glower deepens as he flops irritatedly on the bed. “I’m sore, wearing some stupid blue uniform and I’ve been stuck in the hospital for the past week. What the hell do you think?”

She snorts. God, he was such a drama queen at times. “You’re being discharged later. In like an hour.”

“So?”

_“So,”_ she stresses. “We’ll be going home soon and you should lighten up and—what’s with that look on your face?”

He draws back, blinking as he clears his throat before glancing away but Rey saw it. She’d seen the softening of his eyes and the gentle curve of his lips before she’d interrupted. 

“What? What did I do?”

“Nothing.” 

“Ben,” she begins warningly but her infuriating arsehole just shakes his head and turns away with a smirk on his lips. 

“Nothing,” he sniffs and continues archly, “carry on with your self-righteous prattle.”

She seethes. “Ben Solo, you little piece of shi-“

“Mrs. Solo?”

Rey jumps and whirls around. She is met with the sight of the same nurse who’d attended to her the day Ben was admitted into the hospital. 

God no. Not now. Especially not in front of Ben! 

Honestly, fate wouldn’t do this to her, right? Not with the first time being humiliating and embarrassing enough with Han and Leia. But now? With her ‘supposed’ husband? Fuck, she can already predict the ribbing she’ll get from him.

“Hi,” she mumbles weakly and like she’s guessed, Rey feels his very interested stare burning into the back of her head.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck!_

“I’m glad to see that your husband is alright, dear.”

Rey wishes that the ground would open up and swallow her whole. With her cheeks flushing, she sneaks a quick glance behind – even though she really shouldn’t – and sure enough, Ben has his lips twisted into a smirk, eyes gleaming with glee and mischief.

“Yeah, me too.” She forces a tight smile on her face, hoping the nurse will now leave but of course, with her luck, that doesn’t happen. 

Huh, maybe it is karma for lying to police officers about her identity. Really, nothing can get worse than this.

And of course, things do get worse. 

“You, young man are very lucky to have such a devoted wife.”

Again, she darts a quick look at Ben to see him smiling pleasantly at the nurse. “Of course. I wouldn’t know what to do without her, after all, through thick and thin, right?”

The nurse smiles adoringly and really, Rey wants to reach out to his bicep and pinch him. Hard.

“That’s so sweet with the both of y’all so loved up. Now I have to go back because my shift is starting soon. Have a good day!” 

With the nurse gone, Rey waits. Surely, the ribbing and the teasing is about to make an appearance soon.

“So…Mrs. Solo, huh?”

Yeah. There it is.

God, she can practically hear the smugness that drips from his words. Cheeks reddening, Rey scowls and does what she’s been wanting to do the whole time. 

“Ow! Hey!”

“Shut it!” she hisses, face flushing as Ben grimaces and rubs his arm. 

“That hurt,” he grouses before cocking his head, the smirk on his face growing along with her ire. “But that’s so sweet of you to use-“

Clearly, the blasted man is enjoying this way too much and Rey glares as she crosses her arms. “I was worried sick and the cops wouldn’t let me get into the ambulance! Now, will you knock it off?” 

“I know, but really, if you wanted my surname so much, all you have to do is ask and you shall recei-“

“Ben Solo. One more word and you’re going to wish you were never born,” she grits through her teeth, face heating up so much that she’s quite sure she strongly resembles a tomato.

Silence reigns and she lets out a sigh. Thank fuck-

“But I’ve got to say, it’s good you’re getting used to being called Mrs. Solo. You’ll have to change your name to that soon anyway,” Ben remarks flippantly as he adjusts the angle of his bed before resting his head on his hands.

Her heart pounds. 

“What did you just say?” she squeaks, leaning closer. 

“What did you think I just said?” He arches a brow and stares down at her superciliously with half-lidded eyes.

“D-did you just… _propose?”_

“Did I?” he cocks his head before shrugging casually. “I don’t know. What do you think?”

“You-” 

“Goodnight,” he interjects, slumping further into the sheets and promptly turning away.

She gawks at his back, jaw hanging uselessly and Rey swears that now she definitely resembles a fish out of water with the way her mouth works furiously.

“Ben!” 

“Shh! I’m sleeping.”

“Fuck that,” she snaps reaching over to yank the hem of his shirt insistently. “You can’t just say whatever that was and pretend to go to sleep.”

Ben turns, peering at her over his shoulder. “Why not?”

“I-“ she stops, drawing back and chewing hard on her lip. “Did you mean it?” 

He grows quiet and Rey shifts in her chair and fiddles with the strap of her purse. Quietly, she observes him, from the way his gaze moves over her, lingering especially on her face before dropping to her fingers.

“Yes.” 

She blinks, heat rushing to her face. 

“Oh.”

He scoffs, throwing the sheets off his legs, huffing as he adjusts the height of the bed once more. “I tell you that I do want to marry you and that’s all you can say?”

“Well,” she begins hesitantly, inching closer while wincing a tad at the heavy glower that he is sending her way. But of course, Rey can’t deny the absolute giddiness that fills up her entire being nor can she help the wide grin that spreads across her face. “I-“

“That better be something positive,” Ben interrupts, brows furrowing. 

Rey would have responded with something that would reassure him, but thinking back to the teasing he’d dished earlier, she snorts and smirks. “At least I won’t be called Rey _Ren._ ”

As expected, Ben sputters, face flushing as the tips of his ears turn bright red.

* * * * *

“Ugh, you’re heavy.”

“And you’re grumpy.”

“Well, I think I have the right to be grumpy,” she argues, shooting him a glare as he hobbles into the room, an elbow narrowly missing the lamp situated on the hall table.

“Yeah, well, I’m taller so you can’t blame me,” he grouses but Rey can’t deny the relief and pleasure that settles into her lungs at how obnoxious he is being. 

If he is capable of being this snarky and temperamental, it means he is indeed on the road to recovery. And she thanks the gods for that.

Instead of deigning him with a reply, she rolls her eyes and gently guides him to the sofa and begins piling up the cushions as he gingerly parks himself on the edge. 

“Is this alright?” 

Ben shifts minutely, nose wrinkling and brows creasing before huffing. “No, I can’t seem to sit comfortably.”

Patiently, she leans over him, adjusting the grey cushions behind his back. “What about now?”

“No.”

“Now?”

“No, not really.” 

If it wasn’t for the gleam in his eyes or the way the corner of his lips twitched, she definitely would have fallen for it. The idiot was milking his accident for all that it’s worth.

“How about now?” She retorts, smacking the cushions together roughly and Ben jerks.

“Don’t do that so hard! It hurts!” 

She snorts, shooting him a glower but this time, gently fluffs his pillows. “It can’t hurt that bad. It’s been a week.”

“Yes,” he sniffs, shifting his jaw as he scowls. “It’s been a week since I nearly died, remember?’

Rey stiffens, hands stilling. 

That very reminder sends a prickle of unease down her spine. To think that she had been so close to losing him causes her shoulders to tense up. “Right,” she mumbles, taking a step back before tucking a curl behind her ear. “Would you like a water?”

Without waiting for a response, she heads into the kitchen, fingers enclosing around the slim neck of a bottle before shuffling her way back to him. Rey really isn’t surprised at the shrewd narrowing of his eyes. 

Ben Solo never misses a thing.

But she misses the softening of his eyes and the guilt that lines his face. 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that,” he says quietly.

Rey licks her lower lip, unable to speak due to the emotions which clog up her throat, but she forces a smile on her face anyway. “It’s alright.”

“No, it isn’t.” Ben grabs the bottle and tosses it to the plush seats of the sofa before taking her wrist and gently tugs her closer. “I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

She ducks her head, eyes avoiding his as she begins carding a hand through his hair. “That’ll be odd. I’m sorry for being silly. The thought of you…” she trails off, unable to finish the sentence but Ben understands her anyway.

“Yeah.” His fingers begin tracing the veins on her hand and the calloused ridges dragging along the thin sensitive skin causes her to shudder. “You know what?”

“Hmmm?”

“I think I want a bath.”

Rey blinks. “A bath?”

“I need help washing my back,” he grins, eyes twinkling, a playful leer gracing his plump lips. “And hair,” he adds as an afterthought.

She scoffs but jolts when a hand slips around her waist to palm at her arse through the blue denim roughly. “Ben!” 

“What?” 

Her cheeks burn but she can’t help the smile that settles onto her face. “You’re being ridiculous and I’m staying dressed. I need to make sure your bandages don’t get wet,” she reminds him carefully when Ben opens his mouth to argue. 

Seeing her lumbering idiot shuffle his way to his bedroom’s adjoining bathroom, Rey releases a tight exhale. Until now, she was sorely afraid everything had been a dream and when she came to, she would still be waiting for him to wake from his accident. 

But with him here, in his home, acting like his usual self, albeit with more surliness due to his injuries, a pressure in her chest she wasn’t aware of loosens and she finds that she can breathe unhindered. Her lungs no longer feel like they will cave in and collapse.

So with gentle but firm hands, she runs her fingernails against his scalp, enjoying the feel of the suds in his hair. Seated behind the tub and carefully ensuring that none of the water or the shampoo gets onto his face, Rey can’t help but let her eyes linger on the myriad of bruises that litter his pale skin and the small shallow cuts on his arms. 

Mindfully, she works her fingers in silence, basking in the simple presence of her and Ben doing something normal—being _okay._ Occasionally, she feels his body shudder uncontrollably when the tips of her nails grazes sensitive spots behind his ears or at the nape of his neck. 

“I did mean it you know,” Ben murmurs solemnly, breaking the quiet, arms spread out on both sides of the tub. 

“Mean what?”

“What I said earlier in the hospital,” he says, voice breaking a little. “Before I was discharged and after that nurse left,” he adds.

Oh _that._

Heat infuses into her cheeks and even though he isn’t facing her, Rey ducks her head down. “Oh.”

“Would you have said yes?”

She licks her suddenly dry lips. “Tilt your head backwards and close your eyes,” she instructs and begins rinsing his hair, fingers running through the soft strands. But her eyes continuously drift towards him—as if trapped in a spell, lingering on the planes of his face, that sloping crooked nose and those plump lips. 

“I would have,” she replies softly.

Multiple things happen at once.

Ben snaps his head forward and whirls around, causing the soapy bathwater in the tub to jostle and spill over the edges, soaking the black tiles and the rug, the shower head slips out of her grasp, falling to the ground with a solid clatter as water continues to spray everywhere.

But none of that matters. Not when Ben is staring at her with that expression on his face. 

“You would?” His eyes scan her face urgently, flicking all over her as if he can’t believe her answer. Rey notes how his fingers are clutching the tub so hard that his knuckles are turning white.

She nods again, confirming, “Yeah, I would.”

Something hungry and utterly possessive falls over his face and he makes a move to grab her. With lightning-like reflexes, she scoots backward with a grin. “But only if you ask properly.”

_“Rey,”_ he snaps petulantly, brows creasing, mouth twisting into a sulky line.

_“Ben,”_ she mocks with a laugh before getting to her feet to grab the soft grey fluffy towel on the rack. “Here-HEY!”

She sputters, scowling at the water which drenches her from head to toe. Pushing her now plastered hair away from her face, she glares at her smirking idiot holding the shower head. “You’re such a big baby!” she huffs, swiping water droplets from her eyes. 

Ben snorts and climbs out of the tub. Wordlessly, she shoves the towel at his form—his very _naked_ form. 

Oh.

_Oh._

“But you love me,” he grins boyishly as he stares down at her while toweling himself off. “Don’t you?”

Even though she has seen him in the nude before, she instantly averts her eyes. Rey has no idea where this prudish version of herself has emerged from. Regardless, she doesn’t want to be caught staring. Not when she knows the ribbing that is sure to follow.

“Yeah and I don’t know why,” she retorts dryly but her cheeks redden when she steals another glance at him—down south. Oh bloody hell. She is fucked.

“What?” 

“Nothing,” she snaps hastily, towelling her hair.

Of course, Ben isn’t an idiot and has obviously caught the flush which has no doubt spread all over her face. As expected, a wolfish grin forms. “It’s not like you’ve never seen it before.”

“Shut it,” she huffs and reaches out to pinch his arm again.

“Well, I can’t help it if I’m-ow! Woman! Knock it off!”

She nearly laughs, until she catches a glimpse of the damp edges on the bandage covering his facial lacerations. “Your bandage is wet-“

“But are you?”

“Solo!” Really, she shouldn’t laugh or even smile. He didn’t have to be encouraged any further.

“Fine.”

Like a mother hen, she clicks her tongue and quickly ushers him to dress. Once he’s decent, Rey situates him back on the couch where she peels off his soiled bandage and begins to carefully clean the area up with a damp cloth.

The wound cuts a slightly jagged line diagonally over the right side of his face. It isn’t horribly damaged or horrendously awful but it would leave a noticeable scar when it healed.

“It’s hideous, isn’t it?”

Her hand stills and her eyes meet his. “The scar? No.”

Ben lets out a scoff that she determines to be self-deprecating and drags his eyes away before pulling back from her hands. “Right.”

“Ben,” she begins, dropping the cloth and cupping the sides of his face. “Look at me, I mean it. The scar doesn’t bother me. Not one bit.”

His jaw shifts and tentative hands rest on her waist. “You shouldn’t have to put up with it.”

“Why not?” Gently, her thumb caresses the top of his left cheek and his eyes return to hers. “That scar is a part of you. And you know that I love you. All of you—the good and even the bad.”

The hands on her waist tighten their grip and slowly, she lowers her head and brushes her lips against his. 

The moment their mouths touch, Ben groans and bands his arms around her, pulling her closer until their chests are pressed flushed to one another. “God,” he mumbles against her lips, “need you now.”

“No! Your parents are coming over soon,” she protests albeit half-heartedly, feeling his fingers sliding tantalizingly over the curve of her arse.

Ben drew back, a dark scowl painting his features. “What? Why?”

“For dinner. Your mother is bringing food.”

“Fucking cockblocks,” he grumbles, mouthing at her neck, hands dragging over her hips before he pulls away reluctantly. “Better finish up the bandages, then.”

Rey grins, settling back onto the couch and picks up where she’d left off, acutely aware of how Ben is watching her. Once her work is done, she gathers the excess bandages from the pack the hospital had given. As she turns to move, he reaches up and takes hold of her free hand. 

“Rey,” Ben begins, soft brown eyes peering at her from under his lashes. “I… I love you. More than you can possibly know.”

Something giddy blooms in her lungs and she recognizes the utter joy radiating from within herself. She doesn’t think she will ever get used to those three words coming from him—especially from him. And Rey knows that she’ll _never_ get tired of hearing them.

“I know,” she beams.

* * * * *

“Have you heard? First Order Shipping industries is being acquired by another subsidiary from Europe!” Leia announces as she steps into the apartment, bearing several bags in her arms. 

“Really?” 

“Yes, it’s all over the papers. Who knew the FO was actually going bankrupt?”

Rey sneaks a quick glance at Ben, who raises a brow knowingly back at her as he too watches his parents bustle about in his kitchen. 

Due to the accident, Han and Ben reached a tentative fragile peace. It isn’t much—both didn’t dare to talk about the past nor did they broach sensitive—but it is a start. 

“So,” Leia whirls around and rubs her hands gleefully. “Let’s eat and we can all talk.”

“Talk?” Ben echoes warily as he hobbles to a chair.

“She means marriage and grandbabies, kid,” Han informs dryly as he takes a seat opposite his son.

Rey flushes, averting her eyes as she relaxes into the seat on Ben’s right. “I think it’s a little too soon for that,” she offers awkwardly. 

“Both of you are clearly staying together, so what’s the difference? And Ben, the ring better be good.” 

“Mother!”

Leia huffs, “What? You intend to marry her, right?”

“Well, yes but-“

“So why are you protesting, then?”

“Because-“

“Rey, sweetheart, what do you think?”

She blinks, suddenly aware of the three pairs of eyes that swing her way with varying emotions. Han is thoroughly amused while Leia is pinning her with an expectant smile but Ben is mortified and hugely apologetic. 

If they hadn’t broached the topic of marriage before, Rey would have freaked and panicked. But now that she knows where she stands—what they’re plans are and that marriage is definitely in the cards (though not for a long while), she simply gives Leia a bright smile.

“Ben and I love each other, but we’re taking things slow for now. After all, there isn’t any rush,” she replies congenially.

The admiration Han sends her way makes her grin. Clearly, not everyone manages to direct Leia away from what she wants with success. The look of pure adoration and awe that graces Ben’s face makes her cheeks redden. 

“I see.” Leia looks positively disappointed, yet dinner continues amicably. Across her, Han sends her thumbs up with a proud grin and Rey stifles a laugh.

But under the table and away from prying eyes, Ben reaches down and takes her free one, giving it a proud squeeze with his larger one. 

She just beams and squeezes back.

* * * * *

When Rey displays her choice of film for the evening, Ben wears an expression of total dread and disgust which has her snorting. Damn him for being snobby. Anyway, Rey totally deserves being indulged in this trashy romance comedy, especially after the many fits he’s produced over the past few days.

Not being able to go for his usual run due to his sprained ankle? A moody arsehole for the whole morning makes an appearance. 

Having to work from home, letting Hux take control over his work? A mini tantrum that results in his files being flung all over the ground.

Being confined in his apartment for most of the week? Kylo Ren made an appearance, snapping and growling and basically being overly idiotic. 

Yeah, she totally deserves this for putting up with his crap.

_“The Proposal?_ What the ever loving fuck?”

She rolls her eyes and ignores him, pressing the play button on the remote. “Suck it up, you’ve been a nightmare the whole week.”

Silence reigns and Rey doesn’t even have to look at him to know that he’s sulking. And does she care? No. Not one bit. 

Despite his limitations, the whole week being stuck at home did him some good. The bruises are mostly gone and the shallow cuts are all healed. Ben is mostly able to get around on his own and he doesn’t require any more bandages for the cut on his face. In fact, by next week, he’ll be able to get the stitches out. Unfortunately, his fractured ribs and slightly bruised lung are taking longer to recover.

According to the doctors, in about two weeks, he would be able to get back to work. And this time, with the change in management, things would be better. That being said, the fact Rey is not going back to work for him as his PA become a point of contention between them.

Ben doesn’t see anything wrong with it but Rey isn’t naïve. She knows there will be talk. Talk about how she’d slept her way up to her position, or how she is with Ben only for his money. 

Neither of which are true. 

To avoid any of these volatile pieces of gossip poisoning her relationship with Ben, she decides it will be wise for her to work somewhere else. 

Plus, being a PA isn’t exactly her dream job. 

Bringing her feet up and hugging them to her chest, she watches happily as the movie begins to play. Beside her, Ben is slouched against the couch, a frown marring his face as he starts to fiddle with his new phone.

Like his car, his phone hadn’t survived the crash.

“Could you pass me your phone? I can’t tell if it’s this new one being all fucked up or if it’s the stupid Wi-Fi.”

Without a second thought, she absently passes it to him, too engrossed in the film to notice when Ben jerks beside her. “Rey, what the fuck?”

Startled, she whips her head towards him, jostling the bowl of popcorn on her other side. “What? What’s wrong?”

“You dubbed me, _The Assistant Killer_ in your phone?”

Rey blinks, eyes moving from Ben’s offended glower to her message chat with him. She can’t decide if she should burst into laughter or maintain a straight face. Not when he looks like he might actually throttle her.

“What?” she shrugs. “Don’t look at me like that. You _were_ trying to kill me with all those crazy stunts you pulled. Besides, why are you snooping through my phone anyway?”

“Snooping? I wasn’t snooping!” he sputters indignantly. “My messages won’t send due to some fucked up issue and I wanted to know if your phone could send any.”

She wasn’t actually irritated or annoyed, since she had no secrets from him, but she did delight in making him squirm. 

“Okay…” 

“Anyway,” he snaps grouchily. “You love me. So, why can’t you be normal and put my actual name and decorate it with pink hearts or something stupid like that?”

At that, she wrinkles her nose. “Ugh, fuck you, Solo,” she scoffs, turning away from him but not protesting when he presses closer. 

“In that case, you’re going to be _Cocktease_ in my phone. You know, with a capital ‘C’ and all those water droplet emojis that everyone uses.”

She draws back, eyes wide, fingers pressing the pause button repeatedly on the remote before focusing on him. “What are you, five? But really, what if someone else sees it? Don’t you dare!”

He raises a brow superciliously, staring down his nose at her. “Do you actually think anyone would dare go through my phone?”

Rey makes a face and silently concedes. That is quite true. But maybe with the exception of Leia. The woman is a force in her own right.

“Ben, seriously, give me your phone!” Carefully, she navigates the wobbling bowl of popcorn and reaches for him, or more specifically, his phone.

“You can change it only if you’re able to grab it from me,” he taunts, raising his mobile out of her reach. “So the question is: are you tall enough?”

“You’re such a child,” Rey growls, stretching a hand up for his phone. Goddamnit, why does his arm have to be so long? 

But within seconds, she finds herself on her back, the air knocked out of her lungs as Ben climbs over her, a smug but hungry look flashing onto his face. 

“Hi there,” he purrs, caging her with his arms and she snorts but slings her arms around his neck, enjoying the feel of the ends of his hair brushing her fingers.

“Hi,” she says dryly. 

“The movie is boring.”

“Oh?” She arches a brow, a knowing grin playing on her lips. “So? What do you want to do, then?”

“You,” he smirks, lowering his head, pressing languid kisses down her throat. 

Acutely, she can feel him—hard and ready for her, waiting impatiently on her thigh and a laugh bubbles out of her. “Really? We just got out of the shower thirty minutes ago.”

“Is it really my fault that your ass looks good in those shorts?” he rasps, the day old stubble grazing the sensitive skin on her neck and she wriggles underneath him, grip on his neck tightening.

“No,” Rey breathes out shakily as she digs her fingernails into his back. “W-we shouldn’t. You’re going to over-exert yourself.”

“Fuck that,” he growls, a hand slipping up her shirt as he begins sucking at the hollow spot near her collarbone.

“Ben,” she hisses, “I’m serious. I’m not doing anything when you’re not exactly alright yet.”

He withdraws slightly and groans. “Fine.”

“But,” she begins with a Cheshire-like grin as she reaches her hand down to his hips. “There are other things we can do…”

“Rey, _fuck._ ” A guttural groan escapes his mouth and Ben hangs his head, mouth gaping a little when her hand slides pass the waistband of his sweatpants to grab at his erection. 

And just like that, she can’t quite bring herself to care that her film is forgotten and that the bowl of popcorn is turned over, scattering its contents all over the rug.

* * * * *

“Does this feel good?”

She nods jerkily, legs trembling when his fingers ghost around her, driving her mad but never truly giving her what she wants—him. More specifically, him _in_ her.

“Ben,” she groans when he finally does slip a finger in her. “Just-please.”

“Tell me,” he orders, voice rough from lustful need, a hand trailing up her spine. “Tell me how good it feels.”

“Yes,” she gasps. “That feels good. You feel good.”

The next thing she knows, she’s on her back, legs parted for him and then, he’s in her.

Rey doesn’t think she can ever get used to the way he enters her. It didn’t matter if they’d done this once or twice or even more times she can count. Each time, it feels like the first. 

How his cock stretches her up, filling her till she feels like she might get split into two, the slight burn that sizzles up her nerves when he finally enters her fully. 

His hands trail up her thighs, heading to the hypersensitive skin of her inner thighs, a broad thumb flicking her clit expertly and she shudders. 

It’d been way too long since they’ve done this and because of that, Rey knows she won’t last long. Especially after everything they’ve been through. And from the way Ben is clenching his jaw, him being the paragon of restraint in their relationship actually showing signs of breaking, it’s clear he won’t either.

Good.

Because when she reaches the peak, crashes over the edge, falls into pleasurable oblivion, she wants him to join her. Because this isn’t just pure raw fucking. Not anymore.

It’s slow and languid—lovemaking.

Rey watches through hazy eyes as Ben caresses her cheeks tenderly with his calloused fingers, notices how he’s withholding his climax for the sake of hers, recognizes how he’s looking at her as though she’s the only thing that matters in his life. Like she’s the sun and his whole world revolves around her.

She loves him with an intensity that makes it hard to breathe.

If love was a thief, robbing her of life, she’ll give it all that she could.

Trembling, she pulls him closer—closer than before, wanting to feel his heartbeat against hers and buries her face into the crook of his neck.

God, words can never help her describe how much she loves this man. Emotion rises and if it’s possible, Rey swears that her heart seems to swell from all the feelings she has for Ben Solo. 

To think the man she hated at first sight would be the love of her life made her throat clog up and it was only a few weeks ago that he could have been taken from her causes everything to bubble perilously close to the surface. 

Feeling wetness on her cheeks, she drags a hand upward to find that she’s… _crying._

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

Her eyes dart up and hastily, she swipes them away and shakes her head. “Nothing. I’m just being ridiculous.”

“Rey.”

“Nothing,” she says softly, curling her hands around his neck and smiling up at him through watery eyes. “I just love you so much.”

His eyes soften and he begins thrusting again and this time, it’s hard—punishing. But what sets it apart is the way their eyes interlock, never glancing away as they chase their respective pleasures. 

She shatters from Ben’s rather rough thrust and furious thumbing at her clit. Rey’s mind blanks out and involuntarily, she clenches hard around the steel length of him, heels digging into his back.

With a muted growl, he grabs her close, emptying himself into her while muttering things into her ear. She can’t catch all of what he’d said but she does hear ‘love’, ‘mine’, ‘perfect’ and ‘my Rey’.

Her heart has never felt so full.

Using flexibility, Ben turns them around and this time, he’s on his back, with her on top of him. Already, she can feel him turning flaccid in her. And when he makes a move to pull out, Rey clamps down on him and shakes her head. 

In comfortable silence, she rests her head on his chest, eagerly taking in the sounds of his heart beat drumming a steady rhythm while her hands are splayed out on his abdomen.

“I love you too, Rey,” he murmurs, as he cards a hand through her tangled hair leisurely.

With contentment sinking and settling in every fibre of her being, she smiles and closes her eyes. 

* * * * *

“Remember to be nice,” Rey hisses under her breath and he rolls his eyes. 

Like she hadn’t reminded him of that for like the billionth time in the past few days. 

Today is his doom day. The day that he has to meet Rey’s friends as her boyfriend. Officially. Not that impromptu awkward thing where two of them had burst in at her home or that disastrous meeting with Dameron.

“Yeah, yeah,” he waves her off and sets his mouth into a thin line. 

It isn’t like he is known for his social skills but Rey wants him to meet her friends so how can he say no?

“I mean it, Ben!” Rey glares. “I want you to like them and them to like you.”

He considers adding that he doesn’t really give a shit if people don’t like him but the pleading, no, almost begging expression on her face makes him falter.

His Rey shouldn’t have to beg for anything.

Sighing heavily, he shoves his hands deep into his pockets and groans. “Fine, I promise I’ll be on my best behaviour for you.”

Rey blinks, stopping on the busy sidewalk. “Do you really mean that?”

“Yes, so are we going or are we standing here like idiots in the cold?” he snaps and she beams brightly—so brightly that the image presented to him makes his breath hitch.

Her nose and cheeks are red from the cold, those hazel-green eyes sparkling and the smile that he receives warms him up from deep within. 

At times like this, he wonders if everything has been a crazy dream. That in this reality, somehow, someone like Rey is his and he is hers.

“Let’s go!” 

He allows himself to be dragged into the Starbucks chain. Immediately upon entering, his senses are assaulted with chocolate and peppermint due to the approaching Christmas season.

Through the crowd, he doesn’t need to search for Rey’s friends. It is apparent who they are when his girlfriend, or soon-to-be-fianceé (according to the ring he had hidden in his sock drawer), releases his hand and rushes towards a group of people who cheer raucously when she meets them. 

Honestly, he is too tired for this. But he’s promised he’ll try. So grudgingly, he shuffles closer to the group and instantly finds himself the object of their scrutiny.

He has no idea what to do or say. Thankfully, Rey steps in. “Everyone, this is Ben-I mean uhm Ky-“

Clearing his throat, he shakes his head minutely and Rey stops, cocking her head in surprise. Turning to her friends, he nods his head a tad awkwardly. 

“I’m Ben. Ben Solo.”

\- FIN -

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this conclusion and once more, there will be two epilogues to look out for! Let me know your thoughts and stuff, i love them! 
> 
> You can find me on tumblr, I'm [starr-destroyer](https://starr-destroyer.tumblr.com) there so hit me up! ;)


	13. Epilogue I - Matters of the Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies! here is the latest update, the second last one anyway, :") And this chapter would be impossible if not for my beta [Sage](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SageMcMae) who has turned this around into something legible! <3 Also, she has made the gorgeous moodboard! <3 <3
> 
> Also, enjoy! :)

**Epilogue I | Matters of the Date**

_7 months later_

“So, a professor, huh?”

She snorts at the grins on her friends’ faces and rolls her eyes. “That’s going to be one day, far off in the future when I decide I don’t want to work as a translator anymore.”

“But still, _Professor Kenobi_ ,” Rose presses, eyes twinkling with glee as Finn shakes his head while sipping his iced tea. “With the things you and Ben get up to in the bedroom-“

“Rose!” 

“What?” 

Rey flushes. “I told you, Paige and Kaydel that in strict confidence!”

Finn shrugs, “No, you didn’t. You were all drunk and shrieking. Poe and I know everything. And when I say _everything_ , I really do mean it.” 

Rose giggles before teasing Finn, who grows increasingly embarrassed at his girlfriend’s comments, and Rey watches fondly. And when she takes a sip of her iced caramel macchiato, she catches a glimpse of the ring on her fourth finger. 

As always, a beam spreads across her face. 

To think that she’s been engaged to the love of her life for one full month sends her heart racing. Carefully, her eyes take in the little details of the ring—from the white gold band and the one carat diamond in the center. Some might say that it’s a little flashy for someone like her, but the girly girl that lives within her, who never had anything like this, loves and adores it—it’s perfect.

But what’s more important is the memory the ring gives and what it represents.

* * * * *

It’d been a dreary Friday evening. Ben had been skittish and out of sorts the entire day. On top of that, he’d been a moody grouchy arsehole who snapped and insulted everything and anyone in his path.

Rey had assumed something had gone wrong at work and decided it would be best to wait until he was more comfortable to talk to him about it.

So it had come as a total shock when he’d suggested going out for dinner. 

Ben didn’t like socialisation, which included heading out unnecessarily, plus, he’d already cooked. Furthermore, to be completely honest, Rey would rather eat what Ben had prepared. She loved his cooking 

Ben had looked so jittery and off-balanced as he’d hustled her out of the house and it wasn’t long before they were seated in a quiet corner of a restaurant. 

They had barely finished their first glass of wine when he’d snatched her hand up and shoved a sparkling ring onto her finger before hastily mumbling, “Marry me.”

It had happened so fast and Rey had been so caught off-guard that she’d gawked at him for what seems like hours, her gaze darting from his face to the ring and then back to his face in rapid succession. 

Rey hadn’t realized she’d been silent for so long until Ben had begun to fidget in his seat and started to run his fingers through his hair haphazardly. 

No wonder he’d been so on edge lately. She’d marvelled as all the pieces clicked into place. When a panicked expression flashed across his face from her prolonged silence, she’d jumped into action and kissed him hard before whispering her ‘yes’ against his lips.

“I love it,” she whispered and he’d pulled away, brows creased.

“Are you sure? And you’re still young, and if you don’t want to, it’s okay-” 

A finger to his lips halted his panicked rambling and her gaze focused on her ring—the sparkling gem on the silver band doing nothing to stop her from smiling so much. 

“Shut up,” she ducked her head down and peered up at him from under her lashes, a large beam stretching across her face. “Yes, yes, yes! I’d love to marry you and you don’t have to worry, we can take things one step at a time. There isn’t any rush, after all.”

Ben flushed and he started to play with the ring on her hand. That sight caused her to catch her breath and she felt butterflies in her stomach. With a giddy laugh, she pulled him in for another kiss, adoring the way his arms wrapped themselves around her. 

He was her safety net, her rock, her shelter—her _home._

His proposal wasn’t the grand one she’d pictured she would receive when she was a child. But the way he’d just shoved the ring on her hand and asked to marry her? It was Ben and it was perfect. It suited both him and her and she knew that she would love and treasure this memory for the rest of her days.

* * * * *

“Oh, look, Rey is in Ben World now,” Finn deadpans and his comment breaks her out of her reverie.

She grins, cheeks flushing, “Whatever.”

“I just can’t believe Peanut is all engaged now,” he continues, eyes sliding down to her hand. “Plus, I will never fail to point out that her ring is a pretty much a huge rock.”

“Well, if you want one so badly, go marry Ben, then,” Rose taunts cheekily and Finn physically shudders, face paling. 

“No fucking way in hell. Sorry, Peanut and no offense,” Finn grimaces. “But Ben Solo is a fucking piece of work and there’s no way I can put up with him. I have no idea how you even do it anyway.”

Rey huffs out a laugh and quietly sniggers. It is true Ben and Finn don’t really get along but it doesn’t bother her. Not when they try to be passably tolerable to each other for her sake. She knows how difficult it is for Ben to be nice to her friends and she loves him even more for trying anyway.

“That’s fine.” With a quick glance at her watch, she finishes her coffee and hops down from the high chairs. “I got to go and have dinner with Ben at his parents’ home. Thanks for the catch up! Is Saturday’s breakfast still on?”

Rose nods enthusiastically, “It should be! We’ll catch you later! And tell Ben we said hi!” 

She gathers her belongings and slings her purse over her shoulder. With a quick hug to her friends, Rey leaves and walks down the street towards First Order Shipping. Along the way, she muses on the past few months. 

Things with Ben are never simple. Rey is stubborn but he’s worse. He’s perpetually temperamental and often broods before lashing out, while she’s impatient and impulsive. Some think they would never fit—too volatile, they would say. But they do. 

Because at the end of the day, Ben is the one who cooks for her knowing she had no experience with it while growing up. He’s the one who listens to her rant and cry when no one wants to employ her due to her age. He’s the one who waits on her hand and foot when her monthlies come. 

Rey, on the other hand, knows when to leave him to his sullen moods and when to ask him to open up. She knows that he requires his coffee at the start of the day—two sugars and no cream, and that he’s still a little conscious of the scar on his face when they head out in public, despite his claims of not giving a fuck.

They may not be perfect. But they are perfect for each other.

It isn’t long before Rey’s feet bring her to the building and there, Ben is already at the entrance waiting for her.

Even though she’d kissed him goodbye before he’d left for work this morning, her heart skips a beat at the very sight of him—his windswept hair showing his ears, the stance he’s taken and the black suit that he wears makes her breath hitch. 

Tall, dark and brooding—he looks like every woman’s dream.

And luckily he is all hers.

“Hey,” Rey offers breathlessly as she reaches him. She adores the way his eyes soften when he catches sight of her and the way his body is turned slightly to face hers as they walk to his car. “How was work and your newest assistant?”

Despite the months, Ben is still Ben. He is firing his PAs at a speed that makes the HR employees pull their hair out in frustration. But Rey notices that he isn’t as unreasonable in his requests anymore nor is he too impatient.

Ben grunts and runs a hand through his hair as he starts the engine. “Work is okay but this one, Mitaka seems alright.”

“So, it means you haven’t run him ragged yet?” she teases, letting her hand slip into his when he reaches for it.

“Ha ha, you’re so funny,” he grouses before guiding the car down the busy roads, but Rey doesn’t miss the way his fingers run over the ring on her hand. “And for your information, I’m not a tyrant or a dictator like you paint me out to be.”

She scoffs playfully but squeezes his hand while she reaches out to fiddle with the radio. “I worked for you, so I know what I’m talking about.”

Ben rolls his eyes and she catches the way his lips twitch smugly. By now she can recognise it as a sign he’s about to say something inappropriate. “Well, you fucked me at the same time, especially in my office. Besides I’m pretty sure you like it when I give you orders.” 

He shoots her a heated look through half-lidded eyes Rey clenches her thighs together when certain memories fill up her brain. 

Oh yeah, she did like it. Maybe more than liked it.

Regardless, Rey isn’t going to argue about it. Knowing her fiancé – she’s never going to get tired of calling him that – he would probably take that as an offense to his sexual prowess and attempt to fuck her somewhere in his parents’ house.

Which is something she has no intention of doing. Ever. 

She may be pretty experimental and open to anything sexual, but getting caught by her future-in-laws in compromising positions is not one of them.

It isn’t long before they arrive and it doesn’t surprise Rey when Leia snatches her hand up to examine the ring once more, considering it is something the former senator had done every time they visited.

With brief hugs and pecks on cheeks, Rey enters the warm home and stops abruptly when she spots the bridal magazines littered casually—too casually on the hall table. 

Ever since news of their engagement broke, Leia has been hinting heavily about their upcoming wedding, despite there being no plans made. Both of them had silently and mutually agreed to take things as it is. Neither of them had given any intention of getting married this year, or even the next.

Truthfully, Rey wouldn’t hesitate if they get married in the next year or month. She loves Ben and they aren’t exactly waiting for anything. Hell, she would totally be alright if Ben dragged her to Las Vegas, skipping the lavish elaborate ceremonies and all. But it’s alright. Like she’d mentioned before, there isn’t any rush for them to walk down the aisle.

Besides, Rey purses her lips, as she takes in Ben who is scowling at a comment Luke has made on his shoes. She doesn’t think that Ben wants to rush things considering how quiet he gets when their engagement is brought up or how his eyes shift, flicking to everything but her when they talk about it. 

She isn’t an idiot. Hence, she doesn’t push it even though she would love to skim through one of Leia’s bridal magazines.

Over dinner, Rey watches casually but with sharp eyes at the stilted conversation that Ben and Han have about politics and sports. And she marvels at how far he— _they_ have come. Han no longer makes snide cutting remarks and Ben is slower to anger. 

All in all, it is a stark improvement and she’s proud of the progress Ben has made. It is definitely thanks to the biweekly visits to his therapist who has helped him overcome some of his issues. 

So with a small content smile, she watches Leia chastise Luke for having another vegan smoothie, Han actually breaking out into a laugh at a wry snarky jab that Ben makes in regards to Luke’s vegan diet, who actually offers a tiny grin in return to his father. 

Yes, life is good, she settles with a broad grin.

* * * * *

Ben Solo thinks he’s a lucky man.

Especially when his fiancée woke him with her mouth on his cock. Rey takes care of him with an enthusiasm that leaves him panting and clutching the sheets so tightly his knuckles are turning white.

A particular suck causes his hips to jerk and he groans, panting. “Rey, God, _fuck!_ ”

Watching through half-lidded eyes, Rey grins smugly as she hollows her cheeks, the suction around his shaft making him see stars in the back of his eyelids. His chest heaves unsteadily as she begins to fist him.

The double sensation along with the mere sight of her mouth around him and how her fingers are barely able to enclose around his length sends him reeling perilously close to the edge. The base of his spine tingles and his balls tighten with his impending orgasm.

He isn’t going to last. Not when he can see his ring on her finger while she has his dick in her mouth. The possessive beast residing within him roars approvingly.

Tensing, he tangles a hand into her hair, fisting the silky locks as she bobs her head eagerly, her hazel eyes peering at him from under her lashes. “You take my dick so good,” he pants out, mouth falling open before tugging at her hair a little harder. “You like sucking me, don’t you? Like having my cock fill up your mouth the way it was meant to.”

Her eyes gleam and she nods with the limited capacity she can, considering the tight hold he has on her hair. “You’re both a cocktease _and_ a cocksucker. My filthy little cocksucker,” he growls hoarsely, body trembling from the effort he is exerting not to come.

Rey groans, cheeks turning red and he lets out a choked moan when he sees that she’s now touching herself furiously, fingers sliding through her folds before pumping three fingers into herself. _God, she’s perfect,_ his mind thinks when she releases the bulbous tip of his cock before giving little licks and kisses on its darkly flushed head.

“Fuck,” Ben hisses when Rey lightly drags her teeth over the underside of his length and enraptured, he watches as she closes her mouth over him once more, sliding her head down as much as she can before humming. 

And that’s when his hips jerk involuntarily, his vision whites out and his orgasm crashes over him with an intensity that rivals the roaring sea during high tide.

Drained and sated, Ben slumps back against the bed, heart racing unsteadily as he tries to get his bearings. Despite his state, when Rey sits back, her perky tits stained with some of his spend where they have leaked from her mouth, his flaccid cock twitches.

In some sort of fascination, his eyes are fixated on Rey who gives him a cat-like smirk. She wipes her chest with a shirt from the ground before curling against him. “Morning.”

He blinks, mind still a little hazy. “What was that for?”

“Nothing,” she shrugs, throwing her hair into a messy hairstyle. “I just wanted to.”

“Really?” he deadpans before flopping back to the bed and again, his eyes fall to the glittering ring on her finger. 

His ring.

He swallows harshly, his chest growing tight. 

Never will he tell her how long he’d fussed at major jewellery retailers demanding to see what they offered, or how he’d inspected every little aspect of the ring that had finally caught his eye after three hours or how he’d been so anxious before shoving the ring on her finger and hoping for the best.

And now that a month has passed, he’d gotten used to that diamond on her hand. But, a part of him – _okay fine_ , a huge part of him – hungers for a wedding band to accompany it—to make it official.

Oh, he knows Rey thinks that there isn’t any rush and there isn’t. But well, losing her and having almost died in that order put things into perspective really well. Ben doesn’t want to wait and his experiences proved to him anything could happen. He doesn’t want to waste any time.

It is only when Rey is watching him expectantly does he realise that she’d been speaking and is now waiting for a reply.

“What?”

She makes a silly face that is a mix between a grimace and a laugh and Ben’s heart clenches. “I said, do you want to get breakfast?”

“Yeah, sure,” he grumbles, mind and heart warring with each other. 

His brain is yelling at him to shut up and let Rey make the first move, to bring up the topic of planning a wedding, but his heart – damn the insufferable organ – is nagging at him to tell her how he feels about everything. However, before he can decide on anything, Rey shrugs and slinks off to the bathroom and he is left with jumbled words on the tip of his tongue.

Later, with his hands shoved into the pockets of his coat, he wonders why he’s even left the warm comfort of his apartment for the bitter cold of New York. But when he glances down at Rey who has an arm linked through his as she strolls alongside him, he knows why.

“Waffles?” 

Inwardly, he sighs but acquiesces anyway. Rey beams before tugging him to some small quaint café at a junction four blocks away from his apartment. He watches transfixed as she scans the menu eagerly, eyes lighting up while licking her lips as her gloved fingers clutch the edge of the table. His gaze never leaves her as she runs off their order to the waitress, his eyes taking in every detail from the way the sunrays highlight her honeyed brown curls, how her mouth purses as she contemplates on what kind of coffee to get, or the dimples which appear on her face when she smiles.

In fact, he doesn’t even notice when the waitress leaves until Rey focuses on him, brows creasing slightly. “Are you okay? You’ve been awfully quiet today.”

Being the idiot he is, he opens his mouth and the tangled words from this morning spill out. 

“Marry me.”

Inwardly, he cringes as the words leave his mouth and Rey blinks and cocks her head to the side. “What?”

Feeling like he has said too much, he stares back at her unflinchingly, hoping that she’ll read between the lines and get the point of what he’s trying to say— _ask._

“Ben, what’s that mean? We _are_ getting married…you proposed, remember?”

His shoulders slump and he rubs his hands over his face. “Rey, I-“ he pauses, inhaling sharply as she leans closer. “I don’t want to wait. I…” he trails off, face flushing and feeling like a stupid giant bumbling oaf who can barely express what he wants to say.

“Yeah?”

He clenches his jaw, mind struggling with the whirl of emotions and thoughts and the words that are clogging up his throat and tying his tongue into knots. “Meaning I don’t want a long engagement. I just…as in, I don’t want to wait. Just-I want things to be official between us. The accident and almost losing you…well, they taught me that life is too short and-“

“Ben,” Rey interrupts and he stops, eyes flitting back to hers and his eyes widen when he notes that hers are getting suspiciously wet.

“Yeah?” he croaks out. 

“I thought it was _you_ who wanted a long engagement,” she points out but the growing smile on her face makes the fist around his heart loosen its grip. 

“What?” He gawks at her. “No, it’s _you_ who wants the long engagement!”

Rey chokes. “Me? _You!_ ”

“No,” he argues, brows furrowing. “You didn’t bring anything up. No possible dates or venues—nothing. Not a single fucking peep from you.”

“Then why didn’t you?” She argues, “You could have spoken up or said something-“

“Yeah well, you were the one who said that it’s okay to not get hitched immediately, remember?” he retorts and Rey clams up, pressing her lips into a mulish line.

“Oh.”

“Yeah, _oh,”_ he bites back childishly. 

“Well,” she draws herself up, “you get this tense look on your face whenever someone brings up our engagement or the ring, so how was I to expect that you didn’t mind at all?”

He scoffs. “Only because I was afraid if I pushed or made a comment, you would call it off because you weren’t ready or something like that.”

It is only when the words he’s never meant to admit aloud are out in the air between them that he realises he just admitted his deep-seated fear to Rey. That she will leave him because she will come to her senses and realise she can do way better than him, that she deserves someone who isn’t fucked up. 

He doesn’t think he can take that sort of rejection and walk away from it with his soul intact.

However, being the walking manual for the emotional disaster that is Ben Solo, Rey blinks and her hazel-green eyes soften and she reaches for his hand. “Ben,” she chides softly. “When have I ever given you the impression that I’m that sort of person?”

He shifts his jaw and turns his gaze away, but he’s still very aware of the small hand on his. 

“Besides, we’ve always talked things out and usually, I’m the one being all skittish and doing the topic avoidance,” she offers ruefully before shaking her head. “Okay, never mind that. Let’s just talk things through and not assume, yeah?” 

Ben gives a slight nod and when the waitress comes bearing the stack of waffles, he takes some comfort in the fact Rey doesn’t remove her hand from his. 

“So,” Rey begins hesitantly when her waffles are gone. “You actually… want to set a date?”

His eyes flick to hers as she watches him from under her lashes. 

“Do _you_ want to set a date?” 

“Ben,” she rolls her eyes in mock exasperation. “I’ve been with you for close to a year and you throwing my questions back to me gets boring and annoying as hell after the first time. But yes, I would.”

He inhales deeply, squaring himself. Communication, right? 

“If I could,” he begins carefully. “I would drag you to city hall to get a licence right now.” 

_There._ He’d said it and some part of him—probably that foolish organ he calls a heart—enjoys the gaping of her lips and the roundness of her eyes from his words. 

“Do you mean it?” Her lower lip trembles a tad but he notices it.

“Yes.”

She beams widely, hazel-green eyes sparkling with utter joy and adoration. Then she does something he would never anticipate from her. Rey leans over, plants her hands on the sides of his face and kisses him hard. 

Her lips move against his eagerly, tongue tracing the seam of his mouth before biting his lower lip. And being him, he opens up for her. Their mouths fuse and Ben thinks he will continue kissing her there in their little booth for as long as he can until she pulls away.

Rey is never one for public displays of affection and so is he (except for that one time in that restaurant when he’d proposed), but he thinks he’s fine with it as long she’s okay with it too.

His gaze drops to her lips—her swollen red lips and he blinks. “What’s that for?”

“You, being you.” She beams, while her fingers play with the base of her coffee cup. “I wouldn’t mind if we got married today, here and now.”

Upon hearing that, his eyes snap towards hers and his heart begins to pound. Are his ears actually working properly? Or is he imagining it? “What?”

“But your mother would kill us if we did,” she adds dryly. “And from seeing those wedding magazines everywhere in her home when we visit, it’s clear that she wants to be involved. There should be an actual one.”

“Fuck that. I don’t care.”

“Oh, you will. I can already imagine the barbs Leia will give over the years, if we get hitched without her being there.” As to make a point, she raises her brows and he deflates a little. 

Yeah, he can totally see his mother harping about it for years to come.

“Fine,” he concedes reluctantly. “A church wedding would be nice,” he offers nonchalantly.

“You,” Rey says disbelievingly, mouth agape as she gawks stupidly at him, “want to get married in a church?”

Okay, he’s offended. “What? You think when I enter a church, it’ll collapse over me?” he snarks.

Rey nods. “Actually, yes.”

“Fuck off,” he snaps, rolling his eyes. “I don’t really care about the where or what. More importantly, is the _when._ ”

“You sound like a typical man,” his fiancée snorts before clasping her left hand on the coffee mug. 

His dick twitches at the sight of the ring on her finger when Rey brings the cup to her lips. Suddenly, all Ben wants is to spend the rest of his Sunday fucking her hard into the mattress while she wears nothing but that damned ring.

“Whatever,” he snaps, already itching to head back to his apartment and make his fantasy come true. “Can we go?”

“But I’ve not finished my coffee,” she protests.

“I can make you more when we get back.” 

“Lies. You just like the look of the ring on me.”

“How-“

“You’re not that hard to read, Solo,” she smirks yet drains the remainder of her beverage in one go. “Fine. Let’s go.”

And with that, they’re off. 

Exting the cafe, Rey is tucked closely to his side, face pressing against his chest to keep warmer, the bobble of the knitted hat she has on continuously getting into his mouth. In addition, with the way she has her arms wrapped around him tightly as they walk down the street, he has never felt more content.

Yes, life is certainly good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading! I would love to hear your feedback and kudos and comments mean the world to me! One last epilogue to go! But a headsup, its going to be gratituous smut with a breeding kink and more fluff but if that's not for you, do treat this chapter like the final one! <3 Thank you!


	14. Epilogue II - The Kink or Not The Kink

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. THE END. As I've told you guys, this chapter is basically smut. This is probably the filthiest thing I've ever wrote in my entire life. Literally. Also, it consists a **breeding kink** and if that's not your thing, then feel free to ignore this whole chapter :) (I've updated the tags too) basically, i should just become a porn scriptwriter for some porn video next time ://
> 
> First of all, this whole story is dedicated to [@raven-maiden](https://raven-maiden.tumblr.com) but this chapter is a special belated birthday present for her too! Mar, this is for you, my darling beloved kink twin who I adore with my whole heart <3 <3 <3 eheheheh ~~or we're just thirsty hoes at this point tbh~~
> 
> This chapter is betaed by the lovely Robbie - [ReyloRobyn2011](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReyloRobyn2011/pseuds/ReyloRobyn2011) and I love you more than I can say, my CaP sister <3 and I would admit that I do draw some inspiration from her too. Robbie, you know what I mean hehehehe

**Epilogue II | The Kink or Not the Kink ******

********

********

It isn’t his fault. 

Really. All Ben had wanted was to Google up a company that is to be his potential client. That’s all. 

He’d settled comfortably on his couch, pulled up his iPad and opened the Safari app and that’s when his jaw dropped the moment the first few sentences of whatever website greets him.

_Fuck me hard! I want you to fuck me so good until you fill me up and put your baby in me! God, I need you so bad to fuck a baby in me!_

He blinks. 

Rubbing his eyes, he peers at the website once more.

_Are you ready to take it? I know you’re not on birth control—are you ready to get filled? To be bred? From how wet your filthy cunt is, clearly you want me pushing hard into you all the way. You want this—need this cock to fuck a baby in you, don’t you?_

_Yes! Yes, please! Fuck a baby in me!_

What. The. Actual. Fuck. 

Acutely, Ben knows he’s blushing, his face feels hot and the tips of his ears are burning. Hastily, he runs a hand through his hair and tosses the iPad away from him.

Whatever the fuck that was, is no doubt, one of the filthiest things he’s ever read and seen in his thirty-three years of existence. Sure, he’d watched porn, had fucked around and his wife has a rather creative characteristic when it comes to bed play, but what he’d just read almost takes the cherry on the cake.

Now, the question is: who the hell used his iPad for shit like this? As he gets up, he stops when the realisation kicks in. _Of-fucking-course._ No one else has access to his stuff with the exception of his wife. 

Ben scoffs, eyebrows almost reaching to his hairline when he takes another look at the filthy contents desecrating his iPad.

Incredulously, he picks up the tablet once more and cocks his head. It is so typically Rey who would have something to do with this. Distantly, he recalls that Poe’s new cat had broken her own tablet about a month ago and that did explain why she’d used his for her secret reading. 

Despite being rather dumbfounded, he can feel his dick responding, twitching a little in his boxers at the words he’d just read.

Is Rey really getting her rocks off by whatever _this_ is?

Recent memories of her flushing out of the blue or how she’d been mostly initiating sex over the past few weeks filter through his brain. Don’t get him wrong, he certainly isn’t complaining nor has he _not_ been initiating anything. It’s just that he doesn’t have the chance to when Rey is the one pouncing on him the minute he steps through the door of their apartment. 

It does figure that with his wife’s preference for dirty talk and rough fucking that she would—he scans the website once more and his eyes settle on the title—like this _breeding kink_ thing. 

He is almost affronted at the fact that she’d never mentioned this to him, but rationality takes centre focus in his mind and he guesses that Rey has her own reasons for not divulging this rather juicy titbit.

A wolfish smirk tugs on his mouth and he shrugs nonchalantly and a tad gleefully. Well, he muses as he yanks his tie off and rolls up the sleeves of his white dress shirt, no one can ever accuse him of not being attentive to his wife’s needs. 

Now, all he has to do is research this breeding kink thing into further detail before Rey gets home.

* * * * *

They’re watching a movie when Ben starts to get handsy—fingers running over her legs, occasionally dipping scandalously close to the sensitive skin of her inner thighs while his other hand cups a breast, thumb grazing the sensitive peak of her nipple.

Honestly, it shouldn’t surprise her especially with how much sex they’ve been having lately, mostly due to her recent obsession with a particular set of uhm… _erotic fiction._

Rey never thought that something like that would get her all flushed and heated up, but hey, stranger things have happened.

She can’t explain it, but the idea of being filled to the brim, of being so utterly claimed, her husband’s cum coating every inch of her cunt after being fucked so raw awakens some primal part of her. Ben hardly ever wore condoms, neither of them liked the feel of the latex sheath. As such, they’ve both chosen to rely on her birth control pills, which had been reliable from the very start. 

But, now, the actual thought of not even taking her pills— _God_. She’d fantasised about it, of them fucking six ways to Sunday with the risk of her getting pregnant. The thrill that gives excites her very being. 

And the very fantasy of that happening with all her other kinks? She doesn’t even have a word for what that will do to her.

Hell, she might actually combust.

More often than not, Rey had considered telling Ben about this _thing_ of hers. However, every time she opened her mouth, something in her made her mouth clamp shut.

She doesn’t know if it’s because she’s ashamed of this particular kink of hers, or that Ben might laugh or mock at her. 

She purses her lips. Fine, she does know why, but speaking about it will open a can of worms that she doesn’t think should be meddled with just yet. 

Regardless, it’s her secret. A secret she daren’t tell anyone, not even her own bloody husband.

Eyelids fluttering shut, she lets out a sigh of contentment when his lips ghost along the curve of her neck, trailing hot wet kisses that are accompanied with the occasional sharp nip of his teeth. A large hand slides around her hips and pushes down the waistband of her shorts, finding its way home at the juncture of her thighs.

“Ben,” she groans, back arching as she reaches up to tangle her fingers into his hair at the nape of his neck. “That feels good.”

“Yeah?”

“Mmmhmmm,” she hums, head lolling back to rest on his chest, hips lifting to help him ease her shorts and panties off her.

From the corner of her eyes, she spots the gold band on his fourth finger on his left hand, the matching twin to hers. And right now, that very hand of his is delving towards her heated core.

“So wet for me, aren’t you?” Ben’s voice had turned gravelly hoarse, but with him speaking directly into her ear, it causes shivers to go down her spine. Fuck, she loves it when he goes all dominant on her.

“Yes, always,” she murmurs, body heating up when he presses hard against her.

The soft cotton of his sweatpants and his boxers are doing absolutely nothing to conceal his solid length under her naked arse. She groans quietly in protest when two of his fingers dip into her soaking centre, to only trail along the downy outer lips of her sex, spreading her slick around her, further sensitizing every nerve ending. Before she can react, his thumb brushes the hood of her clit ever so gently, resulting in her hips bucking involuntarily against the heel of his palm.

“You fucking tease!” She snaps, hands clenched into fists at her sides.

A dark chuckle resounds and Rey isn’t prepared for what happens next.

One moment, she’d been sprawled out over him on their couch. The next, she finds that her top has been pulled over her head and that she’s now on her back on the sofa with Ben hovering above her, with a knowing wicked gleam in his dark eyes.

For some reason, that very look triggers the warning bells in her head and warily, she watches him through narrowed eyes. “Ben, what are you up to?”

“Nothing.” 

With that, her protests are silenced when he draws back and hauls her up, tossing her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes as he begins to move. 

“SOLOOOOO!“ her yell turns into a shriek when his palm lands against her bare arse hard with a resounding smack that echoes around their living room. 

Pain radiates and she squirms but with the way his calloused fingers smooth over her heated flesh, she can’t help but clench her legs together due to the tingling sensation at the apex of her thighs. Rey is very aware that the pain of that slap has evolved into something akin to pleasure as he soothes the affected area.

She is also aware of his fingers dipping intimately between the cleft of her arse, fingertips often brushing against her dripping cunt, as though they’re trying to caress the hurt away.

With a grunt, Ben drops her on the bed and before she can react, he pushes her back down so that her arse is up in the air and she’s facing the wall. 

“Keep your eyes to the wall,” he commands deeply and she does.

Involuntarily, she swallows and bites her bottom lip. Albeit the vulnerable position she’s in, she feels the anticipation coursing through her veins, her legs are quivering from the exposed view her cunt gives and liquid heat pools deep in her belly.

After a moment of silence and nothing happening—her body trembling from nerves and waiting, Rey risks whatever punishment Ben might have in mind and turns her head to the left, over her shoulders to see him waiting behind her with his brows arched, head cocked to the right. 

“Didn’t I tell you to keep your eyes to the wall?” 

His voice is low, soft but Rey does not miss the threat that laces his words and she snaps her head back to the front and nods. “Yes.”

A warm hand grips her hip hard and beneath her, the bed dips from him climbing on to the mattress and she really should be embarrassed from how wet she is. Especially, when she can feel her slick dripping down her inner thighs.

“But you didn’t listen, did you?” Ben purrs, his baritone voice adopting a warm husky growl and _fuck_ , the waiting is killing her.

His body pressing against hers, aligning his groin to her quim and she feels a hand sweep her hair away from her neck just as his mouth presses a chaste kiss to her shoulder. 

“No. No, I didn’t,” she answers quickly. 

A delicate moan escapes from her lungs from how sensitive her body is; waiting for his touch, every part of her so very aware of him and his presence, of his large stature hovering over her, of his powerful muscular thighs at her sides, of the little stubble on his jaw grazing her hypersensitive skin. And more specifically, his throbbing cock sliding between her soaked centre, its weeping bulbous head bumping against the small puckered ring of her arse. 

Bloody fuck, if her husband doesn’t fuck her soon, she’s going to cry from how bad she aches.

And then, she’ll yell at him and give him the worst case of blue balls in the history of mankind.

“Please, Ben,” she almost sobs, head hanging down as she worries her bottom lip furiously. “I need you, please.” 

Rey isn’t conscious of how much her legs are trembling until he drags a palm lazily along her flesh, starting from her hips, sliding them up to her waist before they cup her breast, giving the mound a rough squeeze. But feeling just the head of his cock slide into her while his fingers massage her clit expertly, she stiffens and cries out as her back arches.

 _Yes, yes, yes!_ She needs more of this, more of what he’s giving her. Call her greedy but fuck, she wants it all—everything he can give, she _craves_ for it, _hungers_ for it.

“You know what I think you need?” He murmurs wickedly into her ear, a large hand threading through her tousled hair before fisting them tightly. In response, her spine straightens and her mouth falls open. 

“W-what?”

“A. Rough. Hard. Fucking.” Ben articulates slowly, his cock sinking deeper and further into her with each word that is uttered from his lips.

“Oh god!”

The scent of him, spicy and sweet and musky and everything that she loves about him surrounds her and her back bows, her hips thrusting eagerly back against his languid thrusts. 

Bloody hell, being on all fours always made her climax faster. No doubt it is because he’s able to slide into her deeper until his ball sack is slapping away at her clit. She can acutely feel every torturous ridge of him, the delicious friction of his thick member driving into her, gliding against her inner walls, bringing her closer to paradise. 

But it isn’t enough. Not for her.

“Ben, faster, please! I-I need it,” she pants brokenly, fingers digging into the sheets.

“Yeah?”

“Yes!” she hisses, turning around to glare at him. “Solo, if you don’t-“

Before she can finish her sentence, she shrieks as he picks up his pace, hips pounding into hers with a brutal intensity that steals every ounce of air from her lungs, pinpricks of pleasure lighting up every part of her that calls for him.

“Is this better?” Ben teases and damn him and his stupid smug smirk she can feel at the outer shell of her ear.

“Fuck, yes,” she pants heavily, arms shaking as his arms band around her lithe body, hugging her close as he continues his punishing thrusts. “Ben, you feel so fucking good. So big,” she groans, pushing her arse into his groin. _“So mine.”_

Ben curses, a hand reaching up, passing by her clavicle as his fingers wrap themselves around her throat, gripping gently and not hard enough to cut off her air but damn, Rey loves the control and dominance he exerts over her and in response, her body shudders and her head lolls back to rest on his shoulders.

Nothing else will ever make her feel so claimed and possessed. 

“Rey, you’re so fucking tight!” he grits out through clenched teeth. “I’m going to fuck you so hard and fill you with my cum and when that’s done, I’m going to do it again. And again.” He pauses, the hand still wrapped around her waist letting go to drift down South to rub at her clit. 

“Basically,” he continues hoarsely, “I’m going to fuck you raw until I put a baby in you. _My_ baby.”

Her eyes snap wide open and her mouth falls into a silent scream at the sheer realisation her fantasy is coming to life. She’s so tense, so fucking close to get that life-changing orgasm that promises a blissful existence. 

His hips still and Rey almost screams in protest, she’s so damn close and how dare he stop? But it becomes a choked sob when his thumb circles her engorged clit ever so slowly and gently, almost tenderly—a stark juxtaposition to how hard he’d fucked her earlier.

“Here,” he says as his fingers reaches to her quim, dexterous digits lingering over the swollen lips of her labia before they trace her opening that is spread wide for his cock that is still pulsing within her. “Can you feel how much you’re made for me? How your little cunt is stretched so wide for my cock?”

Wordlessly, she nods shakily. 

“This is where I’m going to put a baby in you, Rey,” he croons into her ear. 

With that said, the violent hard fucking continues and amidst that, it feels like her muscles are stretched too tightly over her bones, her blood is liquid fire, spreading the wonderful cocktail of pain and pleasure to every fibre of her being and-

“I hope you’ve not been taking your pills, Rey, and because I’m not wearing a condom, I’m going to pump you full of cum and who knows what’s going to happen in nine months?”

 _“Ben,_ ” she chokes out, her ears are ringing, blood is rushing into her head in alarming speed and everything is turning hazy.

“Shhh, I’m going to fuck you so deep and make sure you get pregnant with _my_ kid.”

With one final snap of his hips, coupled with the filthy words running round in her head, that’s all it took for her to snap. 

The mounting pressure within her bursts and there is nothing—absolutely _nothing_ but pure perfect waves of heat and bliss that spreads to every inch of her being. In fact, it is so powerful that she feels lightheaded and the stars underneath her eyelids burst into fireworks.

She may have been screaming, but she doesn’t care.

Distantly, she hears Ben’s roar of pleasure and the sensation of his hot spend spurting into her but she doesn’t focus on that. All she can feel is her pleasure and nothing else.

When it fades, she slumps down onto the bed, every bone in her body feeling like jelly and god, she doesn’t even know how her lungs are still working and her heart pumping blood around her body.

Boneless, she collapses onto the tangled sheets. Dazedly, she angles her head and through half-lidded eyes, she watches as Ben slowly pulls out of her, his softening length slipping out of her with ease from their mixed essence.

She would be a liar if she said she didn’t enjoy the way his spend drips out of her cunt in a steady trickle, the white viscous rivulets mingling with her wetness, creating a mess around. 

But what happens next causes her to choke out a moan. 

“There,” he murmurs, his fingers scooping up his spend from her folds and inner thighs before he pushes them back into her cunt bit by bit, the tips of his fingers lingering on her cum-coated inner walls. “You should see what a lovely picture you make, your cunt filled to the brim with my seed.” 

And despite having the orgasm of her life, Rey feels a secondary wave of pleasure that blooms from her cunt at his words and her inner walls break out into spasms.

She coughs out a mix of a snort and a moan before her body finally gives into exhaustion, head slumping back onto the bed. It isn’t long before she feels the bed shift when Ben drops onto her left, chest heaving as he too attempts to catch his breath.

When her lungs are back in working order, Rey turns her head and watches him. 

Her eyes drift from the sweaty planes of his chest, to the pulse in his neck hammering wildly. Next, they jump to his parted lips, the patrician nose and the tangled mess of his hair. 

A beat of silence reigns and Rey doesn’t think she’s ever felt so contented and sated. With the pleasurable hum and afterglow of sex buzzing through her veins like morphine, she feels her mind shutting off, her brain heading into sleep.

_I’m going to fuck you raw until I put a baby in you. My baby._

At that, she freezes, eyes snapping wide open when what they’ve done—what he’d said hits her. Urgently, she turns to her left and reaches for his bicep. “How?” _How did you know?_

Of course, Ben knows what she’s referring to, for he snorts weakly, an arm thrown over his eyes but he turns to face her nonetheless as he props his head up with his palm. “My iPad. You forgot to delete the page,” he replies dryly and despite what they’ve just done, her cheeks heat up.

“Oh.”

Almost shyly, she peers up at him through her eyelashes. God knows why she should feel this bereft and lost, considering what they’ve done. Plus, with the small issue of his cum leaking out of her cunt and drying on her inner thighs. 

Ben is her husband and really, there shouldn’t be any reason why she feels so…awkward and uncertain. “I…uhm,” she tries and swallows hard. “Ben, I don’t…think, I don’t know why…uhm… because,” No matter how hard she tries, Rey can’t seem to articulate what she wants to say—what she’s feeling about this.

Seemingly taking pity on her, Ben reaches over and tucks a wayward curl behind her ear and quirks an eyebrow. “Why didn’t you tell me? Not that I would have complained. After all, it’s sex with you. And that was fucking hot.”

_Idiot._

She rolls her eyes, barely repressing the grin on her face but scoots closer to him under the sheets. 

“C’mon, you can tell me. You allowed me to blindfold you the other night—that _very_ good night.” 

Without even looking at him, she can practically feel the smirk that is no doubt spread wide across his face or the wicked gleam in his eyes that is boring into the side of her face. But the reminder of that night sends her face turning hot.

That really had been a good night. Rey will never be able to look at his black tie in a normal way ever again.

“I,” she pauses, cheeks flushing bright red.

Honestly, she doesn’t know what to say—or better, how to say it.

“I didn’t want you to get the wrong idea,” she murmurs, eyes darting up to meet his curious ones before she glances away and focuses on the sight of his fingers trailing over her skin, creating patterns that only he knew.

“Wrong idea?” he repeats.

She bites her lower lip. “We’ve actually talked about this, you know. About…” 

_Come on, just say it. Put on your big girl panties. It’s just one word with a single syllable, consisting of four letters._

“Rey?”

 _“Kids,_ ” she blurts out quickly, afraid that too much hesitation would cause her to lose her nerve to speak up. 

Ben blinks and then frowns. “What?”

“Well, we-we’ve talked about this,” she begins carefully. “I mean, you’re doing so well from the business acquisition and I’ve just been working at that company for a little over a year and a half and we've sort of agreed to wait but I was scared that this-“

“Rey.” A hand clamps over her mouth and she stops, blinking owlishly at her husband who is shaking his head and running his free hand through his hair. “What are you talking about? Where is this going?”

“I just thought that you might think I’m pressuring you on children,” she offers weakly. “I mean your mother does that enough and I don’t want you to think that I’m doing that too.”

To his credit, Ben freezes and…gawks at her, eyes bulging, mouth falling wide. She would’ve laughed at the picture he presents but being completely honest with herself, this issue has been bugging her of late. 

After a long pause, he swallows and her eyes catch the movement of his Adam’s apple before moving up to his eyes. 

“So,” he starts, brows creasing, “what exactly is the issue?”

Was it her imagination or are his eyes a little strained around the corners? Or is she imagining the guarded wary emotion that had been flashed across his face before he’d closed it off?

“You said you wanted to wait,” she says in a small voice, a hand reaching up to cup the right side of his face where the faded scar from that fated accident lies.

Brown eyes soften as he presses her hand closer to his face and her heart does that fluttering thing whenever he does something like that.

“You don’t want to wait, then.”

She notes that it’s more of a statement than a question.

How can she explain that his accident still haunts her at times? That she fears that everything—being his wife, living with him, promising to spend the rest of her days with him at his side is all a beautiful dream? And when she wakes, she’ll be all alone in her old apartment. 

She doesn’t want to wait. Not for anything that concerns Ben. Life is too short for any regrets—the accident has certainly taught her that.

“No, I…I don’t. But I don’t want to put pressure on you when you’re not ready for fatherhoo-”

Ben smirks smugly, his lips twisting as he interrupts, “Of course you’ll want my babies. Who wouldn’t?” 

She scowls and makes a face before pinching him in the arm. 

“Fuck, you’re violent,” he states pointedly with a frown as he rubs his arm. 

“I was being serious!”

“So was I! Who wouldn’t want to have my kids?”

“Me if you don’t shut the fuck up!” Rey growls before huffing. Why had she thought bringing this up is a good idea? “Forget it. Just pretend I never said anything.”

Annoyance prickling through her, she scoffs and turns away, huddling deeper under the covers. 

She loves her husband, she really does. But this is one example of how much he is able to get under her skin. One moment, they could be having a serious conversation, and the next, he’ll be an impossible child. When he is in that state, it’ll be pointless to bring anything up.

Sometimes, she really does suspect that he has the mental capacity of a fifteen-year old going through puberty.

“Rey.”

No. She is not going to turn around.

“Rey.”

She almost snorts from the whiny quality his tone adopts. 

_“Rey!”_

Nope, nope, nope. She is still not going to turn around.

However, it turns out that she doesn’t have to. Not when Ben huffs and drags her towards him, before he lays his head on her chest, large hands rubbing her shoulders. Nope. Still not looking at him.

“Rey, come on. Look at me.”

From how sincere and solemn he sounds, she opens her eyes and sneaks a small peek at him. The cheeky smirk is gone and is replaced with a serious countenance. Grudgingly, she turns her head to focus solely on him and waits expectantly.

“I just…” he grimaces. “You’re young, Rey. I mean, you’re just twenty-four, are you actually _really_ ready to have children?”

She blinks. Not once has she thought that he would have that in mind. 

Nevertheless, she’s sticking to her guns.

“I am. I mean, I don’t want to wait,” she admits. “We’re at a good place in our lives—we’re fine financially, our jobs are going great, there isn’t anything actually stopping us and life is too short. I don’t want any regrets.”

Ben pauses, understanding flashing across his face. “I see, but I don’t want you to feel like you have to-“

“You’re not,” she interrupts rapidly, shaking her head. “I do want kids. And you’re right, I want yours,” she adds with a cheeky grin.

He snorts, rolling his eyes, but the tender action of him smoothing her wayward curls away from her face tells her otherwise. “Look, we can try, but we’ll just let it be. If it happens, then it happens. If it doesn’t, then it doesn’t. Is that okay?”

Trust Ben Solo to come up with that sort of answer. 

“Okay,” she agrees and snuggles down into his chest and presses a kiss under his jaw. “But with the way things are going, I’ll be surprised if I _don’t_ get pregnant.”

“Yeah, only God knows with you and your naughty pervy side corrupting my innocent mind,” he mocks.

“Fuck off, Solo!” 

He smirks down at her. “I just did, _Solo._ ”

At that, she presses her lips into a thin line, trying her best to suppress the broad grin that is bound to spread across her face any moment.

_Rey Solo._

That is her name now. Has been for the past two years.

“You’re such a weirdo,” she laughs, giving into the giddy smile before pressing her face into the crook of his neck, inhaling the musky spicy scent that is utterly unique to Ben Solo.

“You’re one to talk. Anyway, you love me.”

She wrinkles her nose teasingly. “Do I really?”

“Yeah.” Ben shrugs as he continues drawing lazy patterns on her belly. “And I love you too.” 

Content beyond belief, she plants a kiss onto his chest, throwing her arms around his broad torso and closes her eyes. “Love you too, idiot,” she mumbles into his skin.

The faint sound of his laugh and the rhythmic beat of his heart lulls her to sleep.

* * * * *

This isn’t her fault.

Han freaking out in front of them is definitely not her fault. Nope. She’s laying all the blame on Ben. 

It isn’t her who had been such a grumpy arsehole to come to Han’s old airbase due to the older Solo male giving a talk because of his indescribable records as a pilot in his youth.

Neither is it her who decided to get frisky in Han Solo’s former plane, the _Millennium Falcon_ when the man had been greeting his old friends, fans and even other important people who ran the airbase. Oh no. It is decidedly not her who’d thought that they wouldn’t get caught. 

But getting caught, they did. 

This is so not what she’d signed up for.

Truly, she’d only came to support Ben because Han had invited them to the talk he would be giving at his former job. And seeing how anxious and uncomfortable her husband had been at the mere thought of spending hours alone with his father without any buffer, she’d taken pity on him and came along. 

Albeit the therapy, Ben still isn’t fully easy-going where Han Solo is concerned. But these things took time and honestly, looking back, the relationship between father and son had grown leaps and bounds as compared to what it had been two years ago. 

Then again, she’d never expected Ben wanting a quickie in his father’s pride and joy. And she couldn’t exactly say no when he had his hands on her, fingers pushing her knickers to the side before he’d plunged deep into her. 

Okay, fine. _Fine_. She’d been a totally willing participant, eagerly bouncing on her husband’s lap in the pilot chair…until Han had stepped into the aircraft. 

“OH FUCKING HELL! MY BABY!” Han yells, eyes wide and entirely scandalised as he waves his arms manically in the air.

Rey flushes under Han’s wild accusative eyes and sneaks a glare at Ben who is staring at his father with annoyance splashed across his angular features.

“How could the both of you ever…desecrate the _Millennium Falcon_?” Han demands in outrage, eyes twitching uncontrollably as he gawks at them. 

To be completely honest, Rey had thought Han would be more appalled at the sight of his son and daughter-in-law fucking but she is proven wrong. No, only Han Solo would be more offended that his son and daughter-in-law were fucking in his prized aircraft. 

It’s a good thing she’d worn a dress, she muses as Ben adjusts his jeans almost defiantly, sullenly zipping the fly close. The knee-length skirt of her summer dress hid what they’ve been doing but it would take a total idiot to not guess what _activity_ they were partaking in.

“Well, if you must know, Rey and I are trying for a kid,” Ben replies dryly—almost nonchalantly and she gawks stupidly at him for announcing that. 

Hadn’t he been the hesitant one in their pair? Huh, how the bloody tables have turned.

If it’s possible, Han’s eyes grow wider and his jaw works uselessly. “A kid?” he repeats, blinking furiously. 

“Yes, you know, a small human being,” he retorts. “One that appears when sex is involved.”

“Stop sassing me, kid,” Han huffs but eyes the both of them with something akin to warmth. “A grandchild, huh?” 

“Yeah and you have no room to complain. I know you and mom used to fuck about here and no, I don’t want or need details. Now can we go?”

Han grimaces but there is no mistaking the twinkling in his brown eyes as he shakes his head and leads them out of the plane. “You weren’t supposed to know that,” he mutters, scratching the back of his neck sheepishly. “How did you find the talk?”

“It was pretty good. That part where you acknowledged that being a pilot has its own risks really highlighted how serious and dangerous it can be. It’s realistic.” 

“Really? Huh, that’s a relief.”

Her heart warms. Seeing Ben giving some offhanded compliments as he trails after his father makes her grin and she squeezes his hand comfortingly and reassuringly. 

She’s beyond proud of him, of the man he has become.

Though they have their ups and downs, she loves every moment of it and there is absolutely nothing she would do to change how everything had turned out.

Who knew that being Ben Solo’s PA would lead to meeting and subsequently marrying the love of her life? Certainly not her.

And really, being his PA isn’t that bad after all, she grins to herself. Especially with how her life had turned out.

The sound of conversation lulling catches her attention and the muscle twitching under Ben’s left eye is enough of a sign informing her that he needs his caffeine fix strong and quick.

Suddenly, a wicked idea crosses her mind and tilting her head, she offers him a coy expression. “So, _Ben._ ”

Her tall lumbering idiot pauses at the sly tone she uses and quirks an eyebrow. “What now?”

“How do you like your coffee?”

He freezes at the words that had been said so long ago, stance straightening but understanding settles onto his face and he smirks, flashing her a sinful grin that is accompanied with a wink. “You know what I like, _Ms Kenobi._ ”

She burst into delighted laughter and presses close to his side, arms flinging around his torso as they walk back to Han who is waiting at the doorway of the hangar, watching them with fondness and bemusement.

As they make their way to the giant doors of the hangar, Ben slips an arm around her shoulders and clasps her tightly. But with that one action, she feels _everything_ that he wants to say—that he loves her, adores her, worships her and that she means the absolute galaxy to him and without her, he wouldn’t be able to live.

Feeling like she’s on top of the world and the luckiest person alive, she stops and leans upward to press a soft kiss on his cheek before reclaiming her previous position of being tucked into his side. 

A soft smile tugs on his lips and in turn, he presses his mouth against her temple.

And just like that, Rey knows that as long Ben is at her side, everything will be perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO yes. Ahem, I know that most of you wanted a wedding but tbh, I hate writing weddings? IDK But that's just me. I love reading about them but writing wedding scenes are so hard for me. Bleah :/ 
> 
> Anyway, now that this is finally completed, I'm thanking each and every one of you who have taken the time to read this, comment and give kudos. I appreciate and love all of you! This fic wouldn't have been here if not for your lovely invaluable support and truly, it does mean the world to me! Like I still can't believe this has more than 1k kudos and 20k reads? How? Why? ~~when it's mostly smut though eheh~~
> 
> Furthermore, much thanks to Mar for supporting this and I'm still so glad that you love this, babe! Also, thank you my CaP sisters for being so enthusiastic with this even though I take 84 years to update each chapter :/ 
> 
> I also want to thank my lovely betas, Em, Sage and Robbie for all that you've done over the past few months! <3 <3 <3 
> 
> Lastly, yes, I do intend to continue updating my other WIP, Daydreams and yes, I do intend on writing more stories! :) So I hope I'll see you lovelies around in any of my future works! :) 
> 
> As always, if you have anything to ask or want to reach out, I'm more available and receptive on my tumblr account :) [@resplendentlys](https://resplendentlys.tumblr.com) (and yes i did change my url again ://)
> 
> Once more, thank you all so much for reading! <3 <3 <3


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